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How to Talk so Teens Will Listen and Listen so Teens Will
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How to Talk so Teens Will Listen and Listen so Teens Will

3.95 of 5 stars 3.95  ·  rating details  ·  505 ratings  ·  100 reviews
The renowned #1 New York Times bestselling authors share their advice and expertise with parents and teens in this accessible, indispensable guide to surviving adolescence.

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish transformed parenting with their breakthrough, bestselling books Siblings Without Rivalry and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Now, they retu
Paperback, 224 pages
Published August 22nd 2006 by William Morrow Paperbacks (first published 2005)
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Georgina Allen
I wasn't quite sure what to rate this one. I think if I could give half stars it would be a 3.5.

It's well written, great cartoons and a very helpful way to look at relationships in your life and how to communicate better. However, I felt the content was very sparse compared to the previous books (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Sibling Rivalry) and didn't really add a lot - just demonstrated how the same techniques could be altered slightly to improve relationships with your teens.

So while I
This book offers solid but general tactics for fostering positive communication with your kids. It does not, however, go far enough in terms of giving advice for dealing with teenagers. The scenarios play out too optimistically, with teens relenting quickly. The authors virtually skip common challenges like what to do when your teen is being irrational or continues to push back or outright defies you. And, there is no mention of what to do about the "communication" trick most teens have mastered ...more
Mar 02, 2015 Ulrike marked it as to-read
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I listened to the audio for this and I was concerned at first that this was going to be a hokey book by two little old ladies spouting tips that didn't apply to today's world. That fear quickly dissolved. These ladies know their stuff and the format of the book presents plenty of modern-day examples that any parent can relate to. I think these ladies have lots of wisdom and advice to share, and they focus on teaching you to listen first and more to your teens to improve your relationship and exc ...more
I really liked this book. I learned so much things in it. As a teen I realize that there is so much things going on in the world now that out parents didn't encounter at our age but they are trying their best to understand us. Reading this also helped me think about what I might do instead of just yelling when my mom and I get into a heated argument. I truly recommend this book to those adults needing help connect to their teenager or teens that want to change their relationship with their paren ...more
Daniel S

"Resist the temptation to "make better" instantly. Instead of giving advice, continue to ask and reflect on your child's feelings." [pg. 21]

"What people of all ages can use in a moment of distress is not agreement or disagreement; they need someone to recognize what it is they're experiencing." [pg. 29]

"Never underestimate the power of your words on a young persons life." [pg. 231]

"We want to find a way to live with one another so that we can feel good about ourselves and help the people we love
Great book with excellent, practical application. The problem solving technique really works - I used it! If only I had read it before I had my first teenager, I could have avoided so many problems. The best advice is to be authentic with teens - the more you show them you truly care, the more they respond similarly. The second best advice - it's never too late to change your parenting mistakes.

After finishing, I went back and reread How to Talk so Kids Listen and Listen so Kids Talk and found
Tim Wolfe
The authors take a fairly no nonsense view of parent and teenager communications, mostly involving what appear to be some typically standard principles found in many counseling environments. The basic concepts are that tone and content can impact a lot about the way that the teen (or parent for that matter) respond to communication attempts and that many problems can be resolved through adequate communication techniques. While in general, much of the advice seems reasonable, and I've noticed pra ...more
Sound advice on creative problem-solving and communication with teens. If you have read any of Faber and Mazlish's other works then this really builds upon the same foundations with an additional chapter on the pitfalls of talking about sex, alcohol and drugs with your teen. That does not mean this is not worth a read however, we could all use a reminder from time to time. As with their other books, I have taken a lot from this one that will no doubt stay with me for years to come as my children ...more
This is obviously targeted at parents rather than teachers, but there's a lot here for both. The book is rich on examples and imagined dialogue, and while the practice conversations are somewhat stilted, the "voice" of the kids is pretty close. It's almost more of a "productively communicating through disagreement" book than anything about teens specifically, but the teen-focused examples were solid.
Kat Myers
Distilled to its essence, the book basically tells parents to lighten up on the rhetoric and the emotion, shut up and listen. Not bad advice, though easier said than done. The approach is a bit jokey--the format is mostly comic strips and group counseling meeting (complete with made up dialogue/questions/concerns of the "group") but if you can get past that the message is worth hearing. I used some of the techniques with my oldest and found they really do help to diffuse what could otherwise hav ...more
Pam Galloway
So I don't have teens...but I read the book to help with the kids I watch (the Kids version was checked out). Anyways, it really does work like a charm! The book is set up in a workshop format, following parents and their hesitations, comics of what to do, and then the share and tell of its effects. It makes the book an easy read and helpful in understanding how situations can get escalated so quickly, whether it's something that you said, the way you said it, or what/how it was said to you. It' ...more
I love Faber and Mazlish theory, which I find very encouraging, very positive. Expectedly, it is a little more difficult in practice with actual teenagers! Worth rereading on occasion for moral support and ideas.
The book was aimed mostly at parents but I knew that going into it. I really enjoyed the examples and will try the strategies with my students to see for myself. I suggest this quick read to parents and teachers alike. :)
I just didn't find anything new in this book. In general, it's showing respect for your teen and using active listening. There are many, many books that show you how to do this, this one didn't stand out in any way to me.
I really liked this book. The authors didn't mess around and got straight to the meat of the message, which I appreciated. I don't like having to read through endless studies and verbiage to get to the advice. This book gives very real role playing advice on many different subjects and scenarios that parents might need to talk with their children about. Definitely recommend it!
Paul Sizemore
Great book, but it was a 'foundation' approach, and I feel a lot of self selecting readers will be beyond the contents of this book.
More parent-specific scenarios in this one than in the kids' version, but still HIGHLY recommended to anyone with teens in their lives. If you're short on time, just read the cartoons or the quick reminder pages, like p. 65, "To Engage a Teenager's Cooperation."

Instead of ordering...

Describe the problem
Describe what you feel
Give information
Offer a choice
Say it in a word
State your values and/or expectations
Do the unexpected
Put it in writing

And one of my personal favorites: Give in fantasy what yo
Christine Carmouze
The format of this series is easy to read full of examples and strategies that you can apply easily.
Much the same advice with original How to Talk book. Good reminders.
Practical advice but doesn't go much deeper than the original book.
Trisha Evans
This book makes me excited to be the parent of a teenager!
As good as the How to Talk So Kids version.
Cindy H.
This book should be retitled "The Principles of Good Communication," regardless of whether it's communication between parents and teens, friends, spouses, etc. Still, parents of teens will appreciate the examples of how to communicate with teens about tough subjects like sex and drugs. I highly recommend this book to anyone who's never gone to therapy or taken a class on parenting or interpersonal communication skills. To everyone else, it's a good review and reminder of how to resolve conflicts ...more
Oraib Toukhly sukkar
The book basically written from a workshop done on a certain group, I was looking forward to reading it to find out simple things about the changes that teenage go through and why they do certain things for example why they get irritated easily, why do we become strangers all of the sudden, why do they just want to say no for simply saying no.... I didn't get all these answers but I cannot deny that there are some useful techniques to identify certain behavior, not a lot for those who are lookin ...more
Allison Gruidel
love the books by these authors!
Simple strategies for both keeping the peace with and getting your values across to teens today. Illustrated with cartoons. Worth a read. I especially liked the section on different ways to engage a teen's cooperation: Describe the problem; describe what you feel; give information; offer a choice; say it in a word; state your values and/or expectations; do the unexpected; and put it in writing. Also good is the section on "working it out together," which allows the teenager to propose solutions ...more
Frosty and Alert
I couldn't put this down and I have a feeling that I'll be reading bits and pieces of it again. The perspective is set on how teens feel depending on the parent's communication style. There are alternatives that result in more open and positive communication that shows respect and trust rather than dictatorship. This book teaches parents how to be more effective communicators and role models for teens. Looking forward to sharing this book with others!
There were some swear words in it which I didn't appreciate but the ideas and suggestions were good. Hopefully I can remember them when talking/listening to my teens!!
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Adele Faber graduated from Queens College with a B.A. in theater and drama, earned her master's degree in education from New York University, and taught in the New York City high schools for eight years before joining the faculty of the New School for Social Research in New York and Family Life Institute of C.W. Post College of Long Island University. She is the mother of three children.
More about Adele Faber...
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too How To Talk So Kids Can Learn Liberated Parents, Liberated Children: Your Guide to a Happier Family How To Be The Parent You Always Wanted To Be

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