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Parenting With Love and Logic
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Parenting With Love and Logic

4.08  ·  Rating Details  ·  8,596 Ratings  ·  1,102 Reviews
This parenting book shows you how to raise self-confident, motivated children who are ready for the real world. Learn how to parent effectively while teaching your children responsibility and growing their character. Establish healthy control through easy-to-implement steps without anger, threats, nagging, or power struggles. Indexed for easy reference.
Hardcover, Updated and Expanded Edition, 271 pages
Published May 13th 2006 by Pinon Press (first published January 1st 1990)
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Lauren Redmond
Mar 06, 2008 Lauren Redmond rated it liked it
I bought this book, as well as 4 other parenting books, so that I could compare a bunch of different theories and techniques and decide what spoke to me.

I found it interesting and there was plenty that was useful, however there was a lot that I didn't agree with. I think that there are a lot of responses to children that they call "Logical consequences" that I call punishment all dressed up in disguise. I don't know how this couldn't come across as inauthentic to children and get more annoying
Jul 12, 2010 Christine rated it did not like it
This book advocates parenting methods that, if followed, could in some cases amount to child abuse/neglect. For example, the book suggests that if a two-year-old doesn't behave appropriately at dinner, the parents should deny him food until morning. The authors also suggest that if a 6-month-old throws his bottle, the parents should withhold it until the next meal! At least one thing advocated by the authors is actually illegal. They assert that it is the child's problem (not the parents' proble ...more
Apr 06, 2013 midnightfaerie rated it liked it
Shelves: childrens, nonfiction
I loved this book, but in the end couldn't give it more than 3 stars, probably closer to a 3.5. First of all, it has some absolutely wonderful tips on parenting children. Giving children choices instead of losing your cool, and putting the ball in their court, making them be the one to have to make a choice, really is a great construct if you can remember to put it into practice. Then there was the whole section on money that I loved, talking about helping your children manage their own finances ...more
Feb 19, 2008 Beth rated it liked it
I have mixed feelings about this book.

Here’s what I liked about this book:

* The emphasis on consequences. It makes sense that, in order to learn about the real world, children should be allowed to experience consequences (within reason) so they can alter their behavior. And consequences cannot be given unless choices are also offered, within reason. I agree with that, too.

* Also, I loved that they pointed out several times how important it is to model good behavior for your children. I wholehe
Oct 27, 2008 Carmelle rated it it was ok
In all fairness, had I written this review a couple weeks ago immediately after I read it, I probably would have given this book 3 stars. But since then, the points of contention for me have continued to annoy me, therefor Jim and Foster, I bestow only 2 little stars for you. I realize this book has great following and is perhaps the "Child Raising Bible" to many, however, I obviously was not sold.
The premise of this book is that children learn from mistakes. The natural consequences that occur
Jul 11, 2012 Caroline rated it it was ok
Recommended to Caroline by: Lynn
I really wanted to like this book. I strongly agree with the philosophy of giving children logical consequences rather than engaging in power struggles and shouting matches, or just parenting by incessant nagging without follow-through (yes, guilty). But frankly I found a lot of their "practical tips" completely unrealistic and therefore of limited usefulness.

For instance:
"Bedtime, like many other control issues, can be defused by giving up control. Parents tend to underestimate children's need
Aug 18, 2013 Kim rated it it was ok
I realize that in some circles this book has a stong following, but I found it to be one of the most bizarre parenting books I've ever read...emphasis on talking sweetly and enforcing natural consequences, but in a twisted eye-for-an-eye way. Some of the examples were outright alarming.


Authors advocate a one-size-fits-all parenting approach – I was disappointed to read that they do not consider “why” a child is doing what they’re doing (nor are parents encouraged to figure out why). In brie
Dec 23, 2010 Kristina rated it did not like it
This book encourages parents to be mean, authoritarian and bordering on abusive. It advises parents run a boot camp for their children to learn to be responsible using trickery and sarcasm. I suspect this book appeals to those with certain values different from mine, and I feel sorry for their children. Much of the language encouraged by the book was disrespectful towards the children. For instance, ina demonstration, without warning the mom gave away a girl's puppy because she wasn't taking car ...more
May 12, 2008 Holly rated it liked it
There are a lot of great techniques in this book, but some that I question. It seems that the object of L&L parenting is to be constantly teaching the child a lesson. I think that sometimes going out of your way to "teach them a lesson" is artificial and even on occasion harsh. I think about the way our Father in Heaven would parent us. He allows us to suffer the consequences of our mistakes but doesn't "rub it in", or set us up for failure.

Having listened to a number of L&L cds and read
Jan 15, 2009 Michael rated it it was amazing
I don't rate many books with 5 stars, so you can bet this one is good. Gail and I have used these techniques and we were amazed at the children's response. Don't get me wrong, it's way easier to yell at your kids and smack them upside the head. But, if you want to actually get through to your kids and teach them the skills they will need to make appropriate decisions throughout their lives, this book will change yours. It was recommended to us by our pediatrician and had proven to be one of the ...more
Jul 09, 2009 Rebecca rated it it was amazing
Shelves: parenting
This book is my dad: the calm and sometimes slightly sadistic way he let us experience the consequences of our choices, the kind of detached but sympathetic stance ("Gee, I hope you work that out! Good luck!")even the unsubtle brainwashing-by-intentional-overhearing, i.e. "Gee, washing dishes is sure fun! La-dee-da! I bet YOU wish you were washing some dishes right now!"

It is an interesting read, if a teensy bit 50's father-knows-bestish, and a smidge alarmist about "raising a Christian family
Jun 28, 2011 Ashley rated it it was ok
I didn't read the whole book, just the first couple chapters, then I skimmed through the rest.

Some things I really liked and am trying to use:

*Giving choices. I agree that kids should be able to choose whenever possible rather than me telling them what to do: "What do you want to do first: Go to the bathroom or get your shoes on?". That's easy enough, and then they fight it a little less.

*Choosing consequences that fit the mistake. Hard to do, but it makes sense. I like the energy drain: "Your f
Sep 26, 2008 Mehrsa rated it liked it
I learned a lot from this book and have been practicing some of the strategies (giving lots of choices, singing the uh oh song, etc.). I liked the general concepts of the book, but I disagreed with some of the points. I think that kids can detect when you are insincere. The authors mention that you cannot be sarcastic when you talk about certain choices and consequences, but some of the role-play scenarious seemed impossible to do without sarcasm. I also think that there was very little focus on ...more
Dec 06, 2011 Carolyn rated it liked it
Read this one when Ben was a baby and remember thinking at the time that it would be a good re-read when Ben was older. Well, here I am with an 8 year old so it was good to revisit. I found as I read that I had incorporated quite a bit from this book - mostly giving kids' choices as an easy and not demanding way to get things done. The book inspires me to think creatively on the topic of discipline.

Here's what I didn't like:
1) It's written by men who weren't stay at home parents. Spend 12 hours
Oct 14, 2012 Christina rated it really liked it
I've heard this material in several settings, but I had not read the entire book before. I would say this book should be titled, "How to Help Your Children Have Problems". I like the premise of teaching your children to solve their own problems, own their choices and live out the consequences from an early age while they are under your roof.

But I do not think this is the only parenting book you will ever need, nor do I agree with all of the author's opinions. There are a lot of other great Chri
Aug 06, 2007 Aspidistra rated it it was ok
I am not a fan of this book although I see that there are many useful concepts therein. The book is frequently recommended for parents adopting older children, but the whole tone of the book put me off. The authors seem to take pleasure in the ways they've invented to show children the natural consequences of misbehaviors. It's very meanspirited.

For post-institutionalized kids in particular, the whole concept of "natural consequences" may not even make sense to them at an age-appropriate level.
Sep 19, 2015 Misha rated it really liked it
I really liked the purpose of this book, to parent in such a way that children become independent responsible adults who are able to contribute to the society around them. As children grow to maturity, they are better able to make good decisions for themselves, realize consequences and hopefully avoid the pitfalls that snare some in those teenage years. Basically, by parenting in a calm, collected way, giving children the opportunity to choose for themselves (giving them agency with choices you ...more
Feb 27, 2015 Jaime rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I am not a big fan of parenting books in general. My approach if I read one is to pick and glean what I think would work best for our family and then take the rest with a grain of salt or throw the rest out completely. That's the way I felt about this book.

I picked it up because over the years we have had several people comment that our parenting style is Love and Logic. I didn't know what that meant. I would smile and nod my head in a funny way. I figured I should find out what that meant. Con
Brittany Brassell
I had to read this in my Child Development class in college but it had been awhile so I decided to read it again. There are many things I like and agreed with about the L&L approach and many things that didn't quite sit right with me throughout the book. But I'll share the good. --- I try and use some of the "pearls" in my teaching and have seen good come of it. I do think it's advantageous to introduce children to choices at a young age. I also like how letting children make mistakes early ...more
Chad Warner
May 21, 2016 Chad Warner rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Chad by: Kelly Warner
This parenting guide tells how to be a consultant, guiding your child, rather than commanding or rescuing from trouble. It advocates setting firm loving limits, using enforceable statements, and giving children reasonable choices. These replace anger and lecturing. When a child causes a problem, you show empathy and lovingly hand the problem and its consequences back to the child.

I like this parenting approach in theory. My wife and I have only just started to try it in practice, so I can't say
Megan Alton
May 31, 2015 Megan Alton rated it it was ok
2.5 stars. I like the logic behind this book. The two principles are "adults must set firm, loving limits using enforceable statements without showing anger, lecturing, or using threats" and "when a child causes a problem, the adult shows empathy through sadness and sorrow and then lovingly hands the problem and it's consequences back to the child." I am all for children making their own choices and learning from consequences but much of this book did not sit well with me. The examples of conver ...more
Jun 20, 2011 Colette rated it really liked it
So, I've read several books on discipline (1-2-3 Magic, Positive Discipline, etc) but this one was a little different. I liked a lot of the ideas presented in the book, but didn't necessarily agree with or buy into all their thinking (for example, their claim that encouragement is better than praise because it forces a child to self-evaluate...a little shaky IMHO...I like to load up on honest, heartfelt praise and feel like something would be missing if I only gave encouragement).

But that being
Feb 05, 2012 Phoebe added it
The ideas in this book (mostly about logical consequences and letting your kids have the chance to take responsibility for themselves, even at the risk of failing) are appealing, but it's hard to imagine putting them into practice the "love and logic" way.

Cline and Fay include a lot of sample dialogues which they clearly mean to be loving and empathetic, but come across sounding calculated and sarcastic. (Not an actual quote, but along these lines: Kid says, "I missed the bus and there isn't an
Dec 03, 2012 Amanda rated it liked it
I'd go 3.5 stars if I could. If I didn't have to give it back to the library, I would have spent more time with this book. Really, I flipped through this book and kinda sped read parts of it. I'm not a big self-help book person. I have these examples of problems from the book stuck in my head and then I subconsciously look for those problems in my own life to better identify with the book. So, in general, I avoid them. But this book was so highly recommended because I apparently practice some of ...more
Aug 18, 2010 Tara rated it liked it
Shelves: baby-books, 2010
For the most part, I liked the ideas presented. In real world application, I am pretty sure I will struggle, but I think it could help in the end. I wanted to take notes on the main ideas so I could quickly refer to them. Here they are:

*Allow child to fail.
-Significant Learning Opportunities (SLO's)
*Build Self-Concept
- Love unconditionally
- Let child know they have skills/abilities to succeed
*parents model skills (clean up messes, don't get visually frustrated)
- Let children take control g
I will start my review with two caveats: I'm probably not going to finish this, and while it contains some good ideas, I stopped reading when it hit total WTFery.

The basic concept here is that children learn from experience, i.e. from making choices and seeing how those pan out for good or bad, and that this process is more effective as a teaching tool than punishment. Makes sense as far as it goes, although discipline is not the same as punishment and taking the responsibility for discipline of
Spider the Doof Warrior
I don't have kids yet.
That aside, at least this book isn't all break out the belt and woop that kid.
At the same time, if I was a kid, this book would annoy the living daylights out of me. I play video games quite a bit. If I was relaxing after a long day of school with some game, it would irk the living daylights out of me if my father came up to me and started lecturing me about playing video games. Especially if he sits in front of the television or internet for hours which amounts to the same
May 17, 2013 Wendy rated it liked it
Let me begin with a confession. I didn't finish this book. Typically, I don't mark books as read and feel qualified to write a review unless I've read every single word. This book is different. The first half of this book explains the principles behind parenting with love and logic, and the second half contains little "pearls of wisdom" where they provide sample scenarios on how to implement the principles. I read all of the first section and the scenarios that I thought would possibly be applic ...more
May 01, 2012 Linda rated it really liked it
Well, I am a mom. I try hard to raise my children correctly but sometimes they just do not obey the way that I think they should. I was trying to figure out what changes to make in my parenting technique when a friend of mine recommended the Love & Logic book. So... I found it at my local library. ;) The first part of the book is the informational and consists of general concepts for parenting. This part makes a great foundation. The second part of the book is called referred to as the "Pear ...more
May 16, 2009 Emily rated it liked it
Recommended to Emily by: Amy L., Maria
This was a good book to add to my "arsenal" of parenting skills. I've heard wonderful things about it. It was very similar to the last parenting book I read, "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours." I found that book a little easier to understand and implement than this one. I LOVED that it focused on modeling good behavior, ditched the lecturing, and a especially wonderful thing to me-gave me the liberty to take time with my responses to naughty behavior. This book, however, requires perfec ...more
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empathy 2 21 Nov 13, 2011 04:22AM  
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Share This Book

“Although kids are born with great courage to take control of their own lives and make decisions, they have little experience on which to base their decisions, so they often make poor choices. But they can learn from those mistakes, provided parents don’t get too involved.” 1 likes
“If we never let our kids struggle to get something they want or work through a problem for themselves, then when things get difficult later in life, they won’t suddenly turn tough and get going; instead, they’ll just quit.” 1 likes
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