Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's

by John Elder Robison (Goodreads author)

book data

3,334 ratings, 3.67 average rating, 976 reviews (more data...)

rating	frequency	%
5		19%
4		39%
3		30%
2		8%
1		1%

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published

September 25th 2007 by Crown

binding

Hardcover, 288 pages

isbn

0307395987 (isbn13: 9780307395986)

description

Ever since he was small, John Robison had longed to connect with other people, but by the time he was a teenager, his odd habits, an inclination to bl...more

[close] Ever since he was small, John Robison had longed to connect with other people, but by the time he was a teenager, his odd habits, an inclination to blurt out non sequiturs, avoid eye contact, dismantle radios, and dig five-foot holes (and stick his younger brother in them) had earned him the label "social deviant." No guidance came from his mother, who conversed with light fixtures, or his father, who spent evenings pickling himself in sherry. It was no wonder he gravitated to machines, which could, at least, be counted on.

After fleeing his parents and dropping out of high school, his savant-like ability to visualize electronic circuits landed him a gig with KISS, for whom he created their legendary fire-breathing guitars. Later, he drifted into a "real" job, as an engineer for a major toy company. But the higher Robison rose in the company, the more he had to pretend to be "normal" and do what he simply couldn't: communicate. It wasn't worth the paycheck.

It was not until he was forty that an insightful therapist told him he had the form of autism called Asperger's syndrome. That understanding transformed the way Robison saw himself and the world.

"Look Me in the Eye" is the moving, darkly funny story of growing up with Asperger's at a time when the diagnosis simply didn't exist. A born storyteller, Robison takes you inside the head of a boy whom teachers and other adults regarded as "defective" who could not avail himself of KISS's endless supply of groupies, and who still has a peculiar aversion to using people's given names (he calls his wife "Unit Two"). He also provides a fascinating reverse angle on the younger brother he left at the mercy of their nutty parents, the boy who would later change his name to Augusten Burroughs and write the bestselling memoir "Running with Scissors."

Ultimately, this is the story of Robison's journey from his world into ours, and his new life as a husband, father, and successful small business owner repairing his beloved high-end automobiles. It's a strange, sly, indelible account: sometimes alien, yet always deeply human. [close]

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04/11/08

Lucy rated it:

Read in April, 2008

In a day when a cure is expected for nearly every ailment, flaw or disorder, I was struck by John Elder Robinson's assertion that those with Asperger's Syndrome, a neurobiological disorder on the autism spectrum that the author lived with undiagnosed until he was forty, needs no cure - only understanding.

John Elder Robinson starts his story with his earliest memories -a failed attempt to make friends in a sandbox and meanders through his shame at being called a deviant and a psychopa...more In a day when a cure is expected for nearly every ailment, flaw or disorder, I was struck by John Elder Robinson's assertion that those with Asperger's Syndrome, a neurobiological disorder on the autism spectrum that the author lived with undiagnosed until he was forty, needs no cure - only understanding.

John Elder Robinson starts his story with his earliest memories -a failed attempt to make friends in a sandbox and meanders through his shame at being called a deviant and a psychopath because he avoided eye contact (although his explanation about how he still doesn't understand most people's need to stare at somebody's eyeball while speaking to them is hilarious), leaving home in the middle of his teenage years, finding himself as part of the 70s rock scene and creating flaming guitars for KISS, faking his way through a job interview for a position as an engineer and getting it by reading and memorizing books about the subject, his parallel struggle to "be a team player" through out his career, until he finally arrives at understanding and acceptance for both his gifts and oddities.

Although this book contains many fascinating stories that stem from his dysfunctional childhood rather than his Asperger's Syndrome, Robinson's experiences and viewpoint sheds a great deal of light on an "Aspergian's" way of thinking. I have a nephew who has been diagnosed with Asperger's and a brother and sister-in-law who constantly seek balance between his way of seeing things and their own understanding. I found myself asking my sister-in-law the question, "Do you think he needs a cure?" Who is to say? Robinson made clear in his book that while he has learned a great deal about appropriate social responses through trial and error, he still finds them unnatural and really, more to the point, unnecessary. What is normal? How much of life's successes are social? What parts of our own personalities should be fixed? I mean, I can't imagine an enjoyable existence where we are all the same.

But, if Asperger's Syndrome falls on the Autism Spectrum, and we observe those with the kinds of autism that render them completely unable to connect to the outside world, certainly we feel they miss out on opportunities for relationships and meaningful experiences. Certainly we would choose a cure, if there was one to be found. So at what point of the spectrum do we intercede?

These are simply the questions that I had after reading this book. You may or may not have similar kinds. However, if you get a chance to read this illuminating book, you will definitely have a glimpse into a colorful and fascinating life.(less)

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01/20/08

Tressa rated it:

bookshelves: medical

recommends it for: Aspies and the families and friends who love them

“Look me in the eyes, young man!”
“Nobody trusts a man who won’t look them in the eye.”
“You look like a criminal.”
“I’ve read about people like you. They have no expression because they have no feeling. Some of the worst murderers in history were sociopaths.”

These are just some of the things John Elder Robison heard as a young boy, decades before a friend handed him a book about Asperger’s Syndrome and told him, "This book describes you exac...more “Look me in the eyes, young man!”
“Nobody trusts a man who won’t look them in the eye.”
“You look like a criminal.”
“I’ve read about people like you. They have no expression because they have no feeling. Some of the worst murderers in history were sociopaths.”

These are just some of the things John Elder Robison heard as a young boy, decades before a friend handed him a book about Asperger’s Syndrome and told him, "This book describes you exactly." Hearing these predictions made Robison withdraw even further as a child as he waited for these awful things to come true. It wasn’t until he was a teenager that he realized he wasn’t going to become a serial killer. By that time he had met enough shifty people who had no trouble looking him in the eye to realize that these people had no idea what they were talking about. Learning that he was not defective and that he was not alone brought great peace to the adult John Elder Robison.

Although Robison was raised by a violent, alcoholic father and an increasingly mentally unstable mother, he was luckier than most Aspergian children at that time in that he was raised in a collegiate environment, where his quirky nature and adult personality were admired by professors and students. He honed his coping skills on college campuses across America. His brother, Augusten Burroughs, chronicled the dysfunction of the Robison family in his popular memoir, Running with Scissors (made into a movie in 2006). Burroughs believes that his brother was able to survive their turbulent childhood by his ability to shut down in traumatic situations.

Robison learned early on how not to answer a question. If a kid said, “Look at my Tonka truck,” instead of blurting out “I want some cookies,” he would force himself to supply the correct response: “That’s a neat truck! Can I hold it?” These skills helped him in his teenage and adult years, and he went on to design speakers for Pink Floyd and flaming guitars for KISS before settling down in the corporate world of designing electronic games for Milton Bradley. Eventually, his expertise in automotives steered him towards his own business of repairing and restoring European automobiles.

Some who are familiar with Aspies might be surprised at the emotion that Robison brings to his story. The chapters “I Get a Bear Cub” and “Winning at Basketball,” and the epilogue about his father’s death are surprisingly touching, breaking through the common robotic barrier of an Aspie. I was especially moved by his perfectly rational reason why Aspies don’t show emotion over tragic events that don’t directly affect them: "People die every minute, all over the world. If we tried to feel sorry for every death, our little hearts would explode." And he’s absolutely right.

Look Me in the Eye is one of the few books on Asperger's Syndrome that is not a dry training manual on the condition. I will always be grateful to Robison for telling his story because someone I'm close to has Asperger's, and I can now see that this person's eccentric way of doing things makes perfectly good sense to him, even if it sometimes doesn't to me.
(less)

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07/02/08

Celeste rated it:

bookshelves: 2008, readinthepast

Read in July, 2008

recommends it for: people dealing with autism

I bought this book on a whim (so that my order would get free shipping from Amazon.com). I was quickly horrified to learn that the author is the real-life brother of Augusten Burroughs, author of Running with Scissors. I did not enjoy that memoir at all. Go read my review of it so see what exactly I hated, if you're so curious. But I decided that I would try not to hold Robison's family against him and read his book.

I have to admit, given my son's placement on the autism spectrum...more

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10/07/07

Kimberly rated it:

bookshelves: autism

Read in November, 2007

very funny book! describes bits and pieces of Asperger's, but it is not a book about Asperger's. It is a very funny life story of someone who understands that there are social mores, but has to eventually learn to do them and even as an adult remind himself to follow them. I say that it is funny because he is very light hearted about his trials and tribulations.
One thing he mentions about asperger's is the autistic spectrum, and that with his strong memories of himself as a child, he stron...more

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11/12/07

fbuser605649540 rated it:

bookshelves: currently-reading

I became interested in this book after watching an episode of “America’s Next Top Model.” The new season features a woman with Asperger’s disease. Her name is Heather. She’s really hot and…whatever.

This book was written by a guy who has grown up with the disease. His brother is a well-known author. And this guy like fixes car motors or something. He’s like a mechanic now…I think, but not that there is anything wrong with that. He just can’t handle people. ...more

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12/10/08

Anastacia rated it:

Has a copy to sell/swap — Read in December, 2008

recommends it for: No one.

I am interested in the Asperger's continuum, so when I heard about this memoir - written by Augusten Burroughs's brother - I added it to my Amazon wish list. The title leads one to believe that the book is about the author's life with Asperger's, but that's a little misleading. The book is about his life in general and very little is devoted to how Asperger's influenced his life at all ages. I wanted to read a memoir about growing up within a dysfunctional family and also having a condition t...more

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09/12/07

Emily rated it:

Read in March, 2007

This is one of the best books I've read all year - and the cover is fantastic too. I've been reading the author's blog (jerobison.blogspot.com) and find myself wanting to read the book again. It's really one guy's story about trying to get through life - but he happens to be Augusten Burrough's brother, he worked for KISS for several years and he has Asperger's - well-written, clever and funny in so many ways.

Like this review? yes (4 people liked it)

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09/21/07

Maya rated it:

bookshelves: memoir-2008

Read in January, 2008

I was just saying the other day that it's interesting to read the family connection between John Elder Robison and his more well-known writing sibling; you can see a literary resemblance between John and his brother. Reading this book is like reading Augusten, if Augusten had Asperger's, if that makes any sense.

Aside from being highly entertaining in its own right as a memoir, I found this highly educational as an inside glimpse into the mind of someone with Asperger's. The most st...more

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10/06/07

Lara rated it:

Read in October, 2007

This was an excellent book. Although there were a few slow chapters, most of the time I was either laughing out loud or fascinated by his unique thought process. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone, but especially those who have read "running with scissors" by the author's brother Augusten Burroughs.

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07/13/08

Books Ring My Bell rated it:

bookshelves: memo-auto-bio

Read in March, 2009

I really enjoyed this book. Several times I laughed out loud, and then was stumped how to answer my son's question, "What's so funny, Momma?"

"Well, son, he sent a blow up doll to his crappy teacher."
Or:
"You see, Sam, he shot a snake that was slithering around outside his hotel room."

No, none of those would do.

While I loved reading the many misadventures of Robison, I also felt a great deal of sorrow; for his troubled c...more

Like this review? yes (2 people liked it)

2 comments

11/07/07

Helena rated it:

Haven't read Augusten Burroughs' books so didn't feel a connection on that level.

Sorry the author had a crappy childhood (like a lot of kids w/alcoholic parents) and that he had a tough time socially (like a lot of kids) but this guy has had a way more successful life than almost anyone I know ...

Not 1 but 3 amazingly successful lucrative careers, not 1 but 2 deep and meaningful long-term relationships, a great kid, a beautiful house ...

Am I supposed to fee...more

Like this review? yes (3 people liked it)

4 comments

12/07/08

Lynda Austin rated it:

This book was fascinating! All through reading it, I kept comparing the author's experiences with how my brother was in childhood and is now in adulthood. I saw so many similarities I had to tell my parents to read it. They promptly bought the book it sounded so intriguing. After reading it, they passed it on to the brother I referred to previously. He started it, didn't care to finish-refered to Robison as "kind of an a--hole, didn't you think?" You know that phrase about when one fin...more

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10/07/08

Homeschoolmama rated it:

Read in October, 2008

recommends it for: people who have AS, people who love them and professionals who work with/help Aspies

I finished this book last week. At first I wasn't sure I'd like the book, b/c I wasn't sure I liked the author! He described a lot of what I considered to be mean spirited pranks he'd play on people, including on his little brother- who was going through his own trials and tribulations. . .Then as I read on I got to truly appreciate and admire this remarkable man. He tells a great story, honestly sharing his struggles and joys. I was relieved in many parts of the book, to learn that he was able ...more

Like this review? yes (1 person liked it)

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07/31/08

Paula rated it:

Read in July, 2008

recommended to Paula by: Janer Hardy

A friend recommended this to me as I was considering whether someone close to me may be Aspergian (the term JE Robison used throughout the book). I may not have arrived at an answer ("diagnosis") but it was a well written memoir of an unusual man raised in an extraordinary family.

His brother wrote an autobiography which hit the big time: Augusten Burrough's "Running With Scissors". (Burroughs is a pen name for Chris Robison.) But John Elder's life was decided...more

Like this review? yes (1 person liked it)

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07/09/08

Nolatari rated it:

Read in March, 2008

Asperger’s Syndrome is virtually unknown to most people, and up until three years ago, it was to me, as well. But then my nephew began exhibiting signs of Asperger’s, and with his challenges I was compelled to begin reading all I could to understand how he thinks and how I can develop the best relationship with him. For the most part, books about Asperger’s are clinical in nature, which is helpful to a point but doesn’t really tell me how it feels. I ran across a couple of titles written...more Asperger’s Syndrome is virtually unknown to most people, and up until three years ago, it was to me, as well. But then my nephew began exhibiting signs of Asperger’s, and with his challenges I was compelled to begin reading all I could to understand how he thinks and how I can develop the best relationship with him. For the most part, books about Asperger’s are clinical in nature, which is helpful to a point but doesn’t really tell me how it feels. I ran across a couple of titles written by children and teenagers who have been living with the Syndrome, but have had little luck finding them in the library or discount book stores. And then this book came to my attention.

Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s is the story of one man’s life and how he came to find a “name” for all that he had struggled to understand in himself as he grew from childhood to middle age. The author, Robison, is actually the brother of Augusten Burroughs, but this biography speaks little of the famous younger brother — Robison was virtually grown by the time Burroughs’s life story was playing out — and focuses fully on Robison’s fascinating life experiences. After leaving home at the age of 16, he ambled his way into a life on the road with Pink Floyd’s sound company and later with the rock band KISS. He found himself working as a designer for a major toy manufacturer, and then eventually dropped completely out of the corporate world to restore cars in his garage. Success found him there, as well. Despite Robison’s achievements, he struggled with the aspects of his personality that didn’t seem to fit in “normal” society. Conversations didn’t follow a logical path. Thoughts in his own head didn’t fit with what he was seeing and hearing around him. Relationships didn’t come easy. And then a therapist friend shared his knowledge of Asperger’s, and suddenly Robison began to understand.

Look Me in the Eye was insightful in many areas, most especially regarding conversations, and Robison’s life was interesting enough to keep me engaged to the end of the book. I do understand a little better the ways my nephew may be seeing the world and people around him, and for that I’m thankful to have read this book. Robison’s childhood experiences were more humorous (or sad) than they were helpful to me, and I believe that comes from his not knowing of Asperger’s while in the midst of childhood situations. The hindsight is helpful to a degree, but certainly not to the extent I was hoping to find here. All in all, the book is more an interesting biography than a great light shone on the challenging disorder, though it is highly valuable for simply introducing the oblivious public to this misunderstood disorder of the Autism Spectrum. And that’s where the real value lies.(less)

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06/25/08

Rachel rated it:

Read in August, 2008

recommended to Rachel by: Emily Liebling

This was such a fascinating book - the author has Aspergers, and this autobiography offers great insight into the way his mind(and those of other Aspergians)works and processes things. For example, he attemps to explain why he might react with a smile when told that someone has died. He also goes into detail about his expertise on niche subjects, his startling intelligence, and he gives us an idea of why his brain might work that way, and how it has both evolved and devolved over the years. ...more

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04/02/08

Terry rated it:

bookshelves: non-fiction

Read in April, 2008

Hmm, it's hard to write this review because I don't want to sound mean-spirited at any point. I did enjoy this book quite a lot, although sometimes I wasn't sure if he was being funny/sarcastic or completely serious. (I tend to think the latter.) I worked exclusivly with an adolescent with Asperger's for about six months and it was an exhausting experience. While Robinson insists he has feelings (and they can be hurt) (which is a good thing to remind people without experience with autism spectru...more

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04/01/08

Natalie rated it:

bookshelves: education, nonfiction--not-politcs

Read in May, 2008

recommends it for: anyone whom marches to the beat of a different drummer

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

John Elder's mother taught him that to make friends with dogs, he needed to pet the dog softly and pat it's head. It worked. SO when he wanted to make friends with a girl at school he walked up to her and patted her head petting it softly. This social approach did not work for the girl!

John Elder refuses to look his parents or teachers in the eye. John Elder struggles to make friends. John Elder does not understand social protocol. John Elder obsesses about trucks and porsches. John ...more John Elder's mother taught him that to make friends with dogs, he needed to pet the dog softly and pat it's head. It worked. SO when he wanted to make friends with a girl at school he walked up to her and patted her head petting it softly. This social approach did not work for the girl!

John Elder refuses to look his parents or teachers in the eye. John Elder struggles to make friends. John Elder does not understand social protocol. John Elder obsesses about trucks and porsches. John Elder remains VERY uncomfortable with change. John Elder takes everything said very literally. People think John Elder shows the wrong emotions at the wrong time. What is wrong with this little boy, John Elder?

The answer is clearly, nothing. Nothing is wrong with him! He has Asperger's. John explains that Asperger's isn't a disorder. It's just a way of being. Asperger's, on one end of the autism spectrum affects children who are average or above average intelligence. In John's case he is above average in the areas of math, or when it involves the workings of electronics, and automobiles.

He talked about his loneliness and his immense desire to make friends. He explained his intricate way of thinking and how socially inept his thinking proved. "The worst of it was, my teachers and most other people saw my behavior as bad when I was actually trying to be kind."

Since I work with children, the first few chapters about his life as a young child intrigued me. Feeling rejected by people, he turns to machines, because machines never reject him. From his childhood truck, "Chippy" to his magnificent talent taking apart appliances and putting them back together in better working order and design, he finds machines very easy to understand.

As his life goes on, he does figure some things out and experiences a lot of success, despite the fact that his mom goes crazy and his father acquires an alcohol problem. He begins to realize the difference between trying to make friends with a young child, as opposed to a young puppy. He even realizes why some people don't understand his responses to his questions and perfects his ability to hold conversations with other children.

His life continues and he experiences what I consider a wild ride in adult life mixed with success, failures, strange events, and disappointments, --you know what all of us has. Until he settles down, to what others would see as normalcy.

He never quite understands why he seems so different. Until he turns 40 and a psychiatrist friend alerts him to Asperger's. He wishes he would have known at an earlier age, but remains happy to finally know, there are other people who think like him.(less)

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03/27/08

Bobbi rated it:

Read in March, 2008

Thank you, John Elder Robison, for writing this book. I love memoirs anyway, and this is a good one. A good memoir is like a visit to another country. This one took me to another planet: the planet of the Aspergians. Robison wryly compares himself at various points to a machine, an animal, or an alien, but he is none of these things; he is touchingly human and vulnerable in this volume. Communication isn't supposed to be one of the strong points of people with Asperger's Syndrome, but th...more

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03/12/08

Kate rated it:

Read in February, 2008

I'm a big fan of Augusten Burroughs (lovingly dubbed "Varmint" by the author) and have always been curious about his big brother, John Elder. I also used to work with kids with Asperger's, so it was interesting to read about someone's experiences growing up "Aspergian." I wish this book had been around when I was still teaching because it really articulates the struggles Aspergians (particularly, kids) face when trying to navigate the nuances of social interaction with othe...more

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