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Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

4.12  ·  Rating Details ·  559 Ratings  ·  51 Reviews
It's over--and it really hurts. But as unbelievable as it may seem when you are in the throes of heartache, youcanmove past your breakup. Forget about trying to win your ex back. Forget about losing yourself and trying to make this person love you. Forget it! Starting today, this breakup is the best time to change your life for the better, inside and out.

Getting Past Your
Paperback, 272 pages
Published May 5th 2009 by Da Capo Lifelong Books (first published March 30th 2009)
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(showing 1-30)
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Crystal Starr Light
Bullet Review:

DNF at 44% because i think I'm spending more time thinking about the ex reading it than learning how to move on.

This is a REALLY good book for those who have just endured break ups. Lots of good advice, stories, encouragement. That's why it gets 4 stars.

But enough time has passed from my own breakup (which, although happened in a rather abrupt, insensitive fashion, needed to happen long ago), that reading this book just makes me think of him MORE than I do on a daily basis! So inst
Oct 09, 2011 Catheryn rated it it was amazing
Susan Elliott has a common sense no-holds-bar approach to changing the crazy thinking we sometimes indulge in when going through a break-up. I can say with complete enthusiasm and honesty, my break-up was a gift to me. Susan helped me transform the experience into the best thing that ever happened to me!

There's so many mantra treasures in the book:

A phone call is a request, not a demand.
It doesn't matter.
Keep your side of the street clean.
Love is an action.
Don't give up the day before the mirac
Oct 05, 2012 Casey rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction
This insightful book has many good suggestions on how to get past a tough breakup and work through your grief. The author knows how to help people not only from her experience as a therapist and counselor, but as someone who has had to go through a devastating breakup herself. In the introduction, Susan Elliott describes her own experience in great detail, and she includes anecdotes from her past throughout the book.

I think her willingness to share her story really gives her advice an extra ounc
Jan 21, 2016 Ethan rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
It honestly took me months to get through this book. Not because it was bad, but because it hurts to read. It will remind you of your ex over and over but it's essential. You can keep running from person to person and not heal from your past relationship. Or you can read this book and get over your ex and be more happy that you have ever been. Give it a try. It's not easy reading this, specially if the relationship has ended recently. But it's worth the read.
Mar 12, 2013 Sarah rated it it was amazing
This is a very helpful book. If you have been treated as badly as I have in your last relationship, this book helps you pick up the pieces and gives you steps on how to get back on track. I really liked the relationship inventory, and how it focuses on YOU doing the work in order to find out why you might be repeating dangerous patterns and how to find what you need to be healthy and find a way to happiness for yourself. Very good self-help, very straightforward.
Jul 26, 2011 Laura rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-help
Wonderful book. It was a lil deep for my current situation but the advice in it was awesome. The author really wants you to focus on yourself and gives you hands-on ways of helping yourself. I will refer back to it in the future.
Nov 27, 2016 Jody rated it it was ok
This took me almost a year to read, and I'm still in two minds about it. Some of the advice is great, sure. But I found that I just didn't gel with it for the greater part.

And then, right at the end, in the section on dating:

"When you go out, sit back and relax. If you're normally chatty, try to hold off and listen to the other person. If you're normally shy and reserved, try to take more initiative in the conversation."

So, basically, don't be yourself. Which is, in fact, quite the opposite of r
Aug 06, 2012 Eliska rated it it was amazing
As soon as my pay came in , I went on Amazon to buy a stack of breakup survival books . I heard about Susan Elliot's book on this forum I turned to for help .

I also read " It's called a breakup because it is broken " as well , which helped but that was more a fluffy read to cheer you up a bit .

But boy , GPYBU was NOT cheerful at all , it made me really dig deep about the relationship and about my past . And it made me depressed , it brought up emotions that I did not thin that I had inside of m
Nov 01, 2014 Mai rated it it was amazing

Great book with lots of helpful tps for those who are struggling with loss and trying to get over a of the most important tips is to take care of yourself , emotionally and physically.also to get over someone , you should do the most obivious thing which is to follow the rule of "no contact" and stop give yourself excuses to contact that person .the relationship and life inventories are really eye-opening and bring to the surface the issues that need to be tackled
I luv that this boo
Oct 10, 2014 Cagne rated it really liked it
Good book. The chapter on no-contact was very convincing, along with those about positive affirmations and relationship inventories.

It was nice to include a chapter on boundaries, but like with the chapter on kids, sometimes it drifts into general boundaries, or general parenting, and it gives me the feeling that, while it's still useful information, even just for a refresh, it could have been kept more specific to the book main topic (i.e. spending a page on how to deal with the friend who is
Dec 30, 2012 Barbara rated it it was amazing
This book saved my sanity after my first really devastating breakup. I was sure I was going to end up in therapy, but I found this online and the author's manner impressed me and I thought I'd give it a read. Susan Elliott cuts to the chase of issues and doesn't sugarcoat the issues. Thank goodness. If it weren't for her almost abrupt manner, I'd probably still be wallowing in my self-pity instead of doing my grief work and finding out how to change my pattern of choosing unhealthy men. I am ...more
Sep 19, 2012 Amy rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: anyone going through a tough breakup
This is actually a book I'm not wholly done with. I stopped reading it not because it was bad but because it did what it was supposed to do. It really helped me empower myself to move past my experience and I'm at the point where I just want to end it officially, which includes putting away the book. She has a lot of stuff that talked about divorce which I skipped over and also had very extreme examples of bad relationships, but the majority of the book was very helpful. It gives you very good ...more
Michael Greenwell
May 02, 2012 Michael Greenwell rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I'm not a ready reader of self help books, or at least I don't consider myself to be, but this book was helpful at a time in my life when I needed help, and though I occassionally questioned its wisdom and shirked some of its more onerous tasks I cannot deny feeling better having read it. Loss, for me, is a personal thing I yearn to share with the world, a consuming emotion that leaves me unreasonably vulnerable, and this book gave me a bit of perspective, a clinical ledge from which I could ...more
Matt Hamilton
Jul 13, 2014 Matt Hamilton rated it liked it
I felt this book focused a lot on affirmations. Affirmations have never really worked that well for me. So, I was disappointed to see this being a big part of the book. However, I found the "here's what you can expect while processing a breakup" parts of the book to be very helpful. It was good to know I wasn't losing my mind, but was just experiencing normal responses to loss. At times, I wished this book had a more male perspective. I felt like it was heavily weighted toward a female ...more
Jan 20, 2014 Alana rated it it was amazing
I am typically a harsh critic of self-help books, and while I feel that this book could never replace in-person therapy, I have found it to be very helpful in the week following my breakup. I expect that I will be referencing chapters in this book for the next several months, and plan to do all of the work that she outlines. This is a well-written, very empowering book, and I am grateful that I plucked it out of Amazon cyberspace in the doldrums of my breakup. This one has the potential to ...more
Jun 01, 2016 Richard rated it it was amazing
Exactly what I need right now. Making the inventory makes so much sense. It does feel a bit like work, but I am coming to insights so fast. The whole concept of NC was one I adhered to already, but it's great to see this emphasized and my resolve strengthened.

Books such as these contain essential life lessons far more important than most things which are taught in schools. We need to be whole human beings and learn to deal with grief. This book is an excellent guide on that topic and allows me t
Apr 24, 2016 Christie rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, library
This is a great read for someone coming out of a breakup. I wish I had read it sooner after my breakup. I think it would have helped the last two months go by more quickly and at a much healthier pace. Elliott has a lot of great advice that seems logical and easy to follow. I'm looking to implement some of what she talks about, like relationship and life inventories and affirmations. I don't normally go for stuff like this, but really felt that I needed some guidance in this area and this book ...more
Apr 27, 2010 Izlinda rated it liked it
Shelves: psychology
I started reading this book a while ago. Has some good points, and answers for common questions, but there were other parts I found myself disagreeing with. While she tries to appeal to a broad range of people who will react differently (like different ways of taking care of yourself, different emotional reactions to anniversary break-ups) I found some of the values espoused in this book a little off-setting. The Inventories are a good chapter in this book. The chapter about how to break the bad ...more
Feb 15, 2014 Heidi rated it really liked it
I was very close to thinking therapy might be in my future, but I took a chance on this book and was not disappointed. After reading the first few pages I felt like I could relate, more than I would want to admit. The book itself was a fantastic read, not only did you get a glimpse of what others have went through (so as to not think your completely crazy)you also have help to get you through a devastating time! I recommend to anyone at any stage of a break-up or in my case a future break-up! ...more
Eleanor Cowan
Jul 20, 2014 Eleanor Cowan rated it it was amazing
Getting Someone Special Back in Your Life

This is an encouraging, endorsing, positive book that reminds you that the first happy person you need in your life is You!

Too often we imagine that without the love of another, we are nothing.

In fact, without self-love, all other loves with be as nothing.

Eleanor Cowan, author of : A History of a Pedophile's Wife: Memoir of a Canadian Teacher and Writer
Nov 25, 2012 Mdolfan rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2012
Interestingly enough, some of the stuff in this book is exactly what my therapist has been trying to get at with me or to get me to look at in my life. This has been a horrible year for me personally, both parents tried to die (one was successful), I had major surgery, my best friend moved across the country, I moved, my husband started divorce proceedings, I ended up in an abusive relationship with someone and had to move again.... I needed help. Therapy and this book have really helped me to ...more
Mar 15, 2016 Mira rated it it was amazing
I was recommended this book while going through a particularly harsh breakup last year and though I read it at the time and it really helped, I don't think I properly took it all in.

I've really enjoyed dipping in and out, in the interim months, especially since I took part in the #28daysofselflove project.

This book is like a portal to sanity and the yellow brick road to feeling better and seeing what is truly behind that curtain.

Artemis bless you Susan
May 06, 2009 Charleen rated it it was amazing
I first heard of Susan Elliott's blog at 2 years ago. The incredible sharing and caring and posts by this author just BEGGED for a book.

HERE IT IS! The entire program that is on the blog (but blogs are notoriously difficult to search) is here in this book PLUS NEW MATERIAL and lots of good stories from real people.

This is the only book you will ever need to get over a breakup and get on with your life.

Book website
Nicole G.
I am not really a reader of self-help books, but a friend rated this book very highly, and I'd just gone through a horrific breakup, so I decided to give it a read.

Honestly, some of the advice is a bit hokey (I don't do affirmations and that sort of thing), but I did find the Relationship Inventories very helpful.

Worth a read if only for the Inventories, in order to try to break your pattern if you keep dating the same type of person.
Jun 07, 2016 Danielle rated it it was amazing
This was so good that I will give this book to anyone going through a break up from a long term relationship, especially if you are blind sighted by it. Perfectly explains the grieving process. Gives instructions which is perfect because when you are so heartbroken you can barely think. Helped me figure out what do in the middle of a major life crisis of divorce.
Kathleen Noonan
Mar 31, 2016 Kathleen Noonan rated it it was amazing
So far this book is amazing. I would recommend it to any person that is dealing with a loss for a death, divorce or a relationship. It accurately describes the emotions that a person should expect to go through and how to heal from the loss. I can't recommend this book strongly enough.
Dec 23, 2012 Nora rated it really liked it
The majority of self help books are useless. This one conveyed its basic ideas clearly and compellingly enough that I found it helpful. Whenever I break any of its tenants, I tend to regret it. The book emphasizes no contact, so if that isn't possible for you, maybe move on.
Feb 15, 2015 Sarah rated it it was amazing
Very helpful! It forces one (committed to change and growth) to examine past relationships with a clear head and recognize what worked and didn't work while taking ownership of past and future. It gives a method for processing the grief so that one can move on.
Mar 05, 2014 Chrissy rated it it was amazing
a very practical book on steps necessary to get over a devastating breakup. Includes a variety of scenarios and feelings you are likely to encounter along the way and suggestions for how to work through these.
Jul 31, 2015 Lauren rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Good Motivator

After my break up, this book was a great motivator to take care of myself. My old relationships had been so focused on pleasing the other person, I forgot about me. This book helped me realize that and I will carry it to other relationships going forward.
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“The truth of relationship healthiness is that water seeks its own level. If you want to know what is missing in you, what unfinished business you have, what your inner struggles are, you need not look further than your partner. If you listen carefully and look closely, usually your choice of mates will tell you what you need to know about yourself. As you grow and change, your choice of mate continues to reflect what you still need to work on.” 1 likes
“All my life I had looked for someone to love me into being normal.” 1 likes
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