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Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book

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4.02 of 5 stars 4.02  ·  rating details  ·  833 ratings  ·  109 reviews
Dear Stupid Idiots,

A lot of you have been saying that I don't know anything about REAL ninjas. But that's a bunch of bull crap! You dummies don't know anything. And maybe YOU should get a life. I bet a lot of you have never even seen a girl naked! You idiots believe that ninjas had some "code of honor." Yeah right! If by "code of honor," you mean "code to flip out and go

...more
Paperback, 193 pages
Published July 1st 2004 by Citadel
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30 of 1,223)
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Bradley
It took me a few pages to start thinking this book would get "old" really soon. I kept thinking this, but then the book ended. This book never gets old. It should have gotten old. It defies logic that it never gets old. This book is awesome.
Annette
Aug 19, 2007 Annette rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Everyone except Pirates
Dude, if you want to get super pumped up and read a totally awesome book (as in totally sweet) this is the book for you! Ninjas are totally sweet. They kill people because someone dropped a spork and they won't even care. They have magical powers over brown dogs.

Ninjas ROCK.
Dan
Jul 24, 2007 Dan rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Ninjas, people who love Ninjas, teachers
Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about this book?
A: This book is the ultimate paradox. On the one hand it doesn't give a crap, but on the other hand, it is very careful and precise.

While this is an apparently nonsensical paraphrasing from the website www.realultimatepower.net, it is surprisingly apt.

This book is The Official Ninja Book, and while it may fall short of that (possibly due more to the unregulated nature of the ninja than anything else) it IS the official companion to the internet webs
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Gary
This book made my guitar weep HARD.
You will be happy to have read it.
John
Awesome. Pure awesomeness. Awesomeisity squared. Had to give it 4 stars, if I didn't I'd have to be looking behind my back all the time, in fear of a ninja popping out and slicing my head off.

In truth - a witty and funny read. If you don't take off your adult cloak of seriousness while reading you won't get it and will most likely be offended or some crap.
Terri Halstead
Hahahahaha! Haha! Ha!
Swankivy
On its surface, this book is really dumb. If you look under the surface . . . this book is also really dumb. Thankfully, that's on purpose, and it's pretty hilarious.

Don't get me wrong. The whole "ninjas are badasses, they flip out all the time and kill people, they are sweet, they pop boners and pork women, they are always screaming and they live in dojos" thing would normally only be funny for like five pages. But this is written as though from a ten-year-old boy's perspective--a boy named Rob
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Steven Mix
Look, this isn't the book you read if you're looking for a deep, thought provoking, well researched book. The only real fact in this book is that Trey Hamburger possesses a serious knack for comedy writing. The book is hysterical.

I laughed pretty hard most of the way through it. The appendix where he starts writing history papers... well I don't want to spoil anything but I laughed well past the point of tears and hyperventilated.

Again: if you're looking for serious ninja facts, look elsewhere.
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Ronnie
My youngest brother bought this book for me because I enjoyed The Zombie Survival Guide. I was blown away by the comical description about ninjas. There were moments when I was reading this book that I had to take a break due to sudden outburst of laughter. If I was to write a ninja survival guide, I'd just have 365 pages that had one word: pray.
Beau Johnston
If you're looking for a book filled with childish, immature drivel, then search no further.

I laughed so hard I nearly vomited. The first time I read this book I had to keep closing the cover, just so I could stop laughing long enough to catch my breath.

Be warned, this book isn't for everyone.
Gabe
Apr 26, 2007 Gabe rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: All Humanity
A literary tour-de-force, REAL Ultimate Power tells the heartwarming and at times heartwrenching story of a boy, his dog Francine and his obsession with ninjas.

This book is awesome. And by awesome, I mean totally sweet.
Andrew
Funny if you're into the very puerile humor that Hamburger purveys. Lots of it is recycled from the old Real Ultimate Power website, but the footnotes are great and tell their own deeply demented sub-story.
Nicole Milliken
I have read this book a billion-million times and every time it makes me squirt urine and get poop sprinkles in my pantaloons! Hilarious! Love, A REAL Ninja (for 1 month)...
Lindsey
Caveat: not for REAL reading, but for flipping open to some random page and giggling...
Julie Decker
This is a humorous book written as though with complete seriousness, by one Robert Hamburger, a preteen who thinks ninjas are sweet. He fills the pages with misinformation about what ninjas do and how sweet they are, what their life philosophies and practices are, and how much they love to scream and cut people's heads off. The "about ninjas" advice and info describes what ninjas do and wear and where they live and how, and also features odd little interludes about ninjas on the phone, ninjas wr ...more
Jason (RawBlurb)
Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book

Author Robert Hamburger really let one loose here. The book is written from the perspective of a 13 year old boy, though never really described fully. Robert is completely obsessed with Ninjas. They are as he describes “The SWEETEST mammals ever”. James Novy, illustrates all of the ninja magic and awesomeness.

Robert Hamburger himself exists and is not 13 years old. He runs a ninja homepage over at http://realultimatepower.net under the 13 year old pers
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Andy Phillips
If you're considering buying this book, chances are that you know about the web site. If you haven't seen it then search for it now using the obvious key words from the book's title. If you find it funny then you'll probably find the book funny. If you don't like the web site then you won't like the book.

It is basically as simple as that, except that I thought the web site is excellent, but it doesn't quite translate to the book somehow. I did think it was a worthwhile read, but it's just not th
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Chris
Author Robert Hamburger knows everything about Ninjas such as, Ninjas are mammals and fight all the time. He has quite a bit of real life experience, like Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja to ...more
Dustin Lewis
Probably the most amazing book that I've ever read. It saved my marriage, and my life.
Eduardo Miranda
It doesn't live up to its premise. Mostly because it's too repetitive.
K. M.
Besides having a sense of humor all its own, this book is also a poignant, character-driven novel in its own way. The "author", Robert Hamburger, emerges as the eye in a storm of social and personal trauma. It's a damning portrait of a society that has begun to go mad, whose myths of hyper-masculinity have become parodies of themselves, and who, even in its own imaginative moments, cannot develop means of personal identity or relating to other people that do not involve morbid fantasies of death ...more
Eric
Absurd and hilarious.
Neven
It's very hard to believe that this concept—a book about how cool ninjas are, from a ten-year old's perspective—could be sustained for more than a few pages, but it works. There's a disturbing/touching stealth narrative hidden between all the childish fantasies, too. I suspect you have to have grown up with the right mix of 1980s pop culture to appreciate this, but if that's the case, REAL Ultimate Power will be a nonstop whirlwind of comedy, discomfort, and nostalgia.
Twan
What's up, my ninja?
Patrick
As you may or may not know, ninjas flip out all the time and cut people's heads off for NO reason. They also pop huge boners and play awesome guitar solos. Some might say that this book is the same joke over and over again, but there's actually a lot going on, and I was laughing out loud at the book store where I read it, almost wanting to read parts aloud to strangers. But alas, I need to keep a low profile or they'll realize I'm never gonna buy anything...
Rob Liebscher
If you have not given this book the appropriate five star rating, then I have nothing more to say to you, and we cannot be friends or even acquaintances. If your parents ask me how you're doing, I will deny knowing you, even though you are my sister.
Dean
Sep 26, 2009 Dean rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Anyone, especially those that understand the ways of flipping out HARD and total sweetness.
Shelves: own-it, read-in-2009
To put it simply, this book will have you laughing from the moment you read the cover to the moment you turn the last page. However, I must warn you that this book is filled with incredible amounts of total sweetness and you may get the urge to flip out, HARD. If wailing on guitars and total sweetness isn't your thing then just stop thinking about picking up this book right now because you probably don't have REAL Ultimate Power anyways.
John
I'm honestly not sure why this isn't in the curriculum for US public schools, as it's by far the most educational tome I have ever encountered. This book got me super fucking pumped, and ever since I've been able to impress hot babes with my ninja knowledge and pork them all the time, which is totally sweet. I recommend this book, hard. It had some hilarious quotes that I'm far too lazy to look back up and put here.
Aaron
Remember this website? I thought it was very funny my freshman year of college. I found the book for $.25 at the Plymouth District Library, and thought it'd be worth giving it a shot. This stuff is not nearly as funny as I remember, aside from the "movie scripts," which are still quite hilarious. Unfortunately, some elements of the book are painfully not funny, though.
Kellie
Dude, it's a 15 year old boy's take on ninjas written while his mom was watching over his shoulder. Gives such excellent tips as: when a ninja wants to kill you, you'll find glass shards in your underpants. Good to know. Super silly- easy to just flip through and find something funny.
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1135463
Hello amigos and amigas,

My name is Robert Hamburger, aka Trey Hamburger. I am the author of REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book and GHOSTS/ALIENS. I am a ninja / ghost / alien expert.

If you have any questions or would like to discuss weird stuff, send me a message or post one on this author board.

Websites:
http://www.ghostsaliens.net
http://www.realultimatepower.net
More about Trey Hamburger...
Ghosts/Aliens

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