She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
by
Ian Kerner
As women everywhere will attest, when it comes to understanding female sexuality, most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. And while it seems that men have struggled valiantly since the dawn of time to find ways to reliably elicit the female orgasm, rare is the guy who has the modesty to ask: "What do I do?" Ironically, th...more
Hardcover, 228 pages
Published
May 25th 2004
by William Morrow
(first published 2004)
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Mar 17, 2009
Julie (Mom2lnb)
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
All Adults Who Desire a Happier, Healthier Sexual Relationship
Reviewed for THC Reviews
As a woman, I know that I am not exactly the target audience for this book, but I decided to read it along with my husband. I thought this would be much better than guessing what the book was teaching men, and also open an effective line of communication on the subject. Even though I had read several positive reviews for the book prior to buying it, I was still very surprised by just how good it actually is. She Comes First is without question, the best non-fiction sex gu...more
As a woman, I know that I am not exactly the target audience for this book, but I decided to read it along with my husband. I thought this would be much better than guessing what the book was teaching men, and also open an effective line of communication on the subject. Even though I had read several positive reviews for the book prior to buying it, I was still very surprised by just how good it actually is. She Comes First is without question, the best non-fiction sex gu...more
I picked up this book as a way to prove to myself that there are, in fact, men in the world who care about a woman's enjoyment as much--if not more so--than their own. Ian Kerner seems just the man--having just read his Be Honest: You're Not That Into Him Either, and having dealt recently with a number of incompetant men, I was addicted to his genuinely uplifting take on the romantic/sexual/physiological relationhip between men and women--he really does give me hope.
That said, this book isn't gr...more
That said, this book isn't gr...more
Obviously I’m not in the target audience for this title, but I was curious anyway. Besides, a woman can’t get what she wants if she doesn’t know what to ask for.
The text is surprisingly entertaining for a self-helper, and the author keeps things light with a lot of creative euphemism (“lunch at the Y”) and deliberately over-the-top, tongue-in-cheek hyperbole (“Once her orgasm was but a distant and faraway destination in your journey down the road of arousal. Now the contours of her skyline are p...more
The text is surprisingly entertaining for a self-helper, and the author keeps things light with a lot of creative euphemism (“lunch at the Y”) and deliberately over-the-top, tongue-in-cheek hyperbole (“Once her orgasm was but a distant and faraway destination in your journey down the road of arousal. Now the contours of her skyline are p...more
When I first saw this book, I thought, Oh good a refresher course. Not quite. It is a comprehensive study that starts with the equivalent of 2 + 2 and ends up in advanced post graduate work in matrix algebra. If one takes this to heart, he (or she) would be a prize winning master.
Kerner provides a philosophy for this craft...the prominent idea being that the act should be practiced as indeed a complete performance unto itself and not merely a preparatory service. This redefines a skill set to a...more
Kerner provides a philosophy for this craft...the prominent idea being that the act should be practiced as indeed a complete performance unto itself and not merely a preparatory service. This redefines a skill set to a...more
The first third of this book is a good, thoughtful (even insightful) work of non-fiction providing an excellent summary of the female sexual arousal cycle, very detailed synopsis of human female anatomy and sexual physiology. There is a fair discussion of the impact of social norms and gender roles on heterosexual sex. Factually, this work starts strong, though the author's assertion regarding the declining protective utility of barriers for STD prevention with increased number of partners seems...more
What I have never understood is why so few people make an effort to learn how to be good at sex. Like actually making an effort to read or learn the science and techniques of sex and of how the bodies of the opposite sex work somehow is a waste of time. This would be a decent book for any guy who is at that stage of his life where he is working to get laid for the first time and actually wants to not embarrass himself (of course, he should read about 10 other books with different perspectives to...more
The author's enthusiasm for both pussy and prose is admirable and something that's not seen enough publicly. As a word nerd myself, however, I felt that his references to grammar and writing were really overdone at times. The purpose of metaphor is clarity, but his felt more like they existed for charm and forced theme.
That said, his intent and teaching when it comes to the oral pleasures of a woman were well done and nothing if not succinct (chapters were almost always fewer than five pages), m...more
That said, his intent and teaching when it comes to the oral pleasures of a woman were well done and nothing if not succinct (chapters were almost always fewer than five pages), m...more
Excellent and a must read for both men an women!
Chapters:
1. She comes first: The courtesy that counts
2. Her clitoris: The little engine that could
3. Think outside her box
4. The female orgasm: keep it simple
5. The tongue is mightier than the sword
6. Her inner goddess
7. Avoid Freud
8. What's in a name?
9. Now you see it: Female sexual anatomy
10. Now you don't: Female sexual anatomy
11. Avoid "G-spotty" logic
12. When raindrops keep falling on your head: female ejaculation
13. How wet is wet?
14. Aristo...more
Chapters:
1. She comes first: The courtesy that counts
2. Her clitoris: The little engine that could
3. Think outside her box
4. The female orgasm: keep it simple
5. The tongue is mightier than the sword
6. Her inner goddess
7. Avoid Freud
8. What's in a name?
9. Now you see it: Female sexual anatomy
10. Now you don't: Female sexual anatomy
11. Avoid "G-spotty" logic
12. When raindrops keep falling on your head: female ejaculation
13. How wet is wet?
14. Aristo...more
I have to start this review by saying when my partner first introduced me to this book I was convinced (in all my stupidity) that it was good that the book existed for OTHER people, but that I knew what I was doing. The sad part is I know there are many millions more men like I was, who might think they know what they’re doing and just how to please a women but sadly so many of us live in ignorance. All I can say is I am very thankful that she opened my eyes, this book explains in the greatest o...more
Okay, the first book I finish this year, and it's a sex book. Of course. I noticed this book because it appears in Transformers 3; Sam's mom holds it up and declares, "There is some killer shit in here." My husband and I debated about whether or not that was a real book, so for giggles we googled it, and what do you know? It's a real book. (I lost the debate. I was sure it was photoshopped. I mean come on, look at the cover.) And it has good reviews! So, we said "What the hell!" and downloaded i...more
First, what annoys me about this book. There's a certain cheese factor to any "how to" book and this is no exception -- though the cheese is admittedly muted. More important, Kerner has a one-size-fits-all approach to sex. Different people like different things, and this is especially true of women. I'd couple this book with "The Guide to Getting it On," which beats it in tone (it's as hilarious as sex itself). The GTGIO emphasizes communication between partners. You don't know until you ask, or...more
I read this book along with my boyfriend, and I highly recommend it. If you want to take your sexual experiences to a new level of intimacy and pleasure this is definitely the book to do it! This isn't your typical "sex book". It is grounded in anatomical science, psychological reassurance, and this wonderful feminist idea that women should come first (and then again, and again). It is broken down in to three parts, and chronicles a woman's response to sexual arousal giving a man a guide to go b...more
She Comes First is a manual for men on how to provide sexual pleasure to a woman. The premise of the book is the fact that female orgasms are clitoral orgasms. He goes on to say that the best clitoral orgasms are achieved with cunnilingus and that, because of differences in male and female sexual response, it is best for heterosexual couples if the female orgasm precedes the male orgasm.
The author has a Ph.D. from the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists. Being an English major from Brandeis...more
The author has a Ph.D. from the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists. Being an English major from Brandeis...more
Currently reading this, things will be added as I go through it:
I'm glad the author didn't go with a title of 'Your Bible For Giving Her Mind Blowing Orgasms' or some other nonsense. I like the laid back approach. I also liked the (obvious) innuendo on the cover, instead of the usual, prototypical sexually charged visuals. The author is making a statement with the cover: I don't need to sell you with sweaty bodies or other obvious lures. It also shows that he isn't catering to the quick-fix mark...more
I'm glad the author didn't go with a title of 'Your Bible For Giving Her Mind Blowing Orgasms' or some other nonsense. I like the laid back approach. I also liked the (obvious) innuendo on the cover, instead of the usual, prototypical sexually charged visuals. The author is making a statement with the cover: I don't need to sell you with sweaty bodies or other obvious lures. It also shows that he isn't catering to the quick-fix mark...more
This is a book for any guy who is serious about actually learning what most women want when it comes to this subject. It's true every woman is different, but this book is probably the best guide in terms of keeping it simple, but introducing new techniques.
It's not just about the orgasm with this book, it's also about the intimacy building up that moment to be something more than it can be or that either of us thought possible.
It's a great book also to go back for a refresher on things from time...more
It's not just about the orgasm with this book, it's also about the intimacy building up that moment to be something more than it can be or that either of us thought possible.
It's a great book also to go back for a refresher on things from time...more
One of the things that I like about this book is that even though it sets parameters for how to perform cunnilingus, it still leaves enough room for the individuality of your partner; the biggest mistake you can make is to assume all partners reach orgasm alike. When I showed the book to my partner, she laughed at me, not because of the content, but because I had highlighted passages. With that said, there is a lot of great information in this book regarding nerves/pleasure points, positioning (...more
Instead of giving this a new review, I simply want to quote another review:
Will Swope: "This is a book for any guy who is serious about actually learning what most women want when it comes to this subject. It's true every woman is different, but this book is probably the best guide in terms of keeping it simple, but introducing new techniques. It's not just about the orgasm with this book, it's also about the intimacy building up that moment to be something more than it can be or that either of...more
Will Swope: "This is a book for any guy who is serious about actually learning what most women want when it comes to this subject. It's true every woman is different, but this book is probably the best guide in terms of keeping it simple, but introducing new techniques. It's not just about the orgasm with this book, it's also about the intimacy building up that moment to be something more than it can be or that either of...more
Lots of useful information in spite of a gratingly exuberant writing style. Almost every rhetorical flourish was cringe-inducing to the point of making me want to throw the book away. The noisy odes to the overrated Strunk and White made it almost impossible to get past the first chapter.
But it had very good details and ideas, although it was a bit rigid or ideological on many points. Thank God I won't ever have to date this fucking schmuck, but I don't mind culling from his knowledge base. Much...more
But it had very good details and ideas, although it was a bit rigid or ideological on many points. Thank God I won't ever have to date this fucking schmuck, but I don't mind culling from his knowledge base. Much...more
Hands down THE best book on going downtown on a woman I have EVER read.
I was 50% done with this book and applied the techniques and the next morning my gf sent me a text saying, 'Babe, I know I don't tell you this enough, but last night was AMAZING!' We broke up unfortunately, but she has some stuff to sort out. It definitely wasn't sex.
I can't wait to use this on the next girl. I've re-read the material, so its going to be even more fluid and smooth. She is in for a real treat.
I was 50% done with this book and applied the techniques and the next morning my gf sent me a text saying, 'Babe, I know I don't tell you this enough, but last night was AMAZING!' We broke up unfortunately, but she has some stuff to sort out. It definitely wasn't sex.
I can't wait to use this on the next girl. I've re-read the material, so its going to be even more fluid and smooth. She is in for a real treat.
Still reading and referencing, some great concepts. Got to do a lot of technique testing and practicing with rave reviews. Was lucky enough to practice on some Bi and lesbians and was rated in the upper 80%. I've still got room for improvement, but that's pretty awesome for a guy to now be the best of the guys and better than most lesbians. Can't exactly brag to my parents but it's still good to know you're doing right and making women happy. Feel like a slightly perverted Captain America!
I read this to learn more about my body and see if I could learn any pointers for my partner in crime to try out. I learned a lot about myself and my anatomy and also learned the my partner already knows his stuff very well (not that I didn't already know that but can't everything always be improved? LOL). This would be a great book for anyone who goes down on women regardless of gender. Even though its supposedly geared towards men, I didn't find it to be gender specific really. I will say that...more
great info for the fella in your life that needs a better road map to your body..............so let's face it ladies that's all of them:) highly recommend giving to your man that is if his ego isn't so huge that he thinks he knows everything about your body. Oh hell give it to him anyway it might get him to realize he doesn't know.
This review is Rated R
A sensitizing guide to the wonder of female anatomy, I conclude that women are far more superior and evolved then men (If you know about human species evolution you'll know what I mean). I tried just about 25% of what the book teaches to do, and it works!
I don't give it 5 stars because the book could've been written in a single web article, it's written in a horrid, repetitive, tedious style of trying to sell you a magical formula but indeed the subject is of great interes...more
A sensitizing guide to the wonder of female anatomy, I conclude that women are far more superior and evolved then men (If you know about human species evolution you'll know what I mean). I tried just about 25% of what the book teaches to do, and it works!
I don't give it 5 stars because the book could've been written in a single web article, it's written in a horrid, repetitive, tedious style of trying to sell you a magical formula but indeed the subject is of great interes...more
Lots of general information you can learn over the course of living your life w/o the book, and a lot more information you will realize you had no idea about. i would recommend ALL men read this book if only to improve their ability to satisfy women, but more importantly to be able to satisfy someone they genuinely care for.
This is definitely one of those books that everyone should read (gals included, even if they're not the target audience). Dr. Kerner does a pretty incredible job at describing both female sexual physiology and the social stigmas involved in their sexuality, which is still applicable today (shame on Freud). While the second half of the book, involving procedural techniques, is one that I can't speak on or review, the psychology-related topics in the first chapters of the book are both eye-opening...more
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Jan 28, 2009 10:35am
Jan 28, 2009 11:55am