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The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict
Written as an engaging story, this book shows how mistaken views can cause people to misread situations and exacerbate the issues they wish to improve. Arguing that it is only after they understand themselves and get their internal house in order that they can correctly confront external conflicts, the book shows what can be done to make that happen, and how to make inner ...more
Hardcover, 231 pages
Published
July 28th 2006
by Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.
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I'm responsible for my own feelings - CRAP! I hate it when that's true :-)
The idea that things that we do can feed into problems that we have with others is powerful, especially for people who like control. I really liked the concept that when we perceive others as being wrong, and ourselves as being right, we prevent ourselves from looking at different (and better or more effective) ways of approaching others.
This book has made a difference for good in one of my relationships, and I am grateful for that.
Beyond that, the book is corny. The ...more
This book has made a difference for good in one of my relationships, and I am grateful for that.
Beyond that, the book is corny. The ...more
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The Arbinger Institute came out with a book to precede The Anatomy of Peace, called, Leadership and Self-Deception. They both present a paradigm shift in the way we percieve those around us. The Anatomy of Peace has influenced how I interact with others within the walls of my own home more than any other book save the Bible or Book of Mormon.
The Anatomy of Peace is all about our relationships with others. This book is to relationships as Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth is to the self. It shows how easy it is to view people as objects rather than human beings. When we categorize some one based on race, religion, or any stereotype we are placing people into the object category, and do not relate to them on an individual bases.
A concept that was great in the book is their idea of collusion. They show that most ster...more
A concept that was great in the book is their idea of collusion. They show that most ster...more
This book was recommended to me by my wife after she read it in her book club. An excellent and easy read, the book is presented as a narrattive with fictional characters learning the lessons that are being taught.
The overarching message of this book as that we need to see others as people and not as objects. There are many ways of diminishing someone's "personhood" including stereotyping and others. When we allow ourselves to treat people as other than human, we feel ju...more
The overarching message of this book as that we need to see others as people and not as objects. There are many ways of diminishing someone's "personhood" including stereotyping and others. When we allow ourselves to treat people as other than human, we feel ju...more
If you are in a relationship of long-term conflict, read "The Anatomy of Peace." The main purpose of this book is to get the reader who is in conflict to reflect upon his own contributions to the conflict. Since our natural tendency is to blame the one we're fighting, we need to reconsider that our posture toward the situation and our "enemy" is a major factor. The longer we are in conflict, the more strongly we deny this, but it remains true.
We tend to objectify pe...more
We tend to objectify pe...more
An intriguing story that illustrates how we blame others for problems we ourselves have created. In other words, how our hearts are at war most of the time.
I enjoyed how the authors delivered their message in story form - it made the lessons more accessible and applicable. I took notes, and here are a couple of good passages:
"Most [people] who are trying to put an end to injustice only think of the injustices they believe themselves have suffered. Which means that they a...more
I enjoyed how the authors delivered their message in story form - it made the lessons more accessible and applicable. I took notes, and here are a couple of good passages:
"Most [people] who are trying to put an end to injustice only think of the injustices they believe themselves have suffered. Which means that they a...more
If I could have, I would have given this book 3 1/2 stars. It was good, but it wasn't my favorite book ever. It wasn't even a book that I would go around recommending to everyone.
I thought the message of the book was great. I liked the way they gave a good visual for the inner conflict of everyday choices. It was a great message to tell people who don't "get it."
However, halfway through the book, I was done. Firstly, I was done with the exhaustingly long train...more
I thought the message of the book was great. I liked the way they gave a good visual for the inner conflict of everyday choices. It was a great message to tell people who don't "get it."
However, halfway through the book, I was done. Firstly, I was done with the exhaustingly long train...more
I began reading trying to argue with the author because I didn't like the "authors" hiding behind "the institute". Come out and say who wrote it and why! I spent too long investigating that Ferrell mainly, and Warner wrote it. I don't like Ferrel's style of writing, I couldn't finish Peacegiver or Bonds... by Warner either. Too cumbersome!
I was annoyed by the long pretentious list of lds famous people who endorse the book. Why do you need so many endorsements of the...more
I was annoyed by the long pretentious list of lds famous people who endorse the book. Why do you need so many endorsements of the...more
This book was highly recommended by a senior executive in my organization, so I felt compelled to consider it. The Arbinger Institute is a consulting group based in Utah, with a focus of helping "solve the problems created by self-deception." It's largely based on the ideas of C. Terry Warner, a philosophy professor at BYU.
This book presents a more direct application of ideas presented in the Institute's first book "Leadership and Self-Deception." In this second boo...more
This book presents a more direct application of ideas presented in the Institute's first book "Leadership and Self-Deception." In this second boo...more
Three reasons I wanted to hate this book: 1. Not written by a person but by an institute? 2. "Personal Growth" is the genre listed on the back--ugh! and 3. It just had cheesy corny all over it.
And then, when I began reading, and everything felt horribly contrived...ok, WAS horribly contrived, I thought, how am I going to get through this. And then. THEN.
The "teaching" characters in the book tell us this story of a military/political leader from 1187...more
And then, when I began reading, and everything felt horribly contrived...ok, WAS horribly contrived, I thought, how am I going to get through this. And then. THEN.
The "teaching" characters in the book tell us this story of a military/political leader from 1187...more
I read this for my master's program and we had a little mini seminar on it. I have to admit that even though I love to read, I am never very excited to read a self-help book. I dislike introspecting and am not very good at it, so concepts that require examining my motives or my sub-conscious issues don’t resonate with me at all. I find that trying to figure myself out is tiring, confusing, and, frankly, quite boring.
Because of my prejudice against this particular genre, I approached...more
Because of my prejudice against this particular genre, I approached...more
Well, I think this book has an important message. It made me re-think some aspects of my life and offers some very true advice. The diagrams are helpful for the visual learner.
Unfortunately, the book is quite painful to read. It is one of those books that tries to teach concepts via a story. But in my experience, this delivery method comes across contrived and somewhat condescending. If I am going to read a self help book, I would rather have the information set forth in a clear, ...more
Unfortunately, the book is quite painful to read. It is one of those books that tries to teach concepts via a story. But in my experience, this delivery method comes across contrived and somewhat condescending. If I am going to read a self help book, I would rather have the information set forth in a clear, ...more
Subliem.. Mijn partner is gepassioneerd door dit boek en vertelde me zo gedreven het verhaal en de boodschap dat ik niet anders kon dan me in de zetel te nestelen met een sigaretje en wijntje en erin te kruipen. Geen moment spijt heb ik gehad.
Het verhaal wordt verteld door twee mannen die door hun afkomst eigenlijk vijanden moeten zijn. Net zij streven samen naar de bewustwording van jezelf en leerden dat zonder zelfwaarding en vrede met jezelf, je ook geen vrede met anderen kan bereiken. ...more
Het verhaal wordt verteld door twee mannen die door hun afkomst eigenlijk vijanden moeten zijn. Net zij streven samen naar de bewustwording van jezelf en leerden dat zonder zelfwaarding en vrede met jezelf, je ook geen vrede met anderen kan bereiken. ...more
Incredible. This is technically a "self-help" book, which I usually can't stand, but this one was the greatest. For one, it was written in allegory, which made it much more interesting...it's like I was reading a story but gleaning all the advice and help I needed from it. For two, it was so full of "truth" that I was constantly nodding my head, smiling and wondering why I hadn't already seen things this same way. It talks about having a heart at peace with everyone around yo...more
I had a hard time putting down this book. I checked it out on an interlibrary loan, looking for ideas on how to better facilitate reconciliation and conflict resolution. I found that it tended to cover some of the same principles as "The Bait of Satan" by John Bevere. It uses different terms mostly, only rarely mentioning offense or unforgiveness. The principles are still foundational to Jesus' teachings in places like the Gospel of Matthew in the Scriptures. Initially the concept of S...more
I just created a book list called Books That Changed My Life, and this book is on there. It's a powerful book because it took me out of my current perspective of people and opinions and lifted me outside of them a bit--so I can look at my opinions on the people around me and change them if I need to. And don't we all have relationships that need improving?
The powerful points of this book for me:
1. If I'm unhappy, I am the one who needs to change
2. I can choose a h...more
The powerful points of this book for me:
1. If I'm unhappy, I am the one who needs to change
2. I can choose a h...more
Anatomy of Peace delivers the goods. This is the Arbinger Institute's second book; Leadership and Self-Deception is their first. It's been so long since I've read the latter, that I really can't compare it to AoP. As far as didactic fiction goes, AoP is the best I've read. The fictional device really isn't that annoying. The story concerns the leaders of Mount Moriah, a troubled-teen camp, Yusef and Avi (Arab and Jew, respectively). The camp's name refers to the site of the "Dome of the Roc...more
I highly recommend this book... I found it in my quest to find current ideas related to the book I am currently revising -- Peace and Power. There are lots of very similar ideas in this book to mine, but it is presented in a story-like fashion. It is the story of a group of parents who are enrolling their delinquent teen-agers in an intensive program to turn their lives around, and the parents are required to attend a 2-day intensive workshop themselves at the time they drop their kids off. I...more
Following on the heels of Leadership and Self-Deception, The Anatomy of Peace helps describe why people do the things they do to one another. It all starts in their own hearts and projects itself onto others. The goal is to change your heart so that you can approach others as individuals instead of vilifying them from the start. It is a good book except that it doesn't take into account that men are sinful to begin with. If people could choose good or choose to do good, it would be a great book...more
Wow! I really liked this book and it's insight into why conflicts occur in marriages, families, communities and nations. This "self-help" book was written in a story format so that the information presented was more interesting and readable, although at times it seemed to be a little too repetitive and contrived. The book gave me a different way of looking at things and provided simple tools to help improve relationships and solve the inevitable conflicts we all encounter in life. ...more
Another RS book club recommendation. This book was surprising, even after reading the inside cover, it didn't proceed the way I was expecting, but I came to appreciate the fictional story approach that was taken. It is based in the same principles that Bonds that Make us Free is written about (that author is involved in Arbinger) and it amazes me how these princples seem so easy once explained, yet we all struggle with them. This book was easier to read than Bonds That Make us Free, and so I ...more
In looking at the heart of conflict, what the root causes are, this book suggests that we unwittingly perpetuate the very problems we think we are trying to solve.
We are often trapped by preconceived ideas & self-justifying reactions that keep us from seeing the world and the situation clearly and unbiased.
It is suggested that we each have the choice within us to choose peace or war and that a solution to the inner war solves the outer war as well.
A valuable...more
We are often trapped by preconceived ideas & self-justifying reactions that keep us from seeing the world and the situation clearly and unbiased.
It is suggested that we each have the choice within us to choose peace or war and that a solution to the inner war solves the outer war as well.
A valuable...more
Wow. Another book I could not put down. Where the first book 'Leadership and Self Deception' opened my mind and gave it a good premise to start from, this book filled my mind with how to do it. I highly recommend you read them in order although they do stand alone. I got so much out of them reading them this way and believe that most people probably do to...from what I have read.
When the book first started I did not think I would end up giving it this high of a review so you might wa...more
When the book first started I did not think I would end up giving it this high of a review so you might wa...more
I learned so much from this book! Next to "The Peacegiver" by James Farrell, this book is the best book I've read on having a peaceful heart in your relationships and treating people with pure charity. Thoughts and concepts rang so true that I couldn't believe I hadn't realized these things on my own. It was so obvious once it was explained; I recognized immediately the areas I have trouble with.
I loved most of all that the book gave a process for improvement that ...more
I loved most of all that the book gave a process for improvement that ...more
Upon being handed this paperback as the next read for one of my book clubs, my thoughts ranged through, "A self help book written by something called The Arbinger Institute - It is probably going to stink." (I don't like self help much at all.)
I started it the day before yesterday and was pleasantly surprised that it is a story. A very moralized, scripted story, but an interesting read none the less. A story that reminded me an awful lot of The Peacegiver by James Ferrell. ...more
I started it the day before yesterday and was pleasantly surprised that it is a story. A very moralized, scripted story, but an interesting read none the less. A story that reminded me an awful lot of The Peacegiver by James Ferrell. ...more
I thought "I should have found this book 50 years ago" but of course it wasn't available then! Is it too late now?? I think I "understand" but have so much trouble "doing". I can identify people around me who have hearts at peace, and enjoy being around them. The challenge of course is to create a peaceful heart for myself more of the time. I guess we all have times of peace and times of war. Except for those perfect people I don't know but admire/envy.
I thou...more
I thou...more
I read this for a book study, as a part of my coursework for a Masters in Teaching. It's a book that I think that everyone should read, especially if you wish to reduce drama, conflict, and stress in your life. However, I do have a few criticisms. First of all, it's strange because it's a fictional narrative. I think that, for many, this would be a characteristic that would make it more engaging, and it does make the book much more accessible. For me, however, I thought that it was kind of ...more
Pretty darn cool. My only qualm is the ability to put this into real life (i.e. having a heart at peace) and NOT being walked all over (i.e. having a heart at peace in a world full of hearts at war). I think they tried to explain this to a degree, but it wasn't enough for me to feel secure.
But, if anything, it really makes you take a hard look at yourself. And that's really important...being the first step to their notion of radical change and all.
I'm going to read it aga...more
But, if anything, it really makes you take a hard look at yourself. And that's really important...being the first step to their notion of radical change and all.
I'm going to read it aga...more
This is another one I've added to our Family Classics list. The concept of viewing people as objects instead of people, and then justifying our actions through self betrayal has been revolutionary thinking in our home!
With our 4 boys, I started encouraging them to start their conversations by starting with his name, looking him in the eye, and putting his demand in the form of a question. For example, "seth, will you please stop poking me in the elbow while I'm trying to write?"...more
With our 4 boys, I started encouraging them to start their conversations by starting with his name, looking him in the eye, and putting his demand in the form of a question. For example, "seth, will you please stop poking me in the elbow while I'm trying to write?"...more
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“There is a question I have learned to ask myself when I am feeling bothered about others: am I holding myself to the same standard I am demanding of them?”
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9 people liked it
“...when I betray myself, others' faults become immediately inflated in my heart and mind. I begin to 'horribilize' others. That is, I begin to make them out to be worse than they really are. And I do this because the worse they are, the more justified I feel.”
—
6 people liked it
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