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Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart-To-Heart Connection

4.38  ·  Rating Details  ·  812 Ratings  ·  130 Reviews
Here is a fresh look at the age-old role of parenting.Loving Our Kids on Purpose brings the principles of the Kingdom of God and revival into our strategy as parents. 2 Corinthians 3:17 tells us that Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Most parenting approaches train children to learn to accept being controlled by well meaning parents and adults. Unfortunatel ...more
Paperback, 185 pages
Published December 1st 2008 by Destiny Image Incorporated
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Stranger Danger - How to Talk to Kids About Strangers by Kristi  PorterThe Blessing by John TrentWhat to Expect the First Year by Heidi MurkoffLoving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny SilkHands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford
Best Parenting Books Ever
4th out of 27 books — 20 voters
The Baby Book by William SearsHow to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele FaberWhat to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi MurkoffThe Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey KarpThe No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley
Most Influential Parenting Books
263rd out of 273 books — 465 voters


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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 1,811)
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Joseph Louthan
Jul 21, 2011 Joseph Louthan rated it really liked it
I like this because:

1. This is not another "Raise your kids so that they don't hate you and you do this without spanking"

2. This book solid doctrinally.

3. This book emphasized raising disciples if you came into the book with that missional mindset.

I would have emphasized the hope in Christ for regeneration but even still, salvation is of God alone and we don't know if God would save our kids. I do know that our kids will be raised by two parents who love Christ, trust Christ and puts their hope
...more
Russ Smith
Jan 10, 2013 Russ Smith rated it it was amazing
Chapter 1, The heart of the matter
Basically about the focus of the book which is loving your kids instead of disciplining them. Changing from the paradigm of controlling kids, and making them act like you want them to act, and instead loving them, letting them choose, and helping them with the consequences. My first thought on this thought, was that I hope he explains, and goes into which age groups, and how much choice to give kids. It would be good to consider, exactly at what age, which choic
...more
Elaine
Oct 21, 2015 Elaine rated it it was amazing
This is not only a great parenting book, it's a great relationship book. Danny Silk sets the goal for us of keeping connection with our children. A strong heart connection can weather many storms. We are not trying to control our children because we realize we can control no one but ourselves (and only ourselves on a good day). We honor our kids by giving them choices. We discipline out of love for the sake of teaching and maintaining a heart connection, instead of disciplining out of fear and a ...more
Shannon
Apr 01, 2010 Shannon rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, faith
Another non-fiction book? I think 2010 may be a record breaking year in that regard. A friend recommended this book to me and while the writing could be crisper and the examples could be fleshed out, I learned a lot from reading this book and found myself wishing that I'd read it years ago. That said, reading this book with a ten year old daughter who is entering a new phase is great timing. This book encouraged me that we can survive the teen age years if I work hard to stay connected to my dau ...more
Pauline
Jan 10, 2014 Pauline rated it it was amazing
I was looking for a book that would help me to articulate my instinctive distaste for using physical violence with children within a Christian culture that is still sadly unclear on this subject, and I found it within these pages.

It is unfortunate that the author would still allow for spanking in some circumstances but I am still rating it five stars because it was such a paradigm shift for me in terms of how I view my role as a parent and how to approach discipline.

At its core, the book raises
...more
Joanna VanVleet
Sep 22, 2009 Joanna VanVleet rated it it was amazing
I really found so much value in this book!! I had read 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' but still never understood how I was actually getting to the heart of a child and helping them desire to choose (from their heart rather than fear of consequence) good choices. This book was definitely a paradigm shift for me as it focuses more on love and relationships rather than on getting obedience and compliance. I know I cannot do justice to this book with a tiny review, but it really was instrumental in g ...more
Sarah Weichhand
Nov 07, 2009 Sarah Weichhand rated it it was amazing
This book has the most incredibly simple layout for parents for teaching your children how to make choices rather than simply punishing them or controlling them out of fear. It is incredibly healing--for anyone who has ever BEEN parented--and it was not done perfectly! (And we know that's all of us!) This book draws a comparison between how God gives us choices and guidance as we grow in maturity in our walk with Him...and how parents can do the same. The focus is on relationship with the child- ...more
Melody
Aug 14, 2014 Melody rated it liked it
Shelves: 2014
I like that this book talks about two things that have always been important to me as a parent: love/respect as the main goal in raising children, and treating children as if they are whole, legitimate people in their own right. These two things are fundamental in my home, and have made our family look different than those around us. This book gives some good examples of how better results are to be had through love than intimidation. However, I think the danger in subscribing to an adamant Love ...more
Emily Ventura
May 30, 2010 Emily Ventura rated it did not like it
I had difficulty with his parenting technique. Often he let his children deal with the consequences and he got lucky that the consequences enforced the lessonfor instance, you tell your child "don't tip your chair, you might fall off" if they choose to continue to tip their chair and they fall off they learn their lesson. But what if they don't fall off-what's the lesson then? He never really explores what to do if the consequences of the child's choice does not create a lesson.
Eric Moote
Jun 25, 2015 Eric Moote rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Christian parents of every persuasion, parents, people planning on having kids.
Recommended to Eric by: Sally Boudreaux
Shelves: christian, parenting
Overall: an insightful look on raising respectful, righteous and self confident children using the methods drawn out by "Love and Logic."

I would normally have passed on this book because of my new Endorsement Rule: if there is an overabundance of endorsements, then move on, but my mother-in-law got this book for me (and that's one endorsement I cannot pass up). The book is 185 pages and technically starts on page 25, so it is a quick read to say the least. The Bethel crew of pastors / writers al
...more
Cassandra
Jul 14, 2014 Cassandra rated it it was ok
Shelves: nonfiction, parenting
A note: I am approaching this book from a slightly different perspective than the intended audience. I am preparing to adopt an older child, not parenting children that I have birthed.

I couldn't quite decide if it was the principles or the presentation that I didn't like. I pushed through the book because a friend read it and talked about it. Some of the basic ideas are fantastic: we need to love our children on purpose. We need to prioritize a relationship above all else. I agree.

"By simply tr
...more
Laura
Dec 10, 2011 Laura rated it it was amazing
Similar in thought to Grace-Based Parenting, but with more practical ideas for how to actually put the theories into practice. I particularly liked Silk's emphasis on knowing and connecting to the heart of our children. Also, I wish that I had known some of his techniques when I was in the classroom. I think it would have saved me a lot of frustration and heartache.
Lorna
Nov 19, 2013 Lorna rated it liked it
The overall message- that of treating children with grace and freedom- is both challenging and inspiring, but many of the examples they give are too American and too confusing to give a clear picture. There are some great thoughts within this book but also a lot of things I disagreed with or struggled to see the grace in.
Angie
Apr 30, 2012 Angie rated it it was amazing
Without a doubt, one of the best books I've ever read. And it is applicable to far more than the parent/child relationship. Plan to re-read within the week and refer back to it often. (plus write a better review....)
Jeremy Zilkie
Jun 20, 2015 Jeremy Zilkie rated it liked it
In my opinion, this was a book that could have been 20-25 pages in length that was "padded" in order to make it a full book length. Silk's primary method is a good approach strategy in child-raising. Yet, it is just one way and his books seemed over full of examples and restatements and light on the thinking and hard work of godly parenting in this "ungodly" world.

It is a good book to read and he lays out a thorough overview of his system/strategy. It is a good one for parents to have as part of
...more
Jarrod
Oct 09, 2014 Jarrod rated it it was amazing
A very helpful book on raising children to make decisions for themselves and learn from consequences, rather than controlling them and using fear, anger and punishment to get 'the desired result'.
I found it very easy to read, with practical examples that help illustrate what it looks like in real life. This has changed how my wife and I raise our children, for the better.
Danny has a certain communication style that doesn't necessarily appeal to everyone, but I hope that anyone who takes the tim
...more
Joshua Mitchell
The beginning of this book had me really wondering if this guy had something monumental and different to say about parenting and discipline. His treatise was that "perfect love casts out all fear" so using fear as a form of discipline is not godly. Some of the examples of applying the disciplinary methods he recommends are really good and I will take those, but there are others where I disagree. There is actually a point where the author utilized spanking but he said that it was to "help the spi ...more
Jordan Martin
Feb 26, 2015 Jordan Martin rated it it was amazing
This book has two strengths and one apparent weakness. I'll start with the apparent weakness, which is one of its strengths. I read this book while my wife was pregnant with my first child. We, like any typical American, were looking for some formulas on how to raise good kids. This book has no formulas. This book is not about formulas but about imparting of core values with examples. The main core value was the prioritization, above all else, of a heart-to-heart connection with your child, a pr ...more
Elizabeth
Feb 13, 2012 Elizabeth rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Parents and childcare providers
Recommended to Elizabeth by: Bethel School of Ministry
In the book, Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart-to-Heart Connection by Danny Silk, the author introduces a new paradigm into parenting to help insure that both the child(ren) and the parents become all that they can be. By changing our approach to parenting from dominate and controlling to loving and empowering we develop children who are ready to handle the real world. Children aren’t often empowered to make choices at a young age and by training them within the safety of the home they ...more
Jennifer Brukiewa
Aug 04, 2012 Jennifer Brukiewa rated it really liked it
The parenting technique used in this book is basically Love and Logic written from a Christian perspective. I appreciate this tool as it is invaluable for helping kids take responsibility for their actions, helping them discover for themselves how life and relationships work, helping them problem solve and handle the challenges themselves that come up in life. It uses “shared control” and “questions” to guide kids always being sensitive to their freedoms and respecting them as people who need s ...more
Mary
Jun 12, 2013 Mary rated it it was ok
What to say about this book...

First off, the author comes from a much different Christian background than I do, I background that I found a little scary. At one point he talks about hiding wooden spoons in every room of his house, in his car, and even in his friends' homes just in case his child misbehaved. Wooden spoons with which to beat his child. He mentions this casually, as if this is normal in Christian households. I DO NOT THINK THIS IS NORMAL. And if it is, it is in no way the kind of C
...more
Rick Dugan
Jun 19, 2013 Rick Dugan rated it liked it
I'm cautious of most things that come from Bethel Church in Redding, and my cautions have no doubt influenced my review of this book. But let me say what is good and helpful before giving some words of caution.

First, Silk challenges us to think differently about the goal of parenting. We're not to control our children, but to teach them to manage their freedom. Free will is a powerful gift that can be used for good or harm. Good parenting helps children learn to use their free will to honor and
...more
Tiffany Taylor
Jun 05, 2014 Tiffany Taylor rated it really liked it
This book gives lots of good ideas to tuck away in your "parenting toolbox"
I like how the author explains and gives examples of conversations with kids. Also, how you can really connect to the heart of your child. Forget for a minute the issue of spanking this book is about more than that it's about teaching your children that their problems belong to them not you. And reminding ourselves that we have to grow this little people to be problem solves connected to the heart of God.
Zandra
May 06, 2015 Zandra rated it really liked it


This book has produced a paradigm shift in my thinking about parenting: I do wish I had read when my children were younger. I did find Danny Silk a bit too manipulative and weird (numerous wooden spoons hidden throughout his house in case a child needed to be hit!) but his own early errors as a parent do seemed to have paved the way to a higher wisdom. I would recommend this book for being thought provoking, insightful and entertainingly odd.
Tal
Sep 20, 2012 Tal rated it it was ok
gosh! i'm not really sure how i feel about this book! on one hand, i like the concepts and the basics of the book ... for the most part, but it seems like he deals a lot in extremes. i don't live there, so it is hard for me to relate or even see it necessary. also, i really don't like the way that he implements those aspects. example: giving your child reasonable choices is great! giving them a choice as the 1st option. (you don't want to put on your shoes? well, would you like to take your stuf ...more
Rebecca
Sep 14, 2015 Rebecca rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
There is so much to consider and apply in this book. I believe that it will change the way that I parent. I was especially convicted about the way that we try to exert power as parents to maintain control and obedience. But we should be striving for a heart connection with our kids. I want that--a lasting heart connection. I also appreciate the chapters on learning to give our children choices and help them to make responsible decisions that consider both themselves and their family. I will be r ...more
Sarah
Apr 23, 2016 Sarah rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This book is the best parenting book I have ever read ! It taught me so much about myself and how to love parent and teach my children to be adults and to make wise decisisons where a parent is there or not! It is bold truthful and authentic . Danny Silk tells stories of his own lessons which make it engaging and relatable ..
Danny
Jul 21, 2015 Danny rated it liked it
Shelves: christian, parenting
There are some good principles in this book. I appreciated the idea that we really need to work hard to love our kids and not simply try to control them. What bothered me is that many of the examples used felt like passive aggressive manipulation. Not love. Of course it is hard to capture the true experience into words on a page. I don't think the mixed messages were deliberate but much of the book just rubbed me the wrong way. It is a shame because I think there is a lot of good ideas in it but ...more
Melanie
Jun 28, 2011 Melanie rated it it was amazing
Great parenting book. It's not formulas or what exactly to do in this situation or that situation but teaches more about how God from the very beginning has given us choices and when we choose sin or to disobey there is a consequence. We need to learn to manage ourselves/control ourselves instead of feeling like we need to control our children for us to be under control. We teach them to manage themselves by giving them choices. It's a great great book focused on nurturing the relationship and o ...more
Paul D.  Miller
May 18, 2014 Paul D. Miller rated it it was ok
Whatever nuggets of wisdom there are in this book can also be found in Shepherding a Child's Heart, a book that is less repetitive, more theologically sound, and that does not engage in sloppy exposition of Scripture.
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“When love and freedom replace punishment and fear as the motivating forces in the relationship between parent and child, the quality of life improves dramatically for all involved. They feel safe with each other, and the anxiety that created distance in the relationships is chased away by the sense of love, honor, and value for one another.” 0 likes
“In one fell swoop, Jesus promoted relationship above the rules. Love and relationship are the bottom line of the Kingdom, and they must be ours if we wish to establish a Kingdom culture in our homes.” 0 likes
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