Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity
by Lauren F. Winner
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other reviews (showing 1-20 of 403)
Read in August, 2005
Having been unimpressed by Girl Meets God, I had low expectations for this book. They were, I suppose, met.
While I haven't entirely sussed out my own personal sexual ethics, I'm inclined to believe that a Christian sexual ethics should lean heavily on integrity and commitment and suchlike, so I was sympathetic to those portions of her arguments, though I reacted against her ideas and arguments a number of times as well. I found myself strongly wanting to be a better person, whereas ...more
While I haven't entirely sussed out my own personal sexual ethics, I'm inclined to believe that a Christian sexual ethics should lean heavily on integrity and commitment and suchlike, so I was sympathetic to those portions of her arguments, though I reacted against her ideas and arguments a number of times as well. I found myself strongly wanting to be a better person, whereas ...more
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Read in August, 2007
Lauren Winner started writing this book before she was engaged but by the time she finished it, she was married. She also confesses that she did have premarital sex with several boyfriends. Her background (and an adult conversion to Christianity from Judaism) lends itself tremendously to keeping this book from being just another preachy text on sex aimed at single people. I particularly enjoyed the author's treatment of the subject: she doesn't take the hard core black & white, right &am...more
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Read in March, 2007
recommends it for:
Jean. Just kidding...it's already on her list.
Perhaps the most embarassing book I've ever pulled out on the subway or in an audition line...the cover not only has a large white flower but the blaring "real sex" title with only the tiny subtitle that makes it all okay. That being said, it's a great read and one I would recommend for anyone in the church. I had the delight of meeting Lauren Winner and attending a women's retreat where she spoke on this topic among others. She is a smart, smart woman and I especially love reading ...more
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Read in February, 2008
recommends it for:
high school kids in mainstream Church youth groups and their pastors
An interesting book on chastity and why it's important in a Christian context. She makes some excellent points about community and the fallacy that we are as autonomous as we think we are. However, she fails to critique marriage as an institution at all (and I am positive her academic background would have allowed her to do so). Because her stance is so firmly "wait until marriage" this also excludes any discussion of on-heterosexual relationships. She never explicitly states that this...more
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Read in March, 2007
recommends it for:
All Christians
Honestly, I didn't think there was one single original thought left when it came to discussions of sex, purity, and the church. But I am happy to be wrong! This book was honest, refreshing, well written, and (shock of all shocks) actually research-based. I'm so tired of books on this topic that equate the author's experience with human experience and don't have one iota of support for their claims. One of the things I enjoyed most about it is the fact that its audience is everyone in the chu...more
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Read in January, 2005
recommends it for:
Christians and others with questions about sexuality issues
This book was SO refreshing. I read so many books about Christinity and sexuality before I as married, most of them geared towards virgins but with a short throw away to "those that have given up the Gift already." Lauren Winner approaches the topics in a very mature fashion, avoiding many Christian cliches and pitfalls when it comes to sex talk. The audience for this book is perhaps older (but also worldlier) than the audiences that many Christian "sex" books are intended...more
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Read in April, 2008
I am not really sure what to say about this book. It was an interesting read and it really gets people thinking and talking about what it means to be chaste in today's society. I think there are some discontinuities throughout. Mostly in the manner that she wants to begin and explain the reasons for a chaste life from creation and there is a loss of focus toward the end of the book in that regard. I would recommend reading "Getting Serious About Getting Married" (married or single)...more
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Read in January, 2006
Winner writes in what comes across as a humble, refreshing voice. Her willingness to include information about her own private life in this work speaks to a deep humility which makes her a compelling voice in the Christian lifestyle genre. What I find troubling about this work isn't Winner's statements regarding the ethics of sexual behavior, but about the relationship between her gender and her chosen writing style. I only hope that Christians reading this work will interpret Winner's stylis...more
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Read in July, 2007
Smart and thoughtful, I enjoyed this book even more than Girl Meets God. She writes about sex and the church and singleness in a very refreshing way. While it has been 9 years since I was single, I still remember feeling marginlized by the church as a single adult (at one service in particular the pastor addressed the congregation as "men, wives, and students.") While this book seems to be written for unmarried Christians, I think there is alot here for married people as well. Like eve...more
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Read in July, 2008
recommended to Zigforas by:
RUF Internship
"... The core of this book is to offer a definition, in a Christian vocabulary and grammar, of good sex, even (as the title suggests) of real sex. I seek to set out the characteristics of good sex, and to explore who partakes of it, under what circumstances... You will find that I have tried to articulate both the biblical vision of sex and the honest difficulties of living in this vision; I have tried to sketch both the tragedy of living outside the biblical vision and the hope for living...more
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Read in January, 2008
recommended to Emily by:
Raquel
I appreciated this frank and truth-based discussion of sex within the context of church and, more importantly, community, and found Lauren Winner's criticisms of both popular culture and popular Christian culture to be extremely thought-provoking. I wish she had taken some of her points a bit further - for example, she talks about sex and marriage being things which instruct the entire community, which is essentially linked together as family, rather than individual couples completely separate f...more
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Read in January, 2006
In all the Christian lit out there on the big struggle, it's refreshing to find one written from a female perspective from our generation. I feel like Winner has a genuine voice especially having converted as a sexually active adult and having wrestled through and ultimately admitted the value and purspose of chastity from the other side. She has some worthwhile advice for how the church should minister more to celebate singles who, based on cultural norms, are going to have a longer, harder w...more
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Read in June, 2006
recommends it for:
anyone whois sick of the Christian box
I really learned how much value we place on being in a romantic relationship. This doesn't lessen in the Christian world, in fact it may worsen. An example for anyone who can't think of it is leadership. People who are or are asked to be in leadership are usually married. It is sad that such a destinction is made on martial status. She has a lot of good things to say about the Christian view of Chasity and how some of it is not what was intended, such as shame driveness. I don't agree with every...more
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Read in March, 2008
recommends it for:
chastity seekers, young adults, newlyweds, those needing a resource for discernment
Any book that gets Christians talking about sex is a good thing. It's more reflective than preachy (read: sex as sacred connection rather than a source of shame) and there are a few gems such as, "The fact of being connected to a prostitute per se is not the basis of the impurity; the impurity comes when I consume another person as merely a source of satisfaction. We can, in this sense, make anyone into a prostitute" (p.155). I enjoyed reading Winner's earlier books, but this one just ...more
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Read in July, 2006
When it comes to Christian "to do or not to do" literature on chastity, this for sure breaks barriers that other "sex is taboo" books barely touch. Not only does this explore and show proof for the Biblical view of premarital sex, but it is also delves into the roots underneath unwarranted and un-BIBLICAL perspectives on sex within the Church community. Whether or not you agree with premarital sex, this book provides an interesting read. And Lauren Winner is a smart, sophisti...more
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Read in February, 2007
recommends it for:
sunday schooled ppl
Everything that you really wanted to talk about during youth group but were afraid to ask because 1) your mom was the teacher, 2) you were in church, 3) your best friend's mom was the teacher, 4) you were in church, 5) your uncle was the pastor, 6) you were in church, 7) your dad was the pastor....you get the point. Furthermore, it addresses topics that are sorely lacking in the "education" of Christian spiritually inclined communities while drawing relevant and up-to-date correlation...more
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Read in February, 2008
This was actually a re-read for the insights it contains about the communal nature of our sexual choices. This was specific to a paper I wrote regarding Christians & contraceptive choices.
However, more broadly speaking, this is a GREAT text. Working with teens, this is a version of Christian sexuality that I can actually sell with integrity. None of those be scared of pregnancy and sex outside marriage makes you feel bad half-truths that we pass off as a robust theology of sexuality.
However, more broadly speaking, this is a GREAT text. Working with teens, this is a version of Christian sexuality that I can actually sell with integrity. None of those be scared of pregnancy and sex outside marriage makes you feel bad half-truths that we pass off as a robust theology of sexuality.
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Read in July, 2006
recommends it for:
everyone
absolutely the most hope-giving and liberating treatment of sexandchastity and everything that gets tied in to how we think about sexandchastity (identity, idolatry, value, beauty, community, and on and on). please, please, everyone read this one for all of our sakes.
edit: also, winner affirms singlehood and argues for the single person's place in the Church body as a single person (as opposed to a not-yet-married person), two areas in which we as the Church can do better.
edit: also, winner affirms singlehood and argues for the single person's place in the Church body as a single person (as opposed to a not-yet-married person), two areas in which we as the Church can do better.
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Read in January, 2005
At this point in time, I think Winner is the only young, Christian author to address sexuality in a healthy way. She doesn't try to convince men that their sex drives are uncontrollable or women that they don't have one. Winner discusses the role of community in our sex life, which seems both radical and completely necessary for the Church to mature into a healthy view and conversation around sex. I think this should be required reading for anyone working in ministry.
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Read in July, 2005
Yes, admittedly the title got me first, and then I got excited when I saw that a woman was the author. I did not want to hear another male perspective, since we seem to love to give our opinion on all things sexual. She addresses serious questions the church and Christians often dodge around. I liked her perspective and scholarly take on things. As a Christian, she faces a tough crowd and I admire her effort to clear some issues up.
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