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Unsteady

4.21  ·  Rating Details ·  68 Ratings  ·  34 Reviews
Young love. The simple term can bring to mind an innocent crush—the blossoming, tender emotions of two young hearts. To marriage and family therapist JeaNette G. Smith, however, it means something far different. Through her experience, she has come to know that too many of the Church’s teens are going steady far too early. Going steady brings about premature emotional ...more
Published 2008 by Deseret
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Penny
Jun 12, 2009 Penny rated it it was amazing
I loved this book! I wish I could go around giving copies to all the parents I know. We hear all of the time about physical abstinence, this book addresses the need for emotional abstinence. I highly recommend this book.
Celestia
Jun 24, 2011 Celestia rated it liked it
I agree with the premise but Smith could have cut the verbage by half. She keeps repeating herself. Not only that, she's redundant.
Sally
Dec 21, 2009 Sally rated it it was amazing
Simple, yet brilliant, argument for teen dating to stay casual, and not exclusive.

"Youth ask me all the time if it is okay to hold hands or to put their arms around one another. These are ridiculous questions. These quesitons completely ignore the real issue. The question is not where they put their hands, but where they put their hearts. [Youth:] will only be tempted to become physically intimate if the nature of their relationship permits it."

Six stages of relationships and their physical stag
...more
Diana
Jun 17, 2012 Diana rated it it was ok
I will admit that some of the principles outlined here are helpful. I agree that young people get involved too quickly, and appreciated the advice on interacting positively with teens. The emphasis on emotional connection's role and how it impacted physical relationships among teens was also good.

However, I couldn't get past some of the more shocking statements and generalizations that I felt were unfair and unprofessional. Take, for instance, the chapter on gender differences. The entire time I
...more
Loralee
Apr 16, 2012 Loralee rated it really liked it
Last Friday, I gave a presentation on dating and sexual purity at a LDS youth conference. Do you know how HARD it is to speak to young men and young women ages 12 to 18 on such a sensitive subject? One of my friends recommended that I read this book. I'm so glad I did! It helped me present WHY dating steadily while in high school is not a good idea. High School and even the later teens is a time to get to know a wide variety of people and learn more about yourself and the attributes that you ...more
Talitha
May 02, 2009 Talitha rated it it was amazing
This is a great resource for parents and youth leaders. It gives lots of concrete concerns about teenagers becoming involved in exclusive relationships while still in high school.

There is plenty of information about the 6 stages of relationships, and when it is appropriate to enter into each of the stages. That information would be great for parents to use as family home evening lessons, and for youth leaders to use for combined Priest/Laurel activites.

I like that much of this book is trying to
...more
Casey
Mar 17, 2009 Casey rated it liked it
Shelves: self-help
Good read for parents and youth leaders. Smith gives good advice on why teens shouldn't go steady so young. She explains some of the reasons why some teens get too serious too fast and also gives tips on what and how parents can teach their children to help them understand why it is so dangerous.

One of the things I love is that Smith says it's not just physical intimacy that's so dangerous, it's emotional intimacy as well. Emotional intimacy comes first which usually then leads to physical inti
...more
Rick
Oct 18, 2009 Rick rated it it was amazing
A must read for parents, leaders of youth, anyone who cares about youth, and the youth themselves. I attended the author's class several years ago at education week, and this book is a review of much of what she presented in that class, but what a welcome review. The author presents many compelling reasons for avoiding early dating and steady relationships besides avoiding premarital sex. Her linking of emotional intimacy and physical intimacy is a truth that should be trumpeted to our parents ...more
Tara
Oct 18, 2010 Tara rated it it was amazing
I wish someone had told me all this when I was a teenager!

Excellent perspective on why "high school is for friendship, college is for couples" should be the motto in every household. Why do adults think it's OK for teenagers to fall in love when they're too young to marry?--it can only lead to broken hearts and/or breaking the law of chastity. I wish someone had told me in high school: you don't want a boyfriend now, not having one doesn't mean you'll never get married, holding hands and kissing
...more
Katheryn
Oct 25, 2010 Katheryn rated it it was amazing
I really liked this book. I think the advice given is so important to teach our kids. I don't think they need that pressure of going steady with one person during their early teens. They really should date a variety of people and know how to make friends with the opposite sex first, then they will have the experience, know what they want in a spouse, and be more ready for that commitment. I think there would be fewer divorces if people knew what they wanted and were ready for marriage. Most of ...more
Maria
Apr 19, 2009 Maria rated it it was amazing
If you have kids, you need to read this book. Even if they are not teenagers yet because what you and their friends are doing right now is important, yes, even in elementary school. My fourth grader told me his friends are already asking who he likes.

I loved this book and realized that I was a smart girl who knew who she was. I really hope this helps me teach these "For the Strength of Youth" principles better.

I think it is harder than ever for teens to stand up for what they know is right. We
...more
Michelle
Jun 10, 2012 Michelle rated it it was amazing
EVERYONE needs to read this book. It teaches All the reasons we don't want our children to date before 16 and date steadily before they're ready to consider marriage. Not just the spiritual reasons, but the secular reasons. The older my kids get, the more I realize that no matter what I teach, they are going to do what they want to do. The trick is getting them to want to do what we want them to do! The more knowledge and facts they have, the more likely they are to decide for themselves to make ...more
Stacey
Apr 23, 2009 Stacey rated it really liked it
This book had some great perspective on teenage relationships. Since we're approaching the inevitable dating stage at our house, I thought it would be good to gain some insight.

I learned some great information to review with our kids in helping them follow the prophet's counsel on maintaining healthy and appropriate relationships during pre-marriage/pre-mission dating.

This author also has an audio cd that is published that overviews the book. I didn't like the audio presentation as much but for
...more
Stephanie
Apr 17, 2009 Stephanie rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Every Parent!
This was a book for parents on adolecent dating written by an LDS author. I found this book to be very educational. I think the author was able to put into words and use explanations for the very way I have been wanting to teach my children about "dating". It also pointed out things that, unknowingly, I am already doing wrong! I would say that this is a book that should be read while your children are still young, before they are dating age!
Luanne
Feb 18, 2010 Luanne rated it really liked it
Good thought about argument for not having our teenagers 'go steady'. There is a time for that, but high school is not that time. As adults we can discourage it by not asking 'do you have a girl friend?". This is a time to date a lot of different people and not be tied to one. that being said, you kinda gotta have your kids agree. I have it to loan out if you're interested.
Stacey
Aug 24, 2014 Stacey rated it it was amazing
If you have a teenager, work with the youth, or have influence on a youth, READ THIS BOOK!!! Helpful insights with instructions on how to help our youth avoid steady dating. We can encourage them to have healthy, fun friends that will help them sort out the kind of person they really want to marry when the time is right. Great advice.
Momruns5
Jul 08, 2014 Momruns5 rated it liked it
Shelves: 2014
Really changed my view of how I think about communicating with my daughters. I sometimes DO think the beginnings of relationships with boys is cute for them. But then I don't want it to go any further. That is unfair to them. I am changing my thinking on this. BUT it goes just a little overboard with some things.
John
Mar 10, 2012 John rated it really liked it
Shelves: enhancement, gospel
Great advice for parents and leaders of teens who are too eager to grow up too quickly. Smith puts into simpler perspective what physical intimacy really means at different levels and what different levels of commitment are supposed to mean as opposed to what society and the media try to convince us they mean.
Jennifer Hughes
Aug 26, 2011 Jennifer Hughes rated it it was ok
While I think this book has some great points about the dangers of emotional intimacy between teens who are dating, it seems like it was stretched out to make a whole book. I would have liked theis message better as a booklet or a fireside talk.
Chad
Jul 06, 2010 Chad rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: any parent
Recommended to Chad by: Meridian Magazine
Shelves: lds
Not sure your 16-year-old should have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but can't articulate why? This book explains it. Emotional intimacy before a person is ready for marriage can only lead to heartache. Very important book for any parent.
Maid
Jan 01, 2015 Maid rated it really liked it
This book isn't just for parents with young kids. If are an aunt, uncle, grandparent, or a youth yourself it is for you. This book has some great ideas about dating, about how we influence youth into dating, and how we should think and talk about dating to even our very young childern
Steph
Apr 25, 2009 Steph rated it it was amazing
a must read for all LDS parents, and I would recommend to non-LDS parents who want their children to not jump into serious dating relationships while they are still children. Fantastic book, concise, useful information presented in a very logical way.
Cathy
Oct 13, 2009 Cathy rated it liked it
Good general information book when trying to understand teen dating behavior. Great ideas to help teens understand why steady dating can be harmful in high school.
Krissy
Sep 14, 2010 Krissy rated it really liked it
Such a basic and true premise, that despite it's redundancy, yes, every parent/youth leader should read it.
Tricia
Jan 03, 2010 Tricia rated it liked it
I'm only on page 50 but already amazed. This is such a great book for parents. I think every parent needs to read it!
Sarah
Apr 13, 2012 Sarah rated it it was amazing
Every parent of teens should read this book. I read it, then read it aloud to my boys and we had GREAT discussion that otherwise would have been a bit awkward.
John Hilton
Nov 24, 2010 John Hilton rated it it was amazing
Fabulous. Must read by teenagers and their parents/leaders. Very valuable advice that is sadly often overlooked.
Michelle
Jan 14, 2014 Michelle rated it really liked it
Every parent should read this, if they want their child to have a good healthy marriage and relationships in the future.
Vanessa
Aug 02, 2016 Vanessa rated it it was amazing
As many others have said I wish I could get all my children's friends and their parents to read this. It is good information and useful for having creating a vocabulary to have with teenagers.
Hilarie
May 23, 2012 Hilarie marked it as to-read
A friend posted on her wall that this is a must read to understand teenage romance. I have quite a few years, but maybe I'll read it now and later. :)
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