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Parenting With Love and Logic

4.08 of 5 stars 4.08  ·  rating details  ·  6,900 ratings  ·  1,016 reviews
The authors offer advice to help parents raise kids who are self-confident, motivated, and ready for the world by teaching them responsibility and the logic of life, thereby giving them the opportunity to solve their own problems from the earliest possible age.
Hardcover, Updated and Expanded Edition, 271 pages
Published May 13th 2006 by Pinon Press (first published January 1st 1990)
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Lauren Redmond
I bought this book, as well as 4 other parenting books, so that I could compare a bunch of different theories and techniques and decide what spoke to me.

I found it interesting and there was plenty that was useful, however there was a lot that I didn't agree with. I think that there are a lot of responses to children that they call "Logical consequences" that I call punishment all dressed up in disguise. I don't know how this couldn't come across as inauthentic to children and get more annoying
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midnightfaerie
I loved this book, but in the end couldn't give it more than 3 stars, probably closer to a 3.5. First of all, it has some absolutely wonderful tips on parenting children. Giving children choices instead of losing your cool, and putting the ball in their court, making them be the one to have to make a choice, really is a great construct if you can remember to put it into practice. Then there was the whole section on money that I loved, talking about helping your children manage their own finances ...more
Christine
This book advocates parenting methods that, if followed, could in some cases amount to child abuse/neglect. For example, the book suggests that if a two-year-old doesn't behave appropriately at dinner, the parents should deny him food until morning. The authors also suggest that if a 6-month-old throws his bottle, the parents should withhold it until the next meal! At least one thing advocated by the authors is actually illegal. They assert that it is the child's problem (not the parents' proble ...more
Beth
I have mixed feelings about this book.

Here’s what I liked about this book:

* The emphasis on consequences. It makes sense that, in order to learn about the real world, children should be allowed to experience consequences (within reason) so they can alter their behavior. And consequences cannot be given unless choices are also offered, within reason. I agree with that, too.

* Also, I loved that they pointed out several times how important it is to model good behavior for your children. I wholehe
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Carmelle
In all fairness, had I written this review a couple weeks ago immediately after I read it, I probably would have given this book 3 stars. But since then, the points of contention for me have continued to annoy me, therefor Jim and Foster, I bestow only 2 little stars for you. I realize this book has great following and is perhaps the "Child Raising Bible" to many, however, I obviously was not sold.
The premise of this book is that children learn from mistakes. The natural consequences that occur
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Caroline
Jul 11, 2012 Caroline rated it 2 of 5 stars
Recommended to Caroline by: Lynn
I really wanted to like this book. I strongly agree with the philosophy of giving children logical consequences rather than engaging in power struggles and shouting matches, or just parenting by incessant nagging without follow-through (yes, guilty). But frankly I found a lot of their "practical tips" completely unrealistic and therefore of limited usefulness.

For instance:
"Bedtime, like many other control issues, can be defused by giving up control. Parents tend to underestimate children's need
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Kim
I realize that in some circles this book has a stong following, but I found it to be one of the most bizarre parenting books I've ever read...emphasis on talking sweetly and enforcing natural consequences, but in a twisted eye-for-an-eye way. Some of the examples were outright alarming.

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Authors advocate a one-size-fits-all parenting approach – I was disappointed to read that they do not consider “why” a child is doing what they’re doing (nor are parents encouraged to figure out why). In brie
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Holly
There are a lot of great techniques in this book, but some that I question. It seems that the object of L&L parenting is to be constantly teaching the child a lesson. I think that sometimes going out of your way to "teach them a lesson" is artificial and even on occasion harsh. I think about the way our Father in Heaven would parent us. He allows us to suffer the consequences of our mistakes but doesn't "rub it in", or set us up for failure.

Having listened to a number of L&L cds and read
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Kristina
This book encourages parents to be mean, authoritarian and bordering on abusive. It advises parents run a boot camp for their children to learn to be responsible using trickery and sarcasm. I suspect this book appeals to those with certain values different from mine, and I feel sorry for their children. Much of the language encouraged by the book was disrespectful towards the children. For instance, ina demonstration, without warning the mom gave away a girl's puppy because she wasn't taking car ...more
Michael
I don't rate many books with 5 stars, so you can bet this one is good. Gail and I have used these techniques and we were amazed at the children's response. Don't get me wrong, it's way easier to yell at your kids and smack them upside the head. But, if you want to actually get through to your kids and teach them the skills they will need to make appropriate decisions throughout their lives, this book will change yours. It was recommended to us by our pediatrician and had proven to be one of the ...more
Rebecca
This book is my dad: the calm and sometimes slightly sadistic way he let us experience the consequences of our choices, the kind of detached but sympathetic stance ("Gee, I hope you work that out! Good luck!")even the unsubtle brainwashing-by-intentional-overhearing, i.e. "Gee, washing dishes is sure fun! La-dee-da! I bet YOU wish you were washing some dishes right now!"

It is an interesting read, if a teensy bit 50's father-knows-bestish, and a smidge alarmist about "raising a Christian family
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Ashley
I didn't read the whole book, just the first couple chapters, then I skimmed through the rest.

Some things I really liked and am trying to use:

*Giving choices. I agree that kids should be able to choose whenever possible rather than me telling them what to do: "What do you want to do first: Go to the bathroom or get your shoes on?". That's easy enough, and then they fight it a little less.

*Choosing consequences that fit the mistake. Hard to do, but it makes sense. I like the energy drain: "Your f
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Maryanne
This book was helpful in allowing me to re-evaluate my parenting choices and really did help me to understand many of the problems my boys give me. My favorite part is when the author hear a mom tell her toddler "IF you don't stop climbing...." in an airport waiting area and the author asks the child, "What will your mom do if you don't listen?"
"Nuthin!" was the tot's reply.
This story reminded me not to use empty threats with my kids-if I never follow-through with whatever it is I am trying to
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Mehrsa
I learned a lot from this book and have been practicing some of the strategies (giving lots of choices, singing the uh oh song, etc.). I liked the general concepts of the book, but I disagreed with some of the points. I think that kids can detect when you are insincere. The authors mention that you cannot be sarcastic when you talk about certain choices and consequences, but some of the role-play scenarious seemed impossible to do without sarcasm. I also think that there was very little focus on ...more
Carolyn
Read this one when Ben was a baby and remember thinking at the time that it would be a good re-read when Ben was older. Well, here I am with an 8 year old so it was good to revisit. I found as I read that I had incorporated quite a bit from this book - mostly giving kids' choices as an easy and not demanding way to get things done. The book inspires me to think creatively on the topic of discipline.

Here's what I didn't like:
1) It's written by men who weren't stay at home parents. Spend 12 hours
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Christina
I've heard this material in several settings, but I had not read the entire book before. I would say this book should be titled, "How to Help Your Children Have Problems". I like the premise of teaching your children to solve their own problems, own their choices and live out the consequences from an early age while they are under your roof.

But I do not think this is the only parenting book you will ever need, nor do I agree with all of the author's opinions. There are a lot of other great Chri
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Aspidistra
I am not a fan of this book although I see that there are many useful concepts therein. The book is frequently recommended for parents adopting older children, but the whole tone of the book put me off. The authors seem to take pleasure in the ways they've invented to show children the natural consequences of misbehaviors. It's very meanspirited.

For post-institutionalized kids in particular, the whole concept of "natural consequences" may not even make sense to them at an age-appropriate level.
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Colette
So, I've read several books on discipline (1-2-3 Magic, Positive Discipline, etc) but this one was a little different. I liked a lot of the ideas presented in the book, but didn't necessarily agree with or buy into all their thinking (for example, their claim that encouragement is better than praise because it forces a child to self-evaluate...a little shaky IMHO...I like to load up on honest, heartfelt praise and feel like something would be missing if I only gave encouragement).

But that being
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Phoebe
Feb 05, 2012 Phoebe added it
The ideas in this book (mostly about logical consequences and letting your kids have the chance to take responsibility for themselves, even at the risk of failing) are appealing, but it's hard to imagine putting them into practice the "love and logic" way.

Cline and Fay include a lot of sample dialogues which they clearly mean to be loving and empathetic, but come across sounding calculated and sarcastic. (Not an actual quote, but along these lines: Kid says, "I missed the bus and there isn't an
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Amanda
I'd go 3.5 stars if I could. If I didn't have to give it back to the library, I would have spent more time with this book. Really, I flipped through this book and kinda sped read parts of it. I'm not a big self-help book person. I have these examples of problems from the book stuck in my head and then I subconsciously look for those problems in my own life to better identify with the book. So, in general, I avoid them. But this book was so highly recommended because I apparently practice some of ...more
Tara
For the most part, I liked the ideas presented. In real world application, I am pretty sure I will struggle, but I think it could help in the end. I wanted to take notes on the main ideas so I could quickly refer to them. Here they are:

*Allow child to fail.
-Significant Learning Opportunities (SLO's)
*Build Self-Concept
- Love unconditionally
- Let child know they have skills/abilities to succeed
*parents model skills (clean up messes, don't get visually frustrated)
- Let children take control g
...more
Charlene
I will start my review with two caveats: I'm probably not going to finish this, and while it contains some good ideas, I stopped reading when it hit total WTFery.

The basic concept here is that children learn from experience, i.e. from making choices and seeing how those pan out for good or bad, and that this process is more effective as a teaching tool than punishment. Makes sense as far as it goes, although discipline is not the same as punishment and taking the responsibility for discipline of
...more
Synesthesia (SPIDERS!)
I don't have kids yet.
That aside, at least this book isn't all break out the belt and woop that kid.
At the same time, if I was a kid, this book would annoy the living daylights out of me. I play video games quite a bit. If I was relaxing after a long day of school with some game, it would irk the living daylights out of me if my father came up to me and started lecturing me about playing video games. Especially if he sits in front of the television or internet for hours which amounts to the same
...more
Wendy
Let me begin with a confession. I didn't finish this book. Typically, I don't mark books as read and feel qualified to write a review unless I've read every single word. This book is different. The first half of this book explains the principles behind parenting with love and logic, and the second half contains little "pearls of wisdom" where they provide sample scenarios on how to implement the principles. I read all of the first section and the scenarios that I thought would possibly be applic ...more
Linda
Well, I am a mom. I try hard to raise my children correctly but sometimes they just do not obey the way that I think they should. I was trying to figure out what changes to make in my parenting technique when a friend of mine recommended the Love & Logic book. So... I found it at my local library. ;) The first part of the book is the informational and consists of general concepts for parenting. This part makes a great foundation. The second part of the book is called referred to as the "Pear ...more
Emily
May 16, 2009 Emily rated it 3 of 5 stars
Recommended to Emily by: Amy L., Maria
This was a good book to add to my "arsenal" of parenting skills. I've heard wonderful things about it. It was very similar to the last parenting book I read, "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours." I found that book a little easier to understand and implement than this one. I LOVED that it focused on modeling good behavior, ditched the lecturing, and a especially wonderful thing to me-gave me the liberty to take time with my responses to naughty behavior. This book, however, requires perfec ...more
Stacie
So I'm torn. I enjoyed a lot of the basic premises in this book, but I could not get past the "because this is what god wants you to do" and "these techniques are pretty much flawless even though we say they won't apply to every situation, we still think they will" attitudes going on. Some of what they said seemed effective and I could definitely see some of their techniques working in my situation, but where was the science? All I heard was purely anecdotal with convenient little stories turnin ...more
Gail
“Parenting with Love & Logic” hardly sounds like a controversial strategy, but the brand created by two fairly old-school men has plenty of detractors. Though I wish the book had been more engagingly written (and could have done without the religious overtones), I must recommend it to parents as my top pick to date for practical childrearing suggestions (e.g., tell your kids that sweets are for people who brush their teeth). If you approach the plethora of advice in a take-it-or-leave-it fas ...more
Kelly Brown
I will read this book again and again. I have already read it about three times and I love it. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to find an effective way to raise their children to be responsible, respectful, and caring. I love how they go about using love and logic in parenting because if you apply what they teach it is a win-win situation. By being consistent with your approach to everyday problems that comes with being a parent will learn responsibility and the logic of life by solvi ...more
Dalaina May
Initially, my impression of Parenting with Love and Logic was positive. Give your children responsibilities and choices from early on so that they will grow up knowing how to make them just seems like common sense to me. In our home, we've already taken to using several of the big techniques in Love & Logic - offering reasonable choices instead of telling our kids what to do all the time, trying to use logical consequences for bad choices, and making our kids think through situations - and w ...more
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empathy 2 21 Nov 13, 2011 04:22AM  
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