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The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids
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The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids

3.73  ·  Rating Details ·  37 Ratings  ·  9 Reviews
Why do so many of our kids--raised in the most affluent nation on earth--fail to thrive and strive and enter adulthood lacking appropriate and effective coping skills? Drs. Swihart and Cotter have come up with a revolutionary theory on why our kids are having such a tough time of it today: It is because we allow our children to manipulate us, and the world around them, rat ...more
Paperback, 272 pages
Published March 2nd 1998 by Bantam (first published August 1996)
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Sep 28, 2015 Brent rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Any parent
Recommended to Brent by: Found it on Amazon
I know it's a terrible title, but I LOVE this book. It has been for me, simply the best parenting book EVER written. When talking about it, I refer to it as "The Book". Following its guidance has saved my children and my family. I've read it at least 3 times, and I continually refer to it. I only wish I could get other people in my life to read it. :P

I was so confused by my son's behavior. I wasn't giving in to him, I wasn't giving him what he asked for (positive reinforcement) but the behavior
Thorn MotherIssues
Dec 20, 2011 Thorn MotherIssues rated it it was ok
Shelves: read-2011
I decided not to throw it across the room after the part about how you should make your daughter admit she played some role in her sexual assault if she was wearing slutty clothes, though I'm not sure why I made that choice. The rest is not at all as bad as that, but things like that made me not want to believe the authors either. I think I picked up a few tips for responding to manipulation, though.
Sep 13, 2012 Merlindrea rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction
I stumbled across this book at a friend's house. I would not have bought it myself, purely because of the title - of course I am biased, so obviously I would never ever ever believe my kids to be manipulative! But then I looked into it and the authors make some excellent points, that actually do apply to my kids.

My daughter for instance is a really really good child. She behaves very well, she is smart, she has friends - but she is very very afraid of challenges. She is afraid of failing. We hav
Mar 17, 2008 Linnea rated it really liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
This book was recommended on some reviews I was reading of other child-rearing books, and it made me curious. I found a good many things about it helpful and insightful--in particular the idea that for recent generations, the idea that children are emotionally fragile and likely to be scarred by childhood emotions (drawn from Freudian theories), has caused many parents to develop parenting techniques that produce manipulative and dependent children, instead of independent people who are capable ...more
Oct 24, 2009 Ami rated it it was ok
Shelves: non-fiction
I really dislike parenting books that are full of words like "always, never, must, have to, need to, make sure, etc." There was so much pressure to follow their script absolutely everytime, without fail, or else your child is going to be permenantly screwed up and it's all your fault.
I also felt like this book did not give enough examples on their suggested techniques. It was hard for me to grasp exactly how to carry out the all important routine when there weren't enough follow through.

The onl
Nov 15, 2010 Julie rated it really liked it
This was an excellent book for understanding how children try to control the world around them, but must instead be guided by their parents to adapt to it, so that they can function well as adults. I highly recommend it for parents. The SPR technique "Stop, Pause, and Redirect" is somewhat similar to the use of time-out. However, they don't address the truly stubborn child or toddler who REFUSES to stop and be redirected, no matter how many times you try to do it!
Sep 12, 2011 Shawna rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
An OK guide for people who have manipulative kids, but like with most self-help books, it's all common sense and stuff parents are probably already trying.

The gist is---if your kids are playing the victim to get out of things, press them to follow through. If they scream to get their way, don't give in.

Like I said, it's all common sense stuff. We won't ruin their psyches by making them behave and by making them try to succeed.
Elizabeth Nugent
Sep 17, 2013 Elizabeth Nugent rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2013-reads
Not sure what to say about this one, other than that the title is so awful I had to hide it the whole time I was reading the book. It does seem to make sense, but I'm not sure it really allows for the possibility of actual disabilities. Having my husband read chapter 7, and we'll talk about whether to try it.
Aug 18, 2009 M rated it really liked it
Shelves: teaching, nonfiction
Though this was intended as a parenting book, it had really good info in it.
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