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Dear Catastrophe Waitress

by Brendan Halpin (Goodreads Author)

3.63 of 5 stars 3.63 · rating details · 182 ratings · 39 reviews

Mark thinks he has found The One in college. When Raquel abruptly takes off for Los Angeles to become a rock star, Mark tries to be happy for her–until ROCK-L’s first single sweeps the airwaves–a song about Mark’s stamina entitled “Two Minute Man.” And Mark’s life is never the same again.

Philippa doesn’t really think twice about cheating on her punk rocker boyfriend, Trevo...more

Paperback, 320 pages

Published March 13th 2007 by Villard

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Oct 26, 2007 Jules rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: favorites

Ten minutes ago, I am sitting out on my porch weeping like a baby and crushing this book to my chest, and then I come inside and read some chick's scathing review, and suddenly, I can't think to write all the things I wanted to write a moment ago, becaase my head is full of arguments against each of the arguments she made for hating it.

And I have to take a bit to collect myself before I can come back to the computer all collected-like and say that I don't care if it means that I'm some unculture...more

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Aug 05, 2009 Anna rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction, read-in-2009

Oh, how I ended up loving this book! It's totally a 5-star read because it felt so real and brought out such emotion in me. I ended up crying and it just got me thinking about my own identity and my relationship with my mom in particular. But really it's just an interesting story about time and how people change and hopefully learn from their mistakes and experiences.

I decided to read this without really knowing much about the book except that I'm Goodreads friends with the author... so I wasn't...more Oh, how I ended up loving this book! It's totally a 5-star read because it felt so real and brought out such emotion in me. I ended up crying and it just got me thinking about my own identity and my relationship with my mom in particular. But really it's just an interesting story about time and how people change and hopefully learn from their mistakes and experiences.

I decided to read this without really knowing much about the book except that I'm Goodreads friends with the author... so I wasn't sure what to expect. At first it was kind of difficult to get into the third person narration because my gut told me that I wanted Mark and Philippa to tell their own stories (since the chapters alternated between them anyway). But I got used to that style of writing and came to appreciate the little bits of dry humor that were thrown in here or there, usually in the form of a parenthetical that would fill you in on what really happened, not what the character necessarily wanted to have happen. I kept wondering, too, when their paths would cross and for a while the stories seemed a bit too self-destructive for my taste. But it was impossible to put the book down, so clearly it was working its charm on me! Then when I got to about the halfway point I was absolutely hooked.

I liked the two main characters but what really stuck out to me was Stacey and Kelly's relationship. I thought that was so well written to the point where I felt like I was in the room with them, experiencing all of their little disagreements. I thought it was great that they actually went to see Karen Behavior. Their relationship could not have been more honest and truthful.

I was very happy with the way the two main characters came together in the end. I thought they both had grown so much throughout the 300+ pages and they weren't perfect but they sure were very likable in the end. It was really easy to see bits of me, people I've dated, and our flawed relationships in this novel. I don't think this is a light read at all so the funky cover is a bit misleading. But if you want to be entertained, challenged, and totally sucked into a book, this is perfect for you!(less)

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Jan 31, 2012 Sandy D. rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: great-britain-ireland, united-states, romance, new-england

Very adult novel by an author whose teen books I love. It's hard for me to review this, partially because there is so much going on in the story, and partially because I now know the author reads these reviews. I did really enjoy it, though the characters (especially Philippa) annoyed me sometimes. I found myself thinking about them a lot after the book ended, which is the mark of a really good book (for me, anyway).

It's told in alternating male/female viewpoints (like some of Halpin's other boo...more

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May 24, 2012 Aimee rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: my-recommendations

"Dear Catastrophe Waitress" is exactly the type of book I have been looking for! Not only did I have trouble putting it down, but it is about characters in their 20's! YAY! Maybe I just haven't been searching hard enough, but I have been having a difficult time finding books with characters in their 20s.

Here are some real reasons to read the book. I loved the two main characters. Yes they had their problems, but they were realistic. It's the story of two people just trying to find their way in...more

1 like · like · see review

Jul 29, 2012 Michelle Sallay rated it 4 of 5 stars

I really enjoyed this, even though it is not a book I see myself wanting to read again. I also don't really see that many people other than myself liking it. I don't know why, but maybe it is because I felt like the book was speaking a language that only I understood. It is very detailed and delves deeply into each main characters romantic past. I think many readers would find the extra details tedious because they want the main characters to meet already and get on with the story. But I think t...more

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Oct 28, 2009 Melanie rated it 5 of 5 stars

I absolutely loved this book - it was entertaining, funny, sad, everything a good book should be. Unputdownable. I especially loved the author's trick of letting you know what external "characters" were thinking - CVS clerks, waiters, etc. - versus what the characters were sure they were thinking. Only one quibble, and it's probably my fault for reading so fast - sometimes I felt like there wasn't a clear delineation of how much time just went by, and I would be surprised by how old the characte...more

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May 18, 2009 Robin rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: those who like quirky realistic fiction

Shelves: 2009-list, fiction

This is a five star book for me because I could not stop reading it this weekend! I read it during my lunch break at work and then continued reading it after dinner until nearly 11, that in and of itself is unusual for me! After reading two other titles by this author, Forever Changes and How Ya Like Me Now, which are both geared for young adults, I wanted to read another so I chose the one we had in the building which is a novel for adults. There was a point during the novel where the plot turn...more

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Mar 20, 2009 Paige rated it 5 of 5 stars

Because I am a high school librarian, I mainly read YA novels. Every once in a while, I will venture into the world of adult fiction - usually at the insistence of my husband whose reading suggestions have never let me down. This book was WONDERFUL! Funny, sexy, heartbreaking - all the elements I appreciate in my summer time reading selections. At a YA Lit Conference, I heard about a book titled Audrey, Wait! This book came out a year after Halpin's and has the same central plot point. I am curi...more

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Sep 10, 2011 Ali rated it 3 of 5 stars

3.5.
I can't stand romance novels. Maybe it's just because I am cynical and jaded, ground down into the dirt by the jackboot heels of life, as it were, and have no patience with escapist fiction like that, not to mention that I cannot identify with the characters at all, seeing as I've never, you know, gotten my romance on with anyone, but I can't stand them. I know romances are the most read genre in the country, and I have no problem with people who like them, hell, at this point, we readers sh...more 3.5.
I can't stand romance novels. Maybe it's just because I am cynical and jaded, ground down into the dirt by the jackboot heels of life, as it were, and have no patience with escapist fiction like that, not to mention that I cannot identify with the characters at all, seeing as I've never, you know, gotten my romance on with anyone, but I can't stand them. I know romances are the most read genre in the country, and I have no problem with people who like them, hell, at this point, we readers should be glad anyone is reading anything, whether it's the latest fifteen extruded book products from the James Patterson factory, or even (dare I say it?) Twilight, or Stephen King, or William Gaddis, or Flannery O'connor, but I can't imagine why anyone would want to read stories where the outcome is almost always the same, no matter what forces attempt to drive the protagonists apart. (Related: I have considered writing a romance story where Gawd Hizownself tells a pair of lovers they have no business dating, and they're all like, "Fuck you, G0d! We were ment to be together! We are like ..." Then they get smote with lightning. Sucks for them. They were idiots anyway.)

So when I learned that the first novel I ever picked up by Brendan Halpin was, in fact, a romance, I could have put it down. But I didn't, for two reasons. First is that I hate putting down a book. I think I've put down three books in my life, maybe, and I always intend to pick them back up when I'm ready for them. For the zero of you who care, the three books are: The Trick is to Keep Breathing by Janice Galloway (I was at a period in my life when I was constantly half asleep, and had no business reading a book with such a disjointed narrative when I was clearly not able to properly take it in), The Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhennitzyn (Or however the fuck you spell that), and The Double and the Gambler, by Fyodor Dostoevsky (The Double is what stopped me in my tracks, and I've heard, from readers who aren't Vladimir Nabokov, that it is one of his worst novels, and equally as painful for them to read as it was for me).

But there was another reason. I was beginning to sort of, kind of, care about the romance. I tried to resist, telling myself that I knew what was going to happen, so caring about it was pointless, but I cared anyway, even while convincing myself that this would turn me into a mindless, soap opera watching drama queen. And by the end, when Mark and Stacey kill their daughter and then each other, *1 I may or may not have wept like a child for three weeks, forgetting to do such vital things as eating or sleeping.

Which is not to say that this is a perfect novel. It's not. Mark's constant obsession with everything sexual made me want to hurt someone. I don't know, maybe this is just how guys who never get laid but desperately want to think, but it ground on my literary nerves. This likely had more to do with me than the book, but the romance aspect seemed to go so slowly that I frequently wanted to yell at the characters, "Look, we all know you're going to wind up together by the end, so just fucking get on with it!" But, aside from these minor annoyances, this is often profane and hilarious, with a unique plot. Recommended.

Now if you'll excuse me, my favourite soap opera is on in twenty minutes. I think the incest storyline between Michael and Victoria is going to be resolved soon. I can't wait!

1. Do you really think that's how the book ends? Come on now!(less)

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Jan 08, 2012 Brittany Hale rated it 4 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Hmmm…Phillipa came off as a intelligent idiot. Even though she had half-a**ed parents, she pretty much got to do whatever she wanted, and her rich dad carried her financially. Like in Phillipa’s case, I never understand why people CHOOSE to harm themselves and do dangerous things when they are unsure of life…or bored. Phillipa resorted to drinking, drugs and dating random guys because she was bored and lost. And gosh! How annoying was it that every ten minutes her big boobs were mentioned? Like...more Hmmm…Phillipa came off as a intelligent idiot. Even though she had half-a**ed parents, she pretty much got to do whatever she wanted, and her rich dad carried her financially. Like in Phillipa’s case, I never understand why people CHOOSE to harm themselves and do dangerous things when they are unsure of life…or bored. Phillipa resorted to drinking, drugs and dating random guys because she was bored and lost. And gosh! How annoying was it that every ten minutes her big boobs were mentioned? Like seriously, we got the message the first billion times, lbs. Now Mark was…I just felt so sorry for him, he was such a sweet guy but he kept being drawn in and duped by these women that he would spend years of his life with them thinking it was going somewhere only for them to up and leave. However, how weird was it that it seemed like he was constantly masturbating, I mean sure he was going very long periods without but I felt the author should have kept that information limited. Back to Phillipa, I felt bad for her too because she literally had to kill herself off (figuratively), cut ties with her family, friends and change her name just to be able to make better decisions regarding her life…and she had to get pregnant by a maniac in order to gain clarity…Ooh, I loved how the author wrote though, like when Phillipa thought about something dealing with another character, the author put whether or not Phillipa was right about her thoughts or/and what actually happened, so that was pretty cool. Ummm, i’m glad Mark didn’t turn into an a-hole like he so desperately wanted to and had every right but that just showed how much of a great guy he is. I was pleased to see that he finally got what he wanted in Phillipa (Stacey rather) because that one intense sex scene is one I won’t be forgetting anytime soon, lol. Back to my thoughts, I was freaked out when Phillipa’s daughter started acting like her maniac father even though her mother left him when she was barely pregnant, it just reminded me how much of a role genetics play because the girl was just like her dad, an angel in public and a demon behind closed doors…..she was just so angry at her mother, and had absolutely no reason to be…so hopefully she continues getting the help her dad didn’t apparently get. What I usually look forward to in books is the friendships and with Phillipa they were scarce. Not counting her drug buddies, one she had to leave in her past life and her new one was great, but not enough for me to really thrive on, Phoebe, I believe her name was offered her the basement of her new townhouse right after she got married and I saw that as a very sweet and generous thing for her to do…Umm, with Phillipa’s previous life and family, I see that some people are just better off without them I suppose. Oh yeah and how easy was it for her to get herself on track like for real she opened a business and became quite successful pronto. I know it’s just a book but dang the only struggles she had were the ones she created for herself. But still, Dear Catastrophe Waitress is a very interesting read.(less)

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Apr 18, 2007 Abby rated it 1 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Unless you want predictable drivel...

Shelves: fiction, blech

Okay. I came thisclose to posting on amazon.com about how terrible this book was, but I decided against it. The writer's karma and all.

But I can't restrain myself. This book was a waste of my money. It had a unique concept behind it: two characters, Mark and Phillippa, were both spurned by their lovers writing hit singles about them. Mark was dubbed "Two Minute Man" by his girlfriend Raquel (ROCK-L in the music world) and Phillippa's loser punk boyfriend wrote an angry song called "Phillippa Ch...more Okay. I came thisclose to posting on amazon.com about how terrible this book was, but I decided against it. The writer's karma and all.

But I can't restrain myself. This book was a waste of my money. It had a unique concept behind it: two characters, Mark and Phillippa, were both spurned by their lovers writing hit singles about them. Mark was dubbed "Two Minute Man" by his girlfriend Raquel (ROCK-L in the music world) and Phillippa's loser punk boyfriend wrote an angry song called "Phillippa Cheats". I picked it up, read this, and thought, "Huh. This sounds kind of cool."

No. Not cool at all.

Here's the problem. Or the many. First is that the author, Brendan Halpin, alternates POV between Mark and Phillippa. That can be done if the author can adapt to different genders. Tom Perrotta did a great job in Election, for example. Halpin, however, has no clue how the female brain works. Phillippa seems fixated with her own breasts and mentions them basically every page, and sadly, that's a guy thing to do. And when she talks about sex, she sounds like she's what Halpin would want or narcisstically imagine his girlfriends would say about him when performing. The sex scenes are actually almost laughable.

The second is that Halpin can't decide what route he wants to take with Mark. Is Mark a sexually inexperienced boy? Is that why Raquel wrote that song? That question is never answered, and by the time Mark is engaged in sex toward the end, he is suddenly a sex-god. From "Two-Minute Man" to sexual deity? Yeah, I don't think so. But that's only a small glitch. Mark is, for most of the book, a proclaimed "nice guy", the "sensitive guy", the one who gets girls without trying. But he's not--he's calculating, insensitive, callous, and oblivious. I never saw the nice guy. At all. The only time he became nice is when he was wounded over being dumped, or whenever he talked about his sister that died, the only part of the story that had depth. But Halpin seems to be terrified of giving any real meaning so he refrains from giving too much story about the sister and instead focuses on what Mark says about it, which isn't very much.

The third is Phillippa. She gets involved in an unhealthy relationship (abusive, actually) and then finds out she's pregnant. So she fakes her own death to run away with the baby and start over. Um. I don't even think I have to touch that one. Completely unbelievable and the woman she's "rebirthed" into has absolutely no remnances of Phillippa's personality. And I'm sorry, but personality traits don't just disappear, fake death or not. And I find it really hard to believe that she spent the rest of her life not getting into contact with her father or the couple of friends who did care about her. It's very tutonic and bland, and frankly, worthy of a page skipping here and there.

And the fourth, again, is the POV rotation. Mark and Phillippa finally meet toward the end, and they tell each chance meeting or encounter through their own eyes. And they're god awful. They each say exactly what the other character has said, only with presumptions of what the other is thinking (and of course, is verified by the other character in the next chapter). It was a waste of words and chapter space. Don't they have editors for this kind of repetition?

I kept hoping it would get better, but it only got worse.

I think my point has been made.(less)

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Feb 10, 2009 Matthew rated it 4 of 5 stars

It took me forever to read this, even though it's a pretty quick read. Twenty years go by pretty quickly in the first half and then the second half is very slow-moving... I'll be posting about it on my blog soon. (Today even, maybe.) It's very Run Lola Run meets Nick Hornby, but more wholesome than that. It's worth checking out, and much better than I thought it would be when I picked it up at the library based only on the title--my least favorite Belle and Sebastian song.

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Jan 16, 2011 Courtney rated it 4 of 5 stars

At first I was thrown by the writing style. It's a bit whimsical, telling us things about people we never hear more than a sentence about, but it grew on me. I thought the story was really really great and original. The metamorphosis of both characters was tremendous and yet still real. I quite liked this book.

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Mar 30, 2009 Jen marked it as to-read

I've had so so luck with reading books based on song titles (the good: I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone. The bad: Love Is the Drug)...but I'm going to give this Belle & Sebastian named book a chance.

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Aug 19, 2009 Jessie rated it 3 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Dec 30, 2008 Connie rated it 5 of 5 stars

The story of my life. At the time. It was magical, and I wanted dearly to marry the author before I learned he was happily wedded.

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Feb 19, 2009 Kellie Eizensmits rated it 1 of 5 stars

I'm going to guess this is maybe targeted for highschool girls, it was of no interest to me. Very sophmoric.

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Dec 29, 2010 Zachary Giambalvo rated it 5 of 5 stars

www.eburban.com <--- Interviewing coming soon.

Love the music references and the sappy romantic notions.

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Jan 09, 2009 Jane rated it 4 of 5 stars

Some of the "punk rock" stuff was cheesy, otherwise a good little story bout luv.

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Apr 27, 2010 Willow rated it 2 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jul 29, 2011 Akeiisa rated it 4 of 5 stars

the reference to belle and sebastian drew me to this book... was worth the read

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Aug 23, 2010 KC rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2010

So many parts made me start humming various Belle and Sebastian songs. Really an amazing contemporary novel.

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Feb 28, 2012 Molly rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book is relaxing and engaging. It's comfy but NOT frothy. I loved the character of Philippa and the author's ability to express her rather dark life from a lighthearted angle. It's nice. That's the point-- it's not supposed to be mean or grim. It's a good friend of a book. Again, very Hornby-eqsue.

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Oct 19, 2007 Amy J rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: people who like nick horby's books

this book title takes its namesake from a belle and sebastian song which is the first thing that made me want to read it. i found myself relating to this book a little more than most probably would because the book involves some pop culture references and one of the main characters is a teacher. a teacher who sings funny songs no less. it's quick read so i finished it in a day. it's fairly predictable but i still found myself cheering for the two main characters in the end.

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Jun 30, 2008 Matt rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction

Perfectly fun book, chick-lit for guys. I have absolutely no reason to recommend it to anyone, but I wouldn't steer anyone away, either. I enjoyed the narrative voice a lot, and the dialogue snaps happily away. But it's not gonna make you any brighter.

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Jan 31, 2008 Summer rated it 1 of 5 stars

Man, what is up with novels about music and where are the good ones -- other than High Fidelity? Even Lethem can't do it. This book, like all of the books I can think of who try to capture musicians / a music scene, felt flat and cliched. Sigh.

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Feb 06, 2008 Sara rated it 3 of 5 stars

Recommended to Sara by: Sarah

Shelves: 2008

I love the first half of this book. It's so well written and the stories are great. I related to both of the characters. But something happens in the second half that let me down. the writing changes and I lose interest in the characters.

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Jul 22, 2008 Sadie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Sadie by: My hubbie, Andy

I loved this book. Many writers can create realistic situations within the context of their writing, but I felt that
Halpin did an excellent job creating real characters- a much harder task.

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Mar 21, 2008 Jane rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: book-group

a fun easy read in which i identified with the main characters struggle to accept her past mistakes + love herself fully: past present + future. great dialog that kept me laughing.

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Oct 19, 2009 Jenn Estepp rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: lit-wall

i feel like i should probably hate this book (so twee! right down to the belle and sebastian title.) and yet, i pretty much loved it. go figure.

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About Brendan Halpin

I grew up in Cincinnati, went to college in Philadelphia, and also lived in Taipei and Edinburgh along the way. I've lived in Boston since 1991.

I became a professional writer in 2000, writing about my late wife Kirsten's breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. Kirsten died in 2003, leaving me and our daughter Rowen. I married Suzanne in 2005 and got her kids Casey and Kylie in the deal too. Bargain...more

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