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Agnes and the Hitman

3.92  ·  Rating Details  ·  15,239 Ratings  ·  1,304 Reviews
Take one food writer named Cranky Agnes, add a hitman named Shane, mix them together with a Southern mob wedding, a missing necklace, two annoyed flamingos, and a dog named Rhett and you've got a recipe for a sexy, hilarious novel about the disastrous side of true love…

Agnes Crandall's life goes awry when a dognapper invades her kitchen one night, seriously hampering her a
Hardcover, 421 pages
Published August 21st 2007 by St. Martin's Press
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Bet Me by Jennifer CrusieCan You Keep a Secret? by Sophie KinsellaMatch Me If You Can by Susan Elizabeth PhillipsIt Had to Be You by Susan Elizabeth PhillipsThe Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
Best Ever Contemporary Romance Books
50th out of 3,072 books — 6,508 voters
Can You Keep a Secret? by Sophie KinsellaBet Me by Jennifer CrusieWallbanger by Alice ClaytonMatch Me If You Can by Susan Elizabeth PhillipsNatural Born Charmer by Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Humorous Romance Books
33rd out of 2,150 books — 4,906 voters

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Community Reviews

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"... your ass is grass and I am a John Deere super-classic riding lawn mower with a V6 engine and a double cutting blade, do I make myself clear?" - Agnes Crandall a/k/a Cranky Agnes

Don't you just love Jennifer Crusie's dry sense of humor?

Things turn south for Agnes Crandall's wedding catering business when a dognapper invades her kitchen holding a gun. Agnes whallops him upside the head with a castiron skillet, knocking him thru a hidden door in her kitchen and killing him. An unexpected hero -
Apr 12, 2008 LibraryLass rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Everyone with a sense of the ridiculous
Shelves: 2008
I thoroughly enjoyed this book!! I enjoyed Crusie/Mayer's first book Don't look back as well but this was better.

Agnes and Shane were wonderful. Just enough baggage and angst to keep the chemistry lively. I thought the supporting cast of characters was awesome. My favourites being LL and Garth.

I wouldn't class this as a mystery or romance but there is enough of both to satisfy readers of both genres. I would call this a 'fun' read. It was great. Can't wait for the next one.

Ppl should read thi
May 16, 2015 Jim rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I gave 4 stars to a romantic, comedic, murder mystery. Amazing, but so was the book. It was the great combination of setting, mystery, & especially the characters starting with Agnes.

Angry Agnes is pretty, a wonderful cook, & wears black rimmed glasses. She's smart (an author) & really a nice person, but she tends to see red occasionally - a dangerous combination as she spends a lot of time in the kitchen where sharp implements & heavy pans tend to be at hand. One of the things I
Ilona Andrews
Warning: written as a reader not as an author.

Agnes is a cranky southern lady, who cooks - mostly Italian, go figure - and writes a cooking column for a local newspaper. Despite the fact that the best way to the man's heart is through his stomach, Agnes has been unlucky in love. Her current beau is no exception - from the get go, her fiance is pretty much a douchebag. While some people might have a problem with a heroine holding on to a man like that, I've seen plenty of real women cling to rela
Dec 09, 2011 Marie rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Chick-Lit Lovers, Chick-Lit Mystery, Funny, People who love Frying Pan's
Recommended to Marie by: Carrie
**5++++ stars**

Have you ever read a book that you finish but within 2-4 days you are ready to read it again? This is that book for me. I have loved several books in my lifetime. This book was easily one of my favorite books ever.

I think between the humor, violence, humor again, romance, friendships, minor characters, and even the dog, between it all I fell in love with this book.

Agnes is a cookbook author. She also has a column about cooking titled Cranky Agnes. She is armed and dangerous, with
The Storyline
Agnes is not your normal chick-lit heroine. The fact that she’s known as ‘Cranky Agnes’ could give you an idea. The fact that she’s used a frying pan in more ways than just cooking (I’ll give you a hint, one guy now has a metal plate in his head) could also give you another idea. There’s also an incident with a meat fork but I won’t spoil the fun for you. Or maybe it’s the mental conversations she has with her therapist.

”Fuck you,” Agnes said, bent over the edge of the cake.
Angry la
Jane Stewart
2 stars. Some readers may find this fun, but it wasn’t my kind of humor. It had a slapstick quality.

Brenda does many awful things to Agnes and others throughout the book. Other bad guys are also doing bad things. But nothing is provable so no cop does anything (or they don’t look for evidence). The purpose is to give Agnes setbacks and problems to solve. Her responses and reactions are the best part of the story. Agnes is free with her anger. She hits and threatens with frying pans and meat for
Bark's Book Nonsense
Narrator: Sandra Burr
Length: 12 hours and 9 minutes
Published by Brilliance Audio, August 2007

We all know a narrator can make or break an audiobook. What I didn’t know was that studio effects can do it too. Narrator Sandra Burr does a decent job with the characters here. I can tell who is who and that is always a bonus when a book contains too many zany characters. Burr’s narration of Agnes is a little too upbeat at times (Agnes is supposed to be cranky) but for the most part she is pretty spot o
Aug 12, 2008 Gail rated it it was amazing
It is kind of hard to categorize this book by Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer. It's more a sassy-chick-lit meets hardboiled adventure novel meets screwball comedy. I read their first book Don't Look Down and just about laughed my butt off. This one is even better, the action and narrative are tighter and more continuous. These two very divergent writers are on to something.

Agnes is "Cranky Agnes" the nationally syndicated food columnist and cook book author, living in South Carolina in the house o
Dec 18, 2007 DeliaC rated it it was ok
it's to be expected that something changes when a writer you're used to pairs up with someone from an entirely different genre. some of the old pop and sizzle disappears to make room for the new writer's style and strengths. ok. but i have to say that this was a miss for me.

crusie's novels strengths aren't in elaborate plots but in outlining the relationships between her very un-neurotic hero/heroine in ways that don't seem forced or unreal. her characters are snappy, funny, cranky, quotidian pe
( this review won't make sense to some people but I don't care lol)

Agnes is cranky.
Brenda's a conniving bitch.
Shane to the rescue.

Book Concierge
Jan 31, 2016 Book Concierge rated it did not like it
The dialogue is trite. The sex is bland. The characters are cardboard cutouts. The plot is inane and unbelievable. It seems that the author(s) can’t figure out what kind of book this is. Is it a comic crime caper? A mystery? A romance? A mafia thriller? A cooking cozy? Bodies pile up left and right, plot lines disintegrate or appear from thin air. Even the editing is bad … the electricity goes out, thanks to a bad guy who “did something” to the power, but early the next morning Agnes is in the k ...more
Sep 07, 2007 Punk rated it really liked it
Shelves: romance
Action/Romance. Agnes is very busy trying to plan her god-daughter's wedding, make cupcakes, and meet her article deadline when some pipsqueak with a gun busts into her house and demands her dog. Agnes doesn't take well to this and cracks him on the head with a frying pan. Suddenly she's got a hot new bodyguard and each day brings at least two attempts on her life. Agnes is tough, but it doesn't hurt that Shane is really good at his job.

I liked this book a lot better than their first one. This o
Oct 03, 2007 Belmanoir rated it really liked it
This book was awesome. I loved the minor characters, especially Garth, and heroines with anger management issues are right up there with geeky heroes and galley slaves in my Top Ten Romance Turn-Ons, and believe me, there are NOT ENOUGH heroines with anger management issues. So love, love, love, also I am DYING for the apron now ( It was a pretty good mix of romance and action, the action plot was exciting, and the plot twist made me VERY happy.

I did fe
Dec 21, 2007 Keris rated it really liked it
My head hurts from trying to explain any aspect of this story without giving something away, but it's not so complicated when you read it, honest (okay, it's a little bit complicated, but, like Janet Evanovich's books, if you don't struggle to place everyone and just let it all wash over you instead, it all becomes clear in the end). Plus - and you'll know this if you read Crusie's blog - there are flamingoes.

I liked Agnes & the Hitman even better than Don't Look Down (and I liked Don't Look
Nov 12, 2012 Ana rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Podem ler a opinião completa no Floresta de Livros.

This book was even crazier than I expect and I loved every bit of it.
The plot is complete nonsense. Everything the reader imagines could happen, actually happens, and then the authors add a few more twists to it, making it a crazy-fest.
The characters are amazing. Love them to bits, even if they are all a bit ... wrong in the head.
Even if Brenda's case was pretty straightforward, after the middle of the book, things with Shane kept surprising me
P๏€cɨℓią* ~SLiTsRead
Jan 10, 2016 P๏€cɨℓią* ~SLiTsRead rated it really liked it
A little cray cray and a little far fetched but that's the style the book was going for. I can't say I'm in love with it but it's a matter of personal taste.

What also made this book different was the missing of swoon-worthy heroes, and star-crossing love. Every character felt like regular people (well except psychotic Brenda). There was ”romance" and yet there wasn't. It was real and efficient, yet you felt the chemistry between the characters.

Overall, I enjoyed the humor and the interesting
Sep 18, 2012 Julie rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
Unexpectedly, this has turned into a book on my favs shelf. Very quirky and odd it somehow really worked. Agnes cracked me up and Shane-sigh- just loved how he always had her back. Great read- two thumbs up :)
Nov 10, 2009 Stamatia rated it it was amazing
I had sooo much fun with this one! A veritable romp. I hadn't enjoyed a book in a long time. It must have been the fact that the heroine was cooking for more than half of the book!
May 06, 2015 Hollie rated it it was ok
I made it to the 40% mark and unfortunately I'm going to have to declare this one a DNF. I was looking for a funny romantic comedy, and while this one had potential to be that, I just found it absolutely ridiculous. It was way too over the top for me. I expect that to an extent in this genre, but this one was just too far-fetched for my preference. Beyond cliché. The one thing I did like was Agnes, the heroine. I really enjoyed her "anger" issues.

I also feel this book is WAY overpriced at $7.99
Beverly J.
Dec 26, 2012 Beverly J. rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was a ton of fun. Really enjoyed this alot.
Mar 06, 2013 Lightreads rated it liked it
Shelves: fiction, romance
Cranky food columnist collides with hitman while trying to plan a wedding; sparks and flamingos fly.

Fun, zaney. There's no serious internal relationship conflict here, just a shrieking heap of mob enforcers and difficult relatives and frying pans to the head. And flamingos. This book is one half domestic hilarity and one half cartoonishly violent splatterfest, which was a bit odd, I will admit. But having read only two Crusie books, I already know that she is a no-brakes funny lady who has the s
Apr 04, 2012 Nath rated it it was amazing
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Nov 23, 2015 Dianne rated it it was amazing
Agnes and the Hitman by Jennifer Crusie

Out of all the books that Jennifer and Bob have written together, I have to tell you THIS one is the only one I think is worth reading. Not only reading once, but also re-reading repeatedly! I don’t know how many times I have re-read this book, and I’m still as in love with the story and the characters as I am the very first time I read it!

This is a sexy, funny, mysterious read and a bit of a roller-coaster ride. This is a story containing major deceptions,
Aug 02, 2011 Christina rated it really liked it
Mobsters, bridesmaids, and frying pans, oh my! Agnes and the Hitman pairs romance writer Jennifer Cruise with action writer Bob Mayer in a whirlwind of murder, cooking, laughter, and-of course-love.
Agnes, or "Cranky Agnes" as she is known to the readers of her cooking column in the local paper, is an independent, stubborn woman with bad taste in men and an even worse temper. When her last fiance turned out to be a worthless waste of time, she hit him with a frying pan. And for some reason, tha
Aug 25, 2010 Jennifer rated it it was amazing
Shelves: favorites
I know, I don't read a lot of chick-lit, but this is chick-lit with crime and adventure thrown in.

Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?
Grandfather: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture,
revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles!
Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.
Grandfather: Oh, well, thank you. That's very kind of you.
Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. ~The Princess Bride

It was the title that caught my attention, so I bought it on a whim
Mar 12, 2009 Jodotha rated it really liked it
Shelves: romance
I was all set to only sort of enjoy this book. By the end of the first chapter, I was already writing my review in my head. It went something like, "Crusie's stuff is way better solo. This is like a girl's fantasy, invaded by a teenage boy." Only it was more eloquent than that, because all of the reviews that I write in my head are more eloquent than the things that end up on the site. This is still marginally true - I think Crusie's greatest potential lies in her solo work (where again I pimp h ...more
Kimz Zahour
Nov 19, 2008 Kimz Zahour rated it it was ok
This was cute and entertaining... would have given it 2 and a half stars if possible. The style reminds me of Evanovich's numbered series... which I adore! Some how the silliness just plays off better in the world of Plumb.
I did like the characters but there are all of these over the top things happening that you can't really take seriously because of the tone. It would be really upsetting to have to plan a wedding and have people dropping in to kill you... bashing people's heads in with frying
Feb 20, 2011 Carrie rated it really liked it
3.5* rounded up to 4* for goodreads.

I kept telling myself I should be enjoying this book so much, but I wasn't very convincing! I mean, who is suppose to love a humorous book that's bloody, violent, and has a cold-blooded hitman for a hero and a crazy cook for a heroine? Not to mention the high body count. But I couldn't help laughing out loud, and I couldn't help liking the characters. But the book wouldn't have held up for me without a well-done mystery. What made this book un-put-down-able fo
Oct 01, 2007 Catherine rated it really liked it
I think I might have given this 3.5 stars, if that were an option, because I'm somewhere between liking it and really liking it. One problem was I got really REALLY sick of Crusie's use of italics to show how passionate and fiery her characters were. (And I know it's Crusie, not Mayer, doing that, because she's always used lots of italics in dialogue. She went way overboard in this book, though.) I was surprised by the amount of killing and violent sex in this book, but not dismayed by it. Hey, ...more
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Jenny Crusie is the NYT bestselling author of twenty some novels and lots of other stuff. Her latest novel, Maybe This Time, hit shelves in August, 2010.

Jenny lives on the Ohio River where she often stares at the ceiling and counts her blessings.
More about Jennifer Crusie...

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“You have to open up to the world and learn optimism...Contentment with the past, happiness with the present, and hope for the future. Learned optimisim.” 81 likes
“Any instructions?” Carpenter said.
“Yeah,” Shane said. “Shoot anybody who looks at Agnes funny. And anybody else you don’t like. I’m getting tired of this shi*.”
“Somebody needs a hug,” Carpenter said.
“Humor,” Shane said. “Har.”
More quotes…