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Fondling Your Muse: Infallible Advice from a Published Author to a Writerly Aspirant/A Hands-On Guide to Writing Your Very Own New York Times Bestseller
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Fondling Your Muse: Infallible Advice from a Published Author to a Writerly Aspirant/A Hands-On Guide to Writing Your Very Own New York Times Bestseller

3.55 of 5 stars 3.55  ·  rating details  ·  110 ratings  ·  24 reviews
A note from the author: "Writing is a solitary and often scary enterprise. I alone have heard your silent screams, so I have written this book to help you achieve what everyone who has the courage to live the creative life deserves: complete, utter, slavish adoration and worship. Also: incalculable wealth that insulates you from the concerns of ordinary people."

And there

Hardcover, 198 pages
Published September 15th 2005 by Writer's Digest Books
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Community Reviews

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I learned 2 things reading this book:

1) I would not want to sit by this man at a dinner party (you know-- one of those types who thinks he's much funnier than he actually is).

2) This book was about 150 pages too long (It's approximately 180 of actual book pages, in case you're curious).

Having said that I would give it probably 2.5 stars. The "recipes" he included for everything from Contemporary Romance Quiche to Tom Clancy Techno-Thriller Surprise did make me laugh-- worth the time of picking u
Jennifer Lauren Collins
First, some confessions: 1) I LOVE the title. I absolutely unapologetically LOVE and ADORE this title. Alone, it would have been enough for me to buy the book. 2) I used to share an office with the author, and since this book came out while I was in said office, I wanted to support the project (contrary to what jokes in the book might suggest, he did not push the book on me!). 3) I'm not a big reader of fact, I don't even watch many comedies. And, when it comes to slap-stick and/or dr ...more
Jennifer Sommersby
~Reprint from February 2007~

by John Warner
Writer’s Digest Books
ISBN: 1582973482
2011 update: available on Amazon (not an e-book at this time)

If the title does intrigue you to at least pick up John Warner’s bestselling tome on writing advice, then you are either: (1) sufficiently satisfied with your full-time job as a meter reader, saving your writing “hobby” for evenings in front of “Home Improvement” reruns; or (2) you are so completely and sickeningly conten
...doesn't the title just say it all?

Quite possibly the funniest homage to writing I've ever had the good fortune to stumble across. From start (who else have you ever seen write TWO authors notes, the first proudly proclaiming that he can finally write one because he's the author of this book, the second being a musical stave with a B flat?) to finish it's delightfully silly, but at the same time it's also quite serious in it's commentary on modern day authors and what is the best way in which
Mark Lacy
I honestly don't know why I bothered reading this whole thing. Even my daughter told me, before she gave it to me to read, that she couldn't get through it. Just stupid humor to illustrate his points about writing and the writing life, but even the humor was only mildly interesting. So, not helpful, and not enjoyable.
Sarah Sammis
Happily I can report that Fondling Your Muse was the last of my recent run of unenjoyable reads. This slim tome disguised as an exercise book for aspiring writers is actually a poor attempt at a parody of one of those how-to write books.

Apparently all one needs to do to write a parody is spend 6 years drunk in college while getting a BA and MFA . Then you too can tell really stupid jokes and get them published in a beautifully bound but otherwise pointless book. Whoopee!

Tomorrow I promise to wri
Funny. Sarcastic. Smart ass-ish. At first this unconventional advice was interesting than it it. Dumbass it's smart ass advice not to be taken seriously. This was when I decided to stop reading and picked it up later. Finished yesterday after three weeks it sat on to be finished later stack. It funny and worth a peruse. That's all.
Although this is nowhere near as side-splittingly wonderful (or as useful) as How Not to Write a Novel , it's still an amusing, chuckle-worthy parody of the genre of "writing advice" books. Middle-grade humor (by which I mean quality, not age) I guess. ...more
This is an amusing little book. Looking through the other reviews on here, it seems like there is a fair amount of confusion as to what kind of book this is. After flipping past the title page it should be clear to most that this book was written with tongue firmly planted in check. Good for a giggle.
May 30, 2009 Steve added it
This book is a complete waste of time and money. It left me feeling mildly insulted, as well as financially cheated.

Pick it up and read it in the bookstore if you must (because I admit the title is alluring), but don't waste your dollars.
Melodie Ladner
Your mileage may vary, of course, but for me this turned out not to be the kind of book you want to read sequentially, you know, I thought it was hilarious, but reading a lot at one sitting made it seem... less so.
This book had some very funny moments, but as a fan of McSweeney's (the author is the editor of I just expected more.
Kelly Lynn Thomas
This is a great book to read if you're feeling down about yourself or your writing and need a pick me up. Warner cracks a lot of jokes, most of them at his expense.
Attempted satire about how-to guides about writing. Amusing, but not ground breaking. Easy to laugh with, but not helpful.
Seriously...what some people can do when they string the right words together blows me away. Warner's hilarious.
lyndsay ortiz
A bit too silly. I did not finish reading it as it became boring. And I LOVE funny satirical reference.
Lorraine Marie Nepomuceno
Funny.... good comic relief for us writers who've read too many Writer's Digest books!
Sue Seeger
This had a lot of good writing tips, and was really a funny read too.
Jun 26, 2007 Avital added it
Shelves: friendsbooks
If it's John's then it's contemporary and full of irony.
Sally Bellerose
One very long running joke and no new info.
Just hilarious! Ideal for laid back amusement.
Anne Marshall
Amusing at times but not really worth finishing.
This is a hillarious satire on writing books.
Dione D'souza
Dione D'souza marked it as to-read
Jun 02, 2015
Cat marked it as to-read
Apr 25, 2015
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