The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It

by M. Gary Neuman

book data

19 ratings, 3.05 average rating, 10 reviews (more data...)

rating	frequency	%
5		5%
4		31%
3		36%
2		15%
1		10%

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published

August 25th 2008 by Wiley

binding

Hardcover, 240 pages

isbn

0470114630 (isbn13: 9780470114636)

description

An unprecedented look at the real reasons for male marital infidelity, and what might prevent it

Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage

...more

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other reviews (showing 1-20 of 43)

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03/30/09

Rachel rated it:

Dislaimer: My husband would want me to point out that (as far as I know) he has not cheated!! :o) I saw this book featured on Oprah and was curious enough to pick it up. Many close friends and family members have had an issue with this and I wanted to understand it better because it can be very hurtful to everyone involved. Plus, if there was any good advice on a good marriage, I am always open to improve. (This book would say that is one of the main reasons my husband has NOT cheated.) It ...more

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12/27/08

Adrienna rated it:

Read in December, 2008

recommended to Adrienna by: interview on blogtalkradio with Alan Curry
recommends it for: no one

I thought I was really going to get to the nitty-gritty in this book. I heard him also on blogtalkradio with Alan Curry over a week ago. I thought it was a must-read book. However, I did not learn much from it as a single woman thinking about marriage. He gave examples and stories from people, but I skimmed through them. He lost me with the child voice; social voice; and home voice with each person's story towards the middle to end of the book. Back to the drawing board to find other books that ...more

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11/09/08

Ebony rated it:

Read in November, 2008

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

The book is generally about what women can do to prevent their husbands from straying. The jacket reads, “Don’t sit there wonder if your husband will ever cheat on you. Read The Truth About Cheating and make sure he won’t.” It’s such an obvious marketing ploy I was already turned off. Plus, it’s by a man who has never been a woman. And when he describes his commitment to his work as a therapist and a rabbi, I wondered how much time he spent at home with his family. The book generall...more The book is generally about what women can do to prevent their husbands from straying. The jacket reads, “Don’t sit there wonder if your husband will ever cheat on you. Read The Truth About Cheating and make sure he won’t.” It’s such an obvious marketing ploy I was already turned off. Plus, it’s by a man who has never been a woman. And when he describes his commitment to his work as a therapist and a rabbi, I wondered how much time he spent at home with his family. The book generally infuriated me because it made several assumptions. 1) The book assumes there are no masculine women who dote on their husbands and give them the requisite attention and still feel like they aren’t “winning.” Yes, men are gendered to win, but so are some women, but the book assumes they don’t exist. There’s very much a men and women are so, so different angle here. No surprise; it’s what sells the book. 2) The book assumes that women need to be married. Where are the women who say lying is lying and I won’t tolerate it? There is actually an okay to lie on pages 199-200. Where are the couples with strong standards? I guess those people wouldn’t buy this book. If I have to put a GPS system under my husband’s car so I can feel secure about our marriage I’d rather be alone, but that point of view is linked to the third assumption. 3) Wives are homemakers or women with traditionally gendered female jobs who have nothing else to do and everything to lose without their husbands. Again, this marks a very specific economic audience. The wives have nannies and what not—not your average household. I can’t really make an ethnicity claim because there were no obviously ethnic names but I’m sure they were changed to appear as mainstream as possible. So yeah, the book is for feminine females who desperately need to be married at all costs probably because they are unemployed with lots of kids—you know, the Oprah audience, and yes, he was a huge hit on the show. He kept saying he was not blaming the victim, but the focus on what women should do to keep their men was so totally gendered I grew weary of it. The learning to talk to yourself about the voices in your head was really interesting, though. Neuman totally misses the mark when he assumes that men and women don’t need the same things, though. He writes as if women never get dissatisfied in their relationships because of what the husbands do and yet not as many of them cheat. A woman on Oprah asked him about this and his flippant response was sure this can happen but tell him how you feel while you’re having sex. Sex is not the main reason why men cheat but it is like the second highest. The first is emotional disconnection, but frequent sex should help with the emotional disconnection. Men just want someone to listen and respond like a lover and not a mother. Sure, women want someone to listen and respond like a lover and not a father, but what the women want isn’t totally accounted for. The most bullshit argument is when he says men are underappreciated because they have more family responsibility than they used to couple that with working and men are stressed and need extra love. I mean, I guess it makes sense in a world where wives aren’t working, but in the real world that’s suspect for sure.(less)

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11/08/08

Gloryseeker33 rated it:

Read in November, 2008

I'm reading this because Oprah set it up so it could be downloaded after she had the author on. I wanted to see if I could load it onto my new Kindle. There was an option to save it as a text file from the pdf it was in that the kindle won't accept. It went into wordpad, and is readable, though the lines don't break right, leaving one long one short each time. Even though cheating is one of the things I never worry about with my husband, it is interesting to read the observations and stories ...more

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03/17/09

xista rated it:

Read in March, 2009

My mom saw this author on Oprah and she bought it for me since this is a book to read before an affair ever occurs. I totally did not want to read it, but it was a lot better than what I expected.

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03/22/09

Emily rated it:

Read in April, 2009

The author had a lot of good insight into how to keep your marriage alive and keep the focus on you as a couple. Many of it was common sense, but I think people often forget how important it is to make time for one another. Better to borrow it from the library than purchase it, but I would recommend it.

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10/01/08

Jill rated it:

bookshelves: bestseller, self-help

Read in October, 2008

This was a short read. Oprah offered it free on her web site, so I sat down with it and finished it within a day. It was insightful near the end when it gave marriage advice. Other than that, it was a little monotonous to get through. Overall, it's worth a few minutes of time.

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