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Not Without My Daughter

3.96 of 5 stars 3.96 · rating details · 8,313 ratings · 606 reviews

In August 1984, Michigan housewife Betty Mahmoody accompanied her husband to his native Iran for a two-week vacation. To her horror, she found herself and her four-year-old daughter, Mahtob, virtual prisoners of a man rededicated to his Shiite Moslem faith, in a land where women are near-slaves and Americans are despised. Their only hope for escape lay in a dangerous under...more

Paperback, 432 pages

Published February 15th 1991 by St. Martin's Paperbacks (first published 1987)

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May 11, 2008 Beaman rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The untruths begin with the cover of the book, which features the image of a woman who is dressed in a manner which is decidedly not Iranian. So, even before you have read a single word, you have been given an image that is not authentic.

The book is carefully packaged to cater to the American people's fears and prejudices. Also, the book isn't an isolated phenomenon. It's a product of a veritable cottage industry of horror stories and black-and-white portrayals of Muslim societies (Persepolis, R...more

36 likes · like · see review

Nov 18, 2008 Denise rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I have read this book twice and it is my all-time favorite book. I first watched the movie - one of those you catch by chance on a rainy day. I thought it was good. Then one day I saw the book and could not put it down! I could not believe some of the things I was reading. I was in shock! This was probably around 1999/2000.

The second time I read the book, probably around 2003/2004,I was reading it as an Iranian man's wife. I still loved the book and this time I knew a whole lot more about the cu...more

35 likes · like · see review

Jul 15, 2007 Chick_Flick rated it 2 of 5 stars

The undertone of racism permeated this book. It was very hard to get through because of this. While at times I did feel for the situation the author was in, it was hard to sympathize with her on other occasions because she just seemed so judgmental. I understand she was angry and frustrated and had been through a lot; it probably would have been a better book had she given it some space for perspective. The story is no doubt interesting, but it could have been written better.

13 likes · like · see review

Feb 05, 2008 Nancy rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: waste-of-trees, bio-and-memoirs, cross-cultural, i-saw-the-film

I can't believe people are still reading this book! I read it years ago when it first came out and had a difficult time putting it down. Not because it is great literature, or because it is an intelligent, thought-provoking book about a culture few Americans take the time learn about, but because William Hoffer is capable of writing a light, fast-paced, adventurous story. I felt Betty Mahmoody acted very irresponsibly. She endangered her child by staying with a mentally unstable man, not to ment...more

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Apr 10, 2010 Dennis rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Reading this account was like watching a Lifetime Television for Women movie. (Sally Field, wasn't it?) The story is told exclusively from Betty Mahmoody's perspective and seems to skew heavily towards her particular biases. On several occasions I felt myself rolling my eyes and wishing someone would help Betty snap out of it because her storytelling frequently devolves into whininess. At the same time, it would be difficult to overestimate the fear, whether rational and justified or not, that a...more

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Nov 19, 2007 Janet rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I know there was cheesy movie made about this book, but the real story is absolutely incredible. It was facinating to learn about the way of life in Iran, and especially about how women are treated. I was amazed by this woman's perseverence and bravery. You'll be inspired!

8 likes · like · see review

Aug 04, 2008 Jessica rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction

Such a harrowing story! After years of marriage and a beautiful child together, Betty agrees to travel with her husband to Iran to visit his family. There he becomes a completely different person, and refuses to let her and their daughter leave. At one point she is literally held prisoner by her husband, and her journey out of Iran with her daughter actually turned her hair gray.

This isn't completely a catalog of how awful Iran is, though. She gives its beauties their due, and also details meet...more

6 likes · like · see review

Mar 04, 2009 Alicia Krauchuk Fenton rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I remember meeting Betty and her daughter, Mahtob, when I was back in (I want to say High School)...does anyone else remember that meeting (my HS goodreaders?)
Anyhow...I think this was my first introduction to the middle east and what it was like to be a woman in their culture. I enjoyed the book, I was grateful for her courage, and I'm wondering where they are today.
I'll Google to find out. :-)

4 likes · like · see review

Aug 18, 2008 Naima added it · review of another edition Recommends it for: My familys,My bestfriends

Recommended to Naima by: My dad ,i found this book from belong to my dad's

At the time i about 13’s in 2004 - I found an old book called “Not Without My Daughter from belongs to my dad’s, so after that I was started reading, I realized I couldn’t put it down. I spent plenty of time in my room to reading this book until I read it in the ending 2 day later)... I yelled of joy “Yes”! I’m so glad for her and her little Daughter to go back home safely and sound...For me I couldn’t believe that’s in fact true story like that....
I actually grateful that I have normal life and...more

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May 07, 2013 J rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I read this when I was about 14. I was well prepared, as I had been quite widely read by this time: I was not as impressed with the movie, as I don't think it was nearly as personal. This is a woman's struggle against an abusive domineering husband, and a repressive family, and that alone makes it worth reading.
The fact that she was able to get out of her situation, and then come to a point where her fears and abuse is relived in the writing of this book is amazing. She has my every admiration,...more

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Apr 08, 2013 Umme Aiemun Yousuf rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I think that this book is a true and utter masterpiece. Captivating and vivid. First, the book was not necessarily well written, but then, this kind of book doesn't have to be well written to get its point across.
Biased; yes, but understandably so. It was extremely emotional. NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER is one of the very best books that I have ever read. My only regret is that I can't give this book more than 5 stars. Betty Mahmoody is very courageous for telling her story.
This is a story about an...more

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Feb 03, 2013 Haden rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: iran, school

If you have picked this book up in hopes that it will give you insight about Iran, put it right back down. Not Without My Daughter is one woman's experience that has been treated like an ethnography of Iranian and Persian culture, and it should never be treated as such. Betty Mahmoody's account of her time in Iran is not only full of gross factual inaccuracies but also blatant racism and xenophobia that made the reading experience hard to stomach.

To put it in perspective, Mahmoody co-wrote the...more

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Nov 04, 2012 Erin rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Not Without My Daughter is bad for so many reasons: excruciating plotting (what should take a paragraph takes pages to develop), poorly developed characters, and an utterly and totally unsympathetic protagonist.

The whole point of the novel is to gain the reader’s sympathy for Betty, held hostage with her daughter in Iran by her husband, and through our hoped-for-sympathy to drum up anti-Iranian sentiments. Except Betty is the least sympathetic character I’ve encountered. Which is saying somethin...more

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Aug 25, 2012 Zoe rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

What an incredible lady! This book has really touched something in me that so few have. I was wary, as I don't really follow any religious literature in general but on the reccomendation from a friend i gave it a go. I am so glad I did. The written account from this brave and courageous lady is awe inspiring. The love between mother and daughter never more evident when you would live in such appalling and emotionaly abusive as well as physically abusive a situation as Betty and Mahtob did. Based...more

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Jul 12, 2012 Connie rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Not Without My Daughter, by Betty Mahmoody. True story. Drama, suspense, intrigue,betrayal. After living for many years in America, the doctor husband takes his wife and daughter to his homeland, Iran, for "a visit." Little does she know he does not plan to return to America. Good way to learn about the way the Iranian families live, interact, and support each other. Imagine affording a home with a stove and oven for many years and never having used it. Or having a shower that doesn't get used....more

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Jun 06, 2012 Melissa rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

For some reason, I am completely fascinated with the life of women of Arabic culture. This book was the first one I read as I caved in to my intense curiousity. This book was positively FASCINATING. At some parts, you are left positively seething with anger at what the husband puts his unsuspecting wife through.

Betty agreed to go on a "vacation" with her then admirable husband, who appeared to be adjusted to American life. However, once they were on Iranian ground, the one admired husband turned...more

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Apr 25, 2012 Bayan Abubakr rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A male’s dominance over the female race has been present since biblical times; men were always seen as the stronger, faster, dominant race. But when one challenges these tainted ideals, how does the story end or change? Does it become a story of lies and deceit? Or a story of a martyr who challenges deeply rooted societal ideals? In Not Without My Daughter by Betty Mahmoody, it is both. Betty Mahmoody was the ‘average’ stereotypical divorcee who swore of marriage and lived her life everyday to t...more A male’s dominance over the female race has been present since biblical times; men were always seen as the stronger, faster, dominant race. But when one challenges these tainted ideals, how does the story end or change? Does it become a story of lies and deceit? Or a story of a martyr who challenges deeply rooted societal ideals? In Not Without My Daughter by Betty Mahmoody, it is both. Betty Mahmoody was the ‘average’ stereotypical divorcee who swore of marriage and lived her life everyday to the fullest, until the day a dark-haired beauty with a foreign tongue entered her simple life. Betty soon realized that looks don’t exactly reflect a being’s true form, and that Mahmoud/Moody isn’t at all what he set out to be. Published by St. Martin’s Paperbacks in 1991, Mahmoody keeps you wanting to turn the pages, as the setting, the overall theme, and characterization keep ones eyes glued to the 420 page account of Mahmoody’s perilous decision to challenge societal boundaries, and escape the confines of Iran.

When the book was first published, Iran was facing one of biggest religious battles to this day, as the Shah had complete power. In the provocative opus, Mahmoody tells of the goriest of details, while also managing to insult the entire Iranian culture. “They would wipe their nasal mucus on the edges of the burqas, an hour in these tents would be petrifying,” (Mahmoody 59). Here not only shows of Betty’s extreme bias and hatred of her husband’s family, but it adds to the ongoing war. When the book was first published, the Iranian – Kuwait war was only beginning, and Betty’s blunt comments only added to the controversy. When Betty told more of the Iranian’s pitiful and disgusting ways, it only gave Americans a sense of security, and a desire to further attack Iran. “The women all worshiped their husbands, as if they controlled their every move,” (Mahmoody 68). Here is yet another example amplifying the setting. Women weren’t exactly the most powerful of beings in that day and age, they sublimed to their abusive husbands and tolerated this life until their death. “What was an American women doing flying into a country that had the most openly hostile attitude towards Americans of any nation in the world?” (Mahmoody 3). Iran and the United States have never been on the best of terms; wars and many betrayals have fouled what good relationship could have ever been produced between the two nations. The land not only was tense in itself, but it was a poster child of hatred towards Americans. The setting clearly is half of what the book is, as it truly shows how out of place and tortured Mahmoody was during the worst eleven months of her life.

The overall message or theme in Not Without my Daughter was that society and culture take its toll or effect on one’s mindset. This is lucid, as Moody seems to be a cultural chameleon. When in the west, he drinks alcohol and jokes as if a ‘typical’ American. But in the east, he transforms into the hostile husband he truly is. “Moody was romantic, he took me out on long walks and always bought Mahtob gifts,” (Mahmoody 67). Here is an example of the Moody we are first introduced too. Sweet, loving, and kind, what every American woman would desire in a man in the early 90’s. It seems as if he is forming around his surroundings, he adapts to what the normal mindset is, and is torn between two, if not more personalities. “‘We’re not going back to America’ he whispered ever so sullenly” (Mahmoody 102). In this quote, it is obvious that Moody is going through an awkward transition phase, a phase of western mentality to eastern. It’s difficult for him to process the words to his wife, to tell her that they’ll never go back to the United States. Because of this it is palpable that Moody is easily influenced by culture, he has no set personality or mentality, he just follows popular thought. “‘He took Mahtob away from me, he dragged her by her hair, I don’t know where she is…’” (Mahmoody 345). In this climatic scene, Moody separates Mahtob and Betty, further sending Betty through a spiral of emotions. It is also important to note how Moody has finally evolved into the typical Iranian husband. He no longer takes Betty on long walks, he no longer coos to Mahtob. Instead he drags them to a foreign land and equally destroys them both. The books overall message is too warn readers that our minds are heavily influenced by our surroundings, where we live and breath effects the way we think and act.

From the first page, it was lucid that Betty was a strong, independent woman. She was a thirty-year-old divorcee who held a powerful position at an equally strong company. It was odd to see her sway so easily to Moody’s malicious ways. “He showered me with gifts at least twice a week, he cared for me, he cared for me,” (Mahmoody 68). In this illustration, it is shown how much of a hopeless romantic Betty truly is. Although she may seem strong and invulnerable from the outside, in truth she is nothing but a women who craves love, like any other rational human being. “ It would take anything and everything to save Mahtob, I had to get her out of Iran, no matter what the consequences,” (Mahmoody 145). Here is yet another aspect of Betty’s complex personality. She puts herself below the needs of others, as she is constantly doing all she can in the novel to protect Mahtob. This could relate to American women, as although they may be a tad romantic like Betty, they would also do whatever it takes to protect their children. “It hurt to think of how much I trusted Moody…of how he had wounded me and Mahtob, I constantly find myself in tears over the fact that I so easily opened myself up to him,”(Mahmoody 411). The final aspect of Betty’s character is vulnerability. Although she may act tough, although she might be a helpless romantic, although she might protect her child, Betty is still a fragile, docile creature. Through characterization, Mahmoody is able to connect to her audience with glimpses of her truly complex character, one so complex, it was able to battle through societal abuse in Iran, and successfully rescue herself and her family.

Overall, Not Without my Daughter proved to be an interesting read. The opus not only takes you through the ordeals of Betty and Mahtob in a foreign land, but also introduces one to Iranian culture and life. I would recommend this novel to anyone who holds any interest in politics, women’s rights, or just craves a read on powerful women, as it definitely proves to enlighten even the slowest of readers. In full honesty, I do believe Betty conveyed her message, that society and culture have an affect on one’s mindset, and with this came come deadly results. Not Without my Daughter not only proves to be an informative and thrilling novel, but also holds a theme that relates to anyone, anywhere.
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Sep 15, 2011 The Joy of Booking rated it 5 of 5 stars

I first read Not Without My Daughter when I was maybe 11 years old. It was probably too young (I remember being particularly confused about the IUD Betty removes from within her own body with a pair of pliers) but it stuck with me in a tremendous way, and I've re-read it several times.

The true story follows a Michigan mother whose Saudi Arabian husband takes them to his home country for a visit, and then imprisons them there. For a time, he even separates them so that Betty cannot comfort Mahtob...more

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Mar 13, 2011 Stephanie rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

While I didn’t bawl my eyes out as she did, I did get drawn in to the torture and abuse that Betty and her daughter felt. The main gist of the story is about how an American woman and her daughter escaped from the clutches of her Iranian husband and from Iran after being held hostage by him and his family. It was an easy read as the author explained most of the Iranian language and terms used in the book and it was kept to a minimum hence there was no need for me to keep flipping to the glossary...more

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Jul 21, 2010 Bryn rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I went to school in Betty Mahmoody's hometown in Michigan, and we were forced to read this book as part of the curriculum in some sort of "Go Michigan! Go USA! To hell with Iran!" xenophobic hometown-pride campaign. I don't know what bothered me more: the dated, black-and-white perspective Mahmoody takes toward a different culture, or the way my English teacher unashamedly cheered her on in sticking it to those "backwards" Iranian monsters. (She forced us to watch the movie as well--which only s...more

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Jun 21, 2010 Jafar rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

You can argue about how negative and stereotyping this book is, how it helped to reinforce generalized preconceptions about the Iranians, how it didn’t help to provide a better and more accurate picture of the Iranian society to the an already-hostile American public, how it was used by a sector of the American public and media who would happily jump on anything like this, how it was used by both sides as a political propaganda tool, etc. I read this book not long after I left Iran. I don’t reme...more

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Jan 14, 2010 Kelly Maybedog Hawkins rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: what-biography-or-memoir, what-non-fiction

I'd like to give this book 2.5 stars but alas... I found the book interesting but it was sensationalistic and extremely culturally biased. The premise is horrific and I can completely understand her hatred and fear. However, nothing is black and white and just because the way women are treated is abominable doesn't mean that everything in the culture is bad and everything the people do is wrong and horrible.

The one scene that sticks out in my mind is that she spends hours every day picking tiny...more

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Oct 09, 2009 Rachael rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Recommended to Rachael by: Book Group

The explicit message of Mahmoody's book is a warning to families who intermarry with Middle Eastern cultures, that their stability and happiness isn't secure. The pull of their political and cultural heritage is too great to be ignored entirely. It's a pretty alarming story, terrifying and gripping at the same time. My reaction was one of "look, don't look" at the horrors of her domestic imprisonment.

The implicit messages were the most troubling to me - that people like Moody can't change, that...more

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Jun 20, 2010 Angela rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoirs-biography-auto-bio

I absolutely enjoyed every second of this book the first time I read it. I got very involved and attached to the plight of Ms. Mahmoody and her daughter and rooted for them to escape.

However, years after reading this book, I was in a relationship with a guy who is 50% Iranian, 50% American (citizen of both countries). He did not move to the United States until he was 18. Although his mother initially went to Iran with his father to visit family, this was in the 80s and because of the Shah and al...more

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Feb 16, 2013 Tarusha rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

'Not Without My Daughter' is not just a story of a brave heart woman trying to escape to her freedom from an in-humane alien land but it is also a story of a mother's priceless love for her daughter. It is a beautifully written story that keeps your mind captured even while you are off reading. The small details of absence of basic human rights, about the laws pertaining to women in Iran and many other intricate details mentioned in the book can be of help for women planning to walk the aisle wi...more

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May 01, 2013 Chana rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: iran, non-fiction, received-through-bookcrossing, middle-east, memoirs-and-biographies

I read this while, ironically, flying to the Middle East from America. Fortunately I was flying to Israel, an oasis of sanity and peace in the midst of countries whose people are under the thumb of, or are, oppressive at best and murderers all too often.

So Betty Mamoody, an American from Michigan, marries an Iranian who is working as a doctor in the U.S. after receiving his education here. He seems like a nice guy until circumstances converge to make him depressed and unemployed. Then the Shah g...more

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Jan 24, 2012 Sandy Barber rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

For me this whole book rang untrue. I know I'm probably going to get a huge backlash for saying that but I just could not empathize with the author. There is no doubt that women are treated differently in Muslim countries and with them I do empathize. However, Ms. Mahmoody had misgivings about taking her daughter to visit Iran before she went ... misgivings to the point that she made an appointment with an attorney. Yet she took her daughter and went anyway. She handed over her passport to her h...more

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Mar 09, 2010 Laura added it · review of another edition

Shelves: from-childhood, own, readin2010

I read this several times as a kid (yes, I was a weird kid), found it in a closet during a recent visit with my father, and decided to re-read it and see whether it stood the test of time. I was surprised by how much I still enjoyed it. As an adult reader, I was able to more easily see how much of Moody's behavior was mental illness rather than religious fanaticism. The storytelling was a bit more nuanced than I expected.

Of course, I had to hit Google and find out what was up with the major play...more

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May 14, 2012 Matt Haydon rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Holy smokes - what an awesome read! I actually found myself waking up at three in the morning so I could keep reading......twice!!!!

The true story of one woman's courage and conviction to escape her tyrannical husband, his beliefs and his country with her daughter after he basically tricks them into a two week visit to see his family back in Iran and once there she becomes trapped by his countries archaic laws that don't allow her to leave without his permission.

The story is told by the woman wh...more Holy smokes - what an awesome read! I actually found myself waking up at three in the morning so I could keep reading......twice!!!!

The true story of one woman's courage and conviction to escape her tyrannical husband, his beliefs and his country with her daughter after he basically tricks them into a two week visit to see his family back in Iran and once there she becomes trapped by his countries archaic laws that don't allow her to leave without his permission.

The story is told by the woman who lived it which makes it a very one sided account. That being said, what her husband did to her and subjected her to is hard to defend. I believe there will people who will love this story and those who will detest it - it may be wrong of me to say so but its my review and so can say what I think - those that will love it will most likely come from societies where where women are accepted as equals and will be rooting for Betty the whole way through the story. The people who will detest this story will more than likely have been raised in the environment that Betty was forced to live in against her will for 18 months and can see nothing wrong in the way she was treated.

What Betty does is to expose the treatment and abuse suffered at the hands of their husbands. The uncles and nephews are as much to blame as they stand idly by while this treatment is being meted out. I don't want this review to be all one sided - the abuse suffered by Betty to my mind is wrong but if that is the way you have been raised and know no different then it is hard to accuse them of any wrong doing - Moody on the other hand had been in America for some years and England before that and so has no justification or able to use the excuse "I don't know any better" more likely he is caught up in the "everybody else is doing it" wave.

It is hard to stay objective when writing a review that is based on a book that while the basis of it is about Betty's escape is also heavily laden with religion - I guess to write how I really feel about this would only serve to open a forum where people who disagreed with my opinion/view could openly slag and retaliate which I have no desire to do so all I can do is give it the 5 stars it deserves and highly recommend it to anyone wanting a good book!(less)

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Jan 29, 2013 Tatiana rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: memoirs, set-in-iran, contemporary, non-fiction

I devoured this book!!
I found the story fascinating. The story of this woman not losing hope even in the worst conditions, the clash between an independent woman and a deeply conservative male-centered culture, the life in a religious dictatorship...

NO this book isn't racist and people saying so should be ashamed. I suspect quite a number didn't read the book or had preconceived ideas before reading it and saw in it only what they wanted to see.
I for one was wary when I began the reading, wonder...more I devoured this book!!
I found the story fascinating. The story of this woman not losing hope even in the worst conditions, the clash between an independent woman and a deeply conservative male-centered culture, the life in a religious dictatorship...

NO this book isn't racist and people saying so should be ashamed. I suspect quite a number didn't read the book or had preconceived ideas before reading it and saw in it only what they wanted to see.
I for one was wary when I began the reading, wondering if this would turn borderline racist. The answer is NO, it doesn't. Yes some men in the story beat their wives, yes there is religious fanatism, yes the heroine meets people who are not huge fans of hygiene.
BUT she also meets strangers who befriend her, who help her, who have empathy for her, even one who pays in advance the money she needs to flee. There is Hamid, the teachers of her daughter, Fereshteh, Amahl... I'm sorry but one has to be a complete moron to not see this and say she portrays all Iranians as bad. Far from it!! What she portrays not nicely is the Ayatollah's government and the rules imposed on society - and of course this portrayal is legitimate. People under this government were deprived from many rights.
Also, this book doesn't portray Muslims as monsters. She criticizes extremism. And throughout the book she meets various Iranians, even a religious man and his wife, who are normal, nice people. She mentions more than once the "turban man", a religious man, whom she described as genuinely kind. She has no bias towards Islam. Although she is a Christian she writes at the end of the book that she has come to think Allah and the Christian God are the same God.

I just wanted to straighten things. It's annoying to see people so eager to accuse and blame the book and the author for imagined crimes.

Concerning the literary style of the book, I thought it was really well written; it avoids repetitions, it avoids flatness... Memoirs can lack literary quality, but it was not the case there. Of course the syle is not highly stylish, anyway it's not the purpose for such a story, but there is an agreable prose.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone! :)
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About Betty Mahmoody

Betty Mahmoody (born June 9, 1945) is an American author and public speaker best known for her book, Not Without My Daughter, which was subsequently made into a film of the same name. She is the President and co-founder of One World: For Children, an organization that promotes understanding between cultures and strives to offer security and protection to children of bi-cultural marriages.

Her book,...more

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In een sluier gevangen / Uit liefde voor mijn kind

Reader's Digest Condensed Books, 1988 #1, Volume #175

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