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Dec 17, 2009

Teresa rated it:

This book should've been called "How To Be a Human Being." :) Everything it talks about has to do with how to have effective and enriching relationships in all their forms. Own your feelings, be honest, be open about what you want, be willing to compromise, talk to each other, listen to each other... I was particularly interested in what it had to say about owning one's feelings - that no one can make you feel anything. That idea goes a long way in making strong emotions more manageabl More...

1 comment like (25 people liked it)

Jan 30, 2008

Rita rated it:

I feel like it is written for/by pagan couples in their fifties who go to the Renaissance Faire, i.e. not bisexual ladies in their twenties. It's a good introduction to these concepts, though. Interesting stuff like your hippie parent would tell you about, without having to listen to said parent talk.

0 comments like (15 people liked it)

Dec 17, 2009

Thalia rated it:

What I hate most about polyamorists is their smugness--they make no, er, bones about how superior they are to us one-at-a-timers who haven't transcended our jealousy and learned to let go of our high standards. This book did nothing to dispel my prejudice. Also, the cover is butt-ugly.

6 comments like (12 people liked it)

Dec 17, 2009

Jess rated it:

This book helped me deconstruct the way I have been programmed to think about love, relationships, and how important it is to take care of yourself. Even If you don;t plan on becoming a floozie anytime soon, this book is a really great read.

0 comments like (9 people liked it)

Jan 16, 2008

Deb rated it:

I received a copy of this book when I was 19 and very monogamous. The man who gave it to me wanted me to be polyamorous so that he and his wife could share a playmate. My boyfriend at the time convinced me that the very idea of people being able to love everyone and while balancing everything and being healthy individuals was ridiculous, or at the very least I would have to do it without him. He was half-right: I wasn't ready to break with monogamy then and would have made a mess of it.

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0 comments like (12 people liked it)

Sep 07, 2011

Laura rated it:

Before I write my review, I want to say something. I don't normally read psycho-babble self-help relationship-help type books.

Maybe it's because I've been in therapy for bipolar since I was 13, maybe it's because I regularly read psychology and medical texts, maybe it's because I have an immediately visceral and negative reaction to the idea of trying to change another person. This is probably due to the fact that people have been trying to "change" me for so long, conv More...

1 comment like (5 people liked it)

Apr 27, 2008

Nicola rated it:

Firstly: make no mistake, this is a self-help book. Be wary if you are someone who dislikes endless cheerleading on why you should respect and love yourself! and others! and the birdies and the treeeeees! -- okay, I'm exaggerating, but people who find self-help jargon grating should proceed with caution. There's a LOT of "learning to love yourself" stuff in here -- much of it not relating to polyamory at all.

However, beneath the cheerleading, there is also practical advice, More...

0 comments like (7 people liked it)

Dec 19, 2007

Darren rated it:

I see labels... and am glad to see some of the women stigmatized by the norms of patriarchal attitudes turned the negative to positive.
I know I tend to sound like a broken record with this observation but it is tragic that so many things are still dictated by an ignorant notion that women are property.
This of course is obvious in the double standard that men can be studs yet women should be chaste. I think that the example shown by those of same gender preference is the best way More...

0 comments like (4 people liked it)

Dec 17, 2009

Angela rated it:

Let me preface this by saying that I am non-monogamous and do not have a problem with the relationship structure the authors are advocating. But I do not like being talked down to, and I do not like assumptions that people who need or want monogamy are unevolved or unloving or unfair. There is plenty of all of that in this book. I read it during a time when I was trying to get okay with non-monogamy, and it actually set that process back for me because I was so insulted and felt so much like More...

2 comments like (3 people liked it)

Jan 18, 2009

Paul rated it:

I would really rate this 3-1/2 stars but I'm not allowed. It's funny that so many books about this stuff are so posi, I guess cuz you wouldn't bother writing a book about all of your failed experiments and the ragged pain and confusion and all that bullshit - maybe all those people just wrote fiction, or weren't writers. Not that I don't think it's worthwhile, but maybe that it's like how desert cookbooks don't talk about hypoglycemia or obesity or anything like that.

4 comments like (6 people liked it)

Feb 19, 2008

Mk rated it:

So I realize that I probably lose radical queer points for not being that into this book, but so goes it. Though it contains some practical tips for polyamory, the tone of much of it rubs me the wrong way. The idea that sex solves everything is clearly oversimplified. No joke, at one point they come quite close to saying that if people had just been having more sex with more people the Holocaust wouldn't have happened.

0 comments like (5 people liked it)

Dec 17, 2009

Paige rated it:

This book let's you learn about nonmonogamy from nice older (than me) hippie women. It was a little too rainbows and flowers toned for my taste but i have to go back and skim over it again... It was cool to read about the authors' personnal lives and relationships.

0 comments like (2 people liked it)

Dec 17, 2009

Tera rated it:

i love that i came away from this book with a whole new vocabulary and a way to talk about ethical non monogamy. it's a bit too rosy at times, but overall provides some good guidelines for couples thinking about poly

0 comments like (2 people liked it)

Sep 07, 2011

Ash rated it:

To be honest, I went into this book with a bad attitude. I read it as part of a book club. It's not so much that I'm pro-monogamy or anti-sex. I felt like the book is oddly dated, and that for all the moral panic about "hook up culture" if there is anything it's done (for women especially) it's separate sex and relationships.

Perhaps it's a generational thing. The two authors spend A LOT of time talking about how you can be sexual in different ways with different peopl More...

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Jan 13, 2008

Mark rated it:

Although it's often too mushy and anecdotal for my manly-rational tastes, this book does circumscribe a sensible Utopian worldview, one that pitches the false dream of monogamy out the window and allows for maximum personal freedom. A liberating and very self-possessed vision. It's also aimed primarily at women, often evoking the same comforting radicalized tone of Inga Muscio's Cunt, which takes back the C-word much as this takes back the S-word.

There are lots of fun practical tip More...

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Jan 25, 2008

Sarah rated it:

So, I knew going into the book what I would be about. And I was excited to read it, especially because I don't fall into that whole "get married and have babies" outlook on life - at last, I thought, here is a book that expresses a different way of doing things. Perhaps not exactly what *I* believe, but a different voice, nonetheless.

And that voice was there. It was refreshing to hear what someone "outside normal" had to say. However, I was a bit put off. Just lik More...

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Dec 16, 2009

Mark rated it:

This book gets a lot of glowing reviews, and I agree that it's a good book for what it does cover (and I've recommended it on a number of occasions).

But - there are a few things about it to be aware of. First, it covers non-monagomous relationships from a decidedly poly-* viewpoint. People/couples looking into this from the lifestyle community/perspective may find this a bit disconcerting (no, neither one is "better" than the other, blah blah blah - but they are different More...

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Sep 07, 2011

Laurie rated it:

I read this for research I was doing on a paper in my English class regarding the potential sociomoral ramifications of polyamory.

This was my least favorite of the books I read on polyamory. It was neither insightful nor enjoyable. Easton and Hardy’s approach to defining polyamory is unreservedly direct, albeit abrasive. They ineffectively attempt to provide modern definitions to words generally deemed as crude or crass in polite society. Most of the words they proudly exploit,“not More...

1 comment like (1 person liked it)

Nov 02, 2007

Keely rated it:

When my friend recommended this book to me I looked it up on Amazon and found that there were two types of reviews for it. Half the people who read it said it was life altering and that everyone should read it and the other half said it was dangerous and ought to be burned. As a result I had to read it. Sexuality, in particular sexual ethics, is one of those topics about which our society's opinions are particularly schizophrenic. The media tells us that we should be obsessively desirous and dee More...

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Aug 20, 2007

Anna rated it:

This book had some useful nuggets of information on jealousy, communication, and ways to encourage people to get what they need from their relationships (romantic or otherwise) that I think are applicable to everyone, not just people in poly situations. Given my age and educational background, some of the stuff that was supposed to blow my mind, didn't. I also agree with some of the other reviews that have described the book at a bit too cheerful and "let's all love each other" but I More...

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Mar 22, 2009

Brian rated it:

I wish that I had read this book years ago, when it first came out. I've been struggling with monogamy and its alternatives. The ethical dilemma posed by loving many and still being true and honest to all is a difficult one to resolve. The book is fun and filled with entertaining anecdotes, but is uninformative about some of the broader ethical questions. Ultimately it fails to deliver what it promises. Subtitled 'a guide to infinite sexual possibilities' it frequently points out the limitations More...

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Feb 15, 2009

Reb rated it:

okay, i know that polyamory is passe, but i read some bit of this years ago and figured i'd return and polish it off. the book is kind of sprawling--advice plus philosophy plus sexy story interludes--in a way that precludes much depth, but the advice is sound (i guess) and the philosophy makes sense and the sexy stories are somewhat sexy.

i'm always interested in peoples' ideas about relationships and what makes them work--and this one is highly oriented towards sex. as in, duh, slutt More...

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Jan 12, 2009

F. rated it:

What did I learn from this book? It didn't have anything that blew my mind or made me reevaluate my life, but the authors do set out a number of ideas to which I'm sympathetic, and they do so in a clear, engaging way that's as ethical as the title promises. For me, a "slut" is by definition a person who's irresponsibly promiscuous, so I avoided this book for a long time because of the title. The book is all about responsibility, though, and includes some great advice for people who are More...

0 comments like (2 people liked it)

Dec 12, 2011

Makki rated it:

Disclaimer: I have read the 2009 edition of this book. but I am reviewing this one because the other is unavailable on the site.

I have been looking for a book on polyamory for quite some time. Looks for both books, and sites that can help me educate myself on the topic. But it seemed that most of what I found were all of the "how to' type. "how to be in successful polyamorous relationship" It writes about rules and guidelines and how one should be in that type of relati More...

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Dec 01, 2011

Mickey rated it:

This book is lauded as a sort of "Poly Bible." I don't know how I feel about that. It's a little twee in parts, but includes a whole lot of good information about how to communicate that can be used by everyone, not just people looking to practice open or polyamorous relationships.

I do have a couple of bones to pick, though. I don't agree that "anyone" can do poly or open relationships. Some people just don't have the psychological wherewithal, and THAT'S OK. More...

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Sep 24, 2011

Leah rated it:

After having an awful failure of an open relationship without having done any reading or research, a friend lent this book to me, and it has been of great help. This book helps refute the idea that open relationships are for those who "aren't in love enough" or "can't commit." On the contrary, there is a great deal of love, trust, and commitment involved in opening oneself up to the emotional challenges of polyamory. The authors provide ways in which it has worked for many, w More...

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May 01, 2011

Megan rated it:

A book that was lent to me and I breezed through it relatively quickly. Reading it was interesting, but I'm not sure what I learned from it. Poli - by definition - covers alot of territory and there are types of variations and permutations. This book offers a high level view without really getting into deep into details. It really seems to focus more on the authors's version of poli and, while reading, I kept getting the underlying impression that monogamy was prudish and just not fun. The con More...

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Jan 08, 2012

Minxyminou rated it:

I've been recommended this book by many people and have been meaning to read it for a while. It's targeted towards those interested in exploring non-monogamous relationship structures but much of the material in the book is useful for those in monogamous relationships also.

Those of you familiar with the poly community will be aware that there's more than a bit of smug self congratulation and condescension toward those that choose to be monogamous floating about in poly circles. While t More...

0 comments like (1 person liked it)

Apr 30, 2010

Jim rated it:

This is a non-fiction book written about polyamory by two women, who have lived a polyamorous lifestyle for many years. The book has three main sections, one talks about poly from the perspective of the individual, then it talks in terms of relationships and finally about poly in the world. There are many stories of actual experiences that are scattered throughout the book to illustrate various points being made. I found the stories very interesting, because it brought the abstract to life. More...

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Jan 21, 2011

Liz rated it:

I kind of hate this book but maybe more because of what it represents to me than because of qualities inherent in it. it spends a lot of time attempting to persuade you that polamory can work. only sort of helpful if you are interested in actual advice for your polyamorous relationship(s). besides, just because I don't practice monogamy doesn't mean I think polyamory is right for everyone. most of the book's advice seems to boil down to "how to persuade your monogamously inclined lover More...

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