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Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children
Friends broaden our children’s horizons, share their joys and secrets, and accompany them on their journeys into ever wider worlds. But friends can also gossip and betray, tease and exclude. Children can cause untold suffering, not only for their peers but for parents as well. In this wise and insightful book, psychologist Michael Thompson, Ph.D., and children’s book autho...more
Paperback, 320 pages
Published
July 30th 2002
by Ballantine Books
(first published July 30th 2001)
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I can not tell a lie - I only read one chapter of this book. But it was a 3-star chapter!
If you spent time with me on an everyday basis, you would hear me say one thing over and over, and that is that my students have social issues. Literally every day, at least 3-4 times a day, I hear the following sentence (said in a whiny voice), "Susie doesn't want to be my friend." Or, "Bobby said I can't play with him." I am literally at my wit's end. So, in an attempt to combat my impending insanity, I ch...more
If you spent time with me on an everyday basis, you would hear me say one thing over and over, and that is that my students have social issues. Literally every day, at least 3-4 times a day, I hear the following sentence (said in a whiny voice), "Susie doesn't want to be my friend." Or, "Bobby said I can't play with him." I am literally at my wit's end. So, in an attempt to combat my impending insanity, I ch...more
I really, really, really liked this book. It's interesting, because the authors sort of disagree with "The Nurture Assumption", which was another book I really, really, really liked.
Awesome quote:
"Adults often ask me why children in groups are so cruel. I am always astonished by the question. What about groups of adults? What about the Holocaust? What about the Serbs and Croats? How could neighbors who had lived together for hundreds of years suddenly turn on one another and begin to see each o...more
Awesome quote:
"Adults often ask me why children in groups are so cruel. I am always astonished by the question. What about groups of adults? What about the Holocaust? What about the Serbs and Croats? How could neighbors who had lived together for hundreds of years suddenly turn on one another and begin to see each o...more
This book is great for new parents, teachers, or others working with kids. It provides an outline on social development of children and how they work through on and off again friendships. The authors address how easily it is for parents to get caught up in their child's development and provides strategies to assist their child. They also address characteristics that are typical as well as when to be more concerned.
The overall approach seemed to be that kids get through it and was a broad overvi...more
The overall approach seemed to be that kids get through it and was a broad overvi...more
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I really liked this book. Some of it seems like common sense, and a lot of it's not particularly new if you've ever studied social science, but it was an excellent overview of the problems children face socially, and it was grounded in research on the subject. So many books along these lines seem so flimsy, based mostly on platitudes, but this one seemed quite useful.
Interesting stuff about adolescent relationships. Almost any parent could stand to gain something by checking this out from the library and at very least reading the last chapter (which lists ten things you can do to encourage positive peer relationships for your child).
A decent parenting book with some solid observations and ideas about helping your child navigate the social ups and downs of school. It's about 10 years old, but since bullying still seems to be a huge issue in schools, still worth a read.
This was required summer reading for my job, and I think it offered a lot of valuable information. The problem, I think, is that I'm reading it from a teacher's perspective and it seems to be more aimed at parents--I think it would work better for parents. To get the most out of it, you really need to read it with a specific child in mind, and as a teacher I know so many children that I couldn't focus on just one. The result was that I focused on myself as a child, which is one of the things the...more
New information on bullies and group dynamics. I find it fasinating...none of us are immune to it.
I wish it spoke more of the problem about what it your kid brings home friends that turn out to be problamatic to your kid or your family. However, I did learn a lot. One thing is that a friendship should be equitable. When it is unbalanced on either side, then that usually spells trouble.
I wish it spoke more of the problem about what it your kid brings home friends that turn out to be problamatic to your kid or your family. However, I did learn a lot. One thing is that a friendship should be equitable. When it is unbalanced on either side, then that usually spells trouble.
more for parents...but still interesting ideas about social behavior...
Acalanes was clearly analyzed in many chapters with its theories about cliques and peer pressure...not that I ever peer pressured anyone. :)
Acalanes was clearly analyzed in many chapters with its theories about cliques and peer pressure...not that I ever peer pressured anyone. :)
I expected more from this book---I really like Michael Thompson, but this seemed to ordinary to me... Maybe it is from a lifetime of teaching kids, but I felt like he gave me no new insight. Still, it was an okay book for it's purpose.
Great book for anyone who has children in their lives (sons, daughters, grandkids, etc.). The social lives of children is very insightful for adults. I would especially recommend this to anyone who might have concerns about their child's friends or peer groups.
I really enjoyed this one, because teachers and parents see these confusing social behaviors EVERYDAY, and the explanation of them is so interesting.
Understanding the social lives of children and removing ourselves from trying to control it....
Really interesting read on group dynamics and friendships.
great insight into children's social lives.
Not as good as I had hoped, and very broad- covering from early childhood through adolescence. I don't think that is helpful to parents who are seeing their kids struggle socially right now. But, still good general info.
This is an interesting book about group dynamics and the sociology of children. It might be useful if a self-help-type book on this subject was written FOR pre-teens and teenagers, since most of their social issues arise during that age. It would be a book they ought to read, but probably not one that they would, I suppose. This book isn't written for that age group, though I think there are some points that would be useful to know at that age.
Before you send your child to school, please read this book. I wish my parents had read it. It helped me come to terms with and understand a little bit better the cruelty I experienced and sometimes participated in during elementary school. It is not only informative about many aspects of children's social worlds and group dynamics, but also provides helpful suggestions of things you can do to help your child navigate that difficult landscape.
This is an important book. Anyone desiring a better understanding of children and human behavior in general would be well off to read this. One of the best parts of the book is a age/stage identification of a picture in time of what friendships look like at each age. Thompson also gives good solid advice with what happens when...scenarios. The last chapters on what schools can do and what parents can do are also very good.
A very insightful look into our children's friendships.
I am reading this for my return to the classroom in a couple weeks. Quite poignant and brings you back to that cruelty that children can possess....but also helps you find that place to step in as the wise survivor, the adult. A must-read for teachers and parents.
Nov 11, 2012
Suzanne Koebler
added it
Good things to think about as the parent of a 3rd grader.. or even earlier. The hard lesson was that you have to help your kid survive the ups and downs of social life without trying to change things or make it easier.
I thought this was very informative, but I so wish that he had more suggestions for parents. Lots of schools, but not so much for the mamas and the daddies.
Good practical advice and insight...
We've selected this book for use in our teacher-parent book discussion group.
I appreciated some of the concepts but, not having gone to school for this subject, I found it a bit too technical and dry.
I read this book for a school course but recently took it out to flip through again just for some general info. Not bad.
Oct 09, 2009
Frannie
added it
Recommended by several friends. Looking forward to delving into it.
Another really fascinating book about children's behaviors.
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