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The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child
Paperback, 231 pages
Published
April 1st 1993
by Nancy Verrier
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I read this in '93 when I was searching for my birth family. Found them but was too late to meet my birth mother. Later identified my birth father, who was different than my legal father at the time, and know my half-sister who doesn't acknowledge me as such. There is always a tangled story when it comes to birth and adoption...I was blessed to be adoped to the wonderful parents that raised me...(-:
Looking at this over ten years later, I realize there were many things about myself that I couldn'...more
Looking at this over ten years later, I realize there were many things about myself that I couldn'...more
This was a fascinating book. As an adopted person, it illuminated a lot of the feelings and issues I have had for years but never had a name for. It made me realize that it's healthy to have anger and sadness related to the loss of my birthmom, whereas before I thought I should just be grateful to have ended up with the family I got.
It also brings into question adoption as an institution and how our society might rethink it. The author makes the point (and backs it up with evidence) that taking...more
It also brings into question adoption as an institution and how our society might rethink it. The author makes the point (and backs it up with evidence) that taking...more
May 20, 2007
Missy
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Anyone/everyone who was adopted.
Shelves:
non-fiction
This book shed so much light on certain issues of adopted children, and helped me understand myself better. Whether or not they can access them, adoptees have feelings about being adopted, and this book clearly lays out the biology/psychology behind it all, and how to deal. I wish I had found this book during adolescence.
This can be a very important book for adoptees, adoptive parents and birth parents but while some traits do in fact effect almost every adoptee, I found that many did not apply to our daughter who is now 24.
When we first received our daughter, she screamed and cried all night long.....too many faces, people, passed around from foster mother, lawyer, adoption center with no birthmother and familiar comfort to be found. This quickly passed.
In spite of being an outgoing, joyful, and exuberant ch...more
When we first received our daughter, she screamed and cried all night long.....too many faces, people, passed around from foster mother, lawyer, adoption center with no birthmother and familiar comfort to be found. This quickly passed.
In spite of being an outgoing, joyful, and exuberant ch...more
The thing about being adopted is that even if you are "well-adjusted" and have been told since you were an infant that you were "lucky to have the family you have," you still feel like an alien.
The problem with being well adjusted and lucky - is that you feel guilty for feeling like an alien. And there are few (if any) people who understand the pain and frustration you've been carrying around in your head and heart.
That's not to say that other people are unloving or mean, or that you're whole li...more
The problem with being well adjusted and lucky - is that you feel guilty for feeling like an alien. And there are few (if any) people who understand the pain and frustration you've been carrying around in your head and heart.
That's not to say that other people are unloving or mean, or that you're whole li...more
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Sep 15, 2007
Reena
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
any adoptee who struggles (or has struggled) with feelings of grief/loss/rage
more about myself than i wanted to know...j/k :) this book was powerful because it validated and put words to feelings i have always had but never been able to fully express.
As both a birth mother and an adoptive mother, I found this book emotionally wrenching. Reading it did make me feel less alone, however, as it helped me to understand that the behaviors and personality quirks with which my now-adult adopted son has struggled are common in adopted children. I just wish I had known enough to read this when he was a confused, adopted teen-ager. I highly recommend this book to any adoptive parent. And to professionals -- such as psychotherapists, guidance counsellor...more
The best book about adoption that I have read.
This book breaks my heart for my son. It makes me see him differently and hopefully approach him differently. Approach-changing does not adequately describe what this book does for a parent like me. That said, I think it may lean a little too much toward adoptees without taking into account the true heart of the adoptive parent. I have not yet finished the book, so there may still be room for my heart as an adoptive mother in there.
If you need a clear understanding of adoption and the issues that adoption raises for the adoptee this is the book to read. I found this book to be incredibly knowledgeable in the first 10 pages and didn't stop until the last page. It also helps explain so many issues that arise in the adoptees life. A must read for adoptee's, birth families and adopted families.
This book was suggested as a read by a friend several years ago and I was very intrigued by the perceptions given from each party - the mother giving up her child, the adoptee and the adopting parents. I have thought of the book many times since reading it and have ordered the book for my own library and intend to read it again.
So you wouldn't read this book unless you were adopting, but since I made it through you get the review! I gave it 3 stars, one for each ah-ha moment I had while reading. The author is a bit wacky in my opinion, but she pointed out things from an adoptees perspective that parents wouldn't think of but are valuable to know.
A highly enlightening, partly devastating look into the minds of adopted children. I highly recommend this book if you know someone who is adopted and can't seem to figure out why they act the way they do sometimes. I also recommend it for adopted children but please be sure to have someone you can talk to.
A book that was introduced to us when it first was published helped us recognize and deal with the special needs of an adopted child vs the needs of our non-adopted children. A big thank you to Nancy for her insights and suggestions that resulted in a successful outcome.
I think this book is essential reading for parents who want to adopt or for those who have. Or even for others with children...to understand the role abandonment and loss plays in the life of children and how we as parents can help through love and understanding.
This is an insightful and intense book for an adoptee wanting to understand him or herself. Also good for those that love an adoptee to help you understand some of the "issues" that arise for some adoptees.
I think that every adopted child should read this book. Even when you feel like you've "worked through it all" there are things that linger you never knew stemmed from your initial Primal Wound.
read this at a time when I was going through another journey of finding myself. Extremely helpful and insightful (for me, as an adoptee). For some, it might be controversial...
As an adoptee, this was such an eye opener for me and explained so much of my behaviour that I'd never considered adoption-related.
Every adoptee should read this at least once.
Every adoptee should read this at least once.
1 like · like · see review
There need to be more books and just(culture) in general, movies, groups, literature regarding the dark underside of adoption. Adoption is not the absolutely most wonderfully incredible experience for the many silenced voices on the "wrong side" of adoption--those NOT making any money from it, nor profiteering from its transaction of business and heartless bureaucracy--those who frequently regard and consider it as a rather gigantic bane. Fun fact: a large majority of birth mothers reclaim their...more
A must read for any adoptee, adoptive parent or anyone dating an adoptee!!! So excited to have the author give a live webinar presentation next month for MN ADOPT/MARN.
Sep 07, 2011
Cindy
rated it
4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Adoptive families
Recommended to Cindy by:
Dolores Bauman
Shelves:
adoption
This book is very helpful in understanding the adopted child, and children who experienced significant seperation from mother immediately after birth (due to illness, death, or other trauma). The author has first-hand experience as well as numerous interviews with adoptees and their families.
I couldn't finish this book because it was so depressing.
i only read part of this. didn't seem like it applied.
What every adoptee should read. Excellent.
Apr 19, 2010
Lisa Laba
is currently reading it
quite interesting
Apr 18, 2008
Susandhra
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Adoptees, adoptive parents and parents hoping to adopt
A must-read for any adopted kid or parent of an adopted kid. It explains many reasons that adopted kids do some of the things they do. And it can help both the adoptee and the adopter understand why their parent/child relationship is so different from those who were raised by their biological families. This book was by far one of the best books I've ever read.
Very interesting theory on something I always wondered about--why adopted kids, even those adopted as newborns right from the hospital, have such struggles.
the most difficult book i'll never finish. it's also another book i tend to give away a lot, mostly so i won't feel guilty for not getting past page 33.
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