Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism
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Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism

3.83 of 5 stars 3.83  ·  rating details  ·  437 ratings  ·  81 reviews
In this groundbreaking book -- the first popular book on narcissism in more than a decade -- clinical social worker and psychotherapist Sandy Hotchkiss shows you how to cope with controlling, egotistical people who are incapable of the fundamental give-and-take that sustains healthy relationships. Exploring how individuals come to have this shortcoming, why you get drawn i...more
Trade Paperback, 215 pages
Published August 7th 2003 by Free Press (first published 2002)
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Kei
Jun 22, 2007 Kei rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Anyone who has ever crossed paths with a narcissist...they are more prevalent than you think!
The subject matter of this book is very important. Once you come to understand what defines a narcissistic human being you will realize you may have had a boss, coworker, friend, lover or family member that portrays many narcissistic character traits. Nacissists often come off as outgoing and charismatic, however do not be fooled by the web that they weave.

For me, this book helped me to find some understanding and acceptance that I WILL NOT be able to understand why these people act the way the...more
Jean Barrington
All in all, a good read. The title of the Introduction is, "They Are Everywhere!" and narcissists are! In fact we have come to live in a narcistic culture, which means that in some ways narcissiam has come to be regarded as the norm. . . God forbid! The book is divided into five parts; The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism, Where Does Narcissim Come From?, Defending Your Self: Survival Strategies for a Narcissictic World, "Special People": The Narcissists in Your Life and Only You Can Prevent Narc...more
Naomi
"To do the job well, parents and caregivers need to have a realistic sense both of themselves and of the child, to be able to control their own aggressive impulses, and, most of all, to not use the child to meet their own needs" (47).

Strategies:
1. Know Yourself
2. Embrace Reality
3. Set Boundaries
4. Cultivate Reciprocal Relationships

"The issue is not whether someone is good or bad but whether you can deal with that person's particular shortcomings" (72).

"The tendency is to recreate the dramas of o...more
Kathrynn
Found this book to be written more like an upper level textbook for someone already well versed in sociology and psychology. The foreword indicated this was in lay person's terms. I didn't find that to be necessarily true. This book was very short (197 trade paperback pages of info, the rest was index stuff) and each chapter was equally short--sometimes too short. Felt that many chapters left more questions than answers.

The author divided the book into 5 parts:
Part I: The Seven Deadly Sins of...more
Melanie Kirdasi
I found the book to be written responsibly more to the layman's understanding with some simplification of the clinical knowledge of how the disorder is developed. This is useful because the writer places emphasis where it should be placed on the failure of proper structure,guidance,and nurturing during the developmental phase of a child and adolescent's life. Because of the pragmatic and direct approach it would allow the reader insight as to which rungs of the ladder are missing,why,and some aw...more
Seawood
This book opens reasonably well in terms of how to recognise narcissistic traits, and that was useful. Part 2 will have you examining your own behaviour for the same traits, particularly if you are reading because you have a narcissistic parent or child you're trying to understand. Be prepared, it may upset and worry you, so ensure you have someone to talk to. Part 3's survival strategies are ok as far as they go but would have benefited from more practical techniques for use "in the moment", an...more
Jenny
This book wasn't as helpful to my narcissist problems as The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family because it doesn't have a lot of practical how-to instructions; just a lot of ranting about how awful narcissists are. Duh--that's why I bought the book--I need instruction, not reiteration of the reasons I bought the book.
Michelle
I have been reading both pop psychology books as well as novels about the relationship between a narcissitic mother and her child in the hopes of discovering the most effective ways to act in this circumstance when you do not want to completely sever the relationship. I did not find this book to be one of the better options although I did find the middle section of the book where the author explores particular relationships involving narcissism such as romantic relationships, work relationships...more
Beneth
interesting; read it and you will recognize the people you have encountered in your life who are narcissists.
April
A good book about narcissism and what it is and how to avoid them that have it. :)
Michelle
Not particularly helpful or insightful.
Lucie Bowers
Very insightful..
Cinnemon
I've had one college course on Psychology, and can say, this book was easy to understand with limited experise in this area.

The first section focuses on the "7 Deadly Sins" of Narcissism and defines them with a simply overview. It's easy to discern what qualifies under each, and I found myself grouping people I know (including myself in some cases) into each heading. The book goes on to explain how to manage relationships with people that fall into a series of these definitions, as they relate t...more
Sarri
Luin tämän kirjan suomenkielisen version "Miksi aina sinä", varsin osuva nimi mielestäni. Aidon, sairaalloisen narsismin vaikutuksista kärsivät niin narsisti itse kuin hänen ympärillään olevat ihmiset, joista suurin osa ei edes tiedosta tätä.

Kirjassa käydään läpi narsismin seitsemän syntiä: häpeämättömyys, maaginen ajattelu, ylimielisyys, kateus, vaativuus, hyväksikäyttö ja rajattomuus.

Narsismin perusta on kaiken ylle vyöryvässä narsistin häpeän tunteessa, jolle ei ole yleensä mitään järjellis...more
Bryan
Apr 19, 2013 Bryan rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Everyone
This is a book I would recommend to everyone. The book is broken up into four parts. Part 1 is the Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism and a very good description of each behavior. Part 2 is devoted to the explanation of where Narcissism can come from. Part 3 is tips on how to defend yourself from each of the "sins" and ways to avoid being caught in the narcissist's web. Part 4 (and probably the most useful part) is the "Special People" section where Hotchkiss gives countless examples of narcissism...more
Anti Wibawa
To my understanding, these days people commonly say the word of narcissist to what they consider as a self-love or self-reflection.. in fact, in another book this statement believed is a myth! actually not that simple. this book help me to discover who is a true narcissist around us to avoid unhealthy relationships AND understand ourselves, coz i dont wanna be a narcissist, do you?

This book is thorough and explain why a person can become a narcissist. This book underlined that narcissim in a fa...more
Aerin
A very interesting book about how and why narcissism may arise and how it affects those with it and those around them. It also goes into many of the signs of narcissism and how to recognize it.

I first read this book in 2004 when I hadn't really read a lot of psychology or self help type books. I think at that time it was a little hard for me to read. Partly because I hadn't really read anything similar and I found some of the concepts new or difficult or strange and partly because of the place i...more
Andy
I originally picked up this book in order to gain insight into the personalities of an ex-friend or two. What I found as I read the book, was that I recognized several more "toxic" persons I had encountered throughout my life in these pages than I expected, including ex-friends, women I had encountered, one of my most vexing bosses, and a couple of key family members.

Hotchkiss' book is a highly useful and important analysis of the narcissists who one encounters in one's life. Hotchkiss gives yo...more
Anne Marie Macek
Although I did not like this book as much as "Children of the Self-Absorbed", this was a nice overview into the topic of narcissism and it's prevalence in our society. The book got a little preachy about narcissism being the root of all evil. But it also presented some good strategies for recognizing and coping with narcissism in families, relationships, the workplace, children and - yes - even in yourself. A good basic book for beginners in the topic, but I kept waiting for more concrete soluti...more
Bookchick
I read this a number of years ago when interacting with a coworker who could be quite charming and funny. However, over time, I realized that she was also controlling and self-absorbed to the point of often negating me and my life. When I saw this book, I was finally able to put a name to her behavior. While I don't think that most people have full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there are, unfortunately, an awful lot of people with narcissistic behaviors, and this book is helpful in re...more
Milka
A fascinating book on narcissists and how to recognize them around you. Hint: there are a lot of them, some of them a lot worse than others. The book explains the "seven deadly sins", i.e. the seven main characteristics of narcissistic people, each followed by advice on how to cope or detach from someone's hold. Unfortunately for the most extreme cases of narcissism, the only way to get rid of such person is to wait for them to find another victim to latch on and start abusing instead of you. In...more
Madeleine
A college professor frequently referred to this book during a lecture on "King Lear"; a friend in that same class and I had come to invoke the fictitious king's name as code for a self-absorbed acquaintance we miserably shared, which lead my friend to present this to me as a jokey birthday gift.

When ordering a book on toxic parents earlier today, Amazon recommended that I also buy this. Joke's on you, internet: Someone already bought it for me. Squeeze ten dollars (plus shipping) from some othe...more
Krissy
A good introduction to narcissism. I liked the parts about how to raise healthy children and examples of what not to do.

The author gives the advice to re-label intrusive words or actions of the narcissist as helpful or caring. I guess I could see how this would work if you 1. Came from a healthy family &have good self esteem 2. Understand that the narcissist is not actually helpful or caring 3. Need a way to cope with keeping this narcissist in your life. But really the take home message is...more
Jess Michaels
Read for research for a book. Really fascinating overview of narcissistic personality disorder. Accessible and well done.
Fay Ratta
Do you think there is a narcissist in your life? Not really sure what a narcissist is, but there's that one person who drives you up the wall/manipulates you/never accepts responsibility for their actions? It's all about THEM? Run, don't walk, to read this book. You will read this and realize that YOU are not the problem, even if they have convinced you otherwise. Not only is this book a great tool for dealing with them, but can serve to start your own healing process. I suggest getting the phys...more
Cherie
B Beth had been nagging me to read this book for a while, because she felt I needed insight into the narcissists in my life (and who used to be in my life). I really don't normally like self-help books, so I skimmed much of it. However, I can say it did give me some insight - yes, this person is a narcissist, wow, that one thing this person did - totally narcissitic. There are tips on how to handle - I think the best one is to manage your anger. You can't change them but having the insight that...more
Writerlibrarian
The first part is a good, basic introduction to the concepts and types of people who are to different degree narcissist. After that it's chapter after chapter of ideas presented as facts, a very black and white view of situations and the last chapters are dated and judgmental in a way. Not what I expected after a good beginning. Still, the basic notions, concepts are clearly defined, it's their applications that goes a bit overboard. Maybe it's the passing of time (10 years) and the presentation...more
Sydney
Apr 09, 2014 Sydney added it
A good volume about dealing with narcissists.
Freddie
Toward the end of this book, there was a lot more emphasis on parenting, which I didn't really feel applied to me...
Kathy Gelles-Baxter
Nov 16, 2007 Kathy Gelles-Baxter rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: those who engage with self-centered people
Shelves: self-help
The book, "Why is it Ålways Åbout You?" carries a subtitle of "The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism." I read it in August and am re-reading the many portions I highlighted. I learned a great deal about personalities of the self-centered people we deal with in all types of relationships. The ones we can do the least about are employers unless we are ready to change jobs and/or careers. Power in relationships is a prevalent theme of this book, and I also plan to re-read portions of several other bo...more
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  • Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents
  • Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
  • In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
  • Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry
  • Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self
  • Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
  • The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment
  • Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
  • The Truth Will Set You Free: Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self
  • Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited
  • Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame
  • The Myth of Sanity: Divided Consciousness and the Promise of Awareness
  • Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship
  • How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
  • The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond
  • Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem
  • Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed
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