Before I Say Goodbye: Recollections and Observations from One Woman's Final Year

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Before I Say Goodbye: Recollections and Observations from One Woman's Final Year

by Ruth Picardie, Matt Seaton (Foreword by)

4.15 of 5 stars 4.15 · rating details · 184 ratings · 27 reviews

By turns humorous and heart-rending, an unforgettable account of a young woman's spiritual triumphs over breast cancer in the last year of her life

Ruth Picardie was only thirty-three when she died, a month after her twins' second birthday and just under a year after she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. For Ruth, a journalist, it seemed natural to write about her ill

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Paperback, 128 pages

Published September 14th 2000 by Owl Books (first published 1998)

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The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

Thanatopsis: Death, Dying, and Mortality

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Feb 09, 2008 Anne rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: grieving siblings, grieving families

Recommended to Anne by: I heard about it through If the Spirit Moves You

Ruth Picardie wrote five columns for British Observer magazine , which her sister Justine was editing before she became too sick with her breast cancer and its treatment to continue. Those five columns, together with emails to and from some of her friends during the final year of her life, and readers' letters to the Observer in response to the columns, make up this book, together with forewords and afterwords by her husband Matt Seaton about how the book came together. Ruth, Justine and Matt ar...more Ruth Picardie wrote five columns for British Observer magazine , which her sister Justine was editing before she became too sick with her breast cancer and its treatment to continue. Those five columns, together with emails to and from some of her friends during the final year of her life, and readers' letters to the Observer in response to the columns, make up this book, together with forewords and afterwords by her husband Matt Seaton about how the book came together. Ruth, Justine and Matt are all professional writers with spare and straightforward styles. While writing their personal stories, they remain unsentimental. However, Ruth is not a cool detached observer. Ruth has an amazing vibrant voice.

The slim book starts out with emails to Ruth's friends about how the chemo is going. The Observer columns are interspersed through the emails.

I found that reading the three books together If the Spirit Moves You: Life and Love After Death by sister Justine, and Escape Artist by husband Matt Seaton helped me piece the whole story together and form a more complete picture. For instance, Ruth does not really mention her sister Justine that much in her book. Here's a passing reference from an email dated February 1997: "Am supposed to be starting radiotherapy tomorrow (every day for six weeks, no washing, no deodorant, eek) but I have a pain in my breast bone which I fear could be secondary bone cancer, so am going to see the docs tomorrow to review situation (Only because my sister forced an appointment out of them.) If it has spread, I'd 'like' to try another chemotherapy regime, using taxanes (yew tree extract -- 'natural' but very toxic, causing total body alopecia!). Oh gawd. . ." But obviously, her sister is very much a part of the whole story, encouraging her to write the columns, fighting with Ruth's doctors for the proper care, and being in Ruth's confidence to know that she has this bone pain.

The last column that Ruth starts for the Observer is dated August 24, 1997. "Sadly, being diagnosed with cancer seems to have arrested my capacity for high-powered psychological evolution. For -- a shocking 10 months since Diagnosis Day -- I have become convinced that I am , in fact, pregnant. Which, on the face of it, is down there in the kindergarten of denial, or possibly the mania of bargaining, or at the very best the delusion of depression. However, I need only to refer you to one of the pregnancy manuals dusting up my shelves: the vomiting, the weird stuff growing inside you, the endless waiting for the big day."

Justine writes a final piece for the Observer on September 28, 1997 describing her sister's death earlier in the week. "But somehow, Ruth slipped away to a different place, a place where I could not go with her. It seems impossible: impossible to comprehend; impossible to find the words to describe the loss. After she died, I sat with her body, stroking her face, holding her hand. She was cold, and my hand could not warm her hand, but I could not believe that she had stopped breathing: even at the end she had been so full of life. Her face looked peaceful; though her eyebrows were raised in a slightly quizzical manner: as if to say, how can this be?"(less)

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Jan 11, 2009 Anna rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: autobiography-biography

I have honestly never cried so much, I had tears pouring down my face for most of this book. It's made me appreciate how short life is & to make the most of what I have. I can't imagine dying & leaving my babies. The final few pages written by her husband after her death really bring the reality of how undignified it is to die from cancer.

E-mails, articles & letters written by & to, Ruth Picardie, a journalist for the Observer, who finds she has terminal breast cancer at aged 32,...more

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Feb 04, 2011 Gail rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: biography-and-autobiograph

Ruth Picardie was a journalist who was diagnosed with breast cancer in her early thirties, and then all kinds of secondary cancers, in her bones, her lungs, her liver, her brain, and learnt she was going to die. She wrote a column about it in The Observer - although she didn't have time to write many articles, due to the quick progression of the illness - so this book combines her articles with some of her email correspondence with various of her friends, and some of the letters readers wrote in...more Ruth Picardie was a journalist who was diagnosed with breast cancer in her early thirties, and then all kinds of secondary cancers, in her bones, her lungs, her liver, her brain, and learnt she was going to die. She wrote a column about it in The Observer - although she didn't have time to write many articles, due to the quick progression of the illness - so this book combines her articles with some of her email correspondence with various of her friends, and some of the letters readers wrote in response to her articles, and accounts of her last days by her husband and her sister.

I came across this book in a charity shop - by mistake, as I thought I was in the fiction section, and didn't actually particularly want to read biography. But I was intrigued by the idea of this book - cancer and death seem to be such taboo subjects, and so I thought I would like to read an honest, first-hand experience of a real person who had cancer and knew she was going to die. To know what it's like - to better understand people who are going through this, and to see how people cope in this situation. The only other thing I've read on this subject was John Diamond's book Because Cowards Get Cancer Too, which was recommended reading for college, and I found it very eye-opening.

What struck me about this book was how very upbeat Ruth is in her writing style - and in a genuine way, rather than annoying platitudes. There is no sentimentality (very middle class British in that!). She's honest and doesn't skirt around the fact that cancer is horrible and is going to kill her, and that she's scared and doesn't want to die, but she is also feisty and no-nonsense, and uses a lot of humour - self-deprecating humour, and also humour that belittles death and cancer. Particularly in her emails to her friends. I think I preferred the email correspondence with her friends to the actual articles, because they revealed more about her personality and attitude and how she was dealing with the situation - she clearly cared about her friends, writing in a fun way to make them laugh, to dissipate awkwardness, to reduce the horror of the fact of cancer and impending death, at the same time as being honest and open.

I found myself admiring her, which is not something I feel a lot when reading about people's lives. Her writing style is incredibly adept - she is able to create humour and light heartedness without avoidance or denial. To somehow tackle the enormity of the situation head-on in her writing, leaving you in no doubt as to the pain and impact, but somehow doing it in a way that doesn't wallow or enmesh her readers in her emotions, but is thought-provoking and amusing.

The one part of the book that made me cry was the page at the end that has handwritten letters from Ruth to her two-year-old twins, for them to read when they are older. She doesn't talk a great deal about her children in the correspondence with her friends, because that is clearly something that is incredibly painful and personal to her, and makes her cry to think about. She mentions how painful it is to go about making memory boxes for them, and how she has no idea what to write. So then, seeing the actual letters at the end of the book, handwritten and so very simple and concrete and down-to-earth in what they say, is like a complete perspective shift. Like seeing the reality of the situation in its simplest from, unadorned by wit and banter and feistiness. Just the simple fact of two children whose mum has died and has written them letters to say she loves them.

I was very impressed with this book. I felt privileged to have this glimpse into this woman's life, and I felt it opened my mind and my understanding of life and death. And it also reminded me how powerful it can be when people write/speak publicly about their difficult experiences - how it helps others (I was moved by the letters that readers wrote to Ruth Picardie in response to her articles - people who had similar experiences and they wanted to share, to encourage her, to let her know she wasn't alone, to let her know that her articles moved them.) People made a huge fuss when Jade Goody went public with her cancer (it's apparently okay when middle class journalists do it with wit and style, but not when the 'chavs' do it!), but I felt it was a positive thing, to help break the taboo of death and dying and cancer, to show people what it's actually like, day to day, to diminish the fear of the unknown. And this is what I feel too about this book.(less)

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Nov 23, 2010 Kim rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2010, memoirs

A very moving account of one woman dealing with her cancer diagnosis and terrible prognosis. The book take the form of e-mails Ruth Picardie sent her best freinds in the year between her diagnosis and death, and the five articles she wrote for a British newspaper.

In the little pockets of her life visible through her correspondance with loved ones the magnitude of the loss her friends and family will face upon her death is heart breakingly obvious. It is not the grand gestures one misses when som...more

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Jul 29, 2011 Karen rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: keeper, second-hand

"Almost unbearable intensity" says the cover. That's about right. I never quite got over my awkwardness with reading other people's private correspondence but she laid herself so bare in her column that the voyeuristic aspect was eventually diluted.

What shines through so much in this book about, essentially, dying, is life and her determination to hang on to it. I wept openly at her letters to her children. The postscript by her husband was amazing too - what courage to be able to admit the real...more

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Oct 02, 2009 Rachel rated it 4 of 5 stars

As I am on a biog tip at the moment this was one I'd meant to read for ages. Everything you expect reallly... sad, funny, tragic, optimistic all rolled into one.

Her correspondence and 'inner most' thoughts are both funny, breathtaking and uncomprehensibly sad. The post script is one of the best bits, as her husband talks candidly about what it's like to lose somebody in the 'prime' of their life - how terminal illnesses takes over and robs you of the person you love, etc.

Highly recommended, if y...more

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Oct 04, 2010 Missy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: breast-cancer, memoir

Ruth's story is not one of bemoaning her predicament. It is the story of her life before and after her horrendous diagnosis; life with her husband and her children, the love of her job, the silliness that is shared between her and her friends, and her crass view of cancer...its intrusion into her life.

Her lump, when first detected by Ruth herself, was determined by her doctors as being a "fibroadenoma", a non-cancerous lump of the breast. Pacified by the diagnosis, Ruth and her husband Matt wipe...more

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Sep 01, 2007 Karschtl rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: biography, drama, bc, read-in-2005

Die Journalistin Ruth Picardie fällt aus alle Wolken als bei ihr Brustkrebs diagnostiziert wird. Ihre Krankheit schreitet rapide schnell voran. Schon bald hat sie nicht mehr die Kraft, ihr normales Leben fortzuführen und ihre vielen Freunde zu treffen. Stattdessen behilft sie sich mit E-Mails, um mit der Außenwelt noch einigermaßen in Kontakt zu bleiben.
Einige von diesen E-Mails sind in diesem Buch abgedruckt und veranschaulichen die letzten Monate von Ruth. Leider erlebt Ruth den ersten Jahres...more

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Nov 02, 2009 Elizabeth Simons rated it 5 of 5 stars

Sometimes the most meaningful books are not well organized or edited. This is raw, straight from the heart. It will stay with me a long time. Ruth Picardie was as honest as it is possible to be about her coming death. Reading between the lines, though you could see an absence of her feelings for her husband. Then in his afterword, he says that the cancer came between them and he could not reach her. The timing of her illness coming so soon after the birth of twins must have been partly the cause...more

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Dec 18, 2012 Kirsty rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: purchased-2012, non-fiction, read-2012, best-of-2012

Be warned: this book is utterly heartbreaking. I just about made it through without crying (and I don't generally cry at any books, aside from Anne Frank's The Diary of a Young Girl), but the handwritten letters to Ruth's young twins made me tear up a little. What an incredibly brave and courageous woman, whose humour and wit remained until the end. This book reaffirms how wonderful life is, and how we should never, ever take it for granted.

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Mar 05, 2012 China Flanigan rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is an amazing book and as an American living in London, at the time of reading, it was a real life argument against Nationalized healthcare. What it is really about, is a young woman coming to grips with her imminent death. This book had a huge impact on me, even now, 13 years after I read it.

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May 05, 2013 Judi rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: read-in-2000

This book made me change my mind about my wish at death for it to happen in my sleep. This book made me rethink this. I now think that part of living is dying and to be aware would enhance living and dying.

Anyway, this is not a morbid book.

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Oct 23, 2009 Sabah rated it 3 of 5 stars

Fascinating & moving idea - a journalist dying of cancer writes letters to her children to be opened over the years, coinciding with important moments she would have shared with them had she lived.

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Aug 17, 2012 Tima rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: women, people who have lost someone to cancer

Shelves: memoirs, read-in-2012

This book was heart-breaking. Not in the outright sad way that you would expect. The pain sneaked up on you like a sunburn. One minute your laughing - truly feeling the warmth Ruth Picardie has for her family and life, the next minute you feel the sting of a tear burning in your eyes.

It's unlike any memoir I've read. In that, it is not written to you, the reader. It is a series of notes, letters, email and various correspondence between Ruth Picardie and her family/friends during her fatal batt...more

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Feb 10, 2009 Karen rated it 5 of 5 stars

I read this a litttle while ago through tears. It was so sad, but the spirit of Ruth shone through. Wish I could say more.

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Aug 04, 2011 Pussinbooks added it · review of another edition

Wonderfully touching account of the authors fight with cancer.
Also very funny in parts too

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Aug 19, 2009 Soozee rated it 5 of 5 stars

A reverent read...full of sadness and beauty.

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Jun 08, 2012 Joanna rated it 5 of 5 stars

Tragic. Just tragic.

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Aug 07, 2011 Alison Gray rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A little difficult to read

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Jun 14, 2011 Jennifer rated it 3 of 5 stars

I found this to be a very difficult, sad read. I think I would have liked Ruth Picardie.

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Jun 29, 2012 Sharon rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

Not exactly uplifting, but the author writes truthfully about her impending death. We are watching "The Big C," right now, so I thought this would be a good time to pick up this book.

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May 06, 2008 Sarah rated it 4 of 5 stars

Sad yet funny, this book is in part a collection of columns wriiten by the author. It's also a completion of a life, which is the most tragic thing about the story.

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May 30, 2008 Jenn rated it 4 of 5 stars

I had to read this book for class, but I loved it! It's emails and letters that the author sent to friends the year before she died of cancer.

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Apr 14, 2008 Kay rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The newspaper columns and emails of a journalist dying with cancer. Beautiful, sad and funny at the same time.

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Nov 03, 2008 Tracy rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

sad tail of cancer.

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Mar 16, 2011 Natasha rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

Sad, sad, sad.

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Sep 13, 2007 Esther rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: read_2006

very moving!

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May 17, 2013 Suzann is currently reading it

May 15, 2013 Mandy Thompson added it · review of another edition

May 13, 2013 Terre Arena marked it as to-read

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