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Not Without My Daughter

4.02  ·  Rating Details  ·  16,693 Ratings  ·  947 Reviews
In August 1984, Michigan housewife Betty Mahmoody accompanied her husband to his native Iran for a two-week vacation that turned into a permanent stay. To her horror, she found herself and her four-year-old daughter, Mahtob, virtual prisoners of a man rededicated to his Shiite Moslem faith, in a land where women are near-slaves and Americans despised. Their only hope for e ...more
Paperback, 528 pages
Published July 5th 2004 by Transworld Publishers Ltd (first published 1987)
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Celina Knippling My issue is that she is very derogatory when describing her in-laws and other Persians. I get that she had the in-laws from hell, but her book goes…moreMy issue is that she is very derogatory when describing her in-laws and other Persians. I get that she had the in-laws from hell, but her book goes out of its way not only to slam them for every little fault (like spilling sugar when getting some in their tea), but also describes them in pretty derogatory terms, saying they were dirty, that they left unhygenic messes all over the place, etc. If this is how they really are, maybe they have different standards in their family than she did. She sounded a bit anal-retentive in describing her efforts to maintain immaculate homes in the US at all times.

The biggest thing for me though is that she takes her in-laws foibles and applies them wholesale to EVERYONE in Iran. She writes off teachers as brainwashed drones. They probably saw a mom who was fighting to keep her kid uneducated and tied to another country's culture to her detriment. Think about it like this: if your friend was married to a woman from Iran who refused to send her child to elementary school and fought letting her child learn English or start to integrate into the US, you would probably think that woman had a screw loose or two. Also, when she extrapolates her in-laws behavior to everyone in the country, she treats people who helped her as simpletons and exceptions to the rule. Try reading other books written by people who don't have her biased/racist views, (Lipstick Jihad, Reading Lolita in Tehran), and it may open your eyes that most of the people in Iran are pretty decent folk who just have different political or religious views. Are there limitations there for women that restrict freedoms I and other women enjoy? Yes, but America also restricts behaviors or freedoms they would find just as barbaric.

Her husband was an abusive jerk, but so are a lot of white American husbands, unfortunately. The focus of the book should have been on "I married an abusive man whose family supported his behavior, but thankfully escaped to make a better life for myself and my daughter." The shame is that what her book REALLY says (intentionally or not) is "I married a man who belongs to a nation of abusers and kidnappers with disgusting unhygenic habits who hate freedom for women but I got out and am letting you all know about this evil country."

That's why people (like me) call it a racist book.(less)
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(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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Beaman
May 11, 2008 Beaman rated it did not like it
The untruths begin with the cover of the book, which features the image of a woman who is dressed in a manner which is decidedly not Iranian. So, even before you have read a single word, you have been given an image that is not authentic.

The book is carefully packaged to cater to the American people's fears and prejudices. Also, the book isn't an isolated phenomenon. It's a product of a veritable cottage industry of horror stories and black-and-white portrayals of Muslim societies (Persepolis, R
...more
Denise
Nov 18, 2008 Denise rated it it was amazing
I have read this book twice and it is my all-time favorite book. I first watched the movie - one of those you catch by chance on a rainy day. I thought it was good. Then one day I saw the book and could not put it down! I could not believe some of the things I was reading. I was in shock! This was probably around 1999/2000.

The second time I read the book, probably around 2003/2004,I was reading it as an Iranian man's wife. I still loved the book and this time I knew a whole lot more about the cu
...more
Nancy
I can't believe people are still reading this book! I read it years ago when it first came out and had a difficult time putting it down. Not because it is great literature, or because it is an intelligent, thought-provoking book about a culture few Americans take the time to learn about, but because William Hoffer is capable of writing a light, fast-paced, adventurous story. I felt Betty Mahmoody acted very irresponsibly. She endangered her child by staying with a mentally unstable man, not to m ...more
Jafar
Jun 21, 2010 Jafar rated it it was ok
You can argue about how negative and stereotyping this book is, how it helped to reinforce generalized preconceptions about the Iranians, how it didn’t help to provide a better and more accurate picture of the Iranian society to the an already-hostile American public, how it was used by a sector of the American public and media who would happily jump on anything like this, how it was used by both sides as a political propaganda tool, etc. I read this book not long after I left Iran. I don’t reme ...more
Eve
Apr 28, 2014 Eve rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites, read-2014
My parents' divorce wasn’t the most amicable one out there, although you wouldn’t know it because they’re pretty good friends now. At the time, my dad was living and working in Mexico as a surgeon, which meant that every other weekend found my brother and I listlessly cooped up in my dad’s clinic in Zaragoza, a very poor community on the outskirts of Juarez. People made their homes out of cinder blocks, durable cardboard, and any other supplies they could find. It was like night and day compared ...more
Chick_Flick
The undertone of racism permeated this book. It was very hard to get through because of this. While at times I did feel for the situation the author was in, it was hard to sympathize with her on other occasions because she just seemed so judgmental. I understand she was angry and frustrated and had been through a lot; it probably would have been a better book had she given it some space for perspective. The story is no doubt interesting, but it could have been written better.
Negin
Oct 06, 2015 Negin rated it it was amazing
I’d like to first point out that I was born in Iran and spent the first six years of my life there. We visited frequently until shortly after all the troubles started. I’ve never been back and I can’t possibly imagine doing so. I’d rather keep the sweet memories that I had and not tarnish them with negative ones that I so often hear about.

When the movie, “Not Without My Daughter” came out back in 1991, I remember hearing that many of my fellow countrymen boycotted it. They resented the fact tha
...more
Carol
Having seen the movie, I thought I knew what to expect here, but was I ever wrong! This frightening story of being held captive in a hostile country by a loving husband....turned monster and liar....is much worse that the movie in many respects...the unsanitary living conditions, holes in the floor for toilets, and sexual abuse by taxi drivers to name a few, but the worst, by far, is that brutality is the "accepted" treatment of women and children.....shocking and despicable.

I have no idea if th

...more
Ahmad Sharabiani
Not Without My Daughter, Betty Mahmoody
عنوان: بدون دخترم هرگز؛
یادم نیست مترجم کتاب کی بود؛ ولی نسخه ترجمه شده را در آن روزهای دهه شصت از یک کتابفروشی نزدیک میدان تجریش خریدم، و در راه بازگشت شروع به خوانش کردم، بیشتر نوشته ها از روی غرض بود اما کشش داشت، البته نکته های آموزنده در مورد تفاوتهای فرهنگی نیز داشت، بعدها نسخه فارسی را به یکی امانت دادم ولی برنگشت
Haden
Feb 03, 2013 Haden rated it did not like it
Shelves: school, iran, nonfiction
If you have picked this book up in hopes that it will give you insight about Iran, put it right back down. Not Without My Daughter is one woman's experience that has been treated like an ethnography of Iranian and Persian culture, and it should never be treated as such. Betty Mahmoody's account of her time in Iran is not only full of gross factual inaccuracies but also blatant racism and xenophobia that made the reading experience hard to stomach.

To put it in perspective, Mahmoody co-wrote the
...more
A'ishah Al-Tamimi
Feb 15, 2012 A'ishah Al-Tamimi rated it did not like it
im just going to rehash what other people have said but it is true. firstly the cover is of a arab woman not persian/iranian. iranian women wear long headscarves called iranian chadors (the afghan version is different) which shows all of their face. they do not veil like saudi yemeni and gulf women do. but to americans, the picture of a women in a headscarve is just not "frightening" enough to sell to its stupid sheep audience, so they use the veil cause it looks exotic and foriegn.
secondly she
...more
Sandy Batesel
Jan 24, 2012 Sandy Batesel rated it did not like it
For me this whole book rang untrue. I know I'm probably going to get a huge backlash for saying that but I just could not empathize with the author. There is no doubt that women are treated differently in Muslim countries and with them I do empathize. However, Ms. Mahmoody had misgivings about taking her daughter to visit Iran before she went ... misgivings to the point that she made an appointment with an attorney. Yet she took her daughter and went anyway. She handed over her passport to her h ...more
Kelly H. (Maybedog)
I'd like to give this book 2.5 stars but alas... I found the book interesting but it was sensationalistic and extremely culturally biased. The premise is horrific and I can completely understand her hatred and fear. However, nothing is black and white and just because the way women are treated is abominable doesn't mean that everything in the culture is bad and everything the people do is wrong and horrible.

The one scene that sticks out in my mind is that she spends hours every day picking tiny
...more
Jessica
Aug 04, 2008 Jessica rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction
Such a harrowing story! After years of marriage and a beautiful child together, Betty agrees to travel with her husband to Iran to visit his family. There he becomes a completely different person, and refuses to let her and their daughter leave. At one point she is literally held prisoner by her husband, and her journey out of Iran with her daughter actually turned her hair gray.

This isn't completely a catalog of how awful Iran is, though. She gives its beauties their due, and also details meet
...more
Alicia Krauchuk Fenton
Mar 04, 2009 Alicia Krauchuk Fenton rated it really liked it
I remember meeting Betty and her daughter, Mahtob, when I was back in (I want to say High School)...does anyone else remember that meeting (my HS goodreaders?)
Anyhow...I think this was my first introduction to the middle east and what it was like to be a woman in their culture. I enjoyed the book, I was grateful for her courage, and I'm wondering where they are today.
I'll Google to find out. :-)
Rebecca McNutt
The true story of a woman held hostage in Iran by her brutal husband, Not Without My Daughter is an extraordinary story of power. Betty's husband has power over her, but it's her love for her daughter and the help of some Iranian citizens who assist er in escaping, that power her to find freedom again.
Caroline
Apr 24, 2016 Caroline rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Fans of quality memoirs, those wanting to know more about international child abduction
An amazing story, just truly amazing. If you're looking for a can't-put-it-down book, get your hands on this one pronto. (Be aware that the story continues in the excellent For the Love of a Child.)

Update, 4/24/16: Now rounding out the story of Betty and Mahtob's escape is My Name Is Mahtob: The Story that Began the Global Phenomenon Not Without My Daughter Continues.
عبدالله اليعقوبي
Jan 13, 2016 عبدالله اليعقوبي rated it really liked it
Shelves: رواية
رواية وإن كانت ليست بالرائعة.. فالقصة عميقة و مؤلمة ل"بيتي محمودي" الأمريكية التي تزوجت بإيراني في ولاية ميشيكان.. أرغمها فيما بعد لتهاجر إلى إيران معه دون اتفاق مبدئي قبل الزواج..لتبدأ المعاناة...وتقرر الهرب مع ابنتها.
Maria Bikaki
Nov 08, 2015 Maria Bikaki rated it it was amazing
Shelves: all-time-classic
re-read November 2015

Αχ πόσες φορές έχω διαβάσει το συγκεκριμένο βιβλίο. Σίγουρα πάνω από δέκα μαζί με αυτήν. Θυμάμαι ήμουν μαθήτρια της πέμπτης δημοτικού όταν για πρώτη φορά διάβασα το Ποτέ χωρίς την κόρη μου. Γιατι ναι πραγματικά τι πιο φυσιολογικό ένα 11 χρονο μικρό παιδί αντι να διαβάζει τις περιπέτειες της χιονάτης και της Σταχτοπούτας να ασχολείται με ένα τέτοιου είδους βιβλίου. Παρακαλώ πολύ να ζητήσετε τα ρέστα από την παιδική βιβλιοθήκη της πόλης μου που το φιλοξενούσε στα ράφια του χαχ
...more
Arushi
Jun 03, 2011 Arushi rated it it was ok
People are divided in opinion about the veracity of the story. As for me, it does not really matter. The story is believable and could be true. The negatives pointed out could be true - Not for a whole country, only individual elements here and there. Betty herself has acknowledged in the book that 'you cannot categorize a person by nationality'(pg 415). She couldn't even have survived and escaped if all the Iran countrymen were bad. So, the rebukes on her supposed Iran bashing are actually inva ...more
Serkan
Jan 17, 2013 Serkan rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: biography
Amerika'lı bir kadının bir İran'lı ile evlenmesi ve kocasının akrabalarını ziyaret için çocuğuyla beraber İran'a getirilmesi, orada bir tutsağa dönüşmesi ve İran'daki kadınların gerçekleriyle karşılaşmasını anlatan sürükleyici ve gerçek bir hikaye.

Okudukça tüylerim diken diken oldu, baskıcı rejimlerde neler yaşanabileceğini, ve insanların neleri kabullenebildiklerini gördükçe içim ürperdi.

Şu anda İran muhtemelen bu kitapda anlatılandan çok daha farklıdır, çünkü aradan yıllar geçti. Ama yine de o
...more
Emmy
Mar 12, 2008 Emmy rated it it was amazing
I read this book last night and can't stop thinking about it. I know a lot of people REALLY hate it...and it isn't friendly towards Iranians in the least (often unfairly so). But it really made me think...what would I have done...what else could Betty have done...I think there were probably faults on both sides, but I really did think it was an engrossing book.
La Petite Américaine
Jul 25, 2008 La Petite Américaine rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: People who like page-turners
Recommended to La Petite Américaine by: Amazon.com
I read this in three days, totally couldn't put it down.

When I went to the States last year, I totally felt it my right as an American to on-demand this film and eat some chocolate chip cookies and drink some Bud Light.

God Bless America ... and FUCK YEAH! :)

In all seriousness, though, entertaining, chilling read.
Dennis
Apr 10, 2010 Dennis rated it liked it
Reading this account was like watching a Lifetime Television for Women movie. (Sally Field, wasn't it?) The story is told exclusively from Betty Mahmoody's perspective and seems to skew heavily towards her particular biases. On several occasions I felt myself rolling my eyes and wishing someone would help Betty snap out of it because her storytelling frequently devolves into whininess. At the same time, it would be difficult to overestimate the fear, whether rational and justified or not, that a ...more
Rikke Andersen
This is a book that really teaches you about the differences in these two cultures. It is truely a great written book, but it gets horrible to read the more you get into it. You really pitty Betty and her daughter. Its scaring because its tells us a true story liveed by Betty and her daughter.
It is a good book, but I dont think that I could ever read it again.
...more
Charise
Sep 10, 2007 Charise rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
I was a little put off by the way the author categorized everything Iranian as "bad" and everything American as "good."
 ~♡~ Unsolved Mystery ~♡~

I had a review posted but Goodreads ate it.
Tanja Berg
I don't remember exactly when I read this, but I do remember that it was one of the first grown-up books I attempted. I am quite sure my mother read it first. It's a story about a marriage gone wrong and inter cultural clashes. This book had quite a substantial influence on my view of marriages between people from different cultures, although this was reinforced by my mother as well. Of course it can work, but I think many fail to realize how deep tradition runs in some socities. Betty paid a hi ...more
Zaineb
Jul 15, 2014 Zaineb rated it it was ok
Although the suspense and drama didn't let me put this book down until I finished it, I am afraid that people pick this book up as a true portrayal of the Iranian culture, which is very dangerous. Throughout every page I could feel hate, prejudice, and racism toward Iranians and muslims. She generalized all negative things and made them look as if they were the norm in Iran which is not. She portrayed them as dirty, lacking social taste, very religious, disrespecting their women... etc. If that ...more
Jenni Boyd
May 25, 2016 Jenni Boyd rated it really liked it
I had no idea this book was such a controversial read until reading some of the reviews, some believe the story has racist undertones, and then there are some who say the story is nothing but a fabrication of a vengeful wife. These are my thoughts of what I felt when I read this book.

The story begins with Betty’s sense of panic as she sits in a plane thousands of feet above sea level, suddenly feeling she’d made a terrible mistake, wondering why she had agreed to come to Iran, when her own count
...more
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The Movie 4 18 Feb 27, 2015 10:50AM  
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Betty Mahmoody (born June 9, 1945) is an American author and public speaker best known for her book, Not Without My Daughter, which was subsequently made into a film of the same name. She is the President and co-founder of One World: For Children, an organization that promotes understanding between cultures and strives to offer security and protection to children of bi-cultural marriages.

Her book,
...more
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