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Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day
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Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day

3.93 of 5 stars 3.93  ·  rating details  ·  188 ratings  ·  29 reviews
From the acclaimed author of the perennial favorite Boundaries, Where to Draw the Line is a practical guide to establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in many different situations.

With every encounter, we either demonstrate that we’ll protect what we value or that we’ll give ourselves away. Healthy boundaries preserve our integrity. Unlike defenses, which isolate u
Paperback, 288 pages
Published August 18th 2000 by Touchstone
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While not a huge fan of self-help books, reading a really good one every so often reminds me of what happens when cleaning out a closet or reorganizing a room: I can dispose of outdated junk; bring worthwhile items into a new light and identify needed changes/additions. Closets and rooms deal with physical stuff; self-help books pertain to behaviors patterns.

Anne Katherine offers fresh perspectives on relationships in Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day. As I’ve been
I'm one of those folks who was raised not really knowing what boundaries are. I thought we just sort of accept whatever people dish out and feel sorry for them when they misbehave. I really did! I discovered through reading this book what boundaries look like and that setting down clear boundries about what I want/like/dislike/accept makes life a heck of a lot easier. It's caused some changes in my life, including weeding out a few friends who walked all over me without my "knowledge" but it's b ...more
The author quite insightfully defines a boundary as something that serves to preserve the integrity of that which it binds within. She also quite astutely identifies the ability to share one's truth as the roadway to emotional healing and transformation. However, the author's treatment of boundaries - which at its core is about human relationships, more than anything else - is one sided.

Author's boundary emphasis is entirely driven by the idea of self-preservation without any attribution to the
This wasn't particularly an epiphany book, but it did find it useful for articulating and reminding me of things I already kind of knew -- though by about halfway through I was less into it.

(I also feel like most/many situations aren't as clear-cut as the examples the author gives, but I recognize that they're intended to provide models.)

I really liked the idea about boundaries as being like cell membranes -- keeping some things out and letting some things in, in a healthy and balanced fashion.

Beverly Diehl
We all have challenges dealing with boundaries, and often have boundaries that are excellent in some areas, weak in others. I might be great at setting boundaries with my friends, yet struggle to do it with my boss or lover. This book delineates the difference between defense and a boundary, and best of all, gives practical scenarios and examples of what bad boundaries, look like in action, and how an unhappy situation might play out if good boundaries were used instead.

I only had a few quibbles
This book was fantastic. This is my second time reading this. I read it back in 2005 it was good then but better now. :) This book teaches you how to be a better person to yourself mainly and to others in the long run. I think everyone should read this book!

"Each time you set a boundary and dissolve a defense, you pave your way to your own safe country, your own unique territory that is the fulfillment of your life and your mission"
I wish this book was required reading for everyone on the planet. I definitely got a lot out of reading it! Highly recommended if you're interested in this kind of thing.
The therapist author has a big perspective and clear writing style. Practical. About defensiveness, necessary and otherwise.
There is a wealth of practical information and advice in this book, but it is written in a very flaky, feel-good mumbo-jumbo kind of way. It lays out GREAT EXAMPLES for dealing with people who try to ignore your boundaries even after you have clearly stated them. This is great because I've often found that to be an area that other advice on setting boundaries ignores. But then there's the chapter on Spiritual Boundaries which I found to be highly offensive. There is *nothing* that marks this boo ...more
Another great installment from this author. It wasn't as world changing as Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin but still a decent & informative read. There were a few topics I wish she had delved a little deeper into.

It wasn't until Anne Katherine brought her personal faith into the book, that I felt she lost some of her objectivity. It became a mini-sermon talking from a perspective of faith completely missing how God violates our boundaries.

She claims God gave us free will & he never
Nov 26, 2013 Monica marked it as to-read
..."Using real-life examples, from self-sacrificing mothers to obsessive neat freaks, she offers specific advice on making choices that balance one's own needs with the needs of others."

^ Important topic. Learning self-care.

Here is a quote I recently read and liked that reminded me of one of this book's messages:

"Do you complain about your children when they’re not around? Do you complain about how difficult or time-consuming they are?
This can be an indication that you have not taken care of
Useful stuff, but a quick read and not always so entertaining because there are so many anecdotal examples and the tone can be a bit patronizing. Also didn't like the attitude toward spiritual boundaries because it didn't include anything about protecting your boundaries as an athiest.
I feel that this book is a good, practical, how to guide for those of us who don't really know how to set boundaries. Many times I've seen advice givers tell the advisee to "just set some boundaries". That's pretty easy if you grew up in a situation with clear cut boundaries and good mental health. However, if you are like many of us, the boundaries in your family of origin were somewhat permeable and this book gives some good ideas on how to set boundaries and be respectful of others while doin ...more
Julie Bell
Ok, I struggle with boundaries, who doesn't? I really like the straightforward therapeutic approach. I wish she would give more examples and connect the dots a little better for me.
Lezlee Hays
This is a great starting point for people who aren't very familiar with the concept of "boundaries". I read it to see if it would be helpful as a counseling tool and there is a lot of good, plainly written information here. I will quibble with her on a couple of points where I feel she does take liberties with the ideas when she's advocating for some behaviors which can be rude - I'm of the opinion there are sometimes better ways to keep and maintain boundaries without being excessively harsh ab ...more
Louise Allana
Life saving life skills everyone should know.
Feb 07, 2011 Patricia rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: yes
Recommended to Patricia by: almost everyone
the author doesn't hide her intelligence but she is very clear about what she is trying to communicate. what really helps me are specific examples of what certain behaviors look like without using 'real life' stories but quick examples that make her point clear without dragging out and slowing down the book. the books so far doesn't rely on the stories of others to carry the book and doesn't need to.

finished the book. it is amazing. wonderful for those of us who grew up in a messed up world.

Sheyna Galyan
You hear a lot about setting good boundaries, but if you grew up in a family without them, it's hard to know what good ones look like, or exactly how to implement them. This book goes beyond defining boundaries, and with examples, humor, and simple exercises, explores what good boundaries look like in the areas of friendship, intimacy, parents, gender, possessions, spirituality, neatness, appearance, illness (acute and chronic), death and dying, food, therapy, and online. Excellently done!
Marika Alexander
I really liked this book! I've read a few books on boundaries before, but none of them explained in such clear and simple terms what boundaries are. But even more importantly, how we need boundaries in our everyday lives, to manage things such as our time, how people treat us, and basically what we allow into our lives and what we keep out of our lives. This book seemed much more like a practical how-to than a book on theories or intangible ideas, which was exactly what I was hoping for.
I like these lines: "You can't imagine how much energy is being used by defenses until you set strong enough boundaries with the people who would sip your lifeblood. Boundaries are far more than a nifty technique to preserve your Saturday at home. When applied in the right places with the appropriate amount of firmness and dimension, they make way for entire possibilities that aren't even dimly formed until you are free."
this is a follow-up to the book "Boundaries", which i am reading now. it has a lot of practical scenarios, "how-to" set boundaries in all kinds of situations: relating to anger, family, relationships, even holidays. the first book is probably more important, but this one shows some more common scenarios in which the concepts of boundaries can be applied. i learned a lot!
Jun 24, 2009 Roberta rated it 4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: everybody
Anne Katherine gives abundant examples of how people fail to set boundaries in their lives. I am lacking boundaries myself, so I learned many things from this book. The most important fact is that you must state up front what your boundaries are and not apologize for them. This is very hard for me to do.
I found this book to be very informative and helpful. It focuses on the importance of all people creating boundaries in their lives, which in turn allows them to live more fully and happily.
Brett Newton
A good guide for boundaries if you ignore the utter nonsense in the "Spiritual Boundaries" chapter. It's really more like 3.5 stars because of that drivel.
The first two chapters were great reminders of how valuable our time is in this life. I needed that reminder at this very moment. Worth reading...
Practical with lots of real-life scenarios. Not ground breaking but a good read for someone who has issues with boundaries, etc.
A worthwhile read- it made me consider my own relationship and personal boundaries, with some helpful examples and verbiage.
about 1/2 of it was personally applicable and relevant to my life.
Catherine Gill
Didn't do what it said it would on the tin. Rambling.
Michelle Huitink
Michelle Huitink marked it as to-read
May 24, 2015
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“The growth of intimacy will teach us how to love—both ourselves and the other person. If we will allow ourselves to practice the skills of intimacy, we will learn to love. Boundaries protect love and intimacy. Certain behaviors support the integrity of intimacy. Other behaviors, harm, disrupt, or reverse, intimacy. By using skills that promote intimacy, boundaries are created that protect the relationship.” 1 likes
“In every one of your relationships, you are on a continuum between intimacy and separation. You stand on a slide that tilts you toward either intimacy or separateness. Exactly where you stand at any given moment is the result of your decisions, your feelings, how you handle situations, and the way you and the other person communicate.” 1 likes
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