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98th out of 856 books
—
1,222 voters
If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation
by
Janine Latus
In April 2002, Janine Latus's youngest sister, Amy, wrote a note and taped it to the inside of her desk drawer. "Today Ron Ball and I are romantically involved," it read, "but I fear I have placed myself at risk in a variety of ways. Based on his criminal past, writing this out just seems like the smart thing to do. If I am missing or dead this obviously has not protected...more
Hardcover, 308 pages
Published
April 17th 2007
by Simon & Schuster
(first published January 1st 2007)
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Wow. I'm not sure that I've ever come away from a book disliking the author so much since Lance Armstrong. The book jacket reads as if this will be story about Amy Latus. It isn't. I think that Amy appears in this book only to give Janine Latus a reason to write it (perhaps she saw this as her big writing "break"?), because this book is about Janine and Janine only. Any references to Amy deal with Janine's reaction to what happened to Amy and how hard it was for her. I was also absolutely amazed...more
Sep 10, 2008
Jill
rated it
1 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
absolutely no one
Ok, I get that in the beginning Latus is setting up the family's background for enduring and living with violence within their relationships. But it's turning me off. I don't know why just yet.
*****Later*****
It has been a long, long time since I said "Yuck!" to a book here on Goodreads.
What I'm about to say may cause many people to hate me and jump down my throat due to the nature of the memoir, but I'm just giving my honest impression.
I believe Janine Latus to be one of the most self-centered,...more
*****Later*****
It has been a long, long time since I said "Yuck!" to a book here on Goodreads.
What I'm about to say may cause many people to hate me and jump down my throat due to the nature of the memoir, but I'm just giving my honest impression.
I believe Janine Latus to be one of the most self-centered,...more
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it,
click here.
This book was a very quick read for me, I read it cover to cover on a 4 hour flight. The writing is stellar, and the subject matter is very compelling.
I disagree with people who chide the author for telling her own story. I always thought that was the point...her story of abuse and her story of her sister's death.
I cried many times during this book. Janine's love for others, her sisters, her mother, and other women in her life rang out loud and clear and familiar.
Violence against women and fa...more
I disagree with people who chide the author for telling her own story. I always thought that was the point...her story of abuse and her story of her sister's death.
I cried many times during this book. Janine's love for others, her sisters, her mother, and other women in her life rang out loud and clear and familiar.
Violence against women and fa...more
Even though the basic premise of the account was her sister's death, every element of the book didn't tie into it. Instead, what she did was establish a pattern of abuse that made it more understandable for these two strong, smart, beautiful women to accept a pattern of abuse that is unacceptable for anyone.
To be fair, she can't write about what she didn't know or experience herself. We get to know Amy as a family member would know her-- in this case, as a little sister. They speak on the phone...more
To be fair, she can't write about what she didn't know or experience herself. We get to know Amy as a family member would know her-- in this case, as a little sister. They speak on the phone...more
Wow. This book will make you decide to never, ever, ever affiliate yourself with any male ever again. It's one of the most depressing books I've ever read.
It starts off with the basic Catholic girl victimization--lecherous dad, pervy friends' dads, constant refrain that they are bad and slutty and tempt men, who can't help themselves, moving into the obligatory rape in early adulthood. And things don't get better from there.
It's horrifying to read how the intelligent, witty, educated author gets...more
It starts off with the basic Catholic girl victimization--lecherous dad, pervy friends' dads, constant refrain that they are bad and slutty and tempt men, who can't help themselves, moving into the obligatory rape in early adulthood. And things don't get better from there.
It's horrifying to read how the intelligent, witty, educated author gets...more
Feb 06, 2008
Dawn Michelle
rated it
4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Anyone who would like insight into an abused persons life
Recommended to Dawn Michelle by:
Picked it up the night we had to wait to get the last Harry Pott
Shelves:
non-fiction
I started reading this in the bookstore the night we picked up the last Harry Potter book. It is VERY good, but I would like to finish it. Hopefully I can either finish it in the bookstore (a la Aubrey) or just buy it, read it and pass it on!!! :)
More when I am finished!
UPDATE:
Finished the book. Finished it 2 hours while sitting in Indigo. I felt like my eyes were on FIRE!
This was a good book, but very very sad. Very thought provoking as well. But over-all, very sad. I think I am still digesting...more
More when I am finished!
UPDATE:
Finished the book. Finished it 2 hours while sitting in Indigo. I felt like my eyes were on FIRE!
This was a good book, but very very sad. Very thought provoking as well. But over-all, very sad. I think I am still digesting...more
Oct 13, 2007
Nadia
rated it
2 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
anyone who is unsure if they are in an abusive relationship
I notice some of the reviews here pointing out that this book is about the author rather than her sister. That's definitely true, but I think it's also part of the point of the book. The author was living through a series of abusive relationships while putting on a good face for her family - all the while her younger sister was doing the same.
I think the point is the guilt. At the point in her own life when she finally came to terms with needing out, her sister's parallel story took a turn for t...more
I think the point is the guilt. At the point in her own life when she finally came to terms with needing out, her sister's parallel story took a turn for t...more
I am shocked and saddened by the tone of this book! Is this a book about the author's missing/murdered sister (as the title implies) or is it about the self-absorbed author?
The title is very compelling and as a fan of true crime shows like Forensic Files, 48 Hours Mystery, etc. I thought this book would be interesting. I listened to it on audio and I must say that the author's sister--the true victim here--was done a huge disservice. This is the most self-indulgent piece of work I have ever pic...more
The title is very compelling and as a fan of true crime shows like Forensic Files, 48 Hours Mystery, etc. I thought this book would be interesting. I listened to it on audio and I must say that the author's sister--the true victim here--was done a huge disservice. This is the most self-indulgent piece of work I have ever pic...more
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it,
click here.
I was also confused as to why this book seemed to spend so little time with Amy.
I've decided that the author couldn't write what she didn't know (what was going on in Amy's secretive relationship - Amy wasn't volunteering any information - maybe because she was embarrassed or ashamed - why write the letter in her desk if she didn't know that she couldn't trust her heart)- so Janine wrote about what she did know. - why SHE stayed in abusive, dangerous relationships - we live what we know. I have...more
I've decided that the author couldn't write what she didn't know (what was going on in Amy's secretive relationship - Amy wasn't volunteering any information - maybe because she was embarrassed or ashamed - why write the letter in her desk if she didn't know that she couldn't trust her heart)- so Janine wrote about what she did know. - why SHE stayed in abusive, dangerous relationships - we live what we know. I have...more
I listened to this book on audiotape, and while I did enjoy it, I feel like it wasn't what I was expecting. I mean, maybe it's because it was abridged, but it didn't seem so much about the author's sister as the author herself, whose life (and romantic relationships) are covered down to each little detail. Still, a compelling story.
This is an awful, awful book. From the reading the title, you'd think it was about a woman's search for her sister's killer, which is what prompted me to read it. Naturally, I was thinking it was going to be a loving memoir to her sister and how justice was served in the end. Not at all! Until you're almost at the end of the book it's completely about the author's abusive relationship and how she stayed in it and received many beatings, abusive language, etc. I was so disgusted by the author's n...more
Okay, I bought this book yesterday afternoon and finished it this morning. I loved it and hated it. either way, I was compelled to read it. It made me cry several times. I'm not sure that it will be as interesting to everybody else, but some things just resonated for me. A quick synopsis: the author's little sister was murdered by her boyfriend. Part of the healing process for the author was to search back into her own past and examine her own abusive relationships. It was well-written and a bit...more
I didn't know this was an autobiography when I initally picked up this book.
The sister who wrote it was abused by every single male in her life, starting at the age of 12. The sister who dies in the book also accepted abuse by her husband and then subsequent lover.
To someone who has never been abused by a boyfriend or husband, it's hard to understand why these two women allowed the abuse to go on in their lives. They were smart, successful, hard-working and pretty. They told each other that th...more
The sister who wrote it was abused by every single male in her life, starting at the age of 12. The sister who dies in the book also accepted abuse by her husband and then subsequent lover.
To someone who has never been abused by a boyfriend or husband, it's hard to understand why these two women allowed the abuse to go on in their lives. They were smart, successful, hard-working and pretty. They told each other that th...more
I had a hard time giving this book 4 stars ("really liked it"), although it deserves them. "Missing or Dead" was incredibly disturbing, rather than "likeable". Even more so because it is a true story. I find it difficult to understand women who choose to remain in abusive and controlling situations, and yet I recognized little bits of myself, my family and past relationships within this brutally honest and heart-wrenching memoir.
Latus writes like the journalist that she is. Her words are concis...more
Latus writes like the journalist that she is. Her words are concis...more
This book was an intense look at domestic abuse. The author chronicles her life and her youngest sister, Amy's life through their abusive relationships and finally to the author's divorce and Amy's death. I couldn't help but wonder why, when it was all-too-apparent that the father was abusive, would the family continue to protect him. The author stresses her family's close-knit bonds, but from my impressions, the family culture was to buck-up and put on a front, which may have attributed to Amy'...more
I had heard that this memoir was about the murder of the author's sister, so I was a bit surprised that this indident didn't happen until the very end of the book. The author spends the early part of the book dealing with family relationships, and the marriages/relationships of her and her sister. It was interesting to me that from the outside looking in, clearly there was impropriety and abuse, and yet these incidents left the author feeling that these things happened because SHE had done somet...more
This book takes an intense look at abuse - emotional and physical - within relationships. Through the author's own relationships, the reader is set-up for the book's ultimate purpose which is to share the story of the death of the writer's sister.
This book is very heavy, but as others have said, it is a quick read. It is an excellent portrayal of unhealthy relationships and the tapes that play in people's brains as they move through life. If you want a peek into unhealthy family relations and e...more
This book is very heavy, but as others have said, it is a quick read. It is an excellent portrayal of unhealthy relationships and the tapes that play in people's brains as they move through life. If you want a peek into unhealthy family relations and e...more
This book was a compelling read. It drew me in immediately with the author's memoirs of growing up in a dysfunctional family. It was honest and described the life events that caused the author and her sister to become victims of poor self esteem, abusive men, and for one of them, murder.
There were times in the book when I'd become frustrated with the author, who stayed much too long with a lousy husband. Sadly, her liberation happened around the same time as her sister's death.
It has a sad end...more
There were times in the book when I'd become frustrated with the author, who stayed much too long with a lousy husband. Sadly, her liberation happened around the same time as her sister's death.
It has a sad end...more
Sep 06, 2008
Ellie Revert
rated it
4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
all adults
Recommended to Ellie by:
cannot remember
I don't give out five stars, hardly ever, but this book deserves every one. It's the true story of a family in which 2 great sisters become embroiled in domestic abuse situations. The author tries to solve this puzzlement. I nearly stopped reading it because I couldn't believe she stayed and stayed and stayed. BUT it's important for us to try to understand it, and learn how to help a loved one in such a dilemma. There are red flags all over the place, but this problem is so widespread and perhap...more
I was disappointed with this book. Granted, the author had to paint a very painful picture of the abuse she and her siblings were subjected to, but the events leading to the disappearance and death of her sister were not discussed until the last few chapters. What this book ended up being was an autobiography that had nothing to do with the book's title. While I have compassion and sympathy for the author, she strikes me as a true narcissist. Why else would she have her own life completely overs...more
If I Am Missing or Dead, by Janine Latus, A-minus.
Downloaded from audible.com.
Janine Latus is a journalist who tells of the wrong decisions she and her sister Amy both made with regard to men-poor decisions, which Latus points out, are made by intelligent women everyday who lack self esteem or faith in themselves. In Janine’s case, this led to getting two different breast implant surgeries for her husband’s gratification, and wearing suggestive clothes as his “trophy.” In the case of Amy Latus,...more
Downloaded from audible.com.
Janine Latus is a journalist who tells of the wrong decisions she and her sister Amy both made with regard to men-poor decisions, which Latus points out, are made by intelligent women everyday who lack self esteem or faith in themselves. In Janine’s case, this led to getting two different breast implant surgeries for her husband’s gratification, and wearing suggestive clothes as his “trophy.” In the case of Amy Latus,...more
This book is COMPLETELY different than I thought it would be. I understood it to be about the author's sister's death and the aftermath. Wrong. (The jacket copy for the hardcover edition is terribly misleading, I must say. For example, it makes is sound like the trial of her sister's murderer takes up a huge chunk of the book and it's only mentioned in passing!) The book follows the author and her relationships and marriage, and her sister's death occurs within the last few pages. On one hand an...more
My Overall rating for Janine Latus’ memoir If I Am Missing or Dead is a 5 out of 5 stars.
Janine Latus explains everything from her childhood up until a very significant turning point in her adult life. She tells us about her childhood memories, her past and present significant others, and also her family members and their significant others. This book has a very interesting ending and has lots of twists and turns on the way there.
I think that the most enjoyable part of Janine Latus’ writing wa...more
Janine Latus explains everything from her childhood up until a very significant turning point in her adult life. She tells us about her childhood memories, her past and present significant others, and also her family members and their significant others. This book has a very interesting ending and has lots of twists and turns on the way there.
I think that the most enjoyable part of Janine Latus’ writing wa...more
If I Am Missing of Dead: This is a quick read. A story of the author's life mostly with sections about her relationship with her sister Amy. Amy disappeared and the title comes from a letter she wrote and hid inside a drawer. The letter led police to her lover who was convicted of her brutal murder. Amy's story is almost secondary though; more of an impetus for Janine to write this book about her own life. She and her sisters and brother grew up in an abusive family which some of the girls seeme...more
I think this book is difficult for many to read because of the subject matter. With that said, it is important for such stories to be shared; for victims to own their stories and help dissipate the shame many feel, which only continues the cycle of abuse.
I was struck by how well the author describes the emotional chaos of losing control over your body, your autonomy, and your well-being. The emotional fatigue of constantly walking on egg shells. While not all readers are victims of abuse, we al...more
I was struck by how well the author describes the emotional chaos of losing control over your body, your autonomy, and your well-being. The emotional fatigue of constantly walking on egg shells. While not all readers are victims of abuse, we al...more
For a long time in reading this I thought I was going to have to give it 3 stars despite not really wanting to but for a change recently reading a book through to the very end made it get better instead of worse. The book actually comes across as fictional for quite a while - possibly because there's just too much of the sensational stuff fiction is full of: rape, assault, family feuds, etc. and so little 'downtime'. I was also surprised and at first disappointed when I realized the bulk of the...more
This book is very well-written; it's just a bit of a bait-and-switch. I expected more about her sister's murder.
This isn't about their bad choices. It's about the author's. And, really, all we needed to understand the choices that led them to their terrible fates were the chapters about their childhood.
The culture and her father treated them as sex objects. Every woman a temptress (every female, really--children were no exception) and every male a victim of his biological drives and the female...more
This isn't about their bad choices. It's about the author's. And, really, all we needed to understand the choices that led them to their terrible fates were the chapters about their childhood.
The culture and her father treated them as sex objects. Every woman a temptress (every female, really--children were no exception) and every male a victim of his biological drives and the female...more
This account of a sister's murder is not the type of book that it seems. It is better.
Janine Latus's simple story rends the heart. Her sister Amy, a lonely widower in her thirties, lets an ex-con into her life, allows him to borrow over $60,000, and gives him a roof to sleep under. One day, she ends up missing, and sometime later, her body is found, buried in a construction site, buried and wrapped in a tarp.
But this book is nor written in the way that a disinterested journalist would write it....more
Janine Latus's simple story rends the heart. Her sister Amy, a lonely widower in her thirties, lets an ex-con into her life, allows him to borrow over $60,000, and gives him a roof to sleep under. One day, she ends up missing, and sometime later, her body is found, buried in a construction site, buried and wrapped in a tarp.
But this book is nor written in the way that a disinterested journalist would write it....more
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