Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

3.83 of 5 stars 3.83  ·  rating details  ·  95,966 ratings  ·  6,003 reviews
When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power - vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea's world - a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is th...more
Hardcover, 264 pages
Published May 1st 2007 by HarperCollins Publishers
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 3,000)
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suzy
So funny. Here's a sample:

"I rolled over and picked up Us Weekly magazine off the floor. The cover had a picture of Angelina, Brad, and their little Eskimo son, Maddox. I saw staring at the photo, wondering why this little boy looks so pissed off in every picture.

At first I thought he was just pissed about his Mohawk, but then I realized he’s probably furious. Maddox must have thought he hit the jackpot when some A-list celebrity rescued him from third-world Cambodia, only to discover that she w...more
Jason
Horrible. Chelsea Lately is a great show, and Chelsea Handler a talented comedian. But this book is bad. A colossal disappointment. The whole crass “shock value” thing wears thin really quickly. I might have laughed a couple of times, but not enough to warrant even a second star.
Monique
Cutting edge, funny sexy stories. Having seen Chelsea doing stand up and on Girls Behaving Badly, I was anxious to see how her wicked sarcastic wit would translate into text. It's fantastic! A seriously gifted writer, who combines funny and raunchy better than any woman.

I mean wild, hilarious and uninhibited story telling. And it's not just the sheer ridiculous situations she encounters. She reflects about her mindless journeys and the meaning of life in such an amusing, self-deprecating cynical...more
Chloe
May 07, 2008 Chloe rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Fans of Chelsea Lately
Recommended to Chloe by: K@
Delightfully crass. An extremely quick read that had me actually laughing out loud. Chelsea may be the comedian that most closely matches my wife and I's sense of humor, for which we are most assuredly going to hell. If you love stories of extreme intoxication, inappropriate interactions with family pets, or day-dream about carrying a midget in a Baby Bjorn, then this would be a book for you.
Patrick
Chelsea Handler is a great fucking writer. Her prose is DENSE, like loaded with funny shit, subtle things you will miss out on if you read too fast. Her show is funny when she's just making fun of celebrities off the cuff, but these stories are obviously written carefully and painstakingly for maximum comic effect. She writes autobiographical tales in what I'm assuming is a half-character, like an amplified version of herself (selfish, alcoholic slut) that may be a little embellished here and th...more
Alexis
Ah Chelsea, Hilarious. Read this on the plane ride back from atlanta. She never disappoints and I'm certain i annoyed rows 18 and 20 of Airtran Flight 176, and possibly rows 17 and 21 at certain points in the book with my laughter. Would recommend it to anyone :)
Lyndsey
Buhwahahaha! This woman is easily the funniest woman in the entertainment industry. Yes, she's rude and crude, and definitely not for the prude. But I just can't help it. I love her. She brings out the evil maniacal laugh in me, if case you didn't already notice.

Since her other book is entitled "My Horizontal Life : A Collection of One-Night Stands", you can be fairly certain this book will also include sexual content as well as a lot of adult language. So if those make you uncomfortable, don't...more
Leah
May 18, 2008 Leah rated it 2 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: those looking for a light, entertaining read
Admittedly, I don't usually read books like this, but found Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea to be an overall entertaining collection. The first four essays were, far and away, the 'best' in the collection. Until reading this book, I had no familiarity with Handler.

Totally underwhelming and inconsistently hilarious. Admittedly, the parts that were funny really were fantastic. However, Chelsea Handler glosses over and re-arranges life events in order to align them just so - and thusly make...more
Michelle
3.5 stars... good, inappropriate fun. Chelsea Handler would be an interesting friend to have. She probably wouldn't be the kindest of friends, unless you're a midget (or "nugget" as she calls "little people"), but definitely awesome to hang out with. Her stories were funny (though at times a little drawn out) and always contained a few good punches of "oh no she didn't!" Definitely a worthwhile read if you're looking for something light and that will make you snicker.
Alexis
This book was just as much fun as Handler's first but possibly darker. Not that she got meaner or grosser but in this book I was often wondering, since for the most part, Handler does seem to actually wish to not overtly hurt anyone's feelings, how obvious it was to the people discussed that they were subjects. Some of them seemed to deserve it but nonetheless, this newer book seemed meaner. Handler has fantastic stories- I don't care if she has made them all up. I think her books are being mark...more
Allison
Are you there Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea

Everything about this book is clever, starting with the title. To any Judy Blume fan, the parody is obvious, but even the less-informed reader (to whom I will now impart the title of Blume’s novel, Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret) would find this title an apt one. Are you there Vodka? chronicles Chelsea Handler’s sexual antics across all realms, from weddings, to summer flings, to family vacations, and while the men (and midgets…) vary widely, one factor...more
Nicola
I’d read quite a few 5-star reviews of this book and when, after the first chapter, it didn’t immediately grab me, I decided I would be contrary and choose to hate it. Luckily, I found a lot more to like beyond the first chapter, so I can put aside my contrarian impulses and say I found it an enjoyable read.

Vodka takes the form of a series of anecdotes from Handler’s life, encompassing friendships, relationships and, notably, alcohol. The first chapter, in which a 9-year-old Chelsea tells her en...more
Lena
Oct 13, 2008 Lena rated it 3 of 5 stars
Shelves: humor
I picked up this copy of Chelsea Handler’s humor memoir because I thought the title was hilarious. The rest of the book did not disappoint.

Handler is an LA-based stand-up comic who has written a collection of personal essays about random events from her life. In the first piece—in which she convinces her entire grade school that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the non-existent Private Benjamin 2—she comes across as so over the top I felt like I was reading more of a written...more
Cooksonmom
Okay, I sent this back to the library...half way through. It started to collect dust and when it was reading time, I just didn't want to pick it up. The library was begging for it back and I figured after 7 weeks, I wasn't going to finish it. I got this book because Chelsea's show is funny and sometimes outrageous. I wanted to know more about her, but it is so couched in comedy(what did I expect, right?) that it's mildly disappointing. I liked the book (at least the half I read), it's funny, how...more
Sheri
Chelsea Handler's uninhibited storytelling and vulgar sense of humor make for a fun read. She has a gift for storytelling that will keep you laughing through each unbelievable and sometimes embarrassing real-life journey. This book is full of good, inappropriate fun. If you offend easily, you probably should not read it. Otherwise, have a good laugh!
Danny
This sort of book and the positive outpouring for it make me really feel like I must have missed the boat somewhere in the last couple decades of culture or something. Maybe it is that I have never seen Handler's stand-up and came to this book expecting something a little bit different. Perhaps Handler's shtick is that she is merely making a tongue-in-cheek imitation of the cliche "mean girl" that we all know from our high school days. But without being let in on the charade, I found connecting...more
Caroline
This woman deserves the nobel prize. It's just not fair that we all don't have the talent and intelligence to make everyone laugh this hard for 2 hours straight. The world would be a better place. I couldn't put it down. My favorite story was her midget fetish- oh wait sorry, "healthy obsession". Dude that's just so far over the line that she erased the line.
Robyn
Before I say anything regarding my rating of this book, it needs to be said how much I love Chelsea Handler. I love Chelsea Lately, and I love her standup routines. She is a spunky, hilarious individual, and I have always admired her for that. I was really excited to read this book, because so many of my friends have enjoyed it and because I am a Chelsea enthusiast. Unfortunately, this book didn't do anything for me. Sure, the anecdotes were funny at times, but I think I would have received them...more
Judy
What was I thinking when I put this book on my list of audios that I wanted my audioflix service to send me? Oh well, give it a try, I thought, as I slid the first disk into the proper slot in the minivan. Well, I'm glad that I still have my lightening reflexes and battle tested driving skills because I was careening down the interstate laughing out loud at this book while going 80 miles per hour (and you thought that driving while talking on the telephone was dangerous). Chelsea Handler picks s...more
Jill
May 26, 2009 Jill rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone who has a sense of humor about sex, dumb people, drugs & family.
Recommended to Jill by: Entertainment Weekly and Jen Meyer
Yes please.

I started this because I need something to laugh at. I was sitting at my desk this morning just laughing out loud and generally annoying my co-workers. They're just jealous that I can listen to my ipod in the morning while they have to count money.

So far my favorite line of hers is something like, "Today I got my first DWI. I've only had one, but I don't want to rule anything out." Not that DWIs are funny. Well, in this case, they are.

I'm a bad person.

*********

This book is frigging am...more
Nicky
I really enjoy Chesea Handler's books. Granted, she has some timeline issues (as a pop culture expert, I just grate my teeth and move on when shows/movies/what-have-you are referenced well before their time), and whoever is proofing her books REALLY needs to do some punctuation checks. That being said, she is so unpretentious and raw, which is a nice change from the uber-polished essays of late. She's not trying to be anything but funny, and really, that's refreshing. I think her next book shoul...more
Becky
Chelsea Handler is... raucous. That's the best term I have for her. She's just too much. Her stories can be hilarious, but they seem ridiculous, over the top, try-hard. It's like she was like "What's funny? I know, vaginas! Well I'll dye mine purple, and then make it burp the national anthem... in pig latin! That's SUPER-funny!"

Sure... I guess. I laughed, but I think things are funnier when they are less LOOK-AT-ME, more of a dry, sarcastic wit. There was that too, but... *shrug*

Some of her sto...more
Tressa
Jul 09, 2008 Tressa rated it 1 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: nobody
Shelves: humor
I enjoyed Chelsea Handler's first book, My Horizontal Life. It was self-deprecatingly funny, and I imagined that a lot of the things that happened in the book actually happened to Ms. Handler.

Her new book is over-the-top and unflattering to her family. She could learn something from David Sedaris and other humorist writers about how to write about one's family and life with some wit and subtlety.

And jokes about race and abortion are just not my cup of tea.

What a disappointment.
Danna
Stand-up comedy is very difficult to translate into essay form, and obviously it helps to be a fan of the comedian first. Since I'm totally unfamiliar with Handler, that may account for how underwhelmed I am by her book. It seems most Goodreads reviewers loved this book in particular, and Chelsea Handler in general, but I agree with another one-star reviewer who said: "But without being let in on the charade, I found connecting with Handler throughout the book to be basically impossible." It's n...more
Heather
Jul 07, 2008 Heather rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommended to Heather by: Dawn Reagan
My girlfriend Dawn lent me this book and I finished it last night ---- and loved it! I loved every single chapter. I especially loved Big Red, and the chapter about her getting a DUI. I was hysterically laughing out loud during the dog-sitting chapter.

She has a total gift for writing and comedy.

Note: If you're not familiar with Chelsea Handler or her show "Chelsea Lately" her writing might come off as offensive. I found it hilarious and a refreshing belly laugh from my normal reading.

Now I'm...more
Shannon
Pretty funny, not really lol-funny except for her chapter on dating a redhead (Big Red). "Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men...It's one thing to have a harelip, or even a leg that's a couple of inches shorter than the other, but if you're a man with red hair and don't opt to do everything in your power to alter that, then obviously you're not serious about experiencing all life has to offer".I don't know why, but that cracked me up. Also her...more
Jennuineglass
This book was the literary equivalent of going to Denny's and ordering Moons over my Hammy...you know it isn't good for you, the contents highly questionable, and yet you devour every little morsel of greasy starch and American cheese. Guilty pleasure. Read it in 3 hours and felt like I was having a girl's night of funny conversation. If you like Chelsea Handler's sense of comedy, then you will like this book. If she makes you want to "gouge your eyes out and set yourself on fire" ...then maybe...more
Petra
HILARIOUS!!! I don't usually read this kind of books, but I liked the title of this one so I decided to give it a shot.I literally laughed out loud reading it, and after finishing it I would remember something I read in it and would laugh to myself like an idiot.There are some thing in the book that I thought was offensive to some people but I won't get into that right now.All in all: an easy read( I read it in a day) that will make you laugh. I think it's worth reading.
Kathy
I've had no previous exposure to Chelsea Handler's comedy act or shows. I picked this to read only based on a review I read.

This was an amusing collection of real life tales. Some are more fantastic than others so I suspect a little of my modus operandi, "never let the truth get in the way of a good story".
Teechbiz
Living in a vacuum I had no clue who Chelsae handler was. A friend recommended the book but I wasn't that impressed.
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Chelsea Handler has become one of entertainment’s most sought after and versatile rising stars. In July 2007, Chelsea broke into the world of late-night talk shows with her E! Entertainment series, “Chelsea Lately,” airing weeknights at 11:00 p.m. Consistently the network’s highest-rated program, “Chelsea Lately” offers a tongue-in-cheek look at entertainment news, celebrity truths and rumors that...more
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“I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.” 421 likes
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” 233 likes
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