My Dearest Friend: Letters of Abigail and John Adams

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My Dearest Friend: Letters of Abigail and John Adams

4.09 of 5 stars 4.09 · rating details · 616 ratings · 98 reviews

Listen to a ten-minute interview with Margaret Hogan Host: Chris Gondek - Producer: Heron & Crane

Read Margaret Hogan's HUP blog posting: "The Romance of John and Abigail Adams"

Watch the video of The Massachusetts Historical Society's November 2007 event at which Deval and Diane Patrick, Edward and Victoria Kennedy, and Michael and Kitty Dukakis read selected letters fr...more

Hardcover, 508 pages

Published October 1st 2007 by Belknap Press (first published 1840)

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Dec 10, 2008 Kelly rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: history-american, history, 18th-century, epistolary, grande-dames, mawwiageiswhatbringsustogethertoday

As interesting reading material, I'll say that this collection of letters varied from five stars to negative -100. Since I'm not offered the amount of stars that I feel would allow me to properly and completely describe my rollercoastering level of interest, I'll have to settle for three. Perhaps we could have a "choose your own description" for each star end? Like, "one=I'd rather chop onions for a day while being forced to listen to Its a Small World on Repeat than read /that/ letter again," t...more As interesting reading material, I'll say that this collection of letters varied from five stars to negative -100. Since I'm not offered the amount of stars that I feel would allow me to properly and completely describe my rollercoastering level of interest, I'll have to settle for three. Perhaps we could have a "choose your own description" for each star end? Like, "one=I'd rather chop onions for a day while being forced to listen to Its a Small World on Repeat than read /that/ letter again," to "five=AAAARGH, why wasn't that letter longer, I feel like someone just stole an awesome twist ending from me, how could you do that??"

If nothing else, I hope the rant above at least gave you the idea that this collection of letters does give one a very complete picture of the course of John and Abigail's relationship, from their courtship to their retirement. I was surprised in some instances by aspects of their relationship. They are always presented the same way: as a solid husband and wife team, as a case for equality in republic still dictated by lots of hypocrisy. Honestly, I think it took a long time and a lot of hard work for that to be true, and even then it was not universally so. Abigail seemed like any other young wife of her time, and innumerous are the occasions in which she either bends to John's will, or allows him to yell at her and run roughshod over her on any number of issues. For instance- her famous "Remember the Ladies," letter, in which she urges for female equality under the law, and female education. John made a joke out of it and laughed at it. According to the book, this pissed her off, but she didn't say more than a word about it in her next letter, and that was the end of that. He chastises her for complaining about him not writing from Europe and yells at her for telling him about his troubles, claming that she's only doing it to make him feel guilty, then preemptively writes an angry letter cautioning her not to feel jealous of the European ladies or he'll think her ridiculous, at her age, to think such a thing (in a really angry way), etc. I'm just saying... not so equal. At least, not until John becaame President. Even as Vice President, their correspondence remained largely about the children and the farm, and issues under the "women's purview." She certainly grows into herself, and her discourses on various Capital Lettered Virtues are interesting, but they are few and far between. Its just an interesting contrast to the way that they are generally presented.

That all said, this book is worth it in that it does give such up front, eye witness accounts of the Revolution. There's one particularly thrilling letter of Abigail's that takes place within hearing and sight distance of a battle outside Boston that raged on for days, while cannon fire shook the house each night. It also gives an idea of the kind of people who were forging this revolution- farmers, shopkeepers, lawyers, people who had families to support. These people did not have independent means.

Sometimes I think that we forget that while John Adams was helping with a Declaration of Independence, his children still had to eat. Their struggles balancing high principled actions and necessity are extremely interesting. It is also worth it because of the geniune (sometimes silly and over the top) love that these two people had for each other, even after thirty years of marriage, how much they wanted to be in each other's lives, mine each other's thoughts and feelings, couldn't wait for each minute that they spent in each other's company, warts, complaints and all.(less)

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Aug 18, 2008 Rebecca rated it 5 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Politics, history, loss, adventure, love, and the great lost art of truly beautiful letter-writing are all in this collection of letters between Abigail and John Adams. I would not have been a good wife for John Adams, but I don't know anyone who wouldn't enjoy a letter containing some of John's beautiful statements like, "I am as impatient to see you as I used to be twenty year ago." (p. 337)

I expected to enjoy these letters as an interesting bit of history -- and there is some fascinating hist...more Politics, history, loss, adventure, love, and the great lost art of truly beautiful letter-writing are all in this collection of letters between Abigail and John Adams. I would not have been a good wife for John Adams, but I don't know anyone who wouldn't enjoy a letter containing some of John's beautiful statements like, "I am as impatient to see you as I used to be twenty year ago." (p. 337)

I expected to enjoy these letters as an interesting bit of history -- and there is some fascinating history in these letters, including John's seemingly endless snarkiness about Thomas Jefferson. But what really struck me about these letters is the incredibly personal nature of these letters, and how difficult it must have been to participate in a marriage that meant months, if not years, apart, with no way to communicate other than the unreliable mail service. In one particularly touching letter, Abigail writes to John that their daughter has been stillborn -- it's hard not to imagine her grief in sitting to write that letter, or his grief in reading her letter and hearing about the loss of his daughter.

The editors of this collection do a great job of briefly setting the scene (explaining necessary details like names or chronology), then getting out of the way and letting the letters speak for themselves. One thing that takes some getting used to is remembering that it might take weeks if not months for the letters to make it back and forth -- the letters are presented chronologically as they are written, which might mean several letters in a row that do not have replies. Included in the collection is a very helpful chronology at the back of the book (just in case you don't remember every lesson from your American history classes) and a beautiful epilogue in which John Quincy Adams writes to his father after hearing of Abigail's death. John Adams writes back to his son, "Love to your Wife. May you never experience her Loss."

Sigh...I can't help but mourn the loss of men who can actually write. Text messages just don't cut it, boys.

(less)

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Jul 30, 2009 Lisa rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2009

This is a collection of 289 of the letters between Abigail and John from 1762 to 1801 when they finally retired to their farm at Braintree. While it is satisfying to read the letters in their own right, the reader who is familiar with the history of the time will find this book particularly interesting.

From early in their marriage, John's work as a "founding father" kept them apart for months and sometimes years. Their letters were their connection, and the editors have chosen letters that illus...more

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Jul 21, 2012 Kathleen rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Yes, I teared up while reading a letter from John Adams concerning the death of his beloved "Miss Adorable" and "Dearest Friend" Abigail Adams, an event that occurred over 190 years ago that is chronicled at the close of this volume.

What an incredible experience it was to read the complete letters of John and Abby. It was like being a fly on the wall to witness one of the greatest partnerships in history. Their letters demonstrate how they experienced the momentous events they helped shape and...more Yes, I teared up while reading a letter from John Adams concerning the death of his beloved "Miss Adorable" and "Dearest Friend" Abigail Adams, an event that occurred over 190 years ago that is chronicled at the close of this volume.

What an incredible experience it was to read the complete letters of John and Abby. It was like being a fly on the wall to witness one of the greatest partnerships in history. Their letters demonstrate how they experienced the momentous events they helped shape and lived through, as well as the day-to-day trials of family life and basic survival in 18th and early 19th century America.

I saw some complaints here that the antiquated writing style (spelling and grammar) were too tedious to get through, and the editorial notes too few. I didn't find this to be the case. Once I started reading, I found it not unlike getting "in the groove" of reading Shakespeare, or anything written in a prior era, thanks to our ever-evolving English language (oh, the poor wretches who will have to struggle through our "LOLs" and "WTFs" in years hence).

As for the notes, I was surprised by the complete lack of footnotes, and minimal introduction, but as the book went on, I realized this was an effective tool - it made me read the letters as if they were truly in front of me, like something one discovers in a grandmother's attic. If something really bugged me, I'd finish my reading and go to good old Google to answer my question later. I found that interrupting the read to look up a name or a certain phrase or place was distracting, and took me outside the time-machine of Abby and John's written words.

And oh, those words! As the introduction confirms, even among the advanced letter-writers of the age, these were two gifted pen pals. It was gratifying to find at one point their conversation turns to great letter-writers in History - clearly, it was no accident they both aimed at achieving the highest level of epistolary arts. That's not to say they were aiming for the highest order of writing style in general. Rather, they write in a unique, conversational voice which gives the reader the closest thing possible to actually sitting in a room with the writer.

John - excitable, proud (but doesn't admit it), wickedly smart, highly educated, practical, and confident, but always with a layer of self-doubt just below the surface (sometimes bubbling up beyond). Abigail - her husband's intellectual equal, "saucy" (as she sometimes describes herself), oozing with the self-confidence that comes naturally to those born to a parent with the last name Quincy (the bluest of blue blood even then). Abigail openly argues for the full rights of women, and beyond the abolition of slavery, she rejects any ideal other than the assertion that all men (black and white) are equal, and that "we will all go to Heaven together." They were so well-matched - Abby able to tend to John's doubts and misgivings and John, an 18th Century husband who fully involved his gifted wife in his professional and political life, actively seeking her thoughts and advisement on all matters.

Of course, this is not just a story of a business partnership. These letters expose how madly and deeply they loved each other, in that desperate, painful (yet wonderful) way. It's not just the words of longing during absence that jump off the page, but the way they speak and respond to each other - it's a bit hard to explain, but it's there and it's tangible. I have said already to friends, I honestly think this might be the most romantic book I have ever read (I think they thought I was joking).

Beyond these matters of "domesticity," there is plenty in here for the history buff. Reading first-hand accounts of events from the pre-revolutionary period, all the way up to the beginning of the 6th Presidential Administration (which happened to be that of John Quincy Adams) is fascinating and a gift. John Adams is a historic figure, and far from being free of fault (Alien and Sedition Acts anyone?), but he had an unquestionably important role (along with Mrs. Adams) in shaping this country, so it is certainly valuable to have his first-hand accounts.

I could go on and on with fascinating passages I highlighted, but I will spare those few who may for some reason have read this far. So, in keeping with the theme,

I am my dear Friend affectionately Your,

_thleen(less)

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Dec 02, 2009 Carol rated it 4 of 5 stars

Letters! How History is enriched by the personal corresponde nce of it's key players. What will be the current generation's contribution? E-mails, Text messages. Tweets (grin)

Octr 4th. 1762
John Adams to Abigail

"Miss Adorable"

Braintree, March 31, 1776
Abigail Adams to John Adams

"I desire you would Remember the Ladies, and be more generous and favorable
to them than your ancestors."

August 14, 1776
Abigail Adams to John Adams

"If much depends as is allowed upon the early Education of youth and the fir...more

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Feb 28, 2012 Eliza rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book is a compilation of the letters written between Abigail and John Adams from the time they were courting all the way through their presidency.

I loved reading about their insights during all of the different things that they experienced personally and politically. It was interesting to see their dreams and hopes and the ups and downs that they went through. They were indeed ordinary people called to handle extraordinary things.

I will say though that I had a really hard time getting thro...more

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Mar 28, 2009 Megan rated it 3 of 5 stars

Only one hundred pages left (of 479) and I'm giving up on this book. It has been a very interesting read and I have learned a lot about John and Abigail Adams by reading their letters, but I'm burned out. The letters use the original spelling and punctuation and things like Fryday and dutifull and inteligance make my hand itch for a red pen. Also, there is only brief biographical information at the beginning of each chapter and I am finding that there a lot of the time I just don't understand wh...more

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Oct 06, 2010 Cara marked it as to-read

Shelves: about-real-people, returning-unfinished

Reading this one with Abigail and John for context. John and Abigail Adams come highly recommended, but I didn't want to read them when I was happily single because I didn't want to start pining for what I didn't have. Now that I'm in a happy relationship, it seems safe enough.

So far, I find these letters sweet, tender, and occasionally, unexpectedly, hysterical. Abigail to John: "But heigh day Mr. whats your Name? Who taught you to threaten so vehemently 'A Character besides that of critick, in...more

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Jan 26, 2013 Chrisanne rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, classics

Abigail Adams is my new heroine. I love the humor, the intelligence, the pathos that she possess and how easily it is to relate to this woman. But what makes it even better is that John loved her too! Take that, people who say that marriage to one person for a lifetime is impossible! And they spent so much time away from each other. . . and it still worked! Reading this book is an immersion into the culture, the worries, the lives and the love of the Adams.
All this definitely came at a price. Y...more

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Feb 20, 2012 Anna rated it 5 of 5 stars

I really took my time to read this book and so enjoyed it. There are 1,167 original letters that remain today between John and Abigail Adams. They had such an incredible love story and throughout his political journey, he looked to Abigail as his greatest confidant and political resource. He consulted her in all matters and despite grueling years apart, their love and marriage survived. I have wanted to read this book forever and it did not disappoint. I would caution other readers that if you d...more

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Jul 05, 2009 Laura rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: those who enjoy American social history

Recommended to Laura by: PJP

The letters are an amazing mixture of political commentary and everyday concerns about their children, neighbors, extended family, and farm. Their writings have changed these famous figures into real people in my mind and heart. They endured so much and spent years of their married life apart. As compelling as the letters can be, I did have to force my way through the book at times. As other reviews have mentioned, it would have been very helpful to have more context from the editors within the...more

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May 12, 2012 Julie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Wow, FINALLY finishing this book of letters feels like a huge accomplishment! Though it took me a few months, this collection of John + Abigail Adams' letters is by no means boring. What a treasure trove of information, affection, personal events and political opinions - there's nothing like them! And during a time where women weren't included in the public sphere, John and Abigail had a wonderful relationship - John asked for and needed Abigail's sound advice on just about every big decision he...more

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Jan 11, 2013 Peg rated it 5 of 5 stars

Read this book with a book group about twenty years ago. The letters between John and Abigail Adams written during their ten years apart are moving and enlightening.
The story of their lives told through Abigail's letters make you realize that she was a remarkable woman. During her husband's absence she ran their farm and finances, as well as raised their four children.
It is one to have in your personal library and re-read in part from time to time.

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Apr 14, 2013 Katie Runyan rated it 4 of 5 stars

The letter correspondence between Abigail and John showed their deep devotion and admiration for each other. Months at a time they would be separated in distance, yet they were not separated in heart. Together they were much more effective than apart. John depended on Abigail and Abigail leaned on John. Their bond is unique amongst other famous couples. To be able to peek into and see that bond through their letters is a beautiful thing.

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Mar 28, 2009 Tamra rated it 3 of 5 stars

After reading "John Adams" by David McCullough, I was anxious to read this book and it was good but some of the letters written between John and Abigail were hard to understand. The author was not very good at explaining terms or conditions that were going on at the time. Also, although the author thought it was interesting to let the reader read the letters as they had been written by John and Abigail (including all mistakenly capitalized words, misspelled words and poor grammar), it made it ha...more

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Feb 15, 2009 Alisa rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, historical-non-fiction

I love Abigail Adams because, while she believed women were the equal to men intelligence, she didn't fall into the feminist trap of believing women identical to men. She followed her faith, believing very strongly that her place in life was to support her husband (even when she didn't necessarily agree with his viewpoint) and to care for her family. Which she did, running their farm and holding things together while he was away fighting for America's freedom. She was a true lady all her life an...more

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Jun 12, 2009 Sidna Bookout marked it as to-read

In one of my book clubs we each gift wrap a book we have read during the year and bring it to our December meeting where we exchange books. I received this book last year, but have not had an opportunity to read it yet. It looks interesting and I look forward to reading it, but guess I've had too many other books to read.

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Mar 27, 2013 Sisyphus rated it 5 of 5 stars

In their own words, with a passionate affection that breaks through the formality of the age in many ways. More than lovers, they were collaborators in developing a vision of the America that could be rather than the deeply flawed colonies they were born into. A fascinating read.

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Feb 25, 2009 Linda rated it 4 of 5 stars

It is a great historical novel at the same time I feel like I am infringing on a very personal relationship between John and Abigail Adams. The letters are elegantly written and a wonderful insight into the lives of those who were the first to shape our great country.

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Aug 06, 2012 Holly rated it 4 of 5 stars

I thoroughly enjoyed the humor, love and insight these letters offer into both the Adams marriage and the birth of our country. While I wish this volume had complete letters instead of excerpts, it's a great volume for lovers of history and observers of domestic life.

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Mar 10, 2012 Whitebeard Books rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: historical

Abigail Adams would be an excellent example for young ladies today. She was intellegent, intuitive, strong and brave. I knew so little of this woman but I now do admire her. A great read for the occassion of the International Woman's Day.

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Dec 07, 2010 Jimmytheman rated it 4 of 5 stars

I thought it was an excellent book as it allowed me to connect to a great President and see his human side. John Adams is portrayed as a crank and these letters show the opposite.

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Aug 15, 2008 Marjorie Hakala rated it 5 of 5 stars

I definitely recommend this if you have any interest in the period. Some of the editors' choices were a little odd--for example, quoting a letter at the introduction to a chapter but not actually including that letter in the text--and there wasn't much framing material, so I got lost sometimes concerning, for example, where the Adams children were a lot of the time. (Abigail apparently had the same problem when John Quincy was off traveling through Europe: "Where is our son, I hear no more of hi...more

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Feb 09, 2009 John rated it 3 of 5 stars

Just into it - page twelve. The second book in my quest to read at least one book about each president. Very telling about the mindset of our second president during his career as statesmen and president.

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Dec 01, 2012 Kevin rated it 4 of 5 stars

There is something special about a correspondence--it's much more satisfying than just a collection of letters--and this was a particularly remarkable correspondence: a brilliant couple who loved each other and who were actors in great events. (But the mundane and ragged parts of the correspondence were some of the most interesting.) My only complaint is that a few footnotes explaining terms and controversies lost to history would have been nice.

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Jul 29, 2012 Erin rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book was a big hit with the book group. It is fascinating to read letters that are 250 years old and see that things haven't really changed all that much. Same political turmoil, same types of family problems and how lonely married couples are when separated by work. It is wonderful to see a founding father as a human being writing in his own words. Highly recommended.

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Jul 11, 2009 Crystal rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, own-these

This book is really good, but not fast reading. While I understand what they're saying in the letters, sometimes interpreting their spelling and phrases makes it like translating. I gave up on having the library book long enough to finish it, so I'm going to buy a copy for myself instead. it's that good.
Watching the John Adams miniseries in tandem with reading this was really interesting--I kept saying, "that phrase was in their letters. and THAT phrase is in their letters!" it's interesting to...more

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May 26, 2009 Cara rated it 5 of 5 stars

I am biased because I'm obsessed with these two figures in American history, but I believe this is a must-read. If you take nothing else away from this collection, you will at least be floored by the eloquence, love, and passion that radiates from these letters. I actually got butterflies reading some of them. Some letters were a little less exciting, as they were little more than lists of instructions and things needed on the farm. However, to hear of things that actually happened through the e...more

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Feb 17, 2013 Grey Pierce rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: history

My dad suggested I read this book when I was focused on colonial history during high school. It gave real insights to the relationship of the second lady and second president's.

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Apr 07, 2011 Sandra rated it 4 of 5 stars

I enjoyed learing about Abigail Adams. She faced many of the same problems we face today, juggling life and children. Her letters were a great insight into this amazing lady.

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About Abigail Adams

Abigail Adams (née Smith) was the wife of John Adams, the second President of the United States and the mother of John Quincy Adams the sixth, and is seen as the first Second Lady of the United States and the second First Lady of the United States though the terms were not coined until after her death.

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“If we mean to have Heroes, Statesmen and Philosophers, we should have learned women. The world perhaps would laugh at me, and accuse me of vanity, but you I know have a mind too enlarged and liberal to disregard the Sentiment. If much depends as is allowed upon the early Education of youth and the first principals which are instill'd take the deepest root, great benefit must arise from literary accomplishments in women. ” — 26 people liked it

“Its never to late to get back on your feet though we wont live forever make sure you accomplish what you were put here for” — 20 people liked it

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