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Fondling Your Muse: Infallible Advice from a Published Author to a Writerly Aspirant/A Hands-On Guide to Writing Your Very Own New York Times Bestseller

3.55  ·  Rating Details ·  115 Ratings  ·  26 Reviews
A note from the author: "Writing is a solitary and often scary enterprise. I alone have heard your silent screams, so I have written this book to help you achieve what everyone who has the courage to live the creative life deserves: complete, utter, slavish adoration and worship. Also: incalculable wealth that insulates you from the concerns of ordinary people."

And there

Hardcover, 198 pages
Published September 15th 2005 by Writer's Digest Books
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Community Reviews

(showing 1-30)
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Jul 26, 2011 Gloria rated it it was ok
I learned 2 things reading this book:

1) I would not want to sit by this man at a dinner party (you know-- one of those types who thinks he's much funnier than he actually is).

2) This book was about 150 pages too long (It's approximately 180 of actual book pages, in case you're curious).

Having said that I would give it probably 2.5 stars. The "recipes" he included for everything from Contemporary Romance Quiche to Tom Clancy Techno-Thriller Surprise did make me laugh-- worth the time of picking u
Jennifer Sommersby
Feb 24, 2011 Jennifer Sommersby rated it liked it
~Reprint from February 2007~

by John Warner
Writer’s Digest Books
ISBN: 1582973482
2011 update: available on Amazon (not an e-book at this time)

If the title does intrigue you to at least pick up John Warner’s bestselling tome on writing advice, then you are either: (1) sufficiently satisfied with your full-time job as a meter reader, saving your writing “hobby” for evenings in front of “Home Improvement” reruns; or (2) you are so completely and sickeningly conten
Jennifer Collins
First, some confessions: 1) I LOVE the title. I absolutely unapologetically LOVE and ADORE this title. Alone, it would have been enough for me to buy the book. 2) I used to share an office with the author, and since this book came out while I was in said office, I wanted to support the project (contrary to what jokes in the book might suggest, he did not push the book on me!). 3) I'm not a big reader of fact, I don't even watch many comedies. And, when it comes to slap-stick and/or dr ...more
Aug 13, 2008 Ellin rated it it was amazing
...doesn't the title just say it all?

Quite possibly the funniest homage to writing I've ever had the good fortune to stumble across. From start (who else have you ever seen write TWO authors notes, the first proudly proclaiming that he can finally write one because he's the author of this book, the second being a musical stave with a B flat?) to finish it's delightfully silly, but at the same time it's also quite serious in it's commentary on modern day authors and what is the best way in which
Sarah Sammis
Jul 21, 2007 Sarah Sammis rated it did not like it
Shelves: released
Happily I can report that Fondling Your Muse was the last of my recent run of unenjoyable reads. This slim tome disguised as an exercise book for aspiring writers is actually a poor attempt at a parody of one of those how-to write books.

Apparently all one needs to do to write a parody is spend 6 years drunk in college while getting a BA and MFA . Then you too can tell really stupid jokes and get them published in a beautifully bound but otherwise pointless book. Whoopee!

Tomorrow I promise to wri
Oct 15, 2011 Meaghan rated it really liked it
Although this is nowhere near as side-splittingly wonderful (or as useful) as How Not to Write a Novel , it's still an amusing, chuckle-worthy parody of the genre of "writing advice" books. Middle-grade humor (by which I mean quality, not age) I guess.
Nihar Suthar
Sep 21, 2016 Nihar Suthar rated it it was ok
A friend of mine gave this book to me. While the text is hilarious (John Warner did an amazing job of making this funny), there isn't much useful information in the book at all. It would have been nice to see more knowledge on the writing process...but don't get me wrong, it's still definitely humorous. I guess I was just looking for more information, as the title seems to suggest there should be. Don't expect to learn much out of this, but expect to get a good laugh!
Mark Lacy
Aug 03, 2016 Mark Lacy rated it did not like it
I honestly don't know why I bothered reading this whole thing. Even my daughter told me, before she gave it to me to read, that she couldn't get through it. Just stupid humor to illustrate his points about writing and the writing life, but even the humor was only mildly interesting. So, not helpful, and not enjoyable.
Aug 17, 2015 J rated it liked it
Funny. Sarcastic. Smart ass-ish. At first this unconventional advice was interesting than it it. Dumbass it's smart ass advice not to be taken seriously. This was when I decided to stop reading and picked it up later. Finished yesterday after three weeks it sat on to be finished later stack. It funny and worth a peruse. That's all.
Jun 25, 2012 Nora rated it liked it
This is an amusing little book. Looking through the other reviews on here, it seems like there is a fair amount of confusion as to what kind of book this is. After flipping past the title page it should be clear to most that this book was written with tongue firmly planted in check. Good for a giggle.
May 30, 2009 Steve added it
This book is a complete waste of time and money. It left me feeling mildly insulted, as well as financially cheated.

Pick it up and read it in the bookstore if you must (because I admit the title is alluring), but don't waste your dollars.
Jun 21, 2010 Melodie rated it liked it
Your mileage may vary, of course, but for me this turned out not to be the kind of book you want to read sequentially, you know, I thought it was hilarious, but reading a lot at one sitting made it seem... less so.
Nov 22, 2008 Gregg rated it really liked it
Seriously...what some people can do when they string the right words together blows me away. Warner's hilarious.
Rachel Mans Mckenny
Mar 11, 2016 Rachel Mans Mckenny rated it really liked it
Shelves: writing-books
So, a but out of date now (references to Bush presidency plus many less culturally relevant movies), but funny and cuts to the quick for those in the writing or publishing process right now.
Kelly Lynn Thomas
Sep 03, 2011 Kelly Lynn Thomas rated it really liked it
Shelves: writing
This is a great book to read if you're feeling down about yourself or your writing and need a pick me up. Warner cracks a lot of jokes, most of them at his expense.
lyndsay ortiz
Jun 25, 2008 lyndsay ortiz rated it liked it
A bit too silly. I did not finish reading it as it became boring. And I LOVE funny satirical reference.
Mar 27, 2009 Becca rated it did not like it
Attempted satire about how-to guides about writing. Amusing, but not ground breaking. Easy to laugh with, but not helpful.
Jun 04, 2009 Lauren rated it liked it
This book had some very funny moments, but as a fan of McSweeney's (the author is the editor of I just expected more.
Jenn rated it liked it
Nov 13, 2008
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Aug 14, 2013
Cody rated it it was amazing
Jul 11, 2014
Richard Lawler
Richard Lawler rated it really liked it
May 30, 2012
Mslindsey rated it it was amazing
Apr 27, 2008
Megan rated it liked it
Jan 09, 2011
Leila Gaskin
Leila Gaskin rated it really liked it
Jul 11, 2013
Andrew Dobbs
Andrew Dobbs rated it really liked it
May 31, 2009
Angel rated it really liked it
Apr 08, 2009
Stefan Q
Stefan Q rated it it was amazing
Jul 23, 2014
Katie rated it it was amazing
Feb 06, 2011
Bradley rated it really liked it
Feb 06, 2009
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