The Straight-Up Truth about the Down-Low: Women Share Their Stories of Betrayal, Pain and Survival

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The Straight-Up Truth about the Down-Low: Women Share Their Stories of Betrayal, Pain and Survival

by Joy Marie

2.50 · rating details · 2 ratings · 2 reviews

The Purpose of this book is to provide support and resources for the wives, lovers, and families that have been victimized by homosexual men masquerading as straight. The Straight-Up Truth About the Down-Low was written by two women who met on the Internet while seeking answers to their newfound reality. They had loved, trusted and shared their lives with men who lived a l...more

Paperback, 157 pages

Published March 1st 2008 by Creative Wisdom Books

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Jan 31, 2009

Ebony rated it

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Even though it purports not to be, The Straight Up Truth About the Down Low is an exercise in paranoia and homophobia. The back cover creates a high-drama scary world scenario, “but one day you wake up and realize that your prince charming is really a lying queen.” All in caps, by the way. The book could have easily been about infidelity with an emphasis on how much more devastating it can be or it was for these women to find out that their men were with other men, but as it is, the book is a...moreEven though it purports not to be, The Straight Up Truth About the Down Low is an exercise in paranoia and homophobia. The back cover creates a high-drama scary world scenario, “but one day you wake up and realize that your prince charming is really a lying queen.” All in caps, by the way. The book could have easily been about infidelity with an emphasis on how much more devastating it can be or it was for these women to find out that their men were with other men, but as it is, the book is about reading the signs of the bastards who are cowardly leading a double life. I don’t know that that helps. I also hated how they determined that all gay sex was risky as if there was something inherent about being gay and having sex that made you susceptible to disease. Yes, women need to protect themselves. Clearly, even married women need to protect themselves, but to assume all gay men lead sexually risqué lives is stereotypical and unfair. All the homophobic biblical passages before the stories were very stereotypical too. I think they might have even said they were not gay bashing but how are they not when the emphasis is on the negative characteristics of gay men not the negative characteristics of deceitful men. Women are going to run around with the checklist (because they include a checklist) trying to determine whether their man is gay when they should really be asking themselves questions about his integrity. Many of the women from my study told me it was less about the sex and more about the lies. This book make it all about the sex with other men with an emphasis on sex and not love because men don’t love other men, they just fuck.

The authors imply that those individuals who try to contextualize the down low are lying. Those who say the problem is not as great as the media portrays are in denial. They say there’s no scientific proof but they are sure the upped HIV/AIDS rates are a result of down low men having sex with men and women. They disagree (149) that black culture encourages men to lie about their sexuality. For them, there is no down low, only gay in the closet or out. It is good that they encourage sisters to support each other, but the way the present the down low and black men could use some finesse.

On one level, they cannot be blamed, though. The authors (Joy and Marie) I assume, have experienced it first hand and they are mad. Many of the women’s stories are from angry women and rightfully so. They have been betrayed. I found it most interesting that one woman (153-155) blames her husband for not letting her go. She says he held her hostage because she didn’t know the truth. She lost out on love because he never gave her the opportunity to find it with someone else. Sure, if she were unhappy she could have left, but there is a resounding notion in these stories and in my interviews that a cheating man will not confess and never leave his wife. It rarely happens. He will lead his double life until the day he dies unless she does something about it. I feel like that might be cultural. It’s worth more investigation. I understand the anonymity necessary to produce a book like this, but I wanted to know more about the women, how old they were, what their professions were, what their race was—there was little demographic information and no citations about anything and it was perfectly annoying when they conflated HIV/AIDS.

I respect the work done to compile the stories. Women completely unfamiliar with the down low now have a place to go. The problem is that place to go is more discriminatory against gay men (albeit often unintentionally) than it is a resource for women who need not gaydars but integritydars when it comes to meeting men. The authors did tell the women to rely on their god-given common sense and intuition and I think that’s sage advice. People will show and tell you what you need to know if you’re paying attention. More emphasis on this and less emphasis on stereotypical homosexual activity would have been preferable to me.
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Oct 01, 2009

Cheryl rated it

Recommended to Cheryl by: A friend passed this book along to me.

Shelves: non-fiction, self-help

Very interesting but most of all I'm very sorry gay black-men feel like they can't be their true selves at this time in our society.

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