Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch
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Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch

3.72 of 5 stars 3.72  ·  rating details  ·  716 ratings  ·  71 reviews
Jim Norton is a pervert

in the truest sense of the word. The physical equivalent of a tall slug, he pays top dollar for massages with happy endings and is fascinated by shitty sitcoms and fat girls. He is also, at times, racially offensive and morally repugnant. He spares no one in his comedy -- least of all himself.

Now, in this outrageous, blisteringly funny collecti...more
Paperback, 288 pages
Published June 10th 2008 by Gallery Books (first published 2007)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 1,048)
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Lil' Jimmy Norton, stand-up comic and official member of SiriusXM's "The Opie and Anthony Show," is a very funny man. He is also a total pervert. A tasteless, self-loathing person with some of the most offensive comedic material imaginable.

Of course, this makes for an entertaining read. Very funny and outrageous essays about Jim's life and self-hatred mixed with rather forced chapters outlining potential TV shows (with a filthy elbow in the ribs, huddla huddla) don't mesh together particularly w...more
Jim son of Jim (formerly PhotoJim)
I had no idea who Jim Norton was before I picked this up. I don't think I'd like to spend any time with him after reading this. Each chapter is an anecdote where Jim ends up verbally abusing someone, paying someone to have sex with him, or bemoaning how repugnant he is. Sometimes with a combination of these three things. I did laugh a couple of times. Usually because whatever I just read was so patently offensive that I had to step back for a second. Here's a sample paragraph:

"I never quite unde...more
I had never heard of Norton, his stand-up was recommended by a friend, but this is definitely a funny collection of barely-essays. It's extremely offensive; in the author's own words, "If it weren't for prostitutes, shit, and fat girls, this book would be eight pages long." But he works hard to find new ways to say dirty things, and I respect that.
Scarlett B
If you aren't into potty-humor, why would you read a book that's subtitled "The Tales of Meaty-Breasted Zilch"??
I tried reading this book in public a few times, but it was pretty humiliating to be laughing/crying in front of people. Jimmy rules!
Nathan Cosby
I only know the Jim Norton because he is on the Opie and Anthony radio show. I've never seen or heard a single show by him. That said, this book makes me laugh until I cry. It's very crass, it's very vulgar, and it's very genuine.
Jack Gattanella
I should give it three stars cause it's kinda slapdash-like put together. it's mostly little diary entries and even letters saved from the mid 80s that Norton wrote while in rehab as a teenager and one from an ex girlfriend who wanted to get back together following said rehab. If only he had gone a little more into this period, but on the other hand he does mention in passing that he was a dumb suburban kid and that was that (whether he has substance abuse issues... well, he certainly has his ad...more
Jim Norton is a funny guy, but he doesn't tend to expound on a wide variety of topics, typically limiting his subject matter to his own worthlessness and paying call girls to defecate on his chest. The fact that all this remains compelling for any length of time is a testament to his uncanny ability to continally devise new and increasingly vile (and generally clever) methods of getting his various messages across. Think of him as George Carlin's undervalued nephew. And under the scatological mi...more
jeff Nichols
I had a book of my own coming out around the time of one of Nortons (same publsiher),I am a failed stand up,so,ofcourse, though I love Norton as a comic, it was in my interest that Nortons book sucked. I was hoping it would.It did not. The book is good. Norton is the best at seemlesly passing from subjective(self derpicating humor)to scathing objective humor (celeberties ect). His candid rants are great, but more importantly this book is well written, he might be a better wirer than he is a stan...more
Funny but dis-jointed book.
some chapters are really very funny, but others go into ideas for shows that just drag on too long.

I listened to the audiobook, not sure if I would had stuck with it if I was reading it.
The humor is gross but i didn't mind it. Actually scratch that, i had to pause this during several meals. After a while, just because something about scat and golden showers is mentioned it doesn't make automatically laugh but i guess it builds his persona for the rest of the book. How many times can you mention protecting your floors from feces with plastic bags in 5 hours?

I didn't like whenever he reads something from the past, whenever the source of laughs was he bashing his past self.

I had s...more
I gotta give Norton credit for his book. Given the swarm of stand-up books that come out, that are simply re-hashes of old bits the comic has done on stage, Norton has packed his book with stuff written just for the book. Jim's a solid writer, and could make a way in the world if he did only that, I believe.

Not often that I actually laugh out loud when I read something. The book's remarkable for that. But it is especially so because you might have read something two lines earlier that makes me s...more
I think Jim Norton is absolutely hilarious and his rotten, self-loathing style of comedy makes him one of my favorite comedians. I was in tears laughing more than once reading this. I would have given it a higher rating, but the sitcoms he comes up with weren't really funny and seemed so out of place. It would have been much better if he just stuck to the running commentary of his daily life. His many ways of describing taking a shit were probably the funniest parts of this book, and if he wrote...more
Tyler Courtney
I listen to Jimmy on OandA.. I love him to death on there but I just wasn't able to do his comedy in book form.
Aug 30, 2007 Brian rated it 3 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: dirty, funny people
This guy is just awful - by which I mean hilarious. Aside from his filthiness the thing I love most about Norton is his extremely open honesty. He bares more than you probably care to see in this book. I have to say though, that I would actually suggest the audio version of this book over the actual book format because the weakness of Norton's writing is that he writes completely in his speaking voice, which doesn't always make for the best reading experience. Besides, with the audio format you...more
Ryan Hulce
Been an O&A fan for a long time, so I had to read Lil' Jimmy Nortons book. It is gross, disgusting, and awesome!
From the day I first heard Jim Norton's sophomoric, filthy, offensive comedy styling, I was a huge fan. I jumped at the opportunity to learn more about him when I saw his book on a Barnes and Noble shelf. Whenever I think it'd be impossible for him to get more 'real', I am proven very wrong. He tells some stories any lesser man would be too embarrassed to ever tell another living soul. There is a lot to be learned about Jim from this yarn.
read this over the weekend - on a road trip. - author is somewhat of a sophemoric comedian - would like to see his routine to see if i just didn't "get" the book due to his comedic timing, or if the book really wasn't all that good. This guy has waaaaaay too much time on his hands. If you enjoy reading about a 35+ single male who enjoys oral sex, being defecated upon, and dreaming up lousy sitcom storylines - well, then this book is for you!
Bill Williams
Jim Norton is a deviant with an extremely raunchy sense of humor and a bit of a creep. This is not a value judgement, this is a statement that he makes about himself over and over again in this collection of essays. He talks about his suicide attempt and his constant use of prostitutes in nauseating detail. He is also very funny. At some points, I was laughing so hard I was crying, but then I felt like I needed a shower.
Jun 10, 2009 Jackie rated it 1 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: no one
I listened to this as an audio book, which is the only reason I finished it (though even that took awhile). It's very blue, which doesn't bother me, but it's also basically one joke repeated over and over for 5 hours. It's funny at first, but it quickly becomes tedious. Very tedious. He'd be better off sticking to 20 minute comedy sets in front of drunken audiences.
Mar 21, 2008 Jim rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Anybody who is not easily offended!
Not for the easily offended! If you like 'lil Jimmy Norton (or O&A), you will want to pick up this book. Disgusting, crude, and highly innappropriate, but very funny! Norton spills his guts in this tell-all book about his life, and career. Number 4 on the NY Best Sellers list (how did that happen?!) Do not let your grandma read this book.
Saw this book at the library and thought it might be funny and titalating. Was I ever wrong! I only know Jim Norton from Lucky Louie, the HBO show, which I enjoyed. Sounds like he is trying to be the next Howard Stern, but I found him totally offensive and disgusting. He manages to degrade everyone and himself. Don't waste your time...
Lil Yimmy is one of my heroes and this book is one of my bibles. Norton is hilarious, insanely honest, and intelligent. I purchased a used hardcover copy that Norton had previously autographed. He wrote "Thanks, Bev!" It is one of the oddest autographs that I own and it is one of my most cherished possessions.

Double guns, cocksucka!
Fun and quick read that brings insight into one of the funniest comedians and the third microphone on the Opie and Anthony show. Raw and exposed...many of these entries are journal entries about self loathing, depression...some times you want to ask Jim to put clothes on from how much he exposes of himself.
It'll never be confused for great literature, but it is funny and entertaining, with some real laugh-out-loud moments (or as Jimmy would say, "LOL LOL ROFL"), which is exactly what it is meant to be. It is crude and even vulgar at points, but if you find that funny, you'll find this book funny.
True rating would be 3.5. I didn't think it was great but I more than just liked it. Very raunchy. I couldn't tell if he was kidding or not with some of his stories. (ummmm, Monster Rain???) I thought it was funny but then I felt wrong for laughing because what if it was true???
What can I say? It's Norton. If you find stories about overpaying for tranny hookers funny, you've probably already heard about this.

It also made me laugh more that his second one. The second one is funny too, but it reads a little more like an old man's cranky letters.
Little Jimmy Norton is one of today's hottest comic. His extreme humor is topped only by the pathetic and embarrassing moments of his childhood, adolescence and adulthood, all outlined in this quick read. I hear he is writing another, will definitely be on the top of my list.
Marco G
Very funny book; its a bunch of stories by a comedian from the opie and anthony show. He's also friends with Artie Lange from the Howard Stern show. His humor is not for everyone but i have always loved the guy. I learned that its okay to like logs being dropped on your chest.
Russ Palmer
One of the funniest books I have ever read. Unluckily, after I finished it a friend 'borrowed' it and I haven't seen it in 4 years. If you can't enjoy some good tales about full body massages given at Asian 'massage' parlors then what can you enjoy?
Really liked the book.
But having been a fan of O & A since their Boston days, I have listened to Little Jimmy since he started with them. So I have heard a lot of the stories. But great nonetheless.
If you haven't seen him live...you must.
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Filled with searing honesty and an eye for detail, these essays deal with events both public and private. Jim Norton's stories are raw, revealing and most of all, hilarious."
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