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It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence
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It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence

3.93  ·  Rating Details ·  136 Ratings  ·  11 Reviews
First published in 2000. Routledge is an imprint of Taylor & Francis, an informa company.
Paperback, 272 pages
Published April 28th 2000 by Routledge (first published April 2000)
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Probably closer to 3.5. A bit of a disclaimer about my review -- I actually happened to go to therapy during the midst of an abusive relationship, and ended up having a few couples' counseling sessions with my ex before we broke up (then continued to go to therapy after the break-up). I was also fortunate in that my therapist had worked with abusive men prior, and didn't get caught up in some of the pitfalls of couples counseling within the context of an abusive relationship that are mentioned i ...more
Oct 28, 2008 Namid rated it it was amazing
Very helpful and informative book. This book greatly helped me on my journey to heal.
Jill Hayhurst
Apr 20, 2015 Jill Hayhurst rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Very insightful book for anyone that's been in an abusive relationship. You feel so very alone and lost during and after being in this kind of situation, this book brings to light the truth and real reason for the abuse and it makes you see that you are far from alone as most abusers have similar tactics.
Laurie Garcia
Oct 06, 2011 Laurie Garcia rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A great book about moving past abuse. It focuses on the different stages one goes through when dealing with the trauma of an abusive relationship. I highly recommend this book for those that struggle, have struggled, or know someone that struggles with an abusive relationship. This book really helped me.
Carly Thom
Apr 23, 2016 Carly Thom rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Extremely eye-opening.

I knew that my relationship was unhealthy when I left, but reading this book validated, not only my decision to leave, but also my mixed feelings and struggles after the fact. I would suggest it to anyone who may think they may be in an abusive relationship.
Dec 21, 2013 Cat rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Helpful advice, common sense, personal quizzes, and a list of resources for those who have managed to escape from an abusive relationshp. Deals with friends—before, during,a and after; emotions—fear, anger, guilt regret, contact with abuser after leaving; children and their emotions; building a new life—budgets, jobs, self-care.
Feb 22, 2014 Kerie rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition

Needs to be more info on psychopathic revenge tactics - triangulation - denial in the face of admissions evidence - and smearing the victim. Lies of the Abuser should be #1. It's so common - they always deny, blame, do things for revenge and smear their wives. It's pretty sickening, but it's true. Good book though - helpful at times xo
Caroline Abbott
Mar 18, 2014 Caroline Abbott rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Really liked it. Looked at healing from abuse from a psychologist's point of view. Very helpful info.
Lisa June Sanders
I thought it was an awesome book. I highly recommend it to all who have ever been in or is in an abusive situation!
May 29, 2009 Larissa rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
every victim should read this and do the writing exercises- it helped me let go and regain my strength
Louise Allana
Didn't finish this one...
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Apr 21, 2008
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“There were probably many factors that kept the relationship going and kept your love alive. There were all his promises. "I promise this will never happen again." You believed him the first time. And the second. As the abuse continued, he became increasingly remorseful, his promises more insistent. You continued to believe him; you wanted to believe him. After all, you loved him.

Then there were all the apologies. He seemed truly sorry. You forgave him. Now, however, when you think back, you realize the apologies were conditional. They blamed you! "I'm sorry, but if only you hadn't..." They always made his abuse somehow your fault. You may have begun to believe this, and you may even remember apologizing to him. You began to believe that if you were careful about what you said or did, you could prevent the abuse from happening again. As the abuse escalated over time, the blaming became more obvious. "I didn't mean to hurt you, but if you just weren't so [stupid, ugly, careless, dumb, etc.], this would never have happened." Time after time you were made to believe that every act of violence or abuse was your fault. Day after day you were made to feel that you were unworthy of him.”
“Are boys encouraged to express sadness, fear, or anxiety? In general, our society gives boys permission for one emotion: anger. If a boy is hurt or upset, he may be comforted briefly, but then he is told to stop crying and "be a man." This message usually implies he should hide his feelings. Boys and men are supposed to be solid unemotional rocks. Demonstrations of emotions are seen as "silly." Anger is seen as a sign of strength. Males are considered to be standing up for their rights if they react to a frustrating or undesirable event with anger. Outrage is often the only reaction to an injustice that is allowed from boys.” 12 likes
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