His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
by Willard F. Harley Jr.
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other reviews (showing 1-20 of 319)
Read in January, 1999
recommends it for:
Any married couple, but especially those in need of help.
This book the cornerstone of my marriage. My husband and I read it early on and I really feel that it was the secret to our success and smooth sailing through the rough patches and growing pains we faced in our first few years. It helps couples put their fingers on their own needs and the needs of their spouses, and gives you a common language and understanding to draw from, which vastly improves your ability to communicate about these important issues.
The sub-text of the title of this book ...more
The sub-text of the title of this book ...more
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Read in June, 2008
recommended to Joy by:
Nancy Jonesrecommends it for: anyone wondering about marriage
I got a lot of ribbing from my coworkers about reading this mostly because the secondary title is "Building an Affair-Proof Marriage."
After reading this I truly understand why a marriage is so sacred and why couples happily married for decades always include in their testimonies that it "took work," "there were ups and downs," right alongside all the wonderful stuff. I also appreciate even more deeply what a commitment it is and why my relationship to my husban...more
After reading this I truly understand why a marriage is so sacred and why couples happily married for decades always include in their testimonies that it "took work," "there were ups and downs," right alongside all the wonderful stuff. I also appreciate even more deeply what a commitment it is and why my relationship to my husban...more
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Read in January, 1997
recommends it for:
people in relationships, or who want to be, and want to be succesful at it
This is the best book on marriage, and making a marriage work, and work well, that I have ever read. It's a little bit Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, but so much better. Willard Harley points out the common fundamental differences between mens' and womens' needs and talks about how ignorance of these needs can lead to your partner finding someone, intentionally or not, who CAN fill the unfilled need(s). it's might seem like a scare tactic--the subtitle IS How to Affair-Proof your Mar...more
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Read in January, 2007
I read this book several years ago thinking that it was a bunch of hogwash. I re-read it just last year, and like the saying goes, "The teacher appears when the student is ready."
I think this book is a must read for couples, or actually anyone ever wanting to be in a relationship. It completely changed my perspective on how to operate within a relationship and spurred thoughts and ideas that I in no way would have come up with on my own. Although this book can be superflous, it...more
I think this book is a must read for couples, or actually anyone ever wanting to be in a relationship. It completely changed my perspective on how to operate within a relationship and spurred thoughts and ideas that I in no way would have come up with on my own. Although this book can be superflous, it...more
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Has a copy to sell/swap
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Read in May, 2007
recommends it for:
anyone considering a marriage or already in one
The author's blunt writing style is refreshing within the relationship-enhancing genre. He's a counselor fed up with people not able to make their marriages work, and he provides countless examples of what will happen if a partner's needs are not met. Chapters include the top 5 needs for men and women, toggling between the sexes. Though I don't agree with all 5 of the top women's needs, I did gain a better understanding of the other sex and what to watch for in my next relationship.
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I've read this several times and taught Sunday School lessons from it. I believe a lot of what this book says is true. I will have to say that the book misses the point in not saying how Jesus Christ can fulfill all your needs, but there are bookshelves full of those books at your local Christian bookstore. However, it is a very insightful book on answering the "how" of an adulterous relationship. If you're looking for how could someone have an affair, this is a good read.
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Read in January, 2002
recommends it for:
everyone
Awesome book! If you're interested in enhancing the relationship between you and your spouse, this book is among the top to read. It states, quite simply but also intelligently, man's needs and woman's needs and how we can go about meeting them in more productive, efficient, and endearing ways. Of course, this is all assuming that you're married to someone you love, want to stay married to them, and are committed to cultivating your relationship.
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Read in March, 2008
I had a hard time with this book. I began reading it at the beginning of my pregnancy and didn't finish it until a few days before I delivered. In the beginning this book really rubbed me the wrong way (maybe it was the hormones), and I never did get over those initial feelings. There were a lot of good ideas presented, but I think there are better books out there to spend your time reading to try to improve your marriage or relationship.
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Read in January, 2006
recommends it for:
anyone who is married or thinking about it!
I read this book as a part of a premarital counseling class with my church. It's a good thing, considering the guy and I never made it to the altar! This book talks about the different needs men and women have and how you should go about meeting them. The one downer is that every chapter gives an example of how an affair occured when one of the spouse's needs was not met. Kinda depressing! But a good reality check.
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Read in June, 2008
If you can get past the cheesy "love bank" metaphor, this is a pretty useful book. So many marriage books focus on being the perfect spouse regardless of what you get in return, and while it's true that marriage means unconditional love, it was refreshing to hear that men and women each have important needs and there ARE consequences of some sort when those needs aren't met. It's an honest book. I liked that.
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Read in July, 2004
recommends it for:
all married couples or those in longterm relationships
Some friends bought Andy and I this book when we got married. We had already read a couple of marriage/couples self-help books and they were kind of lacking. However, this book was extremely helpful in showing each of us how different we are and what each of us is looking for in a relationship that the other might not have thought of. I now buy this book for all of our friends who get married.
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Read in July, 2002
recommended to Amy by:
My sister-in-lawrecommends it for: Any married couple, good or bad marriage.
I'm not giving this a 4 because it is a great book. I'm giving it a 4 because I loved the work sheet/questionnaire at the end of the book. I've read it once with my husband and we've gone through the questionnaire twice because it helps us get back in touch with each other. It is my favorite marital relations book. If you truly want to make your spouse happy, this is a must-read.
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Read in January, 1995
This was probably the first 'marriage self-help' book I ever read and even though an affair is waaaay down the list of what I worry about in my relationship, a friend recommended this for any couple. I think it helped me really get off to a good start and think about what my husband needed from me. In the years since then I have considered the points it made on many occasions.
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If you can get past the steryotypes, this is an awesome book. My husband and I read it before we got married. It definitely helped us see our marriage in a little different light. The golden rule is to treat others the way that you want to be treated, but this book helps you impliment the platinum rule which is treat others the way they would like to be treated.
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Read in March, 2008
Very informative book. I only gave it 3 stars because it reads like a textbook, so it's a bit hard to get into and stay with. I read it after reading The 5 Love Languages, which was an awesome book and written in a more informal style. But overall, this book is worth reading and give good advice and to-dos to keep your marriage strong and healthy.
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This was a great book. I laughed in many parts, shared sections with my husband, and we even gave each other the test. Wasn't a big shocker for me, but I think it made my husband think about things. It was dated, in terms of the wife being at home and husband being bread-winner, but still had MANY valid points.
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Read in August, 2007
recommends it for:
Couples, or someone thinking they are ready to be a couple
This is a book that I learned about from a marriage counselor when I used to work at a Psychiatric Hospital. He was an employee, not a patient, so i took his advice. I really really liked it, and it made me look at things differently. I plan on re-reading it often to help myself be a good partner.
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Okay, so this is where my influence as a therapist comes in. I have to do couples therapy occasionally, but mostly 99.9% of my clients need counseling related to relationship issues. This book is my #1 pick. It makes sense to me, and to the wide variety I work with. Love it.
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Read in January, 2006
This is another one that was revolutionary to me. Even though my husband and I were not having marital problems when I read it, I think our relationship has improved since I read it because now I understand both of us better. Every married person should read this book!
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EXCELLENT!! Basic principals in understanding your mate and their needs. It also helps identify your own needs. This is crucial because it allows you to ask for more of what you need and desire in your relationship. Hareley writes in a very clear, easy to read style.
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