That Went Well: Adventures in Caring for My Sister

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That Went Well: Adventures in Caring for My Sister

3.51 of 5 stars 3.51 · rating details · 326 ratings · 116 reviews

"Dougan gets very personal ... exposing the nerve and dedication necessary to foster independence in a sibling with special needs ... A touching, surprisingly funny tough-love narrative."
--Kirkus Reviews"Terrell Dougan writes with humor, humanity, and complete honesty. In this tale of two sisters--one who never gives up her dolls, one who never loses her pluck--she takes r...more "Dougan gets very personal ... exposing the nerve and dedication necessary to foster independence in a sibling with special needs ... A touching, surprisingly funny tough-love narrative."
--Kirkus Reviews"Terrell Dougan writes with humor, humanity, and complete honesty. In this tale of two sisters--one who never gives up her dolls, one who never loses her pluck--she takes readers on a thought-provoking, endearing journey through life. Along the way, she shows readers the changing social attitudes of the last half-century, and her personal odyssey from resistance to acceptance."
--Rachel Simon, author of Riding the Bus with My Sister

"With heartache and humor, tenderness and honesty, Dougan inspires us to remember the kindness, joy, and grace that forever remain life's possibility."
--Andrew Bridge, author of Hope's Boy

"Enormously touching, funny, wise, breathtakingly honest, and compellingly readable."
--Judith Viorst, author of Forever Fifty

"Funny, and wonderful, and horrible, and happy and sad."
--Muffy Mead-Ferro, author of Confessions of a Slacker Mom

"Irene is a very special lady who makes others feel better about lots of things."
--Kim Peek, the original model for Rain Man

Meet Terrell Dougan's sister, Irene: a woman in her sixties who still believes in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny--but who also enjoys playing those characters for the children at the local hospital; whose favorite outfit, which she'll sneak into whenever Terrell's back is turned, consists of Mickey Mouse kneesocks and shorts; who wins over the neighborhood kids by hosting two fire trucks at her lemonade stand; whose fridge bears a magnet: NORMAL PEOPLE WORRY ME.

When Irene was born, her parents were advised to institutionalize her. They refused and instead became trailblazers in advocating for the rights of people with mental disabilities. The entire family benefited, with a life rich in stress, sorrows, hilarity, joy, and overwhelming kindness from strangers. Terrell has found that the only way to get through the difficult moments is to laugh--even in the most trying of times. In her moving, funny, and unforgettable memoir about life with Irene, Terrell Dougan shows that love, humor, and compassion are enough to heal us, every single day.(less)

Hardcover, 224 pages

Published January 6th 2009 by Hyperion

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Mar 09, 2009 Christine rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2009-reads

This was a humorous, usually heartwarming and sometimes heartbreaking book about a difficult subject. Terrell’s sister, Irene, suffered brain damage at birth and would forever be a child in heart and mind. After the death of her parents Terrell became primary caretaker for her sister. This book not only describes her trials and tribulations in that role, and the effect it had on her everyday life, but emphasizes that sometimes necessity is truly the mother of invention. Her family was the first...more

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Oct 16, 2009 Hester rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: american-writers, memoir, neurological-issues

This book struck home for me in many ways. My future brother in law is mentally handicapped, and reading this memoir made me so grateful to people like the author. Because of people like her, he lives in a group home that understands how to take care of him.

I respected her honesty in describing the difficulty of caring for her sister. She is not someone who succumbed to denial. She is excruciatingly aware of her sister's flaws and of their effect on the author, as well as her parents and grandmo...more This book struck home for me in many ways. My future brother in law is mentally handicapped, and reading this memoir made me so grateful to people like the author. Because of people like her, he lives in a group home that understands how to take care of him.

I respected her honesty in describing the difficulty of caring for her sister. She is not someone who succumbed to denial. She is excruciatingly aware of her sister's flaws and of their effect on the author, as well as her parents and grandmother. Some of the most heartbreaking moments for me were the examples of the author's parents' irrationality and occasional outbursts that resulted from the constant stress of caring for Irene.

One of her great struggles is balancing what she thinks Irene wants versus what Irene wants and what Irene wants versus what Irene needs. Irene does not understand consequences, so is unable to compare short term and long term goals. She does not understand that a diabetic should not eat chocolate. She does not understand that if she puts clothes away damp, they become mildewed.

A related balancing act for the author was figuring out when she was being codependent and when her sister was not getting the help she needed. There were some nerve-wracking passages where she related the caregiver's excuses for her sister's abysmal living conditions, saying that it was because Irene was "spoiled" and "lazy." While that may very well have been true, she also has the IQ of a three year old. The caregivers did not know where to draw the line between helping and enabling. All this underscored the need for more people to become experts in the very new field of taking GOOD care of the handicapped.

My great respect for the author is tempered by my sympathy for her daughters. Only once did either of her daughters ask for time alone with their mother, without their violent aunt; I thought she responded cruelly. The story, however, illustrates how hard it is to figure out where the lines are when taking care of a handicapped loved one. The caregiver wants to ensure that the handicapped person is always included. It is hard to keep in mind that in families without handicapped people, it is common for subsets of the family to spend time together.

I found this book to be important. It is fantastic that America stopped putting the handicapped in institutions to be forgotten(or worse, in cages, like the author's great uncle). There has not been much written about the families, and especially the siblings, of the handicapped. I think it is an excellent addition to the literature and believe it will be incredibly useful to families that find themselves in a similar situation.(less)

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Jul 22, 2009 Samantha rated it 3 of 5 stars

That Went Well: Adventures In Caring for My Sister is a memoir about Terrell Dougan's life and how she dealt with having a sister with mental disabilities. Terrell's parents made the choice not to institutionalize her sister Irene which meant life was always interesting to say the least. They ended up becoming advocates for people with mental disabilities and working towards other types of living arrangements for them.

What I liked about this book were all of the stories about Irene and what made...more

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Apr 25, 2009 Jennifer rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

Basic Overview
That Went Well: Adventures in Caring for My Sister documents the author's journey in caring for her sister with special needs. Terrell Harris Dougan's sister Irene is a woman in her 60s who still believes in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny -- but who also enjoys dressing up like these characters for children at a local hospital. Irene's favorite outfit consists of Mickey Mouse knee socks and shorts -- no matter what the weather. Irene finds love wherever she goes -- including her...more Basic Overview
That Went Well: Adventures in Caring for My Sister documents the author's journey in caring for her sister with special needs. Terrell Harris Dougan's sister Irene is a woman in her 60s who still believes in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny -- but who also enjoys dressing up like these characters for children at a local hospital. Irene's favorite outfit consists of Mickey Mouse knee socks and shorts -- no matter what the weather. Irene finds love wherever she goes -- including her regular visits to the local firehouse and stores -- but she also has a tendency to spend money she doesn't have. Irene wants nothing more but to live independently -- but she can't always be trusted not to spend all her money on candy or to remember to dry her laundry. Irene can be charming but also is prone to tantrums, screaming fits and physical violence. When Irene was born, her family was told to institutionalize her (that is what people did with "those type" of children in the 1940s). But her parents refused and worked for years to find a way to keep Irene at home or living as independently as possible. Their efforts included finding other parents in similar situations and starting the first day care center for special needs children. But Irene seems to have a special talent for getting out of any placement arrangement created for her. And when Irene and Terrell's parents die, Irene's care is put squarely on the shoulders of Terrell, whose efforts on behalf of her sister are amazing, heroic and heart-warming.

My Thoughts
Reading this book is like hearing a funny girlfriend talk about her nutty family. Terrell Harris Dougan has a very down-to-earth and humorous writing style that suits this memoir well. She never allows you to pity her or Irene, but she doesn't sugarcoat the very difficult aspects of caring for a sibling with special needs. She writes in straightforward style that simply tells her of her "adventures" in caring for Irene. What she does on behalf of her sister is amazing and provides a pretty thorough history of the special needs community. From her involvement in grassroots Utah politics to serving on the National Association for Retarded Citizens, Terrell's involvement in making life better for all special needs children and adults is eye-opening and interesting. It interested me to learn how the attitudes toward special needs children and adults evolved over Irene's lifetime (spanning the 1940s until the present day). Ironically, so many of Terrell's efforts failed to work for Irene -- forcing Terrell to create a living arrangement that fits Irene's own particular needs.

Although the book focuses primarily on Terrell's adventures of caring for her sister, there is also a fair amount of information about her own life separate from Irene, which is interesting in and of itself. For example, she took part in the beginnings of the Sundance Film Festival, and her account of the initial meeting with Robert Redford is priceless. The sections on her involvement in community theater is hilarious, and I enjoyed reading her thoughts on how hard it is to be a woman today -- do you go for the career, the marriage, the family? How do you balance it all and make it work? These are issues of importance to any woman, and Terrell's opinions are -- like the rest of the book -- down-to-earth, realistic and funny.

Final Thoughts
I think this is a book that everyone should read -- whether you know someone with special needs or not. Raising awareness about the needs of the special needs population and the burdens that fall on their caregivers is perhaps the best by-product of this book. This is an uplifting book filled with humor and reminders that -- although life doesn't always go the way we hoped --we can often find love, humor, caring and goodness along the way. At the same time, the book doesn't shy away from sharing how difficult it is to be a caregiver for a special needs child or adult. For this reason, I think the book will have special resonance and meaning for anyone who cares for a child or adult with special needs.

Bottom line: This is an easy, fun read with an important message that will open your eyes to the realities of living with and loving a special needs person.
(less)

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Apr 24, 2009 Heather rated it 5 of 5 stars

Terrell Harris never expected that the beautiful baby sister born on that stormy March day would be different from the other children in the neighborhood, but as she ducks a flying chicken thrown at her by her sister in the supermarket isle many years later, she reflects back on her life with Irene by her side. As youngsters, the girls' parents struggled to give them the most joyful life possible. For Terrell, that meant going to the theater, taking horseback riding lessons and learning to ice s...more Terrell Harris never expected that the beautiful baby sister born on that stormy March day would be different from the other children in the neighborhood, but as she ducks a flying chicken thrown at her by her sister in the supermarket isle many years later, she reflects back on her life with Irene by her side. As youngsters, the girls' parents struggled to give them the most joyful life possible. For Terrell, that meant going to the theater, taking horseback riding lessons and learning to ice skate. For Irene, things weren't that simple. Functioning at the mental level of a three year old, Irene grows up throwing dangerous tantrums and is unable to learn to read or write. Her disability forces her personality into disarray and she is in constant need of attention and affection. All the while, her loving family strives to give her the least restrictive and most fulfilling life possible, knowing that to do otherwise would be a grave disservice to the little girl who touches so many lives in the community and at home. Advised to institutionalize Irene, both her parents refuse and begin the long fight to create agencies and programs for the handicapped in their community. Their desire is to create a safe place for people like Irene to go to school, have friends and adjust to the rigors of normal life. Working tirelessly, they spearhead campaigns, speak to governors and senators and fight against the state for control of their daughter's future. In the process, they meet other parents who are going through the same situations with their handicapped children.

As their parents begin to age, Terrell steps into their shoes and begins to selflessly devote herself to giving her sister a normal life. But Irene can be stubborn, and sometimes doesn't want the things that her family wants for her. And so begins the struggle between the sisters, for each has their own interpretations of the ideal life for Irene. But this is not a sorrowful story, for Irene is a natural comedian and loves to endlessly thwart those around her. Whether she is inviting the firemen over to partake of her lemonade stand, holding a secret garage sale, or stealing the show by announcing for the seventeenth time this month that it is her birthday, Irene remains engaged and engaging. She is inspired, confident and headstrong, and by some strange turn of events, she teaches those around her to live with meaning and substance, proving time and time again that one can never underestimate those who we think are different.

I have to say that this is by far the best memoir I have read over the past two years. The courage and tenacity of Terrell and her family's reaction to Irene's handicap stunned and moved me. I can't imagine being as brave as these people were, and the fact that they fought to such extremes is both impressive and inspiring to say the least. Terrell makes no bones about how difficult it can be to look after Irene, and her uncompromising honesty is the glue that holds this book together. To me, Irene sounds like a card, and I laughed with glee at her antics and behaviors. I especially like her adamant refusal to change her Mickey Mouse socks, even when going to a formal event, or her sly attempts at sneaking junk food whenever she can get her hands on it. But underneath all that, there must have been some really frightening times for this family. I think back to the time when she was lost somewhere in the bus terminal, and her family didn't know if she was on a bus halfway across the country or just hidden in a bathroom playing with her dolls. I think about the times when her tantrums cause her to injure herself, or when she is violent with other people, and I marvel at the fortitude that her family shows when the unthinkable becomes the everyday.

Terrell goes on to explain that her husband and children all look after Irene with the same love and attention that she has demonstrated, and that, too, warms my heart. It was angering to see how little support was given to the families of handicapped children at that time in the United States. It seems that everyone thought the best thing to do was to lock them up and forget about them, and changing this was an uphill struggle all the way. But the Harris family had other solutions. Using behavior modification, they manage to get Irene to comply with many things and they strive continuously to improve the quality of her life with new and inventive methods that others had never even thought of.

Another wonderful thing about this book was the strong undercurrent of feeling running through it. Whether Terrell was tired, frustrated, elated or dejected, she never spared her truth and forthrightness, and that was something that elevated this book in to the must-read category. This is not a woman who sits around feeling sorry for herself, this is a woman who sees the path she is on,and marches straight downit with a resolute strength that many would not have. Although Irene is a handful, and sometimes her life seems a never-ending set of trials, Terrell maintains her plucky attitude and stays the course. Did I mention that in the intervening time she has made a name for herself with a weekly newspaper column? Well she has, along with raising a family, helping her parents, and lobbying for the mentally handicapped. Terrell also has an extremely humorous presence on the page, at times laugh out loud funny and at times quietly amusing. She seems to have the gift of portraying everything with just the right touch of levity. This book was written both cleverly and deeply, and there were times I wanted to laugh as well as cry.

Please don't just take my word for it, go out and get this book and see for yourself! As I have said before, it is a must read in the category of memoirs, and I would highly recommend it to all types of readers. The story told within these pages is an honest and awe inspiring tale of one family's love for each other, and it was such a pleasure to read. One day I hope to get a chance to tell the author of this book how much this story touched me, and how wonderful I think she and Irene really are. A stellar read. (less)

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May 05, 2011 Diana rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I got this book in our book club book exchange. It is the story of a family who has one "normal" little girl and then has a girl with a developmental disability. The story begins in the 50's when there are not many options open to families. Of course they were told to institutionalize Irene.
Irene doesn't really fit in anywhere. The family, especially Irene's sister Terrell, become activitists and develop new options for Irene. Life in the family is difficult and yet rewarding and they try to see...more

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Jun 06, 2009 Laren rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs

The author's sister was oxygen-deprived at birth and therefore was slower to develop than other kids. That and her lower IQ caused doctors to recommend her parents to institutionalize her as was the accepted custom of the time. Instead, they raised her at home. The author explains the good and bad of this, and how she came to be responsible for her sister after their deaths.

This isn't a boring "inspirational" story about how we can learn a lot from people different than us. For one thing, the au...more

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Apr 17, 2010 Doreen rated it 3 of 5 stars

One sister is mentally challenged. The other sister recaps their lives together, including frustrations and victories associated with it. The author is funny and honest. She doesn't paint an, "everything is wonderful and perfect", picture. She also doesn't give the impression of, "oh woe is us, we've got a cross to bear, so life isn't easy"! She doesn't fall into those traps. She shares the wonderful, humorous moments of her special sister...the silliness and unexpected diversions. The author al...more

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Mar 29, 2010 Miki Garrison rated it 5 of 5 stars

There are a decent number of memoirs out there that talk about caring for a disabled family member, but most of them seem to sugar-coat either the family member in focus or the narrating caretaker. This book is engaging, thought-provoking, and funny, without trying to sweep over mistakes and struggles.

On top of it all, the narrator was heavily involved in the movement that helped transform care for the disabled from being institution-focused to being community-centered -- and so while the book...more

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May 29, 2009 Laura rated it 5 of 5 stars

I LOVE this title and decided I really wanted to read the book. I am so glad I did. It is a nonfiction story about living with and trying to find the right way to take care of a mentally disabled sibling over a lifetime.[return][return]The whole story, the little stories that make up the whole, the coming of age and then aging stories were all well written and I enjoyed the book immensely. We meed Terrell and watch her growing up and learning who she wants to be. We also meet her younger sister...more

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Jul 04, 2011 Anita rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction-read

A very nice read that takes place in Salt Lake City--the Avenues to be precise--from the fifties to the present. It traces the history of our care for the mentally retarded to mentally challenged to special needs citizens through the story of Terrell and her sister Irene. I enjoyed the local history and politics. I remember going down to American Fork and playing on the wonderful playground that sucked all the money for special education community programs. I remember when the Columbus Center be...more

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Apr 01, 2009 Marjanne rated it 3 of 5 stars

This was an interesting book to read. I have worked at a 'sheltered workshop' for adults with mental disabilities for several years, so I feel like I really understood where the author was coming from. I have no idea how the families of the disabled do it. They are such a challenging segment of our society. Working with these folks can be a ton of fun and very rewarding, but a lot of days it is simply frustrating. I feel like the author conveys this well with her experiences with her sister. And...more

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Feb 27, 2013 Stephanie Jewett rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013, gentle-read, non-fiction, personal-history

We have a lot of mentally challenged (is that the current pc term?) patrons who come into the library and I think about how difficult it must be to be their parent or sibling. This book does a great job of showing how terribly challinging it is as well as how rewarding. Ms. Dougan clearly adores her sister, despite the frequent frustration she feels with trying to balance her desire to care for and protect Irene with Irene's desire and need for independence. Quick read, with good insight.

I also...more

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Apr 09, 2013 Shannon McGee rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2013

Terrell uses the book to write about her trials with her mentally handicapped older sister. Terrell tries very hard to treat her sister, Irene, as everyone else but every time she tries Irene show that she is not. That Went Well is a book that talks about the negative and positive of taking care of a handicap family member.

I liked that the family kept a good sense of humor throughout tough times. I also think compared to other memoirs with handicapped family member this one didn’t fluff the boo...more

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Feb 24, 2009 Kathy (Bermudaonion) rated it 4 of 5 stars

When Terrell Harris’s younger sister was born, it was a difficult birth for her mother. The baby’s brain didn’t receive enough oxygen, so Irene was born brain damaged. The family had Irene tested at the University of Utah and were told that she has an IQ around 57, she will never learn to read and write and that her emotional age is around 3. Doctors recommended institutionalizing her, but the family refused. They brought Irene home and life went on. They tried enrolling her in school, and when...more

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May 05, 2009 Diane rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book was recommended to me by one of the health professionals that sees Ryan. She assured me that our situation was quite different that the one described in the memoir but she thought that I might enjoying reading the book nonetheless. The author, Dougan, is a Salt Lake native who describes her experiences growing up with a mentally disabled sister and later becoming her caregiver.

She shares the joy and pain of trying to carve out the best life possible for her sister. She tells a sometim...more

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Apr 08, 2009 Leeann rated it 3 of 5 stars

I felt this jumped around a bit from topic to topic, but maybe that was intended. I enjoy reading of experiences in others lives that I haven't or won't experience. I think as I read it reinforced my belief that our lives never turn out as we imagine. We are driven and buffeted about by people, events, and experiences that guide us and shape us and force us to choose to do things that we never thought we could or that we never would have chosen if given the chance. But making the choice to do it...more

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Sep 05, 2010 Kathy rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book is a funny, poignant life lesson that anyone can take heart and encouragement from reading. It's Terrell Dougan's true story of growing up with a mentally disabled sister and eventually needing to take the full responsibility for Irene when their parents grow old and die. There is no dodging the difficulties or frustrations of caring for Irene but Terrell's humorous attitude makes all the difference in the world. (I laughed aloud when Terrell described watching Irene in full meltdown m...more

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Jul 21, 2010 Shellie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Shellie by: Tanya W

Shelves: friend-recommended, whitmore-reading-group, park-ward-reads, non-fiction

Going into this book I had no idea it was a local author, so when I started reading familiar addresses, businesses and sights I was surprised - and pleased.

This book tells of an amazing journey, one that I am so completely thankful I have not had to take. I am one of the 'weak' people she speaks of, special needs frighten me on so many levels. On the other hand, this was so much fun to read. The stories she chooses to tell and her incredibly humorous and sarcastic way of telling them is complete...more

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Apr 23, 2009 Clytee rated it 4 of 5 stars

The author is a the writing group of a good friend of mine (Annette Haws), and Annette is mentioned in the credits at the end. This book was interesting and at times really funny, and insightful. It all takes place in Salt Lake, so it was easy to relate to the Salt Lake stuff. I'm not sure it's worth the national (NPR) attention it got. I was to go to my book club where Terrell Dougan was speaking, but I ended up having to cover for the Scoutmaster at a Boy Scout meeting instead. I heard it went...more

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Jan 08, 2012 Allyson rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: nonfiction

An amazing book that everyone should read, but especially those with a special needs person in their family. It has a little bit of humor, a lot of truth and a tiny bit of sadness in it, but it all comes together beautifully. The fact that the author is from Utah, makes this story all the better for me.....reading about things Terrell did, makes me appreciate her story. She's part of the reason that special needs kids are in regular schools, as well as so many other things that impact the life o...more

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Sep 08, 2010 Jackie rated it 3 of 5 stars

A heart warming, and also heart wrenching, book about two sisters, one with a disability. Well written and insightful. I loved the fact that it was an honest account of both sides, the caregiver and the disabled. Some of these types of books are sugar coated or full of justifications. I appreciated Ms. Dougan's comments on the LDS Church and their kind acts of service to Irene. My brother-in-law's family is Catholic, and when his mother was diagnosed with cancer he told her to find the nearest L...more

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Aug 17, 2009 Kelli rated it 3 of 5 stars

This book is written by a woman who has a mentally disabled sister. She describes her life growing up with her sister and how the family dealt with the issues that come along with having a family member who is mentally challenged. The book follows the author's struggles through adult life as she tries to finda suitable living arrangement for her sister and deal with her own hang-ups with society's reaction to the mentally disabled. Very good book and the author is willing to explore her own emot...more

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Dec 15, 2009 Madameugly rated it 2 of 5 stars

The writing was the downside of this book. You can see Duougan's newspaper background seeping through in the lack of just letting go and indulging in description. There's also a very childlike voice to the entire work. It's very noticable (and intrusive) in the first part of the book but gradually subsides toward the very end (if this was intentional then it wasn't very sucessful).
Overall it was an interesting read, especially learning about how society's treatment of the mentally disabled has c...more

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Jun 11, 2009 Colleen Curran rated it 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book. My husband gave it to me as an early 40th anniversary gift. Because I teach the Severely Intellectually Disabled students at a local high school, I had some of my own references to draw on while reading Terrell's account of her life experiences in caring for her own sister who has an intellectual disability. I loved the book and was very sad when I reached the final age. I know the pages of life continue for Terrell and Irene and so my curiosity would like to put me in the bac...more

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Sep 02, 2010 Tanya W rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: culturally-insightful, non-fiction, whitmore-non-fiction-book-club

This was an interesting and humorous autobiographical book about caring for a mentally handicapped sister. It was a quick, easy read, and likable, though not as compelling as I expected it to be.

I have to admit, a couple of things she said made me a little biased and less sympathetic than I might have otherwise been. I thought it was unusual for her to assert that her mother's lot caring for her and her sister (with the help of grandma) was more difficult than the lot of their neighbors who had...more

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Aug 17, 2009 Eva Leger rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: memoir readers, people who have a mentally disabled sibling/family member

Recommended to Eva by: found it on-line

Shelves: b-non-fiction, autos-bios-memoirs

I really wish I had the half star option right now because I feel this deserves more than just three stars. Rating it four stars is going a little far for me though so I'll leave it at three.
There is a blurb on the front (which I always read) from the author of Riding The Bus With My Sister and she calls this "thought-provoking"- it is. So many times authors will leave these blurbs and they are so off point it's hilarious. This, however, isn't one of those times.
That Went Well made me do a lot...more

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Dec 18, 2009 Lindi rated it 3 of 5 stars

Informative in terms of how much work was done to get care and attention to mentally handicapped individuals. A sister's journal, really about what she did to change the way our culture nutures them. I liked it,though its not "gripping" if you are looking for that type of book. I liked the comment the author makes, "I have my Preferred People" list and my "Too Bad They Lack Any Soul List" ...sums up how she addresses folks who don't "get" mentally handicapped peopl.

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Aug 16, 2009 Trish rated it 4 of 5 stars

What a great memoir. The writing is warm and engaging, and you get to know the author's family so well you feel like you know them personally. The author shares the joys and struggles of growing up with (and later caring for) her special needs sister. I love that she has such a positive attitude, while still being realistic, and I felt uplifted reading her story. It seems like the last couple memoirs I've read have been entirely depressing, so this was a great change.

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Mar 22, 2009 Susan rated it 5 of 5 stars

It's not often you'll find a book about a lifelong struggle that uses humor without minimizing the trauma. Not only does Dougan have great timing, she also uses her wit at just the right moment. For anyone who's had a week, a month, or a lifetime of caring for someone with a mental or physical condition, this book will evoke all the emotions that might otherwise be 'controlled'...and leave you with renewed compassion and new insights, mostly about yourself.

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