I don't remember how this book ended up on my "to read" list, but it was less than I expected. A bit dated, very stereotypical in the gender views, and kind of unrealistic in many of the recommendations. There were some good take-home messages: you can't expect your marriage to be happy if all of the happy/fun/best times you have are apart from your spouse, so you need to find activities you enjoy doing together and you need to spend sufficient time together. Also, to stay in love and wanting to More...

I thought people might have been exaggerating when they claimed this was the best marriage book they'd ever read, but this book was really something. The author's insights are fantastic - for married, divorced, and single people alike. I thought of about five people I'd like to lend it to. I think everyone could benefit from reading it. The appendices were also very helpful.

If you plan on reading this book, start now! I put it off for a couple years because I have SO many books on my shelf, but More...

This book the cornerstone of my marriage. My husband and I read it early on and I really feel that it was the secret to our success and smooth sailing through the rough patches and growing pains we faced in our first few years. It helps couples put their fingers on their own needs and the needs of their spouses, and gives you a common language and understanding to draw from, which vastly improves your ability to communicate about these important issues.
The sub-text of the title of this book is " More...

This is the best book on marriage, and making a marriage work, and work well, that I have ever read. It's a little bit Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, but so much better. Willard Harley points out the common fundamental differences between mens' and womens' needs and talks about how ignorance of these needs can lead to your partner finding someone, intentionally or not, who CAN fill the unfilled need(s). it's might seem like a scare tactic--the subtitle IS How to Affair-Proof your Marri More...

brilliant book. Will be buying this one to read every christmas break. It's a great way to start a fresh year and I would do well to be reminded of the concepts in here frequently.

This was one of those books that got an all-over-the-place reaction from me. Aspects of it matched up so perfectly with my own experience that I thought "this guy really knows what he's talking about". Overall, though, I was a little turned off by his insistence that all couples would achieve relationship perfection by--and only by--following certain strict rules (his insistence that couples only participate in leisure activities that they both enjoy, so as to be each other's primary leisure com More...

This book had great insight into husband's and wives separate needs and how fulfilling those needs makes a great marriage. I typically agreed with what he said are the top needs for husbands and the top needs for wives.

However, the way the author presented this idea wasn't the best for me. I'm sure for other people, it will be a great presentation, but for me he focused too much on affairs. His premise was that if spouses aren't meeting all of each other's needs, then the other is going to run o More...

I read this book after a friend, who had been married 20 years, recommended it.

It is written mostly from a Christian point of view. Basically the author believes that there are five primary needs for each gender and if a person in the marriage isnt getting these needs met, the chances that an outside love affair may develop greatly increase.

I thought it was interesting that the number one need of men (according to the book) was sex. This was closely followed by having a recreational companion a More...

I liked the overall point this book made. Everyone has emotional needs, and we should try to meet the needs of our spouse.

The problem I have with this book is that I felt the author justifies (especially men) going and having an affair because their needs were not being met. He makes no exceptions for sicknesses, going back to school, or just hard times. I felt he was especially hard on women saying they need to look just like their husbands want (hair style, perfect makeup, ideal weight, clothi More...

Although the author purports to be Christian, I have a hard time taking that seriously given the content of the book.

To be fair, I believe the needs tests for spouses included in the book are of value.

Harley takes a very shallow, worldly approach to marriage. In my opinion, he does not show any evidence of writing from a Christian perspective. He seems to almost condone adultery, if the innocent spouse wasn't meeting the "needs" of the guilty party. Similarly, he appears to place blame which sho More...

The author's blunt writing style is refreshing within the relationship-enhancing genre. He's a counselor fed up with people not able to make their marriages work, and he provides countless examples of what will happen if a partner's needs are not met. Chapters include the top 5 needs for men and women, toggling between the sexes. Though I don't agree with all 5 of the top women's needs, I did gain a better understanding of the other sex and what to watch for in my next relationship.

I changed this from 3 stars to 2 stars after thinking about it overnight. First of all, this book is obviously written by a man! Someone who has never given birth or stayed at home full time with babies/toddlers/preschoolers.

Secondly, the book definitely uses fear and negativity throughout the chapters. I understand that probably every family that deals with a cheating spouse never thought it would happen to them, but I don't think that it is as common as the author makes it out to be, and even More...

I've been through two marriages and am currently (and very happily) on my third. My first two wives were involved in multiple transgressions that devastated me. I mean, really, really devastated me. It took me thirty years and reading this book to forgive them and to realize that their actions were somewhat predictable and not all their fault. I knew that I was not a perfect husband "what 20 something husband is"? I now know that it wasn't that I was imperfect or that they were; we were woefully More...

Bunch of bunk. Don't waste your time. If a spouse is a cheater, they are a cheater. If they are not a cheater, it doesn't matter what the other spouse does or does not do, they won't cheat. This books tries to make people feel guilty if they have a cheating spouse, like they could have done something better/different to prevent it. Take a page from the newspaper...Arnold, Tiger, Brad Pitt, Weiner...all cheated on beautiful, talented, intelligent wives.

كتاب بسيط و أساسي في كيفية الوصول إلى زواج سعيد
الفكرة هي ببساطة ان لكل زوج و زوجة له/لها حاجات وجدانية مختلفة
بشكل عام يتطرق الكتاب إلى اهم خمس حاجات عند الزوج و الزوجة
اذا لُبية هذه الحاجات يعيش الرجل و المرأة في سعادة
حاجات الرجل :
١- الجنس
٣-الترفيه، ان تكون زوجته افضل صاحب ترفيهي يستمتع معها في ممارسة الأشياء الترفيهية معا
٣- الجمال الخارجي، بحيث تهتم المرأة بظاهرها
٤- الدعم الأسري او المنزلي، ان تجعل المنزل للزوج مكانه الآمن
٥- الإعجاب و الفخر ، ان تبدي الزوجة إعجابها و فخرها بزوجها دائماً

حاجات More...

The first chapter or two is spent explaining the theory of this book: that there are 10 basic needs in a marriage relationship, and the five most important to the typical man are completely different than the five most important to the typical woman. All problems in a marriage, including affairs, result from these needs not being met. The rest of the book goes into detail about each need, why it is important to either the man or the woman and practical ways to train oneself to satisfy that need. More...

I have mixed feelings about this book. I wish that I had been given this book before I got married. It is so helpful in explaining the different needs of men and women. I agreed with most of what the author said. I didn't rate it higher though because there are just a few statements that he makes that I strongly disagree with. Such as that a stay at home mom should be able to have all of her household duties done before her husband comes home. I know from experience that that is not always possi More...

I read this at the behest of our counselor, who wanted us to read it to discuss for our marital counseling (no problems, it's of the 'how to stay in love forever' variety).

Advice books aren't really the kind of thing I normally go for. That said, this wasn't that bad. It's full of the kind of casual sexism books like this generally are, but it's not anywhere near as bad as Letters to Phillip was, and the author does make sure to say every once in awhile that these are 'average men or women, not More...

Taylor and I read this book not because we have a rocky marriage but because we have an excellent marriage that we wanted to make even better. This book does have some very great advice for creating a better marriage by better fulfilling each other's needs. Taylor and I have tried to implement some of the things we've read about, and it has been fun. For example, it helped me have a better attitude about housework to think of it not just as a chore but as a way of fulfilling Taylor's needs and s More...

This book certainly has some truth in it. While I don't really feel like I gained any new knowledge from reading it, it was somewhat validating to see some of this in print. However, as an educated person, who is trying to be open-minded, I am somewhat offended by the notion (in chapter 4)that sexual fulfillment is THE #1 most important thing in a relationship for a man. It's very difficult for me to even attempt to see that need (while very important) on the same level as most of the other area More...

I love reading marriage and self-improvement books, so when my mom mentioned something to me about this I got it for myself and read it this week. While I really liked some of his points and it definitely made me think about some important principles of marriage, I didn't find this book necessarily unique or amazing or "the best marriage book ever written" (as he called it in the forward). I felt like a lot of the key points were similar things to both "Real Love in Marriage" by Greg Bhaer (my a More...

I borrowed this book from the library and it is going on my "to purchase" list. It is a great book. The "love bank" concept that Harley delves into isn't a principle that is new to me and yet it felt fresh the way he describes it. I appreciated the case histories Harley uses and the insights he shares. I wish I would have known about this book when I was first married, it would have prevented a lot of trial-and-error experiences.

Harley starts off by telling the reader that there are ten basic e More...

Because I read the Spanish version of this book, here it goes:

El libro es excelente y lo recomiendo muchisimo. Abre los ojos a cosas que uno da por sentado y otras que ni se imagian. Puso en palabras las cosas que quiero en una relación y no sabía describir.

Ni que decir, todo el mundo es diferente y quiere cosas diferentes pero luego de tantas terapias como el doctor ha dado, se puede decir que 'la mayoria' de los hombres y las mujeres quieres esto y aquello, como se indica en el libro. Tener u More...

The five needs for men are sex, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration, while womens' needs are affection, conversation, honesty, financial support, and family commitment. Though these needs are not true for everyone and may switch or be shared by both sexes.
I read this book in the late '80s early '90s....it held some eye opening ideas that I myself wasn't ready to understand. Yet now in the present and second marriage..we practice it and have a deep More...

Read this book as part of pre-marital counseling. It lays out 5 needs for men and 5 for women that if, not met often result in an extramarital affair. So, it is not really a feel good book, but its content has led my wife-to-be and I into some good reflective discussions.

The five needs for men are sex, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration, while womens' needs are affection, conversation, honesty, financial support, and family commitment. Though these More...

This book was written by a former couples counselor who describes the specific needs of each sex and how the common failures to meet those needs in a relationship so often lead to affair.

You don't have to be in failing relationship to appreciate the benefits of recognizing and being able to better provide for the needs of your spouse. I found that the information in this book helped me identify my own needs as well as understand the needs of my husband, even when independantly we are so unsure a More...

We are using this book with a Young Couples class at church. This author has excellent insights into relationships and what each spouse needs to be happy and content in the marriage. He talks about a love bank that the other spouse makes deposits and withdrawals to and from. He also points out why most men and women have different needs but don't realize that they may have good intentions trying to make their spouse happy, but they are meeting the wrong needs. My wife, Becky, and I wish we had r More...

Very good. Husbands should read it!

This is one of our standard wedding gifts because of the helpful approach to thinking through what makes a healthy relationship. Harley looks at the top five needs of men and of women. Even if you or your spouse don't identify with all five needs of your sex, there's still a lot to learn. At first I chafed under the stereotypes of these needs, but when I was honest with myself, I realized that a lot of these things were indeed important to me. peter and I re-read this every few years to help us More...

I was given this book to read by a friend who was concerned about my relationship and he told me that he has seen it save so many marriages. Even though its for married couples, there are lessons to be learnt for couples who are not yet married.

It's amazing what would happen, if each partner sought to find their partner's needs. So it's not about you in the relationship but looking outside of you and giving back to your partner by finding out what their needs are.

A most interesting read, I dare More...