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Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying
Five years after its first publication, with more than 150,000 copies in print, Final Gifts has become a classic. In this moving and compassionate book, hospice nurses Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley share their intimate experiences with patients at the end of life, drawn from more than twenty years experience tending the terminally ill.
Through their stories we come t...more
Through their stories we come t...more
Paperback, 256 pages
Published
February 3rd 1997
by Bantam
(first published January 1st 1992)
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This book is for everyone... We all know someone who is dying, has died or is related to someone with cancer or a terminal disease. It is written by a pair of Hospice nurses who documented cases of patients and families of those in the final stages of death.
The 'Final Gifts' of the dying are very often missed or refused by the living for fear of looking greedy or uncaring. I learned that the dying know they are dying and we need to respect their wishes. They may want to give you a precious item...more
The 'Final Gifts' of the dying are very often missed or refused by the living for fear of looking greedy or uncaring. I learned that the dying know they are dying and we need to respect their wishes. They may want to give you a precious item...more
May 13, 2007
Carolyn Johnson
added it
Recommends it for:
Anyone who has a loved one who is terminally ill, or who has an interest in hospice
I was given this book to read several years ago when my father-in-law was dying. I mean, right at the very moments of his dying. I sat in the living room of the house in which he died, and read several parts of the book, and became too overcome with emotion to finish it. And, of course I was not in a place or emotional space to take in the information. I later purchased a copy of this book and read it. Incredible. The last moments of any human life are indeed someone's Final Gifts's to us, and b...more
Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs and Communications of the Dying offers insight and advice when someone is confronted with the impending death of a loved one.
The authors use real life experiences in order to illustrate their points, like being open, receptive and essentially listen to what the person near death is trying to say. Do not dismiss it as their losing grip on reality. There does seem to to be a spiritual aspect in some parts, but ultimately the book talks about...more
The authors use real life experiences in order to illustrate their points, like being open, receptive and essentially listen to what the person near death is trying to say. Do not dismiss it as their losing grip on reality. There does seem to to be a spiritual aspect in some parts, but ultimately the book talks about...more
Over the past few years, when faced with the information that someone I'd known was dying, I did - nothing. Retreating, I was terrified of my own mortality and of what I might do if I were around someone who was dying. Would I say the wrong thing or nothing at all? Would I cry, or do something to inadvertently hurt them? What is dying like? This book is great as a comforting instruction manual on what happens, what to do, and what not to do.
It begins with information about what happens to the bo...more
It begins with information about what happens to the bo...more
I have purchased and given away SO many copies of this book! When my own mom was in Hospice House, the nurses recommended this book to all of us girls (me and my 3 sisters). When people have terminal illnesses they often share experiences and the people they see as they make their journey to the next life.
Unfortunately, many friends and family members will write-off these experiences to "the meds" or "their illness." This book helps you open your eyes and heart to these "FINAL GIFTS" that the d...more
Unfortunately, many friends and family members will write-off these experiences to "the meds" or "their illness." This book helps you open your eyes and heart to these "FINAL GIFTS" that the d...more
Chances are that at some point in your life you will have to deal with a loved one dying. Reading this book beforehand could be a tremendous help. My cousin who had worked as a hospice volunteer (she was a nurse)lent me a copy when my Dad was dying and the family was taking care of him for four months. I found it so helpful that I bought copies for me and my sister and have since lent it to friends in similar circumstances.
The book is written by two hospice nurses and is based on their observati...more
The book is written by two hospice nurses and is based on their observati...more
Back when I was a doula, I had this thought that working with women through the birthing process must be similar to working in hospice with people who were dying. I didn't share this thought with many people. In general, I would try not to mention death to pregnant women, and I worried that anyone not involved in doula work might think I was just weird. But to me---next to being born, which for most of us is stored only in our implicit memory and therefore inaccessible with our conscious methods...more
What an incredible book!! A definite must read for anyone & their loved one(s) facing death/dying. I bought this book shortly after my amazing and beautiful mother died of breast cancer in the spring of 2010, a week before her 75th b'day. This book was literally a godsend when I was trying to figure out all of the answers to my questions about death/dying from my mother's point of view, and mine. As soon as i picked it up & started reading, all of my emotions that I blocked away came out...more
I read this book over a day of air travel to see my father, who has a terminal illness. It's written by hospice caregivers who have countless stories to share of the struggle of losing a loved one. It is written in a peaceful voice, full of reassurance that I could come to this time with calm and strength to give whatever is asked of me (or even what is not asked but needed).
Despite the inevitability that all the ugly troubles we bury deep inside during our lifetimes will become unavoidable pain...more
Despite the inevitability that all the ugly troubles we bury deep inside during our lifetimes will become unavoidable pain...more
A friend gave me this book when my mother was dying, and it was a tremendous comfort to my family. The authors drew from their hospice experience to explain a lot of what happens when people are in the last stages of terminal illness, and to help their families understand what's happening and how they can best help and support their dying loved ones. I recommend this to any family coping with the dying process.
Two hospice nurses share experiences and stories dealing with the process of dying. They specifically define and describe "Nearing Death Awareness" and discuss the signs of imminent death. They explain how one can grow from being involved in the process as a caregiver or family member and how to help the individual who is dying to do so with dignity and peace. I found the book helpful and comforting.
This book really helped me to see death as an important part of life. It's something we all have to do and often have to help others through. Despite the subject matter, this is a very uplifting and satisfying book. The author (if I remember correctly) is a hospice nurse who takes a personal approach, using touching examples from her life and work, to illustrate important concepts.
This is an excellent book for helping to understand and provide for the emotional and spiritual needs of the dying. Maggie advocates giving the dying back as much control, acknowledgement and support as they can manage and answering their questions directly and as honestly as we can. Having been a hospice nurse for many years she believes the process of dying is one of a natural spiritual transition the the whole family can participate in and grow closer through. Her focus is on providing help t...more
This book was a true blessing to me, my Mom, and my sisters. I'm thankful it appeared in my life in time to read it and absorb it before Dad started giving us his final gifts. I would read it again. And I would very much encourage anyone who has been given the gift of knowing a loved one is going to leave this world and see Jesus, read it, share the knowledge, and LISTEN.
I realize...this is weird.
I read a book about dying.
I'd been trying to avoid it - my mom loaned it to me a year ago, after my dad died. I was scared of it. BUT MAN, this book was actually really uplifting. It's amazing the things I saw my dad do in his final weeks - talking about "going home" and grabbing his luggage bag, and talking about seeing St. Peter and his parents, who have died - how this is something many, many dying people do - no matter their age, culture, disease, medications, etc....more
I read a book about dying.
I'd been trying to avoid it - my mom loaned it to me a year ago, after my dad died. I was scared of it. BUT MAN, this book was actually really uplifting. It's amazing the things I saw my dad do in his final weeks - talking about "going home" and grabbing his luggage bag, and talking about seeing St. Peter and his parents, who have died - how this is something many, many dying people do - no matter their age, culture, disease, medications, etc....more
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I promised myself I would read a book like this when I felt emotionally ready after my father's death. It's been nearly 3 years and I still cried through most of this book. I doubt I ever would've been ready.
I am glad I read this book. I was inspired by the death experiences related within. It did not give me any solace about there being an afterlife, or proof of God. I do believe in these things, but if I didn't I could easily rationalize that people see beautiful places or people/angels etc be...more
I am glad I read this book. I was inspired by the death experiences related within. It did not give me any solace about there being an afterlife, or proof of God. I do believe in these things, but if I didn't I could easily rationalize that people see beautiful places or people/angels etc be...more
This was an excellent read. I did about 95% of it whilst waiting for new tires to be mounted on my car. Callanan and Kelley are career hospice nurses, and related, IMHO, respectfully, a number of collected tales of ways to hear, observe, and listen to people who are dying in ways that are helpful, and can assist in the transition. A friend brought a copy of this book to share as a group of us made a journey to say goodbye to one of our peeps who was dying of cancer. I read the first couple of ch...more
I read this book years ago when my father in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I read it again when my grandmother was dying of colon cancer 3 years ago. This book is an awesome book to prepare the family for what is to come and relates many experiences from the author's many years of hospice experience.
This book was given to me by a friend whose Mother had died of cancer. It was tremendously helpful for me during the last few weeks of my Mom's life, when I was told by the nurses she was 'confused'. It helped me listen closely for the messages she was trying to give me, instead of just blowing off her unusual comments to confusion. The stories did get to be a bit much, so I confess I did not completely finish the book, but the messages were so very helpful to me during an agonizing time.
I stron...more
I stron...more
This book is amazing for anyone going into the health care realm, or just wishes to believe in something beyond what is explainable. The book takes on the stories of two nurses, I believe, that have written down their experiences with patients who are dying. Every story is inspirational and will more than likely unsurface some feelings and tears that you didn't see coming.
I read this book in about a day and a half and could not put it down. Maybe it is my fascination with the unknown or belief...more
I read this book in about a day and a half and could not put it down. Maybe it is my fascination with the unknown or belief...more
Final Gifts is a GREAT book if you're interested at all in what the final earthly journey can be about. It has a lot of practical information on the process of dying, as well as information about how people can die "well." I especially appreciated how the authors largely allow the reader to make their own assumptions regarding what has hapened in the book without putting their own meanings and assumptions into the book. These two authors and nurses are very good at teaching us how to accompany t...more
A wonderful book with useful insights on communicating with terminally ill loved ones. It stood me in good stead when my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. One day she said to me, "I'm so afraid for 12". I hadn't the faintest idea what she meant but after having read "Final Gifts" I knew enough not to say "Oh mother stop talking nonsense!" or some similarly dismissive remark. I took her hand and said,"Don't worry Mom, 12 is exactly where she should be, bigger than 11 but smaller than 13." A...more
A few years ago I spent a few week seeing a counselor, partially because of difficulties I had relating to the deaths of several friends and family members within a short time span. She recommended this book, and I finally got around to reading it. How I wish I had read it before! Written by hospice nurses, it explains some of the things dying people say and do, and makes suggestions on how to interpret these actions. All of us lose people we love, and reading this little book could easily help...more
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This is a touching, moving and informative book. I would compare it in some way to the "What to Know..." books about pregnancy and childbirth, except without the potential to produce anxiety about a natural and spiritual aspect of being human. I think readers who are lucky enough to find this book will have an informed view of death and the dying that will eliminate some pain and confusion when it's their turn to turn to God for understanding and peace about the passing of their family member or...more
This book was recommended to me in 2009 to help me to understand my brother's looming dying process from multiple myeloma. I found it too painful at the time and put it aside. When my dear uncle (the last surviving member of my father's immediate family) was told that he had 6 weeks left to live, I was drawn back to the book. The hospice nurses' shared experiences did provide insight, and in an odd way, comfort, as I was preparing for this significant loss. Sadly, I realized that I would have in...more
This book was recommended by a woman I barely knew from my gym. For some inexplicable reason I shared with her one day that my father was terminally ill with cancer. If I saw her again, I would thank her profusely for giving not only myself, but also my family, a tool that helped us navigate the precious time we had left with my father.
This book provided practical guidance on how to be truly compassionately present during a time of extreme distress and sadness. I strongly suggest it as a "must...more
This book provided practical guidance on how to be truly compassionately present during a time of extreme distress and sadness. I strongly suggest it as a "must...more
In "Final Gifts . . . ," two hospice nurses relate stories of people they have cared for who were dying. What they offer is compassionate and experienced advice about how to communicate with the dying, how to pay attention to what the dying person may be trying to say, even though it may not seem to make sense,and how to be present for the dying person. They also explain the dying process.
Not everyone will have a death like those told about in this book and the authors don't make that claim. Per...more
Not everyone will have a death like those told about in this book and the authors don't make that claim. Per...more
I found this book comforting. It's a must read for everyone, cause at some point in one's life we are all going to be confronted with death, whether it be terminal or just from the process of aging. We don't like to think of death & there is a certain fear of it. The process can be long & draining. But IT IS apart of life. We need to learn to communicate with the dying, interpreting ones physical actions, interpreting their words, listening & respecting their wishes so they can pass...more
Jun 08, 2013
Nicole
rated it
3 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
those who need a quick read to help them sort through nearing death issues
Recommended to Nicole by:
Maria and Cathy
Initially, I didn't think I'd be able to make it through this read without going through a box or two of tissue. However, it read rather easily after the first few sections. At times, I wished it delved a little more deeply into certain issues such as poverty, disenfranchisement, and bitterness that many people experience at the end of life. Most of the people who's stories were shared seemed to come from wealthy to upper middle-class, mainstream American backgrounds. The list of further reading...more
If you're looking for a book with pat page-and-a-half stories of people making their peace and then joyfully passing on, this is the book for you. "I hadn't talked to my daughter in 20 years, but those last two weeks we grew closer than we ever had before. Fin."
Any story in this book that presented a modicum of complexity is glossed over or truncated. There is nothing in here that speaks to people who die angry, or without resolving their issues. There's nothing in here that deals with the com...more
Any story in this book that presented a modicum of complexity is glossed over or truncated. There is nothing in here that speaks to people who die angry, or without resolving their issues. There's nothing in here that deals with the com...more
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