Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
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Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

3.8 of 5 stars 3.80  ·  rating details  ·  32,623 ratings  ·  4,468 reviews
When Chelsea Handler needs to get a few things off her chest, she appeals to a higher power - vodka. You would too if you found out that your boyfriend was having an affair with a Peekapoo or if you had to pretend to be honeymooning with your father in order to upgrade to first class. Welcome to Chelsea's world - a place where absurdity reigns supreme and a quick wit is th...more
Paperback, 264 pages
Published April 22nd 2008 by Simon Spotlight Entertainment (first published September 30th 2007)
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suzy
So funny. Here's a sample:

"I rolled over and picked up Us Weekly magazine off the floor. The cover had a picture of Angelina, Brad, and their little Eskimo son, Maddox. I saw staring at the photo, wondering why this little boy looks so pissed off in every picture.

At first I thought he was just pissed about his Mohawk, but then I realized he’s probably furious. Maddox must have thought he hit the jackpot when some A-list celebrity rescued him from third-world Camb...more
Monique
Cutting edge, funny sexy stories. Having seen Chelsea doing stand up and on Girls Behaving Badly, I was anxious to see how her wicked sarcastic wit would translate into text. It's fantastic! A seriously gifted writer, who combines funny and raunchy better than any woman.

I mean wild, hilarious and uninhibited story telling. And it's not just the sheer ridiculous situations she encounters. She reflects about her mindless journeys and the meaning of life in such an amusing, self-depreca...more
Logan
Logan rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Fans of Chelsea Lately
Recommended to Logan by: K@
Delightfully crass. An extremely quick read that had me actually laughing out loud. Chelsea may be the comedian that most closely matches my wife and I's sense of humor, for which we are most assuredly going to hell. If you love stories of extreme intoxication, inappropriate interactions with family pets, or day-dream about carrying a midget in a Baby Bjorn, then this would be a book for you.
Patrick
Chelsea Handler is a great fucking writer. Her prose is DENSE, like loaded with funny shit, subtle things you will miss out on if you read too fast. Her show is funny when she's just making fun of celebrities off the cuff, but these stories are obviously written carefully and painstakingly for maximum comic effect. She writes autobiographical tales in what I'm assuming is a half-character, like an amplified version of herself (selfish, alcoholic slut) that may be a little embellished here and...more
Michelle
3.5 stars... good, inappropriate fun. Chelsea Handler would be an interesting friend to have. She probably wouldn't be the kindest of friends, unless you're a midget (or "nugget" as she calls "little people"), but definitely awesome to hang out with. Her stories were funny (though at times a little drawn out) and always contained a few good punches of "oh no she didn't!" Definitely a worthwhile read if you're looking for something light and that will make you snicke...more
Leah
Leah rated it 2 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: those looking for a light, entertaining read
Admittedly, I don't usually read books like this, but found Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea to be an overall entertaining collection. The first four essays were, far and away, the 'best' in the collection. Until reading this book, I had no familiarity with Handler.

Totally underwhelming and inconsistently hilarious. Admittedly, the parts that were funny really were fantastic. However, Chelsea Handler glosses over and re-arranges life events in order to align them just so - and...more
Alexis
This book was just as much fun as Handler's first but possibly darker. Not that she got meaner or grosser but in this book I was often wondering, since for the most part, Handler does seem to actually wish to not overtly hurt anyone's feelings, how obvious it was to the people discussed that they were subjects. Some of them seemed to deserve it but nonetheless, this newer book seemed meaner. Handler has fantastic stories- I don't care if she has made them all up. I think her books are being ...more
Alexis
Ah Chelsea, Hilarious. Read this on the plane ride back from atlanta. She never disappoints and I'm certain i annoyed rows 18 and 20 of Airtran Flight 176, and possibly rows 17 and 21 at certain points in the book with my laughter. Would recommend it to anyone :)
Lyndsey
Buhwahahaha! This woman is easily the funniest woman in the entertainment industry. Yes, she's rude and crude, and definitely not for the prude. But I just can't help it. I love her. She brings out the evil maniacal laugh in me, if case you didn't already notice.

Since her other book is entitled "My Horizontal Life : A Collection of One-Night Stands", you can be fairly certain this book will also include sexual content as well as a lot of adult language. So if those make you u...more
Allison
Are you there Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea

Everything about this book is clever, starting with the title. To any Judy Blume fan, the parody is obvious, but even the less-informed reader (to whom I will now impart the title of Blume’s novel, Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret) would find this title an apt one. Are you there Vodka? chronicles Chelsea Handler’s sexual antics across all realms, from weddings, to summer flings, to family vacations, and while the men (and midgets…) vary wide...more
Lena
I picked up this copy of Chelsea Handler’s humor memoir because I thought the title was hilarious. The rest of the book did not disappoint.

Handler is an LA-based stand-up comic who has written a collection of personal essays about random events from her life. In the first piece—in which she convinces her entire grade school that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter in the non-existent Private Benjamin 2—she comes across as so over the top I felt like I was reading mor...more
Jill
Jill rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: anyone who has a sense of humor about sex, dumb people, drugs & family.
Recommended to Jill by: Entertainment Weekly and Jen Meyer
Yes please.

I started this because I need something to laugh at. I was sitting at my desk this morning just laughing out loud and generally annoying my co-workers. They're just jealous that I can listen to my ipod in the morning while they have to count money.

So far my favorite line of hers is something like, "Today I got my first DWI. I've only had one, but I don't want to rule anything out." Not that DWIs are funny. Well, in this case, they are.

I'm ...more
Judy
What was I thinking when I put this book on my list of audios that I wanted my audioflix service to send me? Oh well, give it a try, I thought, as I slid the first disk into the proper slot in the minivan. Well, I'm glad that I still have my lightening reflexes and battle tested driving skills because I was careening down the interstate laughing out loud at this book while going 80 miles per hour (and you thought that driving while talking on the telephone was dangerous). Chelsea Handler pick...more
Caroline
This woman deserves the nobel prize. It's just not fair that we all don't have the talent and intelligence to make everyone laugh this hard for 2 hours straight. The world would be a better place. I couldn't put it down. My favorite story was her midget fetish- oh wait sorry, "healthy obsession". Dude that's just so far over the line that she erased the line.
Nicola
I’d read quite a few 5-star reviews of this book and when, after the first chapter, it didn’t immediately grab me, I decided I would be contrary and choose to hate it. Luckily, I found a lot more to like beyond the first chapter, so I can put aside my contrarian impulses and say I found it an enjoyable read.

Vodka takes the form of a series of anecdotes from Handler’s life, encompassing friendships, relationships and, notably, alcohol. The first chapter, in which a 9-year-old Chelsea ...more
Flippy Odegard
I've decided that I enjoy watching Chelsea Handler much more than reading about her real life in books. I did like this book more than the first one, which was about her one-night stands. I don't want people I like to seem trashy, and that's how the first book made me feel. I still think she's hilarious and saw every episode of "The Chelsea Handler Show", but it didn't make me want to be pals or anything. I'm sure she's not crying over it though. I had one "one night stand"...more
Nicky
I really enjoy Chesea Handler's books. Granted, she has some timeline issues (as a pop culture expert, I just grate my teeth and move on when shows/movies/what-have-you are referenced well before their time), and whoever is proofing her books REALLY needs to do some punctuation checks. That being said, she is so unpretentious and raw, which is a nice change from the uber-polished essays of late. She's not trying to be anything but funny, and really, that's refreshing. I think her next book shoul...more
Kathy
I've had no previous exposure to Chelsea Handler's comedy act or shows. I picked this to read only based on a review I read.

This was an amusing collection of real life tales. Some are more fantastic than others so I suspect a little of my modus operandi, "never let the truth get in the way of a good story".
Heather
Heather rated it 4 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Heather by: Dawn Reagan
My girlfriend Dawn lent me this book and I finished it last night ---- and loved it! I loved every single chapter. I especially loved Big Red, and the chapter about her getting a DUI. I was hysterically laughing out loud during the dog-sitting chapter.

She has a total gift for writing and comedy.

Note: If you're not familiar with Chelsea Handler or her show "Chelsea Lately" her writing might come off as offensive. I found it hilarious and a refreshing belly...more
Cooksonmom
Okay, I sent this back to the library...half way through. It started to collect dust and when it was reading time, I just didn't want to pick it up. The library was begging for it back and I figured after 7 weeks, I wasn't going to finish it. I got this book because Chelsea's show is funny and sometimes outrageous. I wanted to know more about her, but it is so couched in comedy(what did I expect, right?) that it's mildly disappointing. I liked the book (at least the half I read), it's funn...more
Robyn Kelly
Before I say anything regarding my rating of this book, it needs to be said how much I love Chelsea Handler. I love Chelsea Lately, and I love her standup routines. She is a spunky, hilarious individual, and I have always admired her for that. I was really excited to read this book, because so many of my friends have enjoyed it and because I am a Chelsea enthusiast. Unfortunately, this book didn't do anything for me. Sure, the anecdotes were funny at times, but I think I would have received them...more
Meredith White
Let me preface this review by saying that I never intended to buy or borrow this book; however, since William brought home a free copy the other day with me in mind, I figured it would be insulting not to at least open it, and read a bit. And despite Chelsea Handler's honesty (and when I say honest, I mean brutal) I found myself laughing out loud more times than not. This book was horribly hilarious, and while I don't agree with Ms. Handler in most of her viewpoints (including the title she ch...more
Dani Peloquin
Before driving cross country, I made a list of audiobooks that I thought would be good to listen to in the car. The only problem is that my partner and I almost never agree on literature. It is for this reason, that I chose books that leaned more towards humor and/or memoir. This is not my favorite genre, but I was willing to endure it for a couple of days. First on my list, was “Are You There Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea”. My partner is a pretty big Chelsea Handler fan so I thought I would surprise h...more
Barky
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Brayden Titchbourne
Chelsea Handler is a comedic genius with a witty way of telling the world of her family’s downfalls and idiotic ways, for her entertainment and that of others. Throughout this Autobiography she tells about her childhood life and what got her to where she was when she wrote it; Drunk. I don’t think that I held a straight face the whole time I was reading this book, because her dry sense of humor and witty explanations of her sucky life. I think at one specific point in the novel I almost died of...more
Sarah
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea is Handler's second, extremely entertaining memoir, though somewhat tamer than her first memoir entitled My Horizontal Life, reviewed here: Dreamworld Book Reviews - My Horizontal Life.

This particular memoir features random memorable moments in Chelsea's life; and when I say random, I mean random -- from Chelsea's love of midgets to disgust with red-headed men, to killing pet fish...it's definitely tons of fun!

I've said this before of Sa...more
Laura-Jane
It was an interesting listen (since she narrates it). Her humor and language were a bit shocking at times. I don't know that I'd listen to another of her books.

Last summer, I discovered how much I could enjoy some audiobooks while on long road trips. I had tried listening to Harry Potter novels but the narrator's voice made me drowsy--not ideal for driving. After listening to all 4 Twilight Novels on CD, I decided to download Tori Spelling's latest (at the time), Mommywood. I LO...more
Ciara
this was better than chelsea chelsea bang bang...though that is damning with faint praise. this book left little impression on me, although i acknowledge that there were some pretty funny bits. unfortunately, a joke that may have been funny the first time around quickly wears out its welcome when it is reprised in multiple essays throughout the book. i guess it's not easy to come with non-stop comedy enough to fill a 250-page book, but...try harder.

i was also distracted by a couple of ...more
Allie
1. a)her whole life up to this point
b)Mostly her 20's- 30's

2. a)she starred in a show called Girls Behaving Badley and she also has wrote 2 best-selling books and has her own show on E!
b)She encountred a multiple amount of crazy moments in her life that she had to use her comical ways as reilef

3. Having her own show on E! called Chelsea Lately

4. a) Her comedy
b) she explains every situation with a dose of comedy that makes want to keep read...more
Ellen Dugosh
LOVED IT!!! I think Chelsea is absolutely hilarious. I took this book with me on my recent trip to San Diego for work. I figured that if I was going to sit on an airplane for a couple of hours (each way) and be in training, I'd want a book that was light hearted and entertaining. Let's be honest, those are my favorites anyway and if you don't believe me, check out my recent post on Legacies by Bette Bao Lord.

I've read another of Chelsea's books (My Horizontal Life) but this was laugh...more
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Chelsea Handler has become one of entertainment’s most sought after and versatile rising stars. In July 2007, Chelsea broke into the world of late-night talk shows with her E! Entertainment series, “Chelsea Lately,” airing weeknights at 11:00 p.m. Consistently the network’s highest-rated program, “Chelsea Lately” offers a tongue-in-cheek look at entertainment news, celebrity truths and rumors that...more
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“I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.” 206 people liked it
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” 171 people liked it
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