Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith by Martha N. Beck

Dec 06, 2012 Sarah rated it 3 of 5 stars

Recommended to Sarah by: Emily

In Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith, Martha Beck recounts her experiences in the Mormon church. As the daughter of a highly respected Mormon apologist, the Mormon faith played a foundational role in Beck’s life. She left Utah to study at Harvard, then moved back to teach part time at Brigham Young University while completing her doctoral dissertation in sociology. She returned in part because she found the Mormon community to be more accepting of her young son with D...more In Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith, Martha Beck recounts her experiences in the Mormon church. As the daughter of a highly respected Mormon apologist, the Mormon faith played a foundational role in Beck’s life. She left Utah to study at Harvard, then moved back to teach part time at Brigham Young University while completing her doctoral dissertation in sociology. She returned in part because she found the Mormon community to be more accepting of her young son with Down Syndrome than her friends and colleagues in Boston.

The Mormon community’s acceptance of her child’s disability was admirable, but most of the other things she described about Mormonism, from her wedding ceremony with threats of death if she betrayed its secrets, to the polygamy which is still part of church teaching (while Mormons are no longer supposed to have multiple wives on Earth, they can have them in Heaven), to the extremely patriarchal class structure, were disturbing in varying degrees. Beck’s description of the academic limitations placed on BYU professors reads like something out of 1984. While researching Sonia Johnson, a feminist Mormon who challenged the church’s teachings, she found that all references to the woman had been systematically removed from the BYU library. When she looked up citations in newspapers, the sections were missing. If faculty members challenged church teachings, they could be fired and excommunicated. As they had been instructed to publish only in official Mormon publications, regardless of their academic area, it could be nearly impossible for them to find positions in other academic institutions after leaving BYU.

The parts of this book dealing with Mormon history and doctrine were fascinating. Beck was less convincing, however, when discussing her struggle recovering a repressed memory of being sexually abused by her father as a child. Not surprisingly, this revelation creates a major divide in her family as well as within the church, which seems to treat survivors of childhood sexual abuse in a dismissive fashion.

Beck does not come across as the most reliable of narrators. Her eagerness to embrace certain types of phenomena like near-death experiences and astral projection does not seem consistent with her stated insistence on empirical proof. She talks about having a dream that someone named Dana will come to her aid, and then speaks of meeting Diane and Miranda two days later, with several of the same letters as the name Dana, as if that is fulfillment of a psychic prediction. This type of thinking makes her come across as a bit flaky. Beck’s (now ex-) husband left a one-star review of this book on Amazon, challenging her statements that they received phone calls and letters threatening violence and death when he left the Mormon church. Notably, however, her ex-husband does not challenge her statements about what happened at BYU.

Leaving the Saints is a well-written account of several controversial subjects. Beck’s allegations paint a disturbing picture of the hierarchy of the Mormon church, but the book suffers from questions about her credibility.(less)

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Dec 11, 2010 Phoebe added it

Shelves: religion, non-fiction, feminsim

I wanted to follow up my reading on fundamentalist polygamist Mormonism with a story about mainstream Mormonism today. Because I, myself, am certainly not a believer (I’m agnostic and vaguely Jewish, in fact, and I warn you that my attitudes towards religion might be reflected in my review), and because of the secrecy of members of the LDS Church, I thought an account from a former believer would be most-illuminating. I picked up Martha Beck’s How I Left the Saints, hoping that this account by a...more I wanted to follow up my reading on fundamentalist polygamist Mormonism with a story about mainstream Mormonism today. Because I, myself, am certainly not a believer (I’m agnostic and vaguely Jewish, in fact, and I warn you that my attitudes towards religion might be reflected in my review), and because of the secrecy of members of the LDS Church, I thought an account from a former believer would be most-illuminating. I picked up Martha Beck’s How I Left the Saints, hoping that this account by an educated, academic former Church-member would be a nice exploration of the Church’s values and how they impact its modern, educated members.

Beck’s story is certainly well-written and compellingly plotted, if evasive (more on this later). However, that’s really all it has going for it. I realized that this might not have been the book for me not far into the first chapter, in which Beck describes the Mormon temple “sealing” ceremony. I’ve read about this ceremony before—accounts are easy enough to find on the internet, if you look—and found it no more silly or shocking than any other religion’s ceremonies. Honestly, as an agnostic unbeliever, I find most religious ceremonies somewhat silly—but I respect the place these rituals have in the lives of believers and recognize that it’s not my place to pass judgment on any one being any more valid than any other.

But Beck relates the details (well, some of them; some she keeps veiled) in a salacious, kind of shit-talky tone. Like, ohmygod, we wore weird underwear! And watched funny movies! Though I respect the fact that she found the “blood oath” aspect of this ceremony upsetting, I was at a loss to see how this was really so terrible compared to any other religion, particularly as my own still circumcises little boys at eight days old as part of an ancient covenant with God. It was mostly a matter of tone, really, but Beck’s left a bad taste in my mouth.

And I’d say that’s true for my reaction to the remainder of the book. Beck describes moving back to Provo, Utah after the birth of a son with Down’s Syndrome. There, she clashes with the administration of BYU over her feminist studies and ultimately comes to recall being sexually violated by her father, a Mormon apologist scholar. The remainder of the book explores the tension between her spiritual/religious leanings and the Church, and describes her exit from the latter.

There was something fundamentally problematic about Beck’s writing style, though this makes some sense within the context of her story. She reflects on how, when she was a child, all of her conversations with her father were conducted via allusion, without ever addressing any matter directly. Beck’s writing as an adult bears some resemblance to that. This is a sprawling, rambling book, filled with asides and often indirect. I found this habit maddening, though it kept me reading longer than I otherwise would have.

Mostly because I wanted to find out what happened to her as a child—or at least what she thought happened to her. It’s alluded to and indirectly referenced. She has physical scars, and this sexual assault apparently involved scissors and some kind of pseudo-Egyptian ceremony. But she never tells us what happened. What’s worse, it’s not even clear at times if she genuinely thinks anything did.

And, though I’m loathe to disbelieve someone discussing the sexual assault of her childhood, the nature of these memories—they were supposedly repressed, and apparently recovered—makes her account suspect, as these sorts of memories are known to often lack veracity. When combined with the fact that we’re never really told what happened, I found Beck to be a maddeningly unreliable narrator.

She’s also fairly unlikable, a fact that’s underscored in a scene where her therapist confronts her siblings about this sexual assault. Beck’s tone becomes smug and condescending; she brags of how she knew her siblings were too smart for the therapist. Reading this scene, I just felt icky.

“Icky” would be how I would describe my experience reading How I Left the Saints overall. I wouldn’t be surprised if Beck’s thesis—that the Mormon Church has, at times, systematically covered up sexual assault committed by high ranking members—had something to it. Because, after all, this has been shown to be true with many monolithic religious institutions who feel the need to save face. But I’m not sure that Beck’s book does anything to forward her argument, particularly as it left me—a stalwart non-believer—feeling skeptical.
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Jun 29, 2008 Patricia rated it 5 of 5 stars

I'm sitting here typing and untyping (that would be known as deleting, I guess), which is what happens when there's something important and true and hard for me to write.

Of all the books I've read about living well after having been violated sexually as a child, this one is best.

Martha Beck and I both come from religious fundamentalist families; we both come from families that were and are highly dysfunctional. She has been branded a liar for remembering what happened to her; I have been called...more

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Apr 20, 2011 Beth Pearson rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

This was a tough book to get through...At times I was very sorry I picked it up and started it.

Why did I start it? Because I read and was fascinated with Martha Beck's "Expecting Adam" and even more so after finishing the story and realizing that I actually knew of the parents she speaks of so much in telling the tale of her pregnancy of her 2nd child....A boy known to have Down Syndrome before he was born. I've never forgotten some of the amazing spiritual experiences she recounts in Expecting...more

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Jul 27, 2008 Matt Evans rated it 2 of 5 stars

Both stars are for the quality of writing. Martha Beck is a very funny and good writer. I might even add one more star for controversy, as Martha's husband, John, has given her a 1-star Amazon review (and a surprising revelation: they're divorced). As far as anti-Mormon books go, I've read much better. Reading this novel is an exercise in unreliable narration, which may sound like criticism but in my world it's something that I thoroughly enjoy. Anyway. Here's John's review. Caveat Emptor:

"675 o...more Both stars are for the quality of writing. Martha Beck is a very funny and good writer. I might even add one more star for controversy, as Martha's husband, John, has given her a 1-star Amazon review (and a surprising revelation: they're divorced). As far as anti-Mormon books go, I've read much better. Reading this novel is an exercise in unreliable narration, which may sound like criticism but in my world it's something that I thoroughly enjoy. Anyway. Here's John's review. Caveat Emptor:

"675 of 841 people found the following review helpful:
Discrepancies, May 8, 2005
By John Beck (Phoenix AZ) - See all my reviews

"This review is from: Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith (Hardcover)
I've been asked by many people to give my views on this book since I am one of only five people actually named in the book: three of them are my children and too young at the time to comment on the veracity of the book; the other named person is Martha and her view is expressed in 320 pages.

"Before you read my comments, you should understand that Martha and I are divorced and have not lived as husband and wife for over ten years. Martha may argue that I am writing this review out of spite. I am not. Without my consent, I am made to feel like an accomplice in her accusations and her anger; I'm not comfortable with how that makes me look to my friends and family. By dint of her profession, she has a national audience ready to believe in her story. Others who are described (often unflatteringly) in this book have little or no access to the court of public opinion.

"Let me describe two topics in the book that bother me the most: the way my parents were portrayed and the "Mormon Response" to my leaving the church.

"One of the most hurtful discrepancies in the book is the way she describes my parents. She reports that my mother and father came to our house the day after my appearance on television (not true, it was a couple of days later) and in the midst of much small talk Martha inferred that my parents were telling me that they still loved me. Here's how it really went. My mother walked in the door gave me a hug before she even had her coat off and with tears in her eyes said "I don't agree with your decision, but you are my son and I want you to know that I will always love you." It was one of the most touching and important moments in my life. I will always love and respect my mother for her forthrightness and willingness to so openly forgive me even though I had done something so hurtful to her.

"My experience of the Mormon response to my leaving the church is also rather different from the one I read in this book. While I left the church even before Martha (and arguably more publicly), I personally never received one threatening phone call or note. I never even saw any of Martha's. While I remember Martha talking about one crank phone call, she received; I do not remember that the caller threatened to "dis-member" us. Nor did Martha show or talk to me about the copy of a "blood red" Antichrist note she writes about receiving. I never took any precautions against such "threats" because I never heard about them. Perhaps she did receive them, but said nothing to me about them.

"When I did leave the church, I did it for principally spiritual reasons. I was never ostracized by my friends or colleagues. Two of my close friends at that time were sons of top Mormon officials-they remain colleagues to this day. I had many discussions with Mormon co-workers, family members, and even old high school friends in the days and months that followed the public disclosure that I had "left the church." People wanted to understand, but none of them shunned me. Neighbors were sometimes socially uncomfortable and didn't know how to react to me when I wasn't going to church on Sundays; some of them expressed their differences of opinion with my decision. But I still have many, many Mormon friends."
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Ben Interesting--the husband giving a one-star review. Is this fiction or non-fiction? What other "anti-mormon" books would you recogmend? Have you read t...more
Jul 28, 2008 05:13pm

Matt Evans Martha Beck is a decidedly non-fiction writer but, as her husband's review indicates, she doesn't exactly cleave closely to indisputable fact. I just...more
Jul 28, 2008 05:27pm

Kyla I read Beck's ex-husband's review after I read Leaving the Saints, and honestly I didn't see any big discrepancies between their accounts. He's upset...more
Jul 30, 2009 04:18pm

Feb 02, 2008 Janiece rated it 1 of 5 stars

Fiction. The definition of memoir is consistently debatable. But according to her husband at the time this is probably along the lines of a million little pieces fiction masquerading as memior.

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Apr 09, 2008 Christopher rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: J.K. Rowling.

Even though I highly doubt much of the content of this book, I found it extremely entertaining and enjoyable to read. I took a class from her brother-in-law who would occasionally mention this book and how hurtful it had been to him personally. Aside from the main point, of her having been molested by Hugh Nibley as a child, he felt the majority of the books details did not reflect actual events and were unnecessarily hurtful. All of her siblings were interviewed together on public radio, severa...more

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Oct 30, 2007 Terrie rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book was not what I expected. I can't say as I entirely followed all the spiritual experiences, but Beck is an excellent writer, and it was a much deeper treatment of Mormon beliefs and culture than in "Secret Ceremonies".

I found out that the author and her husband subsequently divorced and both indicate that they are actually homosexuals. It gets stranger because prior to leaving the Mormon church they authored a book together about how to suppress one's homosexual tendencies.

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Aug 28, 2007 Lena rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

Martha Beck was an atheist-inclined grad student when miraculous happenings during her second pregnancy reawakened her interest in spirituality. After moving back to her hometown of Provo, she embraced her childhood religion in effort to deepen this newfound faith. She writes with lucidity and humor about how she instead discovered the dark side of the Mormon church, including fundamental beliefs that contradict known fact, a culture that stifled intellectual exploration, and a suspected relatio...more

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Tanya W I suppose I should sit back quietly and say nothing, but I feel compelled to take issue with the labeling a church/religion unhealthy because of dispu...more I suppose I should sit back quietly and say nothing, but I feel compelled to take issue with the labeling a church/religion unhealthy because of disputed claims. I will only say that my experiences in my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints aka "LDS" or "Mormons") do not leave me feeling inferior or likely to be a victim. On the contrary, though old fashioned, I believe the tenets of my LDS faith have protected me from hurt and pain that many people without faith or certain standards experience. Also, I feel that I have a very important role equal to the importance if not more important that the role men have. My beliefs help me have a desire to love people of all faiths and to do what I can to make the world a better place, and to serve those in need.

Indeed, not everyone has faith in God or Christ. LDS scriptures and teachings encourage meditation and prayer and not blind acceptance. Each of us has an individual journey of faith, and I acknowledge that mine has included questions that required a lot of pondering and prayer. Some questions have been answered and others are part of those things I look forward to learning as not all questions can be answered. Faith is at the heart of many religious matters where there will not be convincing "proof".

I wish I knew you or was your friend so that my feelings and statements could be more impactful. It's just hard to see one bitter person influence how people view a religious community that includes millions of people who are really not very different from anyone else... and if they are different, it may be in positive ways and not the ways books like this put out an inaccurate stereotype... being overly critical and not acknowledging or recognizing good. If Beck's experience with abuse is real, it is certainly not something that would be condoned or accepted in our church. Our church has taken extraordinary precautions to minimize abuse since the stats tell us that abuse is widespread outside and inside our church (if we believe the stats that say ~1/3 of all girls and 1/7 of all boys will be molested before the age of 18). Unfortunately the offenders are usually male (about 95% percent of the time). If a man is asked to teach children or work with scouts... the rule is twos... our children and youth are simply too important to risk becoming prey to predators who are hiding in all parts of our society... in and out of churches. If anyone abuses that trust, even though we believe repentance is possible, the name of the offender follows them through church recores so that they can never serve with children or youth again in their lifetime.

It just feels wrong for Martha Beck to get all this attention and press for a "memoir" which her entire family and ex-husband take issue with. Someone familiar w/ Ms. Beck noted that the miraculous and timely help which she received came from members of the faith she has left (though she failed to ever mention THAT!).(less)
Jun 24, 2011 10:49am

Sep 08, 2008 G-- rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs-and-biographies, religious-theological-philosophical

She's a fun writer--little twists of language and imagery that creates a wonderful voice. She brings up an important topic: child abuse perpetuated by unexpected persons, especially the ostensibly pious. My concern? Unreliable narrator. She stereotypes the Mormon community just as she stereotyped the Harvard community in her previous book --if I remember correctly, almost every Harvard character was intellectually insecure, overly demanding, rather cruel, and a bit out-of-sync with reality. In t...more

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Jan 02, 2009 Jan rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: autobiography, religion

We ran across this book in the bowels of a used book store in New York (Strands) and were surprised to find it was just published in 2005.
Not to be read by the faint of heart or one who has a shakey testimony.
She wants to document that she was abused by her famous father at the age of 5. the family fireworks that followed her acusations were horrendous, with accusations against her also. She claims that her father's footnotes are mostly false (Hugh Nibley). she left the church, her family, and c...more

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Aug 19, 2007 Jennifer rated it 3 of 5 stars

I have always been fascinated by the Mormon culture. This is the first thing I've read about it from an insider. I loved that part of the book. She wrote brilliantly about it in such a way that you could see, even through her pain and craziness of being in that Church, she still loved it in a way. However-I thought she would come at the end of her spiritual journey with a real sense of who God is, etc, and instead felt like I was on the roller coaster of her extremely strange psyche.(a little in...more

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Jul 02, 2007 Jill rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: People of All Religious Persuasions

I picked this book up at my library for two reasons, one being, that I don't know a lot about Mormonism, and two, it looked like an interesting memoir of someone's critical look at their faith. The author copes with her own sexual abuse, and other abusive aspects of fundamentalism, and the pain that they cause. She also thoughtfully critiques the scholarship behind many Mormon claims and comes to believe that the foundation is very shaky. She eventually chooses to reject Mormonism. I relate, bec...more

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Feb 22, 2009 Ellyn rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2005

The author was raised in a strict Mormon home in Provo, Utah, her father one of the church's high authorities. When their son is born with Down syndrome, Martha and her husband leave their graduate programs at Harvard to return to the supportive Mormon community that raised them. The years that follow (which are the years covered by this book) are tumultuous as Martha begins to recognize how the church silences dissidents and begins to confront her own history of sexual abuse by her father. I fo...more

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May 19, 2013 Eileen rated it 5 of 5 stars

Excellent book by a BYU trained feminist Mormon scholar (her PhD is in Sociology) about leaving the faith of her childhood. She recounts her traumatic childhood years with her father, who was a well-regarded and well-respected elder among the Latter-Day Saints. Beck writes of the horrific abuse she and her siblings endured, the insanity of denial, and her eventual decision to leave the faith of her childhood so that she could recover and reclaim her true identity. She also details the intimidati...more

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Nov 28, 2012 Joanne rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: non-fiction

This is a hard book to review. The writing is very good, especially about Beck's spiritual experiences, which may come across to some (which even she acknowledges) as "woo woo," but still read as true. She also is very funny and self-deprecating.

The veracity of her story of being abused as a child has been challenged by her family. I have no idea whether or not it's true, but believe she believes it is. It is horrific and disturbing to read (cost me some hours of sleep one night), and her writi...more

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Apr 24, 2012 Laura rated it 5 of 5 stars

I expected this book to be purely full of bizarre insider revelations about the Mormons, and while it definitely included that aspect, this book had a much wider scope in its handling of the convergence of abuse, religion, and family. This is the story of a woman who confronts the abuse in her life -- both sexual abuse by her father who is a Mormon "celebrity" and by the religious institution of the LDS which cast a blind eye on the abuse -- and embarks on a long, soul-changing journey of healin...more

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Apr 02, 2012 Lisa rated it 3 of 5 stars

I have long been a fan of Martha Beck's writing, she has a great way of reaching her reader, and her wicked sense of humour is what I most adore about her. I am currently reading her latest book "Finding Your Way in a Wild New World" and it is just as great as the other ones I have read some of, Finding your North Star and Steering by Starlight. She is a trained sociologist and a Harvard graduate, so combining her scholarly training with her humanness and humour, makes for a very delightful read...more

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Sep 15, 2011 Jess rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book had a long history for me. Years ago I read Expecting Adam and loved it. A friend I loaned it to was skeptical however, and did some research. In retrospect that must have been about the time Leaving the Saints was hitting the Mormon community like a flaming bag full of poo. There were plenty of people to be found online claiming that Martha Beck was a compulsive liar who'd made up half of the details in a book she explicitly labeled a true story (Expecting Adam), and that much of the...more This book had a long history for me. Years ago I read Expecting Adam and loved it. A friend I loaned it to was skeptical however, and did some research. In retrospect that must have been about the time Leaving the Saints was hitting the Mormon community like a flaming bag full of poo. There were plenty of people to be found online claiming that Martha Beck was a compulsive liar who'd made up half of the details in a book she explicitly labeled a true story (Expecting Adam), and that much of the content in Leaving the Saints had been refuted by everyone from her ex-husband to her hairdresser. I was a tiny bit crushed and bitter because reading Expecting Adam I felt like I'd gotten to know her and felt betrayed, like a close friend had lied to me. After that I forgot about Martha Beck for a while and became obsessed with the wacky Mitfords.

Recently something that had to do with Beck piqued my attention (damned if I can remember what) and I found myself putting this book on hold at the library. Before I started it I revisited some of the online controversy about the book and Martha in general. I was determined not to be taken in this time so I wanted to make sure I had as much of both sides of the story as possible. All this to say that I went into this book with a somewhat cynical attitude. I kind of didn't want to believe her, damn that fibbing Martha Beck!

However, after reading the entire book, I'm pretty sure that Martha is an intelligent, kind, honest person who was a victim of a smear campaign by the Mormon church. She had the dubious luck to be part of a famous Mormon family. Her father is revered as an apologist for the faith by the Mormon church & community and unfortunately her book is the story of how she dealt with the aftermath of being sexually abused by this man as a young child. Que the shouts of "Heresy!!"

After reading Under the Banner of Heaven, everything Martha writes about just confirms my certainty that although the vast majority of Mormon people are good, sincere (I've only known a few Latter Day Saints, but they were all just... nice*) people, the Mormon church leadership is the typical religious establishment with a hefty dose of rabid paranoia, propaganda, and barely subdued violence. Beck lays out a lot of the basic Mormon beliefs which, she says, the average Mormon is not even fully aware of. Mormons are encouraged not to think too deeply about their faith and even the academics are at BYU are suspiciously watched and distrusted by the church authorities.

The fact that her family had publicly denied and even ridiculed Beck's claims of abuse was one of the things that made me leery of her claims in the first place. However, knowing that denial and mocking of the victim is a common trait in dysfunctional families, and that her siblings are all still deeply involved in the Mormon church, along with Beck's loving and understanding descriptions of her siblings in spite of their lack of support made me fairly certain that Beck is the one telling the truth here. Her father died shortly after the book was published, still refusing to acknowledge her claims.

I enjoyed this book quite a bit and found I identified with Beck in a lot of areas, especially the matter of growing up in a repressive (though less so, in my case) religious atmosphere and then finding my way as an adult to my own beliefs. She occasionally goes too far off the wacky spirituality spectrum for me to follow, but in general we have very similar outlooks on life.

*And I don't mean that in a negative way. I mean genuinely kind and well-intentioned.

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Jul 28, 2011 Sarah rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memior, nonfiction, spiritual

I really and truly enjoyed this book. It was funny as hell, and I really related to her struggle to leave the faith that she was raised in. I feel like a learned a lot about Mormonism, the good things like the kindness and charity, and the bad things like the cracked out history and the desire to treat women (particularly those who have been abused) like shit. For what it is worth, I believe her stories of sexual abuse wholeheartedly since they are very similar to the stories of many other abuse...more

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Apr 18, 2011 Kerri rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: faith, memoir

Okay, I knew a little of what I was getting myself into picking this one up from the library - knew I would ultimately disagree with her decision - but I've always been curious about her side of the story regarding her parents. Interestingly, her search for truth and religion was VERY similar to mine, but mine brought me into the LDS church. I think there was no way her search could have done the same when her parents/family and overall church experiences were so horribly tainted. The way she de...more

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Oct 26, 2010 Tevilla rated it 3 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Jun 29, 2010 Rebecca rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoirs

I understand the personal struggle any person can have when wrestling with the challenges of leaving their religion of origin. However, I take issue with calling out the legitimacy of any religion based on the behavior of one or two clergy men.

Additionally, Beck exaggerates the extent in which the L.D.S. church will go to "protect itself" to such an extreme that it is hard to believe any of the other accounts in her story.

This story felt irresponsible and sensational. This is highly problemati...more

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May 20, 2010 April Hochstrasser rated it 1 of 5 stars

I thought this book was full of over-exagerations and at the same time, over-generalized. If a particular frame of reference supported Beck, she made a big deal of it. But if another frame of reference did not support her view, it was over-generalized. "All Mormons are really nice and trying to do their best." Some must be mean and not trying to do their best, just like everyone else in any other religion, some are good and some are not.

I did not believe in her recovered memories because, like...more

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May 15, 2010 Alia rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: books-i-read-in-2010

Ok, the author of this book is a totally annoying hippie dippy LOON. I kind of wanted to punch her, more than once. She acts like all Mormons are exactly the same and horrible terrible people who only care about what "The Church" thinks about them. My mother and Aunt ex-communicated themselves from the Mormon church when they were in their early 20s, do my Mormon grandmother and grandfather ignore them and act like they aren't a part of the family? Of course not! My husband ex-communicated himse...more Ok, the author of this book is a totally annoying hippie dippy LOON. I kind of wanted to punch her, more than once. She acts like all Mormons are exactly the same and horrible terrible people who only care about what "The Church" thinks about them. My mother and Aunt ex-communicated themselves from the Mormon church when they were in their early 20s, do my Mormon grandmother and grandfather ignore them and act like they aren't a part of the family? Of course not! My husband ex-communicated himself from the church in his early 20s as well, his oldest brother is also a homosexual, did their family ditch them? NOT IN THE LEAST! This woman comes across as if you're a Mormon and you leave the church your friends and family will never speak to you ever again. I know a LOT of Mormons and let me tell you, I've never seen this happen in my LIFE. She even goes out to say that if you live in a highly populated Mormon area (which I do) and aren't Mormon but have children, your children will have an impossible time finding friends because Mormons don't like their children being friends with non-mormons...um...my son's BEST FRIEND and all of his cousins on my husbands side are LDS, this is total NONSENSE!

I gave it 2 stars because the good parts were the history of the Mormon church (interupted by chapters of her really annoying hippie flippy philosophy on life and her story about growing up with her abusive father). Most of the history stuff I already knew (That the Natives through DNA have been shown to be descendants of Asia and not the Middle East and that the church went through Holocaust records and decided to baptize all the Jewish victims they could find into Mormons) but I had no idea about the true story of "The Book of Abraham" and how it was found in a museum in the 1960's and later translated to actually be a part of the Eqyptian Book of the Dead. Crazy stuff!

Do I think Mormons are bad people? Absolutely not. Do I believe in the religion? Absolutely not. Then again I never have. I wouldn't recommend this book, I'd recommend Under the Banner of Heaven if you wan't to read some nitty gritty stuff on the LDS church. Much better book.(less)

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Nov 20, 2009 Mary rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Mary by: "Not New But Worth a View," at the library

Shelves: memoir

The wonderfully written story of a woman who bravely left the Mormon Church because of many reasons, including sexual abuse. I hadn't realized what a complete package Mormonism is. Since she left it, neither her 7 siblings nor her parents have had any meaningful contact with her. (Maybe saying hi at a funeral.)That must be painful. But she stayed true to her feelings and her truth. Many intellectuals who taught at BYU were told to completely water down their teaching to the point of idiocy. She...more

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May 14, 2009 Jeremy rated it 5 of 5 stars

I started this book two days ago, and completed it just last night. This book is an amazing story of the daughter of the most prominent Mormon (LDS) apologist, Hugh Nibley. She discusses some of the horrific events of her childhood, her strained relationship with her father, and her tenure as a professor at BYU.

It is important to note that this is not a trashy anti-mormon book, although some LDS members will certainly perceive it that way. It is not an expose of Mormon temple rituals, nor is it...more

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May 11, 2009 Ange rated it 4 of 5 stars

I read it about the same time I read John Krakauer's book "Under the Banner of Heaven", so a comparison of the two always stands out in my mind. Under the Banner of Heaven gives us a look at the beginnings of the FLDS (and LDS) church and also some information about some current FLDS sects. But it's written from the perspective of an outsider looking in. This book is written from "an outsider's perspective" who used to be an "insider". I find it sad that the author of this book has undergone mu...more

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Apr 28, 2009 Tamra rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: couldn-t-finish, torture

To know, first off: I am a fully active Mormon. Someone suggested I read this book because Martha's experiences reminded this person of my own experiences in the church. We will leave it there. Review follows.

I picked up and put down Leaving the Saints on the same day. I got about 30 pages into it. Here are some of my very limited opinions on the book.

1 - The pursuit of truth (and anything else, really) if not tempered with tolerance, love, and respect is almost worthless. I think, reading from...more To know, first off: I am a fully active Mormon. Someone suggested I read this book because Martha's experiences reminded this person of my own experiences in the church. We will leave it there. Review follows.

I picked up and put down Leaving the Saints on the same day. I got about 30 pages into it. Here are some of my very limited opinions on the book.

1 - The pursuit of truth (and anything else, really) if not tempered with tolerance, love, and respect is almost worthless. I think, reading from Martha's tone, word selection, and topic, she's missed the boat here.

2 - It apalls me that anyone would want to speak so about their own father. Well, anyone's father, really. I don't see how this was helpful, no, re-word, it was NOT helpful, and it was probably VERY destructive for her family. I think her family probably sighed, shrugged their shoulders, and moved on. But this book screws her chances of maintaining relationships. This is probably a moot point for her (she probably wants no contact with them). But I don't think it is a moot point in reality. I think one of the things we are expected to do in this life is do our best to build bridges in terms of relationships. Try to understand and love as best we can. I guess this goes back to tolerance, respect and love. (Apparently, again, these are my beacons by which everything else is judged.)

3 - It saddens me that she would treat such things as temple worship callously. I understand that she doesn't see temple worship as sacred (and some of the issues she brings up, like being unprepared for temple worship, are valid. Hence, the Mormon Church handles some of those things differently now), but many other people do. This would sadden me even if I wasn't Mormon. The older I get, the more I think it is just unacceptable to do that to anyone, no matter their religion or creed.

4 - I probably already know the reasons she will give for her decision to leave the Church. I could come up with them myself. I could probably even write a parallel book: How I found my faith and the Mormon church at the same time. I think many people have written that book in their hearts. ... Some people are sheltered from church history, etc., so when the come up with some of the blacker aspects of the Church, they are shocked and it rattles them. Well, I was raised in a family that stared those things in the face. My father is an ameteur church historian and he's never sugar coated things for us. On top of that, we have seen, and we know of many things in the "underbelly" of the Church, if you will. People being shunned instead of loved. Excommunications that "shouldn't" have happened. Unfairness enough to go around.

The question isn't why do these things happen (because they will happen if you exist inside ANY organization), but how you deal with that fact. How do I reconcile my faith with the facts or situations? ... It is realitively easy to identify problems. It's harder to know what to DO with those problems.

Martha is a beautiful writer, though. I just wish she wasn't so full of hate. The woman needs to take a dose of her own Life Coach lessons.

(I got a little preachy. Sorry.)(less)

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Jan 10, 2012 Cynthia Sillitoe rated it 5 of 5 stars

It's fascinating reading reviews of this book. (It astonishes me that someone feels entitled to refer to someone's memoir as "a novel." Um, were you there at the time?) I can't help wondering how many of the people dissing it and attacking Beck would react the same way if it were about someone else with an unknown father in a different religion or even the same religion, but maybe a father who was not a "good" Mormon. I've spent enough time near Mormonism to know who Hugh Nibley was and have som...more

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