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The Sisters Antipodes

2.92 of 5 stars 2.92 · rating details · 367 ratings · 99 reviews

A gorgeous and deeply intimate memoir about families breaking apart

When Jane Alison was a child, her family met another that seemed like its mirror: a father in the Foreign Service, a beautiful mother, and two little girls, the younger two (one of them Jane) sharing a birthday. The families became inseparable almost instantly. Within months, however, affairs ignited betwee...more

Hardcover, 288 pages

Published March 16th 2009 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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Dec 16, 2011 Jessica rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: girls with daddy issues

Shelves: chicklits, crazy-ladies, groups-of-people, love-and-other-indoor-sports, substance-related-disorders

Man, I really loved this. Memoir might be another one of those things that I think I really hate, but in fact don't. I might just hate the idea of it, of how rampant it's become and how much memoir embodies this idea that's so pervasive right now about how everyone's individual story is so fascinating and important just because it's true, and how any level of event or emotional pain so significant and unique and worth moaning on about, only because it happened... A lot of the reviews on here too...more Man, I really loved this. Memoir might be another one of those things that I think I really hate, but in fact don't. I might just hate the idea of it, of how rampant it's become and how much memoir embodies this idea that's so pervasive right now about how everyone's individual story is so fascinating and important just because it's true, and how any level of event or emotional pain so significant and unique and worth moaning on about, only because it happened... A lot of the reviews on here took issue with the "emotional purge" quality of this book, which I get because it's the kind of thing that would normally bother me too, but for me it really worked here, not just in spite but because of its endlessly repetitive -- and arguably narcissistic -- exploration of psychic trauma and self.

The Sisters Antipodes passes the My Dark Places memoir test, i.e., it answers with an aggressive "yes" the question "Did anything unique or remarkable happen in your life that is worth exploring in a memoir?" The book is about Alison's family which, while probably not any less happy than your average family is unhappy in a more interesting way. In 1965, when Alison was four, her parents -- an Australian couple in the foreign service -- met another couple -- Americans, also in the foreign service, with two daughters around the same age as Jane and her sister. While the details of what happened next remain a bit unclear, both couples immediately divorced and reconfigured in only slightly altered mirror images of each other, and of what they had just recently been. Jane, her older sister, and their mother moved to the United States with Jane's stepfather, Paul, while her father stayed in Australia with his new wife and her two daughters. None of the four girls saw their biological fathers for the next seven years, acclimating to their new families and countries with the knowledge that on the other side of the globe, there was a shadow family for whom they'd been unceremoniously swapped. The book is about what this experience was like for Alison, and particularly focuses on her relationship with Jenny, her counterpart step-sister down-under, and both girls' serious issues both with each other and with their complex configuration of fathers.

As the child of an infinitely more prosaic divorce myself, I found a lot of this story seriously resonated with me. The concept of the book is successful because the premise -- which is, let's face it, far too schematic and contrived and unbelievable for a novel -- really works as a literary device through which to look at common experiences using an exceptionally poetic situation. In our culture, I'd say, the experience of father absence to some degree is far more common than not (see Chodorow, 1979). While this seems to be changing, a very large percentage of women my age and older can probably relate to a lot of Alison's obsessions with her father's attention and approval. A lot of the things she gets into about jealousy and competition in reconfigured families is also very common and is well-treated here. I mention this because I think part of my prejudice against memoir is that it's solipsistic and inherently navel-gazey, and I didn't find The Sisters Antipodes to be because, like good fiction, it was about a lot more than itself.

That said, there are some things in here that I can see not everyone could get into. For one thing, it must be said that Jane Alison is a good-looking blonde who went to Princeton. This fact isn't incidental to her story: it is a crucial point, and necessarily comes up a lot. Rightly or wrongly, some of us might have a very hard time relating to the problems of a good-looking blonde who has had an interesting, and in some ways privileged life, who's endowed with certain natural advantages and talents. Despite the difficulties she's faced at times, Alison is a winner, and the book is about how she wins, not at all in a celebratory inspirational way, but in a fairly ruthless and Darwinian sense that I found both profoundly honest and fascinating. I think there's a tendency in first-person accounts to play down one's winningness, because most readers can relate best to the aw-shucks underdog schmucky type who's more like us. But The Sisters Antipodes isn't about someone like that; it's about a girl who has a lot going for her, and knows it, who is competitive in ways that are difficult and damaging not just to people in her life, but to her. And that's a story that's maybe harder to relate to for a lot of readers than that of the hapless wallflower Jane-next-door, but it's also a lot more interesting, to me anyway.

Another thing about this book is that I really liked the language. It's very lush and descriptive, which is not always my thing, but it's cut with a certain dry cynicism that I think helped tether it to the ground. The environments and eras are so well evoked -- 1960s Australia, 1970s Washington D.C., a perplexingly unnamed South American country, etc. -- that I felt I'd been in them, in particular the author's childhood house. Due to my prejudice against memoir, I haven't read much of it, so I can't really compare this example against others of the genre. However, I was struck by the lucidity of her memories, and of how they triggered my own thoughts of times in my life I haven't remembered in years.

Finally, I sat down and read this book pretty much straight through, neglecting everything else in my life until I had finished. This hasn't happened to me in awhile, and I am really grateful for the experience. The writing was so vivid and immersive that I feel as if I'd inhabited the author's world and mind during the time I was reading. I do feel bad for Alison's family -- I am surprised that all these memoirs haven't inspired more murders of telling-all authors by their pissed-off siblings and parents -- but as a reader I benefited a lot from her candor, and I'd recommend this book to people (especially women, and men interested in specifically female experiences, who are, as noted here on previous occasions, unfortunately a minority) who might get into this kind of thing.(less)

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Mar 21, 2009 Catherine rated it 1 of 5 stars

Two couples, each with two daughters about the same age, meet in Australia. The fathers worked in Foreign Service. The couples switch partners, divorce, and the two daughters from each of the original couples end up living with their birth mothers and new stepfathers. Jane Alison is one of the daughters. Now one would think that situation would present the author with terrific fodder for a fascinating memoir. Nope!

Alison's memory is spotty at best, miring the reader down into the minutest detail...more

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Aug 04, 2012 Jo rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: aww-challenge-2012

I loved this book.

To put this in context, neither non-fiction generally, nor memoir specifically, are among my favourite genres. But this book is so well-crafted, so compelling, I was drawn in from the start.

Alison describes the trauma of her childhood, caused by her parents switching marriages with another couple, combined with both families travelling for diplomatic purposes, with incredible clarity and emotional truth. She goes on to discuss the fall-out for herself and one of her step-sister...more

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Jan 12, 2011 Jill rated it 5 of 5 stars

When author Jane Alison was four years old, her parents (Rosemary and Edward) divorced - trading partners with a couple who were close friends of the family and had children of a similar age. Jane and her older sister went to live with their mother and her new partner (Paul) and Jenny and her sister went to live with Jane’s father and Jenny’s mother (Helen). This is Jane and Jenny’s story. Being close in age, Jane and Jenny developed a fierce rivalry - each competing to win the love of their new...more

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Nov 20, 2010 Cindy Vine rated it 4 of 5 stars

This has got to be one of the most beautifully-written books I've read in a long time. I'm not usually one for memoirs, but the story about two couples starting out as friends and then swapping partners could be the story of my childhood as that's what happened in my family. The resultant jealousy, feelings, rivalry still occur in our family 37 years later so it is definitely something I could identify with. For me this book was more the creation of an artist than a writer, as the descriptions f...more

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Jan 28, 2010 Brenan rated it 2 of 5 stars

I can't decide if I liked this story or not. In short, it's a story about a girl growing up whose parents got divorced and married another couple who also had daughters (so, each couple started with two girls, got divorced, the couples changed partners, the girls all grew up with new dads--very confusing, I know), and all of the heartache that followed. It is very intriguing, in a "can't stop looking at the car crash" kind of way, but it is hard to enjoy a book when every single character is com...more

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Aug 27, 2009 Joanne rated it 5 of 5 stars

Not that I usually like Memoirs...but I think you can really connect to the Girls in this book. They experience so many different things that it is impossible not to have empathy with them at some point or another during their lives. It is a little hard to get into despite the opening being as blunt as it is. Everything the synopsis tells you is revealed on the first page - leaving you feeling as if there can't be much more to tell, but the story takes an entirely new direction and shows a whirl...more

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Jul 08, 2009 N. rated it 4 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I liked this book, but it did feel very unformed at times, and I could see why others wouldn't be crazy about that. I felt like it was one of those books that you can't rush through. You have to read it slowly and let the prose wash over you. Also, in the beginning, I remember the timeline being sort of muddled because she would jump back and forth and space and time was not totally clear. This story ends up being about her and her mirror stepsister Jenny. It doesn't quite seem like that, but it...more I liked this book, but it did feel very unformed at times, and I could see why others wouldn't be crazy about that. I felt like it was one of those books that you can't rush through. You have to read it slowly and let the prose wash over you. Also, in the beginning, I remember the timeline being sort of muddled because she would jump back and forth and space and time was not totally clear. This story ends up being about her and her mirror stepsister Jenny. It doesn't quite seem like that, but it ends up like that at the end. There is a lot of ground to cover, like her relationship with her biological sister and then the older stepsister, and then her stepmother and her actual mother and then the fathers. I mean, a lot of characters are at play here, and I think she did a good job of touching upon everyone. I wonder several things. I wonder if this story would've been strengthened by simply honing in on Jenny. I also wonder if the story would've been better really going into depth with all the characters a little more. She's chosen not to talk about Patricia, the older stepsister, and from the book, you can tell that Patricia is extremely jealous of her. And we only get that in passing, not full on force.

Of course, as a reader, I am always pushing the edges, wanting to know more, and sometimes the reader should not get more. That is at the author's discretion.

What I liked about the book: the prose. Some of it was so beautiful. It was so honest. The way she writes is the way I think about life, and it's always nice to come across a writer who is willing to be so brutally honest about how she feels--not how she thinks she should feel because people tell her that, but the bravery to write as one feels, even if it doesn't fit this socially constructed idea of the norm.

As someone who deals with perpetual singleness, I could relate with the search for love in this book, and I think she is brave person for writing about life this way, even though things don't add up or wrap up nicely. And some scenes are definitely hard to take, like the first time she goes to NYC and stays in Jenny's pink room. That jealousy wrapped around me and felt so rotten. And then the way she depicts Jenny, even though she is no longer alive, with all her feelings from the past and choosing to show her in the moment and without the fuzzy feelings of nostalgia shading it. We feel very much in those moments.

This is a book about memory and how it functions, how it tricks us, how it is unreliable, how we only remember certain parts and discard the rest. So in that way, it is Proustian. And I can appreciate a book that tackles the subject of elusive memory. (less)

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Nov 20, 2009 Amanda rated it 3 of 5 stars

This is a sad but beautifully written memoir about the life of the author. Jane Alison experienced a very strange breach of family at the age of four: her parents met another family that were the mirror images of themselves, both couples divorced and married a member of the other pair. As each family had two daughters of the same age, Jane grew up with a strong sense of competition for the affection of her father, who now lived with two other little girls, and her new stepfather, who still had a...more

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Oct 25, 2009 Laren rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs

An Australian family in the foreign service meets an American family, also in the foreign service, and with 2 similarly-aged daughters to match their own. The couples hit it off - so much so that they end up divorcing and swapping partners with each other. This is the true story of the author's childhood growing up with the repercussions of that situation. Communication at that time was expensive and not technologically advanced (ex: no email), so the geographical separation of the families due...more

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Jul 27, 2009 Rhonda rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2009

This is a biography of Jane Alison...when she was 4 years old, her family met another family...each family had two little girls, and she was one of the younger ones, who shared the birthday as the other little girl, but who was one year older. The families spent lots of time together, and Jane and the other youngest girl, Jenny, often were bathed together, thus the title of the book...antipodes means two bodies pressed together...foot to foot, exactly how they bathed.

The two couples divorced, m...more This is a biography of Jane Alison...when she was 4 years old, her family met another family...each family had two little girls, and she was one of the younger ones, who shared the birthday as the other little girl, but who was one year older. The families spent lots of time together, and Jane and the other youngest girl, Jenny, often were bathed together, thus the title of the book...antipodes means two bodies pressed together...foot to foot, exactly how they bathed.

The two couples divorced, married the other's spouse, and moved away, the girls going to live with their mothers and new stepfathers. Both younger girls never felt the love of their own fathers, and were forever jealous of each other and were in competition from then on.

It was interesting how it affected the two younger girls and not so much the two older girls. I mean it affected every part of their lives, their relationships, careers well into adulthood. Jane tries to piece together what really happened in the beginning to cause the parents to swap partners, and the $10 million question...which parent left first, deciding that their daughters were worth losing. She struggles to this day over this.

Quotes:
"The same question, the impossible question: What makes one woman, one packet of flesh and the being inside it, so drenched in value as to make a man leave a woman he loved, leave even his own daughters? I don't understand what love is, how its object is contained in a single skin, how that object exerts irresistible pull. Or: I understand it when I feel the closest thing to love I feel. It's this: That other person has become home, and to be apart from him is to be in exile, helplessly gravitating toward wherever he is, having no center of your own.
And another question, one I keep asking myself, and as I grow older the problem only grows worse: Why is jealousy obliterating? Why is the vision of another woman taking your place ruinous? You don't die. You're still there. Your forearms are there with the light hair on them, your stomach sucked in at the jeans, your bruised knees. You haven't been obliterated. Yet it feels as if you have. You've just made the mistake, again, of granting your existence to someone else's eyes."

"Lucretius, like Epicurus, said: Elilinate your wants, and you will eliminate the pain of not getting. Epicureanism is not about pleasure but about avoiding pain. Want nothing, and you will not suffer; plug up the leaky jar. But you cannot plug up the jar and still live. You have no choice but to be porous and leak, to want and love, and need to be wanted and loved, and I have to keep learning this again and again, and it is painful every time."
(less)

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May 13, 2009 Alexsis rated it 1 of 5 stars

Okay, so for the record, for the entire time that I was reading this book I thought the pronunciation was (Ant-ee-podes) but someone just pointed out to me that it is most probably actually pronounced (An-tip-oh-dees). Sounds much better that way.

Eh, either way you pronounce it, I did not love this book. This book being The Sisters Antipodes by Jane Alison.

I really feel like such an asshole whenever I say I did not like a memoir. Or, I guess, any book. I mean, every book is someones hard work, s...more Okay, so for the record, for the entire time that I was reading this book I thought the pronunciation was (Ant-ee-podes) but someone just pointed out to me that it is most probably actually pronounced (An-tip-oh-dees). Sounds much better that way.

Eh, either way you pronounce it, I did not love this book. This book being The Sisters Antipodes by Jane Alison.

I really feel like such an asshole whenever I say I did not like a memoir. Or, I guess, any book. I mean, every book is someones hard work, so I feel like a jerk tearing it down. But, especially when it is someones own life story, it feels like I am saying that not only is their work bad, but also their life story is bad.

The truth about this book is, the story is crazy interesting. Two nearly identical families meet and switch spouses. Two women exchange husbands, and two sets of daughters exchange fathers. The story was written by one of the daughters.

I think that the mistake here, and the reason I did not like the book, was that it was written more as an emotional purge, rather than as a story. I recognize it as that because I have written more than my share of emotional purges. The difference is that I do not consider any of my emotional purgings suitable to share with anyone else. Maybe I am wrong about that, maybe sharing an emotional purge is actually a good thing to do. But, I do not think I will try to publish any of mine anytime soon.

There are a few parts of this story that led me to classify it as a "purge." For instance, there are many passages that begin with a phrase such as "I'm not sure if this really happened, but..." I totally get that memory is not infallible, especially when remembering things that happened when we were children, but it just makes the reader feel kind of lost. There is no real storyline to follow. We are just following someones stream of conscious as they work through something really difficult. Maybe I didn't like this because I spend enough time in my own head working through difficult things and reading is meant to be a departure from that.

Also, interspersed through the novel are ruminations about deeper meaning. It was really like sitting in on someones visit to the psychologist. It was uncomfortable, and confusing.

I really wish that she had waited until she had worked through these things a bit more before writing this story. Or at least gone through a few more revisions before publishing it. But, really, I feel like a jerk for saying so.(less)

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Jan 21, 2011 Jennifer rated it 2 of 5 stars

I'm sorry. I really, really wanted to like this. REALLY. But I just did not.

The story itself was interesting, but there wasn't actually that much story in it.

I agree with other reviewers in their comments that it's basically a purge for the writer...but for me, it just got annoying. I DID want to know more about what happened...I got tired of reading what seemed to be a personal, written therapy session.

Also, to be honest, you can use the word 'antipodal' once, twice tops in a book this size and...more

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Oct 28, 2010 Hether rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: book-club-picks

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jun 17, 2009 Bethany rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, non-fiction, psych

This book is well-written. However, I finished it with a mixture of relief that it was over, sadness that these things would never be over for the author, and a strange disconnectedness from the events Alison discusses. I have a hard time reading works in which there is nothing uplifting amidst tragedy (and I have a fairly wide definition of "uplifting"), it is true. But I found myself, as awful as this sounds, not really caring what happened to Alison. There are so many utterly devastating true...more

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Nov 01, 2009 David rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs-and-bios

I enjoyed the language of this memoir and found her descriptions of events, people, and feelings both poetic and vivid. My only complaint is that when recalling pivotal events and situations that no doubt shaped her life and psyche, she remains unsure of what exactly happened...often offering two very vivid accounts of how things "might have happened." I guess I felt that such events were so life-changing and important that it should have been recalled with certainty...at least, this would have...more

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Apr 07, 2013 Inge Hulsker rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Een intrigerend verhaal, twee gezinnen met ieder twee dochters, waarvan de ouders van partner ruilen en aan verschillende kanten van de wereld gaan wonen. De hoofdpersoon is het jongste meisje, die haar hele leven concurreert met het jongste meisje in het andere gezin.

Maar de manier van schrijven spreekt mij niet aan. Ze is de hele tijd aan het analyseren hoe ze zich voelde, waarom ze zich zo voelde, waarom ze dingen deed. Ik lees veel liever alle gebeurtenissen zoals ze gingen, de rest kan ik z...more

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May 04, 2010 Terry rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoir

I really wanted to like this book (because of the complicated family arrangements that reminded me slightly of my own) but I just didn't. One reason is that Alison presumes--she admits she presumes--a LOT about what other people were thinking or feeling and she just doesn't KNOW; to me, that weakens the book. Why go on and on about what you THINK people were feeling followed by musings on how you're not SURE what they were ACTUALLY feeling? Second, I just don't feel that she made a strong enough...more

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May 04, 2009 Lolly LKH rated it 2 of 5 stars

The problem I had with this book seems somewhat unfair, because it IS about her personal life, it just seemed there was never any release from the life her parents created. What a strange little world! Her writing is beautiful, no doubt, but I just kept feeling like I was on my way to some unknown destination and never arrived. I wouldn't say I hated it, just that I think she should have been more raw and open. I feel she left a lot out, maybe to protect? However, therein lies the point of memoi...more

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Aug 28, 2010 Kathleen rated it 3 of 5 stars

Two married couples, each with two daughters, both in the foreign service decide to swap mates. For much of their childhood the girls are separated by their stepdads assigments, living with their mothers. Finally one of the couples divorces. Jane, her sister, and mother must stay in the United States, because they gave up their Australian citizenship to accomodate the marriage. Money becomes a big problem, but the other family is living in the lap of luxury. The trials of this set-up are monumen...more

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Nov 08, 2009 Heather rated it 3 of 5 stars

I was looking forward to reading this book... And I had to wait a long time for it to become available at the library. But I am glad I didn't buy it because it didn't live up to the review that made me want to read it. It was interesting, but not nearly as "juicy" as I'd hoped. I thought it was going to be about something done secretly, but that wasn't the case. Not one of the characters evoked any sympathy from me. And there lacked a resolution of any kind. Basically it was a story about a bunc...more

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Mar 27, 2009 Beth rated it 2 of 5 stars

This biographical account of the author's family, torn apart by infidelity, focuses on the history of two Australian couples, and the effect of divorce and remarriage on the children and parents. Part tribute to the stepsister with whom she competes for their fathers' love and attention, Jane confides and speculates about the skeletons in her family's closet in intimate fashion.

The writing is lovely, highly literary and reflective in tone, and the pace, leisurely. The themes of identity and self...more

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Apr 25, 2009 Melanie Faith rated it 5 of 5 stars

As a Queenie, I recall hearing Jane read from the text when it was still a manuscript. I could not WAIT for it to be published, and as soon as I got my copy, I devoured it. Jane's writing is both expressive and controlled, evocative and image-laden (which, as a poet, I appreciate greatly). Her honesty in detailing very painful family memories and scandals set this CNF selection apart from a few others I've read this year. Well-crafted, beautifully rendered. Many of the anecdotes within stick wit...more

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Oct 25, 2009 Christy S rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction, memoir-biography

This bizarre family story could have been fiction: two young families, much alike, on vacation. Both fathers are diplomats, lovely mothers, two daughters each, the younger with the same birthdays. From that vacation, affairs between the couples, then a switcheroo: divorce, remarriage, relocation. Daughters growing up not only without their own father, but with the feeling that they have been replaced by a new family, a similar family, on the other side of the world. Cue ensuing themes of jealous...more

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May 01, 2009 Carol rated it 3 of 5 stars

Quote from the book:
"Girls who grow up without fathers are so full of longing."
This was a disturbing memoir about two couples who exchange spouses and presume all the daughters will be fine. In fact, both households are toxic and, ultimately, dangerous. The author's life was intertwined with a stepsister's, and she should have stayed far away from her as they were jealous of each other living with their own father. It was difficult for me to read to be reminded of my own abandonment issues.

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Aug 13, 2010 Jennifer rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

I was not a fan. I mean, I'll be the first to admit that most books involve some tragedy or hardship or sadness and I do not NOT like books simply because they're depressing,(is there any great work of literature about something happy?), but this is one of the more glum (glummer?) books I have read in awhile. It read more like someone's therapy journal or a creative writing exercise on with all sorts of stream-of-consciousness passages and working through issues than a polished memoir and I coul...more

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Jan 16, 2010 Jennie rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

My friend was nice enough to give me this book. (thanks, S!) Sadly, I didn't love it. It was fascinating and on paper it sounds like it would be an incredible story: in the 60s, a girl's parents switch partners with another family, creating a mirror image family (both families had two girls about the same age) that lived on the other side of the world. However, I found that it was mostly a story about the author's lack and search of a father figure, a rather whiny story at that. Sorry, S!

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Oct 05, 2009 Laurie B-W rated it 4 of 5 stars

I love memoirs in general, and this was a fascinating story. I saw another review that said the author's writing was "dreamy." I agree: it was dreamy, like memories often are when recalled years later.

It doesn't offer a perfect recall of events, and the main question that I had while reading it ("What really happened with the parents?!") was never answered. But, that seems right. This memoir is more concerned with how what happened created or effected the author's sense of identity than with wh...more

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Jun 08, 2009 Charlotte rated it 2 of 5 stars

This book is very different from what I normally read a memoir that doesn't have a lot of drama or the I want to know what happens next feeling. The focus of the book is really the impact of her familiies divorce and remarriage that happens when she is young. A great deal of the book is about her introspective and self analysis of her feelings of her different family members. There were some analogies and references to other books and characters that I wasn't always familiar with.

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Jun 08, 2009 Sarah rated it 4 of 5 stars

Jane Allison has "drawn" some really lovely, strong images. One particular expression of hers, I must steal and make my own, in the way writers do with material they read. This is her first memoir. Her other books were novels; I will keep them in mind for future reading. This memoir is definitely literary nonfiction. My old prof Maddy would approve. Should write her about this book, esp. since Alison teaches in Miami -- home of Maddy's old newspaper gig.

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About Jane Alison

Jane Alison was born in Canberra, Australia, and grew up in the Australian and U.S. foreign services. She attended public schools in Washington, D.C., and earned a B.A. in classics from Princeton University. Before writing fiction, she worked as an administrator for the National Endowment for the Humanities, as a production artist for the Washington City Paper, as an editor for the Miami New Times...more

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