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Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart-To-Heart Connection

4.37 of 5 stars 4.37  ·  rating details  ·  558 ratings  ·  115 reviews
You CAN raise good kids! Here is the book you have been waiting for! Loving Our Kids on Purpose shows you how to plant in your children the principles of the Kingdom of God and a heart for the Lord. The easily implemented plan gives you the tools to raise your children in the joy and fullness of the Lord Jesus. Rather than traditional approaches, this book teaches parents ...more
Paperback, 185 pages
Published December 1st 2008 by Destiny Image Incorporated
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Stranger Danger - How to Talk to Kids About Strangers by Kristi  PorterThe Blessing by Gary SmalleyWhat to Expect the First Year by Heidi MurkoffLoving Our Kids on Purpose by Danny SilkHands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford
Best Parenting Books Ever
4th out of 19 books — 12 voters
The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-JonesA Dad After God's Own Heart by Jim GeorgeShepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd TrippGrace Based Parenting by Tim KimmelBoundaries with Kids by Henry Cloud
Christian Parenting
28th out of 68 books — 75 voters

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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 1,235)
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Joseph Louthan
I like this because:

1. This is not another "Raise your kids so that they don't hate you and you do this without spanking"

2. This book solid doctrinally.

3. This book emphasized raising disciples if you came into the book with that missional mindset.

I would have emphasized the hope in Christ for regeneration but even still, salvation is of God alone and we don't know if God would save our kids. I do know that our kids will be raised by two parents who love Christ, trust Christ and puts their hope
Russ Smith
Chapter 1, The heart of the matter
Basically about the focus of the book which is loving your kids instead of disciplining them. Changing from the paradigm of controlling kids, and making them act like you want them to act, and instead loving them, letting them choose, and helping them with the consequences. My first thought on this thought, was that I hope he explains, and goes into which age groups, and how much choice to give kids. It would be good to consider, exactly at what age, which choic
Another non-fiction book? I think 2010 may be a record breaking year in that regard. A friend recommended this book to me and while the writing could be crisper and the examples could be fleshed out, I learned a lot from reading this book and found myself wishing that I'd read it years ago. That said, reading this book with a ten year old daughter who is entering a new phase is great timing. This book encouraged me that we can survive the teen age years if I work hard to stay connected to my dau ...more
I was looking for a book that would help me to articulate my instinctive distaste for using physical violence with children within a Christian culture that is still sadly unclear on this subject, and I found it within these pages.

It is unfortunate that the author would still allow for spanking in some circumstances but I am still rating it five stars because it was such a paradigm shift for me in terms of how I view my role as a parent and how to approach discipline.

At its core, the book raises
Joanna VanVleet
I really found so much value in this book!! I had read 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' but still never understood how I was actually getting to the heart of a child and helping them desire to choose (from their heart rather than fear of consequence) good choices. This book was definitely a paradigm shift for me as it focuses more on love and relationships rather than on getting obedience and compliance. I know I cannot do justice to this book with a tiny review, but it really was instrumental in g ...more
Sarah Weichhand
This book has the most incredibly simple layout for parents for teaching your children how to make choices rather than simply punishing them or controlling them out of fear. It is incredibly healing--for anyone who has ever BEEN parented--and it was not done perfectly! (And we know that's all of us!) This book draws a comparison between how God gives us choices and guidance as we grow in maturity in our walk with Him...and how parents can do the same. The focus is on relationship with the child- ...more
Aug 14, 2014 Melody rated it 3 of 5 stars
Shelves: 2014
I like that this book talks about two things that have always been important to me as a parent: love/respect as the main goal in raising children, and treating children as if they are whole, legitimate people in their own right. These two things are fundamental in my home, and have made our family look different than those around us. This book gives some good examples of how better results are to be had through love than intimidation. However, I think the danger in subscribing to an adamant Love ...more
Jordan Martin
This book has two strengths and one apparent weakness. I'll start with the apparent weakness, which is one of its strengths. I read this book while my wife was pregnant with my first child. We, like any typical American, were looking for some formulas on how to raise good kids. This book has no formulas. This book is not about formulas but about imparting of core values with examples. The main core value was the prioritization, above all else, of a heart-to-heart connection with your child, a pr ...more
Emily Ventura
I had difficulty with his parenting technique. Often he let his children deal with the consequences and he got lucky that the consequences enforced the lessonfor instance, you tell your child "don't tip your chair, you might fall off" if they choose to continue to tip their chair and they fall off they learn their lesson. But what if they don't fall off-what's the lesson then? He never really explores what to do if the consequences of the child's choice does not create a lesson.
A note: I am approaching this book from a slightly different perspective than the intended audience. I am preparing to adopt an older child, not parenting children that I have birthed.

I couldn't quite decide if it was the principles or the presentation that I didn't like. I pushed through the book because a friend read it and talked about it. Some of the basic ideas are fantastic: we need to love our children on purpose. We need to prioritize a relationship above all else. I agree.

"By simply tr
Similar in thought to Grace-Based Parenting, but with more practical ideas for how to actually put the theories into practice. I particularly liked Silk's emphasis on knowing and connecting to the heart of our children. Also, I wish that I had known some of his techniques when I was in the classroom. I think it would have saved me a lot of frustration and heartache.
The overall message- that of treating children with grace and freedom- is both challenging and inspiring, but many of the examples they give are too American and too confusing to give a clear picture. There are some great thoughts within this book but also a lot of things I disagreed with or struggled to see the grace in.
A very helpful book on raising children to make decisions for themselves and learn from consequences, rather than controlling them and using fear, anger and punishment to get 'the desired result'.
I found it very easy to read, with practical examples that help illustrate what it looks like in real life. This has changed how my wife and I raise our children, for the better.
Danny has a certain communication style that doesn't necessarily appeal to everyone, but I hope that anyone who takes the tim
Joshua Mitchell
The beginning of this book had me really wondering if this guy had something monumental and different to say about parenting and discipline. His treatise was that "perfect love casts out all fear" so using fear as a form of discipline is not godly. Some of the examples of applying the disciplinary methods he recommends are really good and I will take those, but there are others where I disagree. There is actually a point where the author utilized spanking but he said that it was to "help the spi ...more
Feb 13, 2012 Elizabeth rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Parents and childcare providers
Recommended to Elizabeth by: Bethel School of Ministry
In the book, Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart-to-Heart Connection by Danny Silk, the author introduces a new paradigm into parenting to help insure that both the child(ren) and the parents become all that they can be. By changing our approach to parenting from dominate and controlling to loving and empowering we develop children who are ready to handle the real world. Children aren’t often empowered to make choices at a young age and by training them within the safety of the home they ...more
Jennifer Brukiewa
The parenting technique used in this book is basically Love and Logic written from a Christian perspective. I appreciate this tool as it is invaluable for helping kids take responsibility for their actions, helping them discover for themselves how life and relationships work, helping them problem solve and handle the challenges themselves that come up in life. It uses “shared control” and “questions” to guide kids always being sensitive to their freedoms and respecting them as people who need s ...more
What to say about this book...

First off, the author comes from a much different Christian background than I do, I background that I found a little scary. At one point he talks about hiding wooden spoons in every room of his house, in his car, and even in his friends' homes just in case his child misbehaved. Wooden spoons with which to beat his child. He mentions this casually, as if this is normal in Christian households. I DO NOT THINK THIS IS NORMAL. And if it is, it is in no way the kind of C
Rick Dugan
I'm cautious of most things that come from Bethel Church in Redding, and my cautions have no doubt influenced my review of this book. But let me say what is good and helpful before giving some words of caution.

First, Silk challenges us to think differently about the goal of parenting. We're not to control our children, but to teach them to manage their freedom. Free will is a powerful gift that can be used for good or harm. Good parenting helps children learn to use their free will to honor and
Tiffany Taylor
This book gives lots of good ideas to tuck away in your "parenting toolbox"
I like how the author explains and gives examples of conversations with kids. Also, how you can really connect to the heart of your child. Forget for a minute the issue of spanking this book is about more than that it's about teaching your children that their problems belong to them not you. And reminding ourselves that we have to grow this little people to be problem solves connected to the heart of God.
gosh! i'm not really sure how i feel about this book! on one hand, i like the concepts and the basics of the book ... for the most part, but it seems like he deals a lot in extremes. i don't live there, so it is hard for me to relate or even see it necessary. also, i really don't like the way that he implements those aspects. example: giving your child reasonable choices is great! giving them a choice as the 1st option. (you don't want to put on your shoes? well, would you like to take your stuf ...more
Great parenting book. It's not formulas or what exactly to do in this situation or that situation but teaches more about how God from the very beginning has given us choices and when we choose sin or to disobey there is a consequence. We need to learn to manage ourselves/control ourselves instead of feeling like we need to control our children for us to be under control. We teach them to manage themselves by giving them choices. It's a great great book focused on nurturing the relationship and o ...more
Paul Miller
Whatever nuggets of wisdom there are in this book can also be found in Shepherding a Child's Heart, a book that is less repetitive, more theologically sound, and that does not engage in sloppy exposition of Scripture.
Danny Silk does a fabulous job illustrating the biblical concepts of unconditional love and freedom. Even before my daughter was born, I knew I wanted to be a model of God's love for her. With this book, I've gained a new perspective on how to love my daughter and not control her, how to help her make her own decisions and know that her decisions have consequences, how to give her her independence yet still know that I'm always here loving her and willing to help guide her. She's only almost 2 [ ...more
I really didn't like this book. A little too cheesy and wish-washy for my liking. But it did make me rethink several areas of my parenting and what more can you ask for than that.
Ryan Adair
I liked this a lot. There was a lot of helpful information here regarding parenting and helping children steward their own hearts by making choices.
Carla Barker
I so love this book on parenting. As a co-parent to 4 small humans with infinite potential, I highly recommend this book. You need to be on the bandwagon for knowing God. Then, you need to be okay with not shaming your child into behaving. No one ever changes by feeling shamed, and that goes for the dismounts as well.
My caution: the writing is conversational and irritating. Imagine that you were listening to the writer instead of reading. Hid points are valid, his writing style sounds like dial
This book will definitely change the way you interact with and "discipline" your children. If you're tired of yelling to try to get your kids to listen, this book will totally transform the way you get the attention of your kids. It will also get you to take a good look at yourself, and how you may be the problem with your child's behavior. If you are the type of parent that likes to have control of every situation, then this will be a real eye-opener for you. It will help you realize that the o ...more
Oct 14, 2014 Nicole added it
I don't have kids yet but I have really enjoyed reading this. I believe that these principals can work in any relationship you are having trouble with, because it's not about controlling the other person, it's about controlling what YOU do. Maintaining a heart-to-heart connection is important in every relationship we have. I highly recommend this book.
A must read for every parent. This has changed our family.
He openly acknowledges that he uses many of the techniques from Love and Logic, so some things seem redundant/borrowed, if you are at all familiar with L&L, but the insights and presentation are still very good. I find myself frustrated at my own lack of creativity when I read books like this, and wonder if I can really parent this way, but I wish I could. I could read this again three or four times and keep underlining new things. I started it several months ago, but (preferring to read fic ...more
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