For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men

by Shaunti Feldhahn

book data

725 ratings, 4.01 average rating, 229 reviews (more data...)

rating	frequency	%
5		38%
4		33%
3		19%
2		6%
1		1%

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published

July 28th 2004 by Multnomah

binding

Hardcover, 192 pages

isbn

1590523172 (isbn13: 9781590523179)

description

What’s going on in a man’s mind? From their early days, every woman has struggled to understand why males behave the way they do. Even long-married wo...more

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12/14/08

Alissa is currently reading it

bookshelves: currently-reading

Read in December, 2008

I'm finally reading a book and getting to post! Jessica lent this to me to read after I got married. So far I really like this book. The author validates her survey findings by using multiple regression analysis, which I use for work sometimes. But don't worry about the statistics, that just struck my fancy. The book is not full of statistics, it is really more of a narrative of her findings. It has been a pretty easy read so far and has already helped me relate to and understand my husband...more

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6 comments

07/09/07

Carly rated it:

Read in July, 2007

recommends it for: Christian women who don't know their husbands

In a way, I suppose this really is a good book, but not for me. It was given to me at my wedding shower by a person who probably should have known better (my own sister!). This book is just an extremely dumbed-down version of His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley. Having read that book, reading For Women Only was a waste of thirty minutes. Feldhahn's book is somewhat helped by a collection of survey results, which tell us exactly the same things that Harley's book does. Feldhahn's advice, ho...more

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01/22/09

Carolyn rated it:

bookshelves: 2008, non-ficiton, self-help

It's about the things that men wish we new about them, and how they really feel about us (as women), but more specifically their wives. Now as most of you out there may know, I am not a wife, yet (I still hold out hope), however, when I read books like this it's always with that expectation in mind, and more specifically, because I am an observer of people, I usually draw on past experiences and behavior that I have witnessed in order to understand why I do the things that I do, and feel the way...more It's about the things that men wish we new about them, and how they really feel about us (as women), but more specifically their wives. Now as most of you out there may know, I am not a wife, yet (I still hold out hope), however, when I read books like this it's always with that expectation in mind, and more specifically, because I am an observer of people, I usually draw on past experiences and behavior that I have witnessed in order to understand why I do the things that I do, and feel the way that I feel about certain things. It's a short read, only 9 chapters (if I had more time I could have probably finished it in a day, but then again I don't know if I would have gotten all that I did out of it), and those 9 chapters are chock full of things that most women don't know.

For better, or worse, I have been in the company of men for a good part of my life. They were always my closest friends growing up, I'm close with my Dad, I have 4 brothers (I am the only girl), and I was in the Navy for 5 years, so a lot of the information I had already been told, and was there for not new to me. What was new to me, and never dispensed in my direction, was HOW important some of these things are to men and how some of those aspects have affected my own life and the company I have kept with men.

The 9 chapters include the following:

1. Lightbulb On!,How I Woke Up to What I Didn’t Know About Men
2. Your Love Is Not Enough, Why Your Respect Means More to Him than Even Your Affection
3. The Performance of a Lifetime, Why Your Mr. Smooth Looks So Impressive but Feels Like an Impostor
4. The Loneliest Burden, How His Need to Provide Weighs Your Man Down, and Why He
Likes It That Way
5. Sex Changes Everything, Why Sex Unlocks a Man’s Emotions (Guess Who Holds the Key?)
6. Keeper of the Visual Rolodex, Why It’s So Natural for Him to Look and So Hard to Forget What He’s Seen
7. Chocolate, Flowers, Bait Fishing, Why the Reluctant Clod You Know Really Does Want Romance
8. The Truth About the Way You Look, Why What’s on the Outside Matters to Him on the Inside
9. Words for Your Heart, What Your Man Most Wishes You Knew About Him

So I won't give a synopsis of what I thought about all the chapters, but chapters 2, 4, 7, and 8 resonated for me the most. Mostly because of the general lack of respect that I've seen women give to men, and all of those chapters set a tone for how we, as women choose to, and can show our respect to men. Reading it I could see how a great many things that my Dad did for me, like teaching me to play golf or how to understand football, and to enjoy fishing and camping, could be looked at as attempts to cultivate a sense of what men like to take part in so that I can share in those things with my future husband, and not just demand the typical "girly" type dates (although those will be nice too). But I truly do like to do those things and that sense of play, that chapter 7 talks about will be very important. As a matter of fact I know that it already is for me because any boyfriend that I've ever had, hasn't lasted very long if he didn't want to do anything. I love my Dad very much and I'm so glad that he is who he is, and has helped to make me into the person that I am today.

Anyway, I could continue to go on with my opinions on the topics of the book, however the bottom line is that I definitely recommend this book for all women no matter what their station is married, or single, or even if they just want to know a little bit more about what makes people, men in this instance, tick. True we'll never fully know or be able to understand them, but it's nice to at least break away a little of the barrier that exists between the sexes.
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11/29/08

Debbie rated it:

bookshelves: christian, non-fiction

Read in June, 2006

I read "For Women Only" very carefully several times. It takes things we've all heard before (like men need respect, sex, etc.) and really gets at the heart of what that means...more so than any other book I've read on the subject so far. I was a bit surprised by some of the things I read, but I carefully started applying what I learned in my relationship with my boyfriend.

I read "For Men Only" and marked how I would have answered the survey questions and underlin...more

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06/23/09

Dani rated it:

bookshelves: june-reads

Adult (due to themes)

For Women Only is for women only for a reason - because everything it contains, guys already know inside and out. This is a book on the psychology of men, born from the research Shaunti set out to conduct for one of her fiction novels. Backed up by professional surveys and statistical data, this books presents How Guys Think 101 written especially for women.

First Impressions
Wow. When I walked into the bookstore, I had absolutely zero intention o...more Adult (due to themes)

For Women Only is for women only for a reason - because everything it contains, guys already know inside and out. This is a book on the psychology of men, born from the research Shaunti set out to conduct for one of her fiction novels. Backed up by professional surveys and statistical data, this books presents How Guys Think 101 written especially for women.

First Impressions
Wow. When I walked into the bookstore, I had absolutely zero intention of walking out with yet-another-book-on-relationships. But something about the cover of this one grabbed me, so I grabbed it - and flicking through the pages, I was immediately intrigued both by the author's clear, chatty voice, and the sheer wow-factor of the information she presents.

High Points
Er, everything? The book is broken down into six sections, touching on what Shaunti felt were the six most important attitudes and beliefs men have that women don't usually understand. It's a light, quick read in a chatty and informal style, but backed by rigourous statistical data at the same time. Shaunti provides contrasts and comparisons between male and female ways of thinking and approaching things that make it dead easy to comprehend.

Low Points
This is not a personal low point for me, but this is a Christian book. If you're not an easily-offended non-Christian, it should be fine: there's no theology, or prescriptive directives, or anything like that. Just the occasional mention, and an awareness that the writer herself is coming from a Christian point of view.

This is definitely a five-star book. Out of all the relationship books I've ever read - a lot, since my dad is big on them ;) - this is one of the top four.

Usefulness
In my reviews, non-fiction books get an extra rating - how useful they are to those of use writing fiction. This book gets a high usefulness rating - maybe 9 out of 10. Sure, I adore this book because of how much it resonates with me, but it is also the best resource I have so far come across to help women writers who struggle to get into the head of a male character. As an utter perfectionist, I would love to be able to write my characters so that readers couldn't tell whether I was male or female because both male and female characters were so real, so true, so convincing... And I believe this book is going to make a serious dent in the Things I Need To Learn in order to be able to write like that.(less)

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06/19/09

Catie rated it:

Okay, stay with me. I swear to you that this book isn't as cheesy as it looks. I was actually pleasantly surprised about how the author managed to talk about her subject concretely (none of this "men need respect, women need love, the end" tripe).

This book is divided up into sections based upon information that the author discovered through interviewing and surveying men. It's grouped in pretty much the way you might expect: respect and worth, men are visual and sexuality, et...more

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03/21/08

Dan added it

My wife asked me to read this book this morning and tell me if it is truth. I picked it up to get the gist of it and an hour and a half later I finished the book.

I think it is a good book for couples that have been married for a while to read and discuss. Not sure I would give it to a newly married couple. I liked the book but do not think all things in the book are normative to all men. Good book good read.

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04/03/08

Carrie rated it:

bookshelves: own-a-copy

Read in April, 2008

recommends it for: women in relationships, good or bad

Fabulous, seriously. She put into clear-to-me words so much of what my husband has tried to communicate, but which I just wasn't "getting." I really feel like now that I understand more about what he's thinking and feeling, I'm better able to be sympathetic and not try to mold him into the way I think he should behave or react. It's made me feel more compassionate toward him. I loved it.

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08/19/07

Alicia rated it:

This book was ok...I have a hard time with relationship books written by women that appear to be a "tell all" about the inner thoughts and feelings of men. The author made some good and thought provoking points, but on other bases I think she was way off (yet, I'm a woman also so perhaps we are both wrong). Maybe if the book was written by a man I could take it more seriously.

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07/09/08

Renee rated it:

This book was a fun read. I read it in two evenings. It created interesting conversation between my husband and I. Either my husband is strange or the book stereotypes a bit, but he didn't agree with everything it said. I still gave it fours stars because I never would have thought to ask him about some of the subjects if I had not read the book.

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07/03/08

Claudia rated it:

Read in July, 2008

I found this book pushed my buttons, which made for lively discussion with friends. However, i found John Grey's "why mars and venus collide" more enjoyable reading and very helpful. "For Women Only" was only about men, and not a side by side comparison. Reading it's companion, For Men Only, might soothe some of the issues it raised for me.

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02/06/09

Brittany rated it:

bookshelves: christian-nonfiction

Last night I had a craving to read something, and I saw this lying around, and discovered it is just the sort of phsycoanalyzing book that I love. I read about respect and how to show it, and about men's priorities, and I thought "This is awesome! It all makes so much sense now. I'll have to remember to pick up this book again after I get married."

But then...

Then came the chapter about sex, and at the end of the book there was that chapter about women's appearan...more

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06/12/08

Melissa Giambelluca rated it:

Reading this book feels like having the other team's playbook! Really helpful insight on how men think differently than women and how knowing that can improve your relationship.

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12/06/08

Sara rated it:

Just from making a few minor adjustments to my own attitude and actions inspired by reading this book, I have definitely felt an improvement in our household. This book helps women to understand more deeply how men work and think, and actually shows you how to apply this understanding to the betterment of your relationship. It's by far the most helpful relationship book that I have ever even glanced at. And I had a great relationship to begin with, so I'm usually pretty skeptical of such books. ...more

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01/04/09

Renee Reynolds rated it:

Read in May, 2008

An easy-to-read rather-brief book by a Christian author on understanding men, how their minds work (so radically different than women's!), and how to navigate a successful marriage. Here are my favorite quotes from the book:

"...Men said they judge themselves--and feel that others judge them--based on the happiness and respect of their wives...A chronic lack of affirmation is one reason so many men slip into pornography."
"About sex men are pretty utilitarian and w...more

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02/02/09

Martha rated it:

bookshelves: recent

Read in February, 2009

I picked this book up after hearing it was really great. It wasn't. The author performed an informal survey and had two formal surveys done. There were questions for men, supposedly revealing secrets women should know. I found it a complete waste of time and didn't finish it. I think it's either sad or pitiful---maybe both---if women in relationships don't already know these things about men. One last complaint-The questions in the survey were poorly worded. It was like a bad multiple choice tes...more

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06/11/09

Kim rated it:

Read in May, 2009

I just finished this book. Feldhahn based this book on extensive research with men including interviews, and surveys. Her goal was to find out what men truly need emotionally and otherwise in relationships and how women can better understand their SO.

I found this really helpful. After reading the chapter on respect (which my parents show NONE of to each other) my life made a lot of sense. I changed alot of the ways I was behaving and that week Sam bought me a card and flowers!!!! Th...more

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09/03/08

Lavinia rated it:

bookshelves: 2008, nonfiction-biographies-memoirs

Read in April, 2008

liked it. it made me start south beach :)

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04/27/09

Equipoise rated it:

Read in April, 2009

I would recommend this book to any woman who would like to understand the way men think a little better. The book is centralized on Christian morals and the author gives her opinion on the subject occasionally...to forewarn you...however, it is not over the top and is a good quick read to give any woman a bit more insight. There are some very sensitive subjects discussed...some of which I ran past my own husband and found them to be true. Others that well, I'd really rather not analyze. It w...more

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03/10/09

Liliana rated it:

bookshelves: own-it

Read in March, 2009

I picked up this book because at this point I’m grasping at straws. I really wanted to find out what the deal was with successful relationships and why I can’t seem to make it work. (Okay, so I’m feeling sorry for myself, don’t we all sometimes?). The subtitle to it is: What you need to know about the inner lives of men. I am not sure what’s gotten into me that I actually decided I wanted to know anything about the inner lives of men. All kidding aside, Shaunti had a good purpose in mi...more I picked up this book because at this point I’m grasping at straws. I really wanted to find out what the deal was with successful relationships and why I can’t seem to make it work. (Okay, so I’m feeling sorry for myself, don’t we all sometimes?). The subtitle to it is: What you need to know about the inner lives of men. I am not sure what’s gotten into me that I actually decided I wanted to know anything about the inner lives of men. All kidding aside, Shaunti had a good purpose in mind. The book was written based on surveys among about a thousand men. Out of these surveys and interviews and informal conversations, some supposedly universal to men truths were discovered. I’ll get to those truths in a moment but let me first say that this book may work only in a fairly healthy relationship, where you and your husband are not on the brink of divorce and you simply notice that something might not be quite right and you desire to make your marriage/relationship work better. For Women Only is not a counseling manual for severe cases of abuse, cheating, major lapses in judgment and so forth. Most importantly, this book will work only if you make your husbands/partners read For Men Only so that you don’t create a situation where you are trying to do your darnedest to understand men, yet they give nothing in return and live their lives blissfully unaware of what your needs are.
Now, some points in For Women Only are valid, such as men need our respect more than they need love, that the burden to constantly provide for their families is weighing them down but is also ingrained in them or that they are romantic but don’t really know how to show it and we have to help them with that. Other points are quite infuriating and I still am having a hard time accepting them. The points I’m speaking of are that men are extremely visual and will pay attention to every attractive woman that walks by or is on TV and, worst of all, they probably will instantly feel the pull to imagine her naked. We as women just have to accept it and live with it because that doesn’t mean they are really cheating on us or not appreciating how we look. Men simply savor good looking women as a connoisseur might enjoy a piece of art. Well…I don’t know how this can help women enrich their relationships with their partners, but I cannot accept that the man I’m spending a nice stroll through town with really is thinking about having sex with that drop-dead gorgeous girl that just walked by and if he forces himself to not look at her, I should be eternally grateful to him for making an effort. I guess I’d just rather be single.
All and all, it is definitely not a book for me. Maybe I am just not ready to accept certain things without expecting some rewards. Ah well, call me selfish. But, like I said, if you feel that your relationship is quite all right and just needs a few improvements, then by all means you can reach out for this book and it might be just what you need.(less)

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