Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent

Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent

4.2 of 5 stars 4.20  ·  rating details  ·  787 ratings  ·  162 reviews
New parents are faced with innumerable decisions to make regarding the best way to care for their baby, and, naturally, they often turn for guidance to friends and family members who have already raised children. But as scientists are discovering, much of the trusted advice that has been passed down through generations needs to be carefully reexamined.

A thought-provoking c...more
Paperback, 320 pages
Published May 4th 1999 by Anchor
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 1,475)
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Becky
This was a really thought-provoking read that overall I enjoyed quite a lot. But I feel like she frequently repeated herself; by the end I was pretty tired of hearing about the !Kung San, and wished I had skimmed rather than read the whole thing. Also, despite her overall commitment to a scientific approach, she did use fairly biased/loaded language in her treatment of Western practices. I often agreed with her, but it seemed a bit heavy handed.
Carlie
This book was really good but, a bit hard to get into. Its also a little academic. That said, I think it really challenged me, was full of very stimulating meaty research and kind of changed my perspective as a parent. I've always leaned towards attachment parenting and felt a little disjointed from much of common American parenting philosophy, but this book pushed me even further into that camp. I felt like reading the careful research on cultures around the world and how they raise children re...more
Laura
This is the book I like to give every pregnant friend. When you have a child, you inevitably receive a lot of well-intentioned advice. Writing from a biological anthropologist's point of view, Small helps you pick apart which bits of wisdom are cultural (which is not to say that they should be discarded!) and which are more naturally aligned with babies' basic biological design.

This crucial knowledge, which most parents and even pediatricians do not possess, will help make some aspects of babie...more
Kelly
This was a fascinating read. The author relates the parenting practices of different cultures around the world and talks about how certain parenting styles are due to the biology of human babies. As a simple example, babies were designed to be breastfed, biologically speaking. But in Western cultures, we've decided to diverge from those biologically-based practices to gain more convenience and independence from the traditionally more intimate parent-infant relationship. I like how the author say...more
Shannon
Written by an anthropologist, this is an intriguing account of how humans care for infants, from a cross-cultural and evolutionary perspective. It begins by providing a fascinating summary of infant care in several diverse cultures including three hunter-gatherer societies and the modern industrial societies of Japan and the U.S. The variety of practices described, not only of caring for the young, but also related to social structure, mating, pregnancy, and birth made for some interesting readi...more
Meg
Apr 20, 2010 Meg added it
Shelves: parenting, health
I'm not sure how many stars to give this book, because I had very mixed reactions. The earlier parts of this book are full of interesting biological and anthropological descriptions of (1) evolutionary and biological information about babies, and (2) how parents in various cultures care for babies. Totally fascinating, well-described, and exuding open-mindedness and curiosity about the wonder of human biology and the rich variety of human behavior.

Then, suddenly, the book changes, and the second...more
Amy
This book explores how human biology and culture influence and define
the way we choose to parent. The author surmises that human babies
are biologically evolved to send signals (crying, smiling, rooting)
based upon hundreds of years of evolution within a hunting &
gathering culture. She illustrates that the way some cultures parent
today sometimes clashes with how babies have evolved thus far.

Various cultures' parenting styles (American, Kung! San of Africa,
and Japanese among them) are used to d...more
Allison Rockwell
An ethnopediatric argument for reevaluating the ways we in the West have been taught to care for babies, combining evidence from anthropology, evolutionary biology, and pediatrics. The author makes a strong argument for immediate contact with the infant after birth, co-sleeping, continuous feeding (or as close as possible to it), and responding quickly to cries, and uses case studies from !Kung San people in Africa, Japanese parents, and American parents to demonstrate how extremely different pa...more
Frank Jude
Apr 22, 2010 Frank Jude rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Parents and expectant parents; those interested in child development.
This book is the first to explore why we raise our children the way we do, questioning those cultural assumptions that -- to paraphrase Barthes -- usually go without saying! Antropologist Meredith Small has put together an intriguing and thought-provoking examination of the remarkable findings of the relatively new science of ethnopediatrics.

Should an infant be encouraged to sleep alone? What's the proper amount of time that should pass before picking up a crying baby? Is breast feeding really...more
Ramya
Back in the day a unique book opening up the new field if ethopediatrics out of academia for lay public. Small unfortunately has a tendency to over-exaggerate/over-generalize especially in the first chapter! Babies don't have "half-finished brains" - they simple have to complete myelination of the nervous system in the 1st year of life -- this is a maturation process not a "finishing" process. Small states, "Painful childbirth & helpless babies are an evolutionary process ...." - not all nat...more
Katina
Meredith Small is an anthropologist at Cornell and in this book she explores how different cultures raise children in (surprisingly) different ways. I enjoyed the cultural anecdotes and the comparisons of human behavior to the behavior of other primates. Some of the studies and results she shared, in particular about sleep and breastfeeding, were compelling. If anyone ever critiques you for breastfeeding, or breastfeeding in public, point them to this book (as if such fools would be interested i...more
Andrea Paterson
An excellent look at how babies and their caregivers have evolved through time and across cultures. This book was highly comforting in that it proves there is no "right" way to parent your child, but it is also deeply informative, describing clearly the biological imperatives that make babies the way they are and outlining the parenting practises that best support those biological needs. While many methods of care can be appropriate there are some that are a better biological match than others....more
Inder
This little introduction to "ethnopediatrics," the study of child-rearing across cultures, is by no means a how-to manual, but nonetheless may be one of the better parenting books I've read to date. This is a well-researched, thought-provoking survey of parenting styles among non-human primates and human cultures throughout the world. The conclusion? It is Western child-rearing practices that are "weird."

I loved the indictment of our cultural obsession with "independence" and getting infants to...more
Adrienne
I wish I had read this book before I had babies, but I'm definitely glad I'm reading it when they're still little. It is about the field of ethnopediatrics, the comparative study of parenting across cultures, with the ultimate goal of determining where mismatches between biology and culture exist so that we can better meet our babies' needs.

A major tenet of Small's argument is that the biology of babies has evolved at a pace much slower than our culture's technology and lifestyle. As a result,...more
Heather Boyd
I found this a refreshing look at parenting practices around the world, since it emphasizes that the way we parent is dictated by the values of a particular culture, rather than there being a 'right' or 'wrong' way to parent. The author also points out, however, that sometimes our societal values can get in the way of parenting in a natural way: our push for independence in the west leads us to parenting practices that some evidence suggests is contrary to development of independence, and that o...more
Shelley
I LOVED this book! It changed the way I view pregnacy, babies and parenting. I only wish I had read it before I became a mother.

The author uses evidence-based research on multiple cultures to come up with some "universals" for parenting infants. She presents compelling evidence for things like breastfeeding on demand, quick response to babies cries, safe sleep, and babywearing without coming across as being preachy or having an agenda. This book encourages readers to reflect on how human babies...more
Jen
Well, nothing to make you feel insecure about your own parenting than reading about cultures where the kids get held for 3x the amount of US kids, and only cry for a few seconds at a time. Gives you something to think about, but I don't think I'll be very successful at this until I have a whole village to pass my kid along to, or at least a back strong enough to wear a sling for more than half an hour.

So far, long on introduction - as in, I read the intro and am now 60 or so pages in and still...more
Mistiemae1 Downs
This is the ONLY book I recommend to pregnant and parenting friends with the caveat that they keep in mind the author's intention: to call our attention to how culture affects our parenting. The loads of guilt and pressure to conform that accompanies other "parenting" books (which this book is not meant to be) should not surface if the reader will keep this at the forefront of their thoughts while they glean all the information this book has to offer.

Biology is the overriding factor in a baby's...more
Emily
Probably one of the most helpful books I've come across for preparing a new parent, most notably because enough cultures and methods of child-rearing are presented to convince the reader that there is no one "right way". Secondly, it becomes clear that there are a few things that all babies need, regardless of culture, and the Western world is somewhat lacking in providing those things: skin-to-skin touch, physical nearness (including at night), and a quick response to crying, among others. I ca...more
Mary
I appreciated the break from the normal pregnancy books with this one... But I was hoping for something a little more enlightening. But I felt like the most interesting points about other cultures were discussed in the preface. It did give me some things to think about related to breastfeeding and co-sleeping. I can't believe America is the only culture where co-sleeping doesn't really happen. And the idea that babies need co-sleeping so they can learn to breathe since they aren't completely dev...more
Jennifer Vanderbes
This was by far the most informative book I've read on parenting. Small takes an anthropologist's approach, illustrating the various ways in which different cultures approach parenting. Of course, every culture believes its parenting style is the "right" way. Americans come out looking like the odd balls (in relation to the majority of the world), with their intense focus on instilling regimen and independence in infants.
I'd give the book 5 stars except for the chapter on breastfeeding, in whic...more
Carrie
I was just going to leave this with a rating like I usually do but something about this book just keeps eating at me so here is my review. While it was certainly interesting (shocking at times) to learn about the parenting habits of other cultures, I found it very unnerving that the author was constantly putting down the way most Americans choose to raise their children to be independent. Why, exactly, does she think our country is so great? Because we have independent people who are able and wi...more
Christine
There is so much that I agree with in this book. I loved reading about the anthropological support for the idea that attachment parenting is what is best for babies, and I really enjoyed reading about how babies are cared for in some non-Western cultures today (though I would have enjoyed reading about more of them and also about Western countries other than the U.S.)

That being said, I did find some significant flaws with this book. For one thing, Meredith Small asserts at times that all parenti...more
Karawan
If I could rate this 2.5 stars I would....

What I liked: the examples of how a variety of world cultures approach major parenting choices such as breastfeeding, babywearing, and bedtime/sleep issues. Really fascinating to read, and a variety of different approaches can still lead to healthy, happy, well-adjusted children! I wish she'd focused more on this aspect and left the other stuff out.

What was interesting but I'm on the fence about it: the evolutionary biology stuff. It was interesting to r...more
Katherine Parker
Sep 19, 2008 Katherine Parker rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: people with babies/small children
Recommended to Katherine Parker by: Tilden
Shelves: breeder-books
This was a quick read. It provides some interesting insights about how we parent, how unconscious a lot of our parenting strategies are, and how we unconsciously transmit our culture's values through our interactions with children. In particular, I had never thought about whether or not other cultures talk to their children a lot and value language acquisition as much as Americans value it. She also laid bare for me the understanding that, as many aspects of American culture as I reject (materia...more
Regina
Jul 08, 2008 Regina rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommended to Regina by: parents
This book is better than the usual pop psychology book on parenting. It is essentially a review of the relatively new field of ethnopediatrics by an anthropologist. It tackles the nature/nurture question head on and makes some truly subtle points in places. At times the author lapses into vague generalizations about our Pleistocene past determining our current biological drives. And rather suprisingly, given that the author is a female anthropologist, some of the discussions about co-sleeping et...more
CJ
Jun 29, 2008 CJ rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: parents who feel like people look at them funny for how they raise their kids
Shelves: parenting
I will preface my review by saying that I recognize that I might be biased about this book because it reinforced many things about parenting that I already believe.

That being said, I really found this book enlightening. Small, an anthropologist at Cornell University, outlines research done here in the West about parenting practices and the nature of human infancy and describes parenting practices in cultures around the world. Her basic premise is that, while parents (and even those without child...more
Elaine
I picked this book up a while back, I think at a library sale on a whim. I didn't know the book prior to buying it but I did recognize the author's name. Meredith Small is a primatologist whose work I knew when I was studying anthropology.

The sub-title gives the gist of this book's subject matter: "How biology and culture shape the way we parent." For those with any interest in parenting, children, or even just examining human behaviors cross-culturally, this is a great book to read.

Small revie...more
melissa/missy
I should confess that I didn't read this book cover to cover; I have a bad habit of skipping around a lot when I read non-fiction books. But I really enjoyed the book as a whole. It's a well-researched, fascinating look at how different cultures raise children. Despite our tendency to assume that we are raising our children the "right" way, really we are products of the culture we have been raised in--and sometimes, if you get right down to the biology of it, our culture is wrong. I especially e...more
Jenn
Jan 14, 2008 Jenn rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: people interested in attachment parenting
I read this book long ago for a class on child development. It was incredible, and I remember loaning it to my sister-in-law when she was pregnant. It was the first book I picked up to read when I got pregnant, and I tried to get my husband to read it also.

What I'm obviously trying to say here is that I think this book is great for parents to read.

It's not your "typical" parenting book - there are no top ten lists, no cutesy anecdotes. What it is is this - scientific & well-studied reasons...more
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Encouraging independence in infancy 1 13 Jul 11, 2008 12:28pm  
Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent (ebook)
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Meredith F. Small was trained as a primate behaviorist and spent many years observing various species of macaques in captivity and in the wild. Her primatology focused on female mating behavior, alloparental care, and biological and physiological measure of reproductive success. Today, Dr. Small is interesting in the intersection of biology and culture and the evolution of human behavior. For the...more
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