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12th out of 26 books
—
12 voters
She's Not the Man I Married: My Life with a Transgender Husband
by
Helen Boyd
Helen Boyd's husband, who had long been open about being a cross-dresser, was considering living as a woman full time. Suddenly, Boyd was confronted with the reality of what it would mean if her husband were actually to become a woman — socially, legally, and medically. Would Boyd love and desire her partner the same way?
Boyd's first book, My Husband Betty, explored the re...more
Boyd's first book, My Husband Betty, explored the re...more
Paperback, 311 pages
Published
February 15th 2007
by Seal Press
(first published January 25th 2007)
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Mar 31, 2008
Imogen
rated it
2 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
people who are interested in being a weird kind of partner to a trans person
Okay, my original review was really mean, so I am editing it. Basically, I think that Helen and Betty have a phenomenally codependent relationship. I think that they also spend a lot of time in a certain crossdresser/mtf transsexual scene, like at conferences and workshops and things like that. Both of which are completely fine, right?
But Helen feels comfortable saying lots of things about trans women, and lots of things about their partners, and the things that she says don't ring true at ALL...more
But Helen feels comfortable saying lots of things about trans women, and lots of things about their partners, and the things that she says don't ring true at ALL...more
I think really highly of this book. It's one of the most thought provoking things I've read in a long time.
At first I was skeptical because the author was so unsure of how she felt about her husband transitioning. She's really attracted to her husband as a man, really digs her husband's penis. Throughout the book she is having to deal with her internalized homophobia, what would it mean for her to be a lesbian, which is a huge shock to her, as she has had gay and lesbian, queer and bisexual frie...more
At first I was skeptical because the author was so unsure of how she felt about her husband transitioning. She's really attracted to her husband as a man, really digs her husband's penis. Throughout the book she is having to deal with her internalized homophobia, what would it mean for her to be a lesbian, which is a huge shock to her, as she has had gay and lesbian, queer and bisexual frie...more
I loved this book because it was humorous, because it expanded my knowledge of those who live with trans & those who love them, and most of all for its courageous honesty.
Helen Boyd speaks about being a heterosexual woman married to a trans born-man, presenting-as-woman, contemplating full transition. Boyd speaks about her own experience as a "masculine" woman, her feminism, and her distaste for all kinds of prejudice... which is far more prevalent in groups that I didn't even realize, for i...more
Helen Boyd speaks about being a heterosexual woman married to a trans born-man, presenting-as-woman, contemplating full transition. Boyd speaks about her own experience as a "masculine" woman, her feminism, and her distaste for all kinds of prejudice... which is far more prevalent in groups that I didn't even realize, for i...more
Even if you don't happen to be married to a transgender husband, Helen Boyd has a lot of trenchant observations about gender roles in general. The very end of the book, written by her husband, made me cry a little -- a rather rare thing for me when I'm reading a book. I'd recommend this book to anyone who's struggled with gender-based expectations and frustration (that is, just about everyone in the world).
What I liked most about this book was her honesty about what it means to be in a long-term relationship with a Trans person during hir (no, that's not a typo) transition. I found wonderful messages about how to have a strong, long-lasting relationship that is applicable to all types of relationships. She says something about they both choose to live complicated lives together than simple lives seperately. I found this especially telling because no relationship is simple and anytime you have 2 pe...more
Very interesting subject matter. Seems to be a lot of information around right now about the experience of the transgendered person, but what about their loved ones? What would you do if your spouse wanted to crossdress? Live as the opposite sex? Have gender reassignment surgery? Helen Boyd had experienced this first hand. Her candid account of her experiences as "the other spouse" are interesting and thought provoking. Her discussions on gender versus sexuality are very interesting. Her style i...more
I agree with those who critique the book for being rambling and repetitive; it is. At first this bothered me a little, but then I decided, "Hey, we get repetitive reinforcement of all the gender nonsense she's trying to unravel, so perhaps having her points hit you again and again in slightly different ways is not such a bad thing." And really, I loved the personal account of trying to understand, from the perspective of a mostly straight adult tomboy, her own masculinity and what that means for...more
Most of the books on transgender issues are written from the perspective of people going through gender transition and/or from the viewpoint of professionals. This was a great way to learn about the experience of a person close to the one struggling with gender--and the way her view of gender (and relationships) has been transformed by the process.
This book wasn't exactly what I expected. I hadn't read her first book called "My husband Betty" although it's sitting in my living room. This second book is more about relationships and the roles of male/female, husband/wife, and all the different hats that each of us wear in a relationship. It's not necessarily about having a trans husband, especially because her husband has been transitioning for years and is more fluid with gender than the act of moving from man to woman. A lot of the discus...more
This wasn't juicy in the way I expected (#1A+voyeur) , it was more this girl kind of whining about gender and society. But that's cool, I can dig it.
This is Helen's follow-up to My Husband Betty. In this book, she reveals the strong possiblity that Betty will decide to transition full-time to womanhood. This is more personal and intimate than her first book, but you are rewarded with a really intimate look at what it's like to be in a marriage like this, from the wife's point of view. Of course, Helen describes Betty's responses to things, so you do get a sense of what Betty is like as well. Helen is clearly a self-reflective and cogent writ...more
More than just a book about a couple who both approach gender in what may seem like novel ways to many, everyone can find a little of their own experience in Helen's story... not to mention the boundless notated additional information is wonderful. If you're looking for "just a love story" or some titillating "talk show" variety fodder, this book is not for you. But if you're hoping for something that will challenge you to think and maybe even rethink every kind of relationship you've ever had o...more
Honest and thought-provoking.
Great, easily-readable exploration of the issues faced by a white, heterosexual, masculine woman when her husband comes out as trans. Explores the often-blurry lines between different gender identities and expressions and sexual orientations, childhood and adulthood, and gender as something that reflects the self and something that others use to interact with you. Highly recommended. Accessible to readers of most levels.
The fact that this woman's husband is trans is interesting. Helen calls inot question many of our assumptions about gender and sexual orientation. But, the most compelling part of this book is the picture that it draws of a couple that are deeply in love with each other and committed to their marriage. It's refreshing. BTW - i've met both Helen and Betty and they rock!
Meh, probably not going to finish. This might be interesting/groundbreaking if you're wholly unfamiliar with transgenderism, but the writing is really lackluster and 50 pages in, I'm already completely over the author's woeful attitude towards her not knowing what it means to feel "like a woman" because she doesn't like wearing makeup the way her husband does. No me gusta.
This was an interesting take on one person's life as a partner of a trans person. I really appreciated her book my husband Betty but I was finding it a bit hard not to get defensive/projecty when reading this book. I appreciate her realism and authentic take and sharing of her feelings but it was a bit hard to read.
A really interesting narrative about how we navigate gender in different parts of our lives: how we are perceived by others, how we perceive our own gender and sexual orientation, how gender does/doesn't affect our relationships, and how love (hopefully) conquers all.
Really fascinating premise, explored by a thoughtful woman dealing with an extremely complicated situation. Unfortunately the book reads like it still needs to be edited - the voice is rambling and often repetitive. It goes fast, though, so still worth a read.
More about her experience than a broad overview, and certainly only showing Betty from her point of view - but what do you expect, given the title?
Honest and thought provoking.
Honest and thought provoking.
Really, the first chapter gave me all I wanted to know about this, and the rest is just rambling. Neither their relationship nor Betty's full-time gender is resolved.
Very well-written, personal, and interesting. It's lovely to read a 'heterosexual' perspective that questions gender and dichotomies.
Helen's quite repetitive, but she has a lot of interesting things to say - even for those of us who don't have transgender husbands!
Nov 20, 2012
Elisse
added it
gave me great insight into gender roles
My life is so simple. My relationship is so simple. And some peoples' are so...dang...complicated.
I love the topic but I felt she was just saying the same thing over and over.
A very well written book with good insight for married transgendered women.
horrible
May 17, 2013
Karen
is currently reading it
May 17, 2013
Stephanie
marked it as to-read
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“I've had more than one person tell me how courageous and strong I am, how brave and cutting-edge. I'm not any of those things. I'm just another person living my life and trying to make my way in the world, a person who has found out that love is complicated and life is difficult, but that companionship is worth all the king's ransom.”
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8 people liked it
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Oct 14, 2011 07:40am