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Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom

3.71 of 5 stars 3.71  ·  rating details  ·  2,939 ratings  ·  395 reviews
Celia Rivenbark's essays about life in today's South are like caramel popcorn - sweet, salty, and utterly irresistible. Celia Rivenbark is a master at summing up the South in all its glorious excesses and contradictions.
In this collection of screamingly funny essays you'll discover: How to get your kid into a character breakfast at Disneyworld (or run the risk of eating c
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Kindle Edition, 284 pages
Published (first published January 1st 2006)
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(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Diny
Warning: if you're into bashing fake people like the writer and I. I snickered a lot when reading this book. How I 'feel' for Celia's frustation seeing motherm dressing their six-year-old daughters like a skank. How I 'root' for her taking on the super perfect moms who know the details on successfully going to Disneyland. How I was laughing in tears when she tackle the my-child-is-an-allstater moms and just plainfully being a slacker mom (instead of soccer mom). Celia is hilariously funny, I mus ...more
Nicole
Aug 15, 2007 Nicole rated it 1 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Moms who think they are really sassy but are actually just like other moms
Rivenbark calls herself a "Slacker Mom" for not taking her child to Disney World until after all the other moms had taken their kids. Woah, lady, you are soooo bad!

This book is overly precious, even for chick lit. The author spends a lot of time patting herself on the back for "telling it like it is."

All in all, it was just cute; I didn't expect it to be a great work of literature, but I had hoped it might be wittier.

It gets an extra star because the titular chapter is funny. But loses it again
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Lindsey
Meh. The funniest thing about the book for me was the sensationalistic title. It was quippy, the author was lippy. Yippy skippy. Bleh.
Kristin
I LOVED this book. Rarely do I read a book where I am laughing out loud...not once...not twice...not three times....not four, not five, not six etc. You get the picture. In every single chapter there was something, usually lots of somethings, that had me laughing out loud and looking around for someone to share it with. This book is a quick read and written "blog style" for lack of a better word. Each chapter is short and hilarious. Celia Rivenbark is a humor columnist in North Carolina and I fe ...more
Monet
Rivenbark says out loud what we're all thinking but don't have the cajones to say. Some of the funniest stories I've ever read, all told with that sweet Southern girl style.
Cindy
I love Celia Rivenbark! She always gets me rolling. This book of short essays focus on different aspects of Southern life - kids, husbands, celebrities, and other rites of Southern culture. The essay on obituaries was spot-on! Not to mention the visitation to the hospital. Lawd, I do know a few of these folks. And then there's her views on the food icons of the South, most specifically KK's - "Krispy Kreme doughnuts are the finest things on God's green earth." To which the proper response is a s ...more
Tiffany
Rivenbark's tone was meant to be sardonic and honest-to-a-fault, but often comes across as bitter and overly defensive. She is funny, there is no doubt that her voice has a strong, Southern twang that leaps out of the words, but she focuses so much on what she is not (A Supermom, hip, into documentaries, young) that the negativity becomes very tiring.
There is a definite niche for these kinds of writings, and a need for it but Rivenbark's writing has become dated in just five years since publi
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treehugger
May 23, 2008 treehugger rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: people who like to laugh, north carolinians especially
Headed to the outer banks and hoping this will prove to be the quintessential rainy beach read, as the weather doesn't seem to want to cooperate with our vacation plans!!

Well, this book was exactly what I wanted - a fun read with plenty o' good ole southern humor. I think it's funny that she lives near me, in one of the largest (and yankee-saturated) metropolitan hubs south of the Mason-Dixon line, and still talks about how she lives in the 'deep south'. Probably my only gripe with this book!

Fun
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Tenara
Jul 12, 2008 Tenara rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone with a sense of humor.
I want to meet Celia Rivenbark. I don't know how hysterical she is in person, but on paper, she had me cracking up. Her book is basically sectioned off ramblings about what she finds amazing or what she finds 'most unfortunate', as she says often. Actually, 'most unfortunate' is apparently the best way to describe something awful in the south. There will be a lot of southern witticism and lingo hidden throughout the pages of the book, but it only adds to the comedy. My particular favorite senten ...more
Kate Elizabeth
if i could give negative stars this book would receive -4.
against my better judgment i purchased this book out of the bargain section at B&N. in my defense i needed something to read during lunch, i figured it had to be at least worth the $3 i paid for it.
this woman has very few funny observations to make and unfortunately when something is genuinely funny her horrid writing style makes this book unbearable.
Donisha
I really tried to like this book. It's has the work Skank in the title, that right there is a winner for me! I was so deflated after the first chapter. I just couldn't relate. It was like she was stating the obvious throughout the whole book and she kept saying the same things over and over again but masking it with witty humor. Sorry Celia but it wasn't for me.
Ciara
honestly, i think the middling score on this one is my fault. i just read too many of these "humorous essays"-style books & they all blend together. celia rivenbark is funnier/more talented than some authors i have read, but there's just not a whole lot that distinguishes one author from another in terms of subject matter. celia's got the whole "southern lady" thing going on, but i don't know that that was enough for me. also, full disclosure: i read this two days before we packed up & t ...more
My Two
Apr 28, 2008 My Two rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: any mom new or seasoned
This is by far the funniest book I've ever read and would suggest it to any mother! A great read when you are TOO BUSY for a novel, you can pick it up and put it down when you need to. The chapter titles alone will leave you rolling on the floor! Loved her other book too, Were Just Like You Only Prettier! Southern Female Humor Rocks!
Barb
God bless southern women and their sugar-coated insults. I laughed along as Rivenbark vivisected her neighbors and family with their small-town foibles and foolishness. We all act like idiots sometimes, Rivenbark just has the charm and guts to point it out to us without being obnoxious.
Kelsey
Apr 30, 2009 Kelsey rated it 1 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Nobody.
Shelves: humor
I really wanted to like this book. I wanted something similar to Laurie Notaro, because her books are fabulously hilarious, but this one just didn't measure up. I just found myself rolling my eyes instead of laughing. Not good.
Tarrastarr
i had high expectations for this book but early on i was very dissapointed. she went from sassy, to repetitive to downright insulting by the end of the book. i wouldnt recommend this to anyone. booooo...
Lauren
It kind of was a disappointment. A some of it is somewhat outdated, though still, I guess, relevant. But the best part of it is the title, and you can read that part in the bookstore.
Sheli
This book was hysterical and refreshing...I was happy to know that I have a similar laid-back view of child-rearing...I count to three:). Thanks, Sareena!
Misty
Forced myself through all but the last 15 pages. Not funny, not witty. Something I could have written, and I am an awful writer.
Jessica
quick read, chocked full of sarcasm, truths, and hilarious observations. ....looking forward to reading her other books.
Dodi
Don't waste your money. This should have been hilarious... and it was such a disappointment.
Sarah
Not really that funny at all. I was expecting it to be a lot more entertaining than it was.
Paula
I enjoyed this book - I liked the author's sense of humor and writing style (and I loved the title). It is a collection of the author's columns circa 2006, heavy on references to mommyhood and southern culture. But, because it is a collection of columns from 2005-2006, it's heavy on topical references from that time; Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Hilary Duff, Paris Whats-her-name and her friend, Nicole something. Unfortunately, the topical references don't always wear well. I mean, I still get ...more
Julie Jones
She just wasn't very funny. It was more negative Nancy than amusing.
Stacy
The author is a newspaper columnist and this book was released in 2006, so the references are about 5 years old.

Here are a few excerpts to show how hilarious this book was:

"I get it. Now that my kid is practically of child-bearing age (is six the new seventeen?) I must choose from ripped-on-purpose jeans and T-shirts that scream things like "Baby Doll" and "Jail Bait", not to mention a rather angry "Girls Rule and Boys Drool!" where an embroidered flower with buzzing bee should be.

When did this
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LaDonna
A funny, fun quick read - it was absolutely perfect for my day spent at the hospital for tests; not hard to put down and pick back up. Though being a Missouri girl it can be debated whether or not I can truly call myself southern, I've always been more a belle than a yank. Other reviews call the author out on some of the material being dated, but I had no problem with this (first of all, if you looked at the publishing date, I don't know what else you could expect.) I actually found these little ...more
MissSusie
I love love love this woman’s books her humor is so good! She just tells it like it is in the chapter for the title of this book she writes about when her daughter grows up from 4-6x to size 7-16

"There must be some mistake," I said. "These are, well, slutty-looking. I'm talking clothes for a little girl in first grade."

"Thats all we got."

"But these look like things a hooker would wear!"

She smiled sadly. "You have no idea how many times I hear that every day."


I enjoy the way she sees life and ag
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Jenn
Jun 19, 2008 Jenn rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Moms everywhere
It's not often I find myself laughing out loud while perusing the first few pages of a book while standing in the store, trying to decide if I want to read it or not.

I found myself laughing out loud at several points over the two night it took me to read the whole thing. It's not a big book and it's not "classical literature" by any stretch of the imagination. But it's worth the read.

It's for all the moms who have experienced the road most traveled... from the four-wheeler trail that runs alongs
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Amanda
I first saw this book while working at a book-store a couple of years ago. I was interested in it just because the title reminds me of discussions my husband and I have had over the state of girls' clothing. I have no children, but have a teenage niece I used to shop for. Upon seeing the selection of clothes for her age group, my husband was disgusted and he wanted to ask basically the same thing Celia did, "excuse me, where are the clothes that WON'T make my daughter look like a skank/hoochie/h ...more
Rachel Anne
This book was so hilarious and easy to relate to! Especially for a Southerner or someone who's been exposed to Southerners for a while. I think it should be considered mandatory for all people moving to the Southern USofA, to read a copy.

I picked it up because of the title. I can remember, in perfect detail, being one of the few kids who didn't have shirts that said things like "easy" or rude-Happy-Bunny crap on the front. I can remember thinking I was never going to get a shirt that dipped low
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Celia Rivenbark was born and raised in Duplin County, NC, which had the distinction of being the nation's number 1 producer of hogs and turkeys during a brief, magical moment in the early 1980s.
Celia grew up in a small house in the country with a red barn out back that was populated by a couple of dozen lanky and unvaccinated cats. Her grandparents' house, just across the ditch, had the first ind
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More about Celia Rivenbark...
We're Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle Bless Your Heart, Tramp: And Other Southern Endearments You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl: Observations on Life from the Shallow End of the Pool

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“Okay, let's see if I got this straight. The butt is the new breast, and the lower back is the new ankle. Now if only we could figure out where the brain has moved.” 18 likes
“Carbohydrates from the Latin, carbo which means "yummy" and hydrates which means "cinnamon bun," are not something I can eliminate or even drastically cut back on.” 17 likes
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