In this unique book, a clinical psychologist and an award-winning science writer reveal the keys to sustaining a happy and long-lasting relationshi...
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reviews
Sep 14, 2010
Jessica
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As of the time the book was re-released (2002?) this remained the only study of GOOD marriages. Tons of advice on how to save a troubled marriage, only one study on how to have a good marriage. Really interesting to step inside the subject's lives and hear about the real trials and tribulations of being married, while getting a psycho analysis at the same time. It is helpful to see how good marriages work from people you don't know.
UPDATE:
All in all, an interesting boo More...
UPDATE:
All in all, an interesting boo More...
May 15, 2011
Study of 50 happy couples and what they have in common. There are four types of happy couples: romantic, rescue, companionate, and traditional (can also have combinations). There are nine tasks that must be completed in a good marriage: separating with parents and reconnecting with the partner, balancing togetherness and autonomy, embrace the role of 'parent' while still having some privacy, confront and overcome crises, find a way to air out conflicts without things getting out of hand, develop
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Jul 31, 2009
Salsadancer
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The authors interviewed 50 predominantly middle-class, northern California couples who had been married nine years or more and had at least one child. These strong marriages flourish, they argue, because every partner confronted a series of psychological tasks including separating emotionally from the family of childhood, carving out his or her autonomy and creating an environment where anger and conflict could be safely vented. The success of a couple's relationship had more to do with how stro
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May 08, 2011
Ashley
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There are, the authors posit, four distinct types of marriage: romantic, rescue, and companionate. Romantic marriages are based on a passionate romantic relationship where both partners feel they were almost fated to be together. Rescue marriages are those where the partners come from less than ideal circumstances and find their "sorrowful expectations" of life revised. Traditional marriage has clearly defined roles for men and women and creates a stable home life for the adults and ch
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Oct 05, 2009
Jens
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This is a good book for anyone who is married or thinks they may be married someday to read. It's qualitative research with all of the limitations that come with that - low number of respondents, taken from a limited pool (mostly lefty professional San Franciscans, I think). But it brings up a number of useful reminders and typologies in terms of the types of marriage and the tasks that most marriages face.
Dec 10, 2009
Evans
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a "realist's guide to marriage": written by someone who's studied divorce, this is full of very practical experiences and advice, without a simple 5-step solution. for those looking for a marriage book that's reflective but not overbearing, that deals with realities without giving cute quips for answers on how to make marriage work.
Oct 19, 2009
Gayle
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My husband and I decided to make this required reading before we got married. We had great talks about it. I'd recommend this book to anyone getting married -- whether for the first time or beyond. And then, discuss it with your spouse-to-be. You'll learn a lot about each other.
Sep 01, 2009
Barbara
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A must read for anyone contemplating or in a long term committed relationship. Not a "how to", rather a study of long term marriages where both partners consider it a happy marriage. By the respected author who also did ground breaking work on children of divorce.
May 22, 2009
Jessica
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This self help book positively impacted my view on making a marriage last. It focused on the positive aspects of marriage and what couples did to stay together instead of focusing on the negative aspect. Loved it!!!
Dec 05, 2011
Kipahni
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this is less of a how to and more of a private look into what occurs in a good marriage. I found the 4 types interesting and immediately started looking at my friends and family to see what kind they had.
No suprise here- I have the romantic type.
What was more interesting to me was the steps that naturally occur in marriage and the importance of resolving them in a healthy way.
No suprise here- I have the romantic type.
What was more interesting to me was the steps that naturally occur in marriage and the importance of resolving them in a healthy way.
Oct 26, 2010
Vivian
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Wonderful book about marriages that work, and why that is. Both general principles and specific examples. Found many, many glimpses of my own marriage in the book; was reassuring and deeply satisfying!
Dec 17, 2009
Inder
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This is the only "self-help" book about marriage and relationships that I would whole-heartedly recommend. Judith Wallerstein conducted a formal (but necessarily anecdotal) study of "good" relationships, and tries to figure out what they have in common. In my experience, most books about marriage are full of platitudes about communication skills or the "five love languages" or whatever - this type of advice can be valuable, but it is really just one person's opinion
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May 24, 2010
Bob
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Details the various choices couples have regarding the issues of their livng together. Very good in helpin to seek the best in a couple bond. Recommended.
Jan 08, 2010
Kelly
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a topic that most people don't research before they embark on it - wish more of my friends had read this book before their "starter marriages"
Jul 04, 2007
nicebutnubbly
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Interesting set of case studies of "successful" marriages. She defines "successful," if I recall correctly, as marriages in which both parties consider themselves to be "happy" and which had lasted, at the time of the study, for at least 9 years. All the couples she worked with had children of their own or from previous marriages.
It's hard to generalize from case study results, which is why I preferred the Gottman, but this is a pretty darn interesting More...
It's hard to generalize from case study results, which is why I preferred the Gottman, but this is a pretty darn interesting More...
Feb 24, 2008
Katie
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This book is amazing, and so encouraging (esp for me, someone about to get married!). The author interviews all kinds of couples with good marriages and figures out what they all have in common. Most psychologists study divorce, not happiness, so this book is really unique. It's empowering too, because in her study good marriages happen in remarkably diverse ways and to the most unlikely people.
Sep 10, 2009
Jaime
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There are some great stories in this book, and it gives the reader a good idea of whether their marriage is healthy or not. I enjoyed reading the people's stories about their own marriage more than I enjoyed the analysis, but still thought it was a worthwhile book.
Aug 16, 2008
Myrna
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This is the best marriage book I have ever read. Interesting from page one and I can't believe how much I learned, even after 45 years of marriage. Recommend to every married person, brand new or experienced , like me. LOVED IT.
Oct 22, 2007
Katharine
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It changed the way I considered what makes a marriage "good." I think that the way she arranged her data and structured her argument is a little simplistic, but it made me think about marriage in a different way.
Jun 04, 2008
Kimberly
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I found this book very interesting to discover the different reasons why people get married and what it takes to make a marriage work. It was from a secular viewpoint, but still very fascinating.
Nov 09, 2008
Daryl
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What most surprised me in this book was that an affair was not an indication of a bad marriage - this was in the 90's when I was a bit naive about marriage and relationships.
Apr 15, 2008
Suzanne
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I read this book years ago and hope to revisit it soon. It really helped me focus on what is good about my marriage, and how it could be stronger.
Oct 07, 2007
Bebemiqui
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Very positive book about marriage. There aren't many books that tell you the good things about a marriage and that's why I enjoyed this one so much.
Jun 11, 2007
Beth
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My rabbi recommended this before our pre-marital meetings. So far, so good! I'll keep the NEYers posted so that they aren't DOOMED!
Jan 21, 2008
Redfawn
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One of my favorite marriage books. I get something out of it every time I read it.
