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Aug 21, 2011

Deborah rated it:

"Two of the country's leading child psychologist hsare what they have learned in more thant thirty-five years of combined experience working with boys and their family. they revieal a nation of boys who are hurting--sad, afraid, agry and silent." So reads the back cover of this excellent book. This is a book that every parent of sons should read. I personally wish that I had read it years ago when my boys were younger. Even at the ages my sons are now, this book gave me some insigh More...

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Apr 07, 2011

Chris rated it:

This book is for anyone who works with young boys and wishes to learn more about how best to deal with their physical and mental well-being. The raising of a boy is not an easy job. The social pressures of society demand that a boy learn to act like-a-man anytime there is any pain or hurt. He is taught to be tough and not cry and for some to comprehend such an idea is not always easy. This method of parenting or child-rearing is hard on a child who doesn't understand why its not ok to cry when y More...

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Oct 24, 2010

Lois rated it:

This is one non-fiction book that I have read cover to cover, and that is really rare for me. I have been seeking a book that might help me understand my son better and how to help him grow-up to be an emotionally, psychologically healthy man. I finally found a good one, after LOTS of lemons.

This authors of this book are psychologists who bring many years of experience to this topic. They are also talented writers who are able to convey vast amounts of psychological knowledge in More...

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Jun 19, 2010

Alexis rated it:

I think it was good, but not really for me personally. As a high school teacher, then an academic in education and now as a mother of boys, there was nothing in the book particularly "new" to me. My husband (and, may father) are not typically (or, "stereotypically") masculine men in the way the book describes and both are very able to discuss, respond to, and convey emotions. My husband is very active in our children's lives and embraces easily and comfortably roles that have More...

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Apr 25, 2010

Abby rated it:

In today’s society, boys are supposed to be tough. They learn to never show their feelings, and they can be aggressive. Parents find them hard to talk to; friends can be a bad influence. Teachers punish them differently than the girls. All these aspects are part of a growing generation of boys who cannot show the world what they want or how they feel. Teasing and lashing out from peers teaches one boy he can gain power from being hurtful, and teaches another not to be emotional in public. The bo More...

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Mar 19, 2010

Esmeralda rated it:

Kindlon and Thompson are psychologists with over 35 years experience in professional dialogue with boys and young men. Coincidently this book was published April 8, 1999 - 12 days before the Columbine high school violence. American communities need to understand that boys are statistically more violent. It is not testosterone it is social cues, family culture.

The writers daftly explain how biology, cultural mores, and family dynamics create a distinct internal environment for boys. O More...

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Nov 09, 2009

Dup rated it:

When I discovered that I was going to be the father of not just one boy, but two I started to scratch around at the "boys in our culture" books that seem to have become a popular genre in the last ten years. I knew going into that it wasn't just my parenting that I was curious about but if these lens would give me insight into my own childhood and ideas about what composes a "good" man.
The basic argument of the book is that our culture teaches boys to ignore their emotio More...

2 comments like (1 person liked it)

Apr 29, 2009

Roy rated it:

I have three boys, so I bought this book several years ago and it sat around. Recently my school disctrict decided to have an open discussion based on this book, so I decided to read it.

This is a depressing and dangerous book. The authors are psychologists who have worked with boys/men, but I truly believe they lost touch with the fact that their patients were troubled people. The conclusions that are drawn are based on the worst examples, and they offer no suggestions about how t More...

9 comments like (1 person liked it)

Jul 28, 2011

Nathan added it

It's surprising how little we know of boys--even if you were one. This book can fix that.

“If we teach our sons to honor and value their emotional lives, if we can give boys an emotional vocabulary and the encouragement to use it, they will unclench their hearts.” This seems to be the crux of Raising Cain.

I work at a boys’ home. As part of training, I read six youth-help books in one week. After a while, the genre all starts to sound the same, yet Raising Cain stood apart from the rest. It i More...

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Feb 05, 2011

Khaya rated it:

The authors of Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys describe a society our boys are growing up in that is cruel and suppressive, imposing impossible expectations of masculinity. Boys are encouraged to compete ruthlessly, to remain unaware of their inner lives, and to avoid any expression or behavior that smacks of the feminine. Fathers, being emotionally illiterate themselves, are disconnected from their boys; mothers are a bit more involved but at a loss for how to deal with th More...

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Nov 27, 2009

Audrey rated it:

Don't playa-hate -- better educate!

Advocates for better emotional education of boys from a young age. Emotional literacy! I can rally behind that.

Acknowledging that dudes have <gasp!> feelings, the authors suggest ways to help young and teenage boys understand, think about and express their feelings beginning in childhood. I'll probably return to it if I ever find myself a parent. Universal (uni-sex) themes: Acknowledge that feelings can be complex; encourage youn More...

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Mar 12, 2009

Liz rated it:

“What do boys need that they’re not getting?” In a compelling success, Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson effectively tackle the toughest issues facing adolescent boys today: identity, self-expression, and “emotional intelligence.” In their book, the two psychologists candidly discuss the ways in which society has systematically suppressed the emotional needs of boys and compressed masculinity into stereotypical ideals, impossible for any boy to meet. By using specific case studies from their c More...

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May 22, 2009

Heidi rated it:

As a woman raising a son in a 2-mom household, I have found myself very focused on what it means to be a boy in our culture. I consider myself lucky to have a hand in raising a son to be a fine man, while also scared sh*tless about all the ways that it can go wrong. Raising Cain has been an eye-opening read, albeit certainly not a comforting one. This is certainly not a how-to manual (which the authors clearly state in the preface that they don't intend to be), and much more of a why-we-have- More...

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Dec 18, 2008

Sarah rated it:

Speaking as someone with a background in gender studies/anthro, nothing in this book was terribly new, and although some of the generalizations were annoying and simply not true (boys are more easily aroused than girls, eh?), for the most part they managed to stay pretty well planted in the constructionist mindset. I'm not a parent, so it seems funny to recommend it to them, but - I'd definitely recommend it to parents, teachers, or anyone working with boys. I already told my mom to check it out More...

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Sep 25, 2008

Allison rated it:

An interesting look into the testosterone fueled culture that young boys are faced with. I really enjoyed it, not for my children's sake (obviously) but for the sake of the teenage boys that I work with. I had not realized all of the emotional baggage that comes with being tough and a manly.

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Aug 11, 2011

Rachel rated it:

Okay, so I am obsessed with parenting books. (Could be worse, right?) Anyway, I end up reading a lot of books about parenting in general, and a lot of books about parenting girls, but I've never read one about boys. So, maybe it's because this is the first one I've read, but I adored this book. TONS of excellent things to remember when parenting boys. I felt like this was the boy version of "Queen Bees and Wannabes", which I also loved.
A lot of this stuff, especially about m More...

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Jan 14, 2011

Tashina rated it:

Interesting look at the kind of emotional baggage that can develop within a boy when he is pressured to be a manly man. Not necessarily a "to do" book, but a guide to better understanding. A lot of my boy cousins have suffered from depression, drug abuse, alcoholism, and crime, yet the women of my family have all been pretty stable. According to this book, a lot of that can stem from boys not being as emotionally socialized as girls and they do not have the emotional vocabulary to appr More...

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Oct 03, 2009

Salina rated it:

Bottom line
I would recommend this book to anyone wanting to understand their boys better, but if you are looking for specific "Do this..." this is not the book for you

About
This book was written by two psychologists and a journalist and describes some of the how and why boys behave the way they do. It is based on research as well as cases that the psychologists have seen in their practice and covers many points regarding the complex world that boys grow up in. More...

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Apr 13, 2011

Abbey rated it:

A must-read for people who a) have bred or b) plan to breed. This book deconstructs the way gender is perpetuated, creating generation after generation of emotionally illiterate dudes. As an added bonus, it's helped me to understand why mah boyfren' is so completely emotionally illiterate at times (hint: it's not biological).

Unfortunately, the authors' understanding of feminist issues leaves much to be desired. They wholly dismiss "date rape" as two kids getting drunk and th More...

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Feb 27, 2010

Kristi rated it:

I read this book shortly after the birth of my first son and think it should be mandatory reading for every mom who has a son. It's a compelling look at the brains and personalities of boys and has greatly helped me in raising my three sons. One of the most profound messages to me was to never shame or embarrass your son infront of others. That can change them for life. I took notes when I read this book almost ten-years-ago and I still have the notecards in front of me right now! It was th More...

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Feb 05, 2009

Jen rated it:

This book was highly recommended by other parents - one of the two authors lives in Arlington and gives talks sometimes too. They address the "emotional literacy" of boys, and it is good, and helpful. But as is the case with many parenting books, I found it reassuring that we're doing many things right, yet disturbing to be reminded of how cruel and repressed boys/men can be, and the risks lurking out there as my guys become teenagers! Fewer horrifying case histories and more practi More...

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Sep 25, 2008

Valerie rated it:

As a teacher and a parent, I have found this book extremely helpful in understanding boys.

3 comments like (3 people liked it)

Aug 18, 2011

Nyree rated it:

This book really should have been a one to two page magazine article. Yes boys have feelings, yes they should be taught to identify those feelings and be encouraged to talk about them and work through them. That pretty much sums up the entire book. Probably a good book for people who still think boys shouldn't cry but I think most conscientious parents/educators from the last couple of generations already get this. The the content of the book definitely has a place and is needed but it's not a More...

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Nov 12, 2009

Cheri rated it:

Filled with case studies of troubled boys, this book really had me questioning how boys grow up to be anything but emotion suppressing violent drug/alcohol abusers.

The author/psychologists blame a culture of cruelty and parents/caregivers that "toughen up" boys at a young age, teaching them to ignore their emotions. Heavy handed in laying out the "boy problem," they do little to offer solutions to combat this emotional illiteracy.

Read it for the fran More...

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May 06, 2009

Andrea rated it:

Really interesting book about how to raise emotionally literate boys. If you have boys or work with them, I highly recommend this book. The gist (jist?) of the book is that most of the problems boys have stem from the fact that boys aren't socialized like girls are to be emotionally literate, to have an emotional vocabulary. Because of this failure, the book goes through (by chapter) problems that boys have: depression and suicide, drinking and drugs, heartless relations with girls, anger an More...

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Feb 28, 2011

Gloria rated it:

I read this book because I was riveted with the documentary when it aired on PBS. Raising Cain was packed with theories, examples and statistics relating to the behavior and emotional development of boys; it was really interesting. In the end I conclude the good news is my boys are normal and the bad news is my boys are normal and I should not try to "fix" some behaviors, such as their energetic physicality, I am observing. The final chapter was a brief list of how to help them deve More...

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Sep 05, 2009

Ashley rated it:

This is a book for everyone who has boys in their lives to read, underline and annotate, and re-read over and over again. Parents, grandparents, coaches, mentors of any kind will find - within the many vignettes that make up this book - help for how to nurture growing boys' emotional health. The ongoing litany of case studies may seem tedious to some readers, but each offers new glimpses into the intricate prisms of boy's emotional needs. In the few weeks I've slowly read through this, I can More...

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Jul 27, 2009

Anna rated it:

I am enjoying this book a great deal. It is written by two psychologists who work primarily with adolescent boys. These psychologists tend to have a client base that is upper middle class to wealthy, so that influence may be one limiation of the book. Nonetheless, they provide examples and diaglogue from therapy sessions and interactions with "typical" boys... not just children with significant acting out behaviors. As such, the book has broad applicability and a lot of real world va More...

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Jun 16, 2009

Jessica rated it:

It took me a long time to get through this book. I found the first third or so to be emotionally draining; the writers are psychologists who work with adolescent boys and their stories about the difficulties young men endure were sad and upsetting. Not that I thought adolescence was easy for anyone, but I thought my two sons might be spared the cruelties that girls inflict on one another. Apparently not. Once I got through that portion of the book, I found the authors' insight extraordinaril More...

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Jan 22, 2008

Jennifer rated it:

If you have boys (or girls and want to understand boys to help as your daughter grows up) you have to read this book. It's written by two psychologists in the Boston area who have treated adolescent boys for 35 combined years. It's main premise is that we - as a culture and often as parents - systematically mis-educate boys about their emotional life. That is, we are very good at giving girls a vocabulary for their feelings and allowing them, even helping them to learn to appropriately express w More...

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