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Love & Death: My Journey through the Valley of the Shadow
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Love & Death: My Journey through the Valley of the Shadow

4.20  ·  Rating Details  ·  168 Ratings  ·  45 Reviews
On a February day in 2008, Forrest Church sent a letter to the members of his congregation, informing them that he had terminal cancer; his life would now be measured in months, not years. In that remarkable letter, he wrote: "In more than one respect, I feel very lucky." He went on to promise that he would sum up his thoughts on the topics that had been so pervasive in hi ...more
Hardcover, 160 pages
Published September 1st 2008 by Beacon Press (first published 2008)
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May 02, 2010 Sarah rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Mom, Grandma
I first heard about this book when I listened to Terri Gross interview Forrest Church on Fresh Air while I was abroad. I was struck by him immediately. I had never heard anyone facing terminal cancer sound so positive, warm, realistic and truly accepting of their disease. I decided to read the book to hear more about how he dealt with his illness, and am so glad that I did.

Forrest Church has spent his career as a minister developing his thoughts on two great themes of life: love and death. In th
Jan 08, 2016 Christine rated it really liked it
Somehow, after finishing Smash Cut, I naturally gravitated to this book which had been on my bedside for years. I really appreciated Church's head on, reflective and calm approach to his own imminent mortality. I'll keep the book on my shelf for later consultation, to tap into his wisdom.

Want what you have.
Do what you can.
Be who you are.

All that survives death is love.
Nov 13, 2012 Debra rated it really liked it
When I ordered this book I wasn't aware that the author was a Universalist minister, which means he doesn't take the evangelical stand on the Bible being the final word, and quotes other religious scriptures, such as Buddhism. He doesn't believe "God's pulling all the strings."

I disagree with him here, but there were wonderful insights in this book. The author is dealing with a cancer diagnosis that will ultimetly end his life. Thus, the book is about dying and death. "When a loved one dies, the
Feb 21, 2011 Tabitha rated it really liked it
"Love and death are allies. When a loved one dies, the greater the pain, the greater the love's proof. Such grief is a sacrament. Sacraments bring us together. The measure of our grief testifies to the power of our love." (p10)

"The opposite of love is fear." (p14)

"Just where you think that the grass would surely be green, it may be dying. I am no longer startled by this. What startles me still, though it no longer should, is precisely the opposite. Often, just where you'd think that the grass wo
Dec 04, 2011 Diane rated it liked it
Shelves: religion
I had no idea who Forrest Church was and am not sure how this book ended up on my reading list. It turns out he was a very well known Unitarian minister and the son of Frank Church, one of my heroes. The book is a collection of sermons and parts of sermons with comments that Forrest wrote after he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer - a bit like The Last Lecture, but better. I tend to dislike platitudes and "meaningful" sayings and quotes, and sermons tend to devolve into just that, but there w ...more
Oct 24, 2012 Ladan rated it really liked it
"the one thing that can't be taken away from us, even by death, is the love we give away before we go." pg x

"The opposite of love is not hate. It is fear." pg 15

"He did not spend his life, he invested it in things that would ennoble and outlast him... Cast out thy fear with love. And then - this I know - it will be somehow easier for us to do the things that need to be done, and to let the things that do not matter go." pg 16

Thornton Wilder: 'The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but grat
Jan 11, 2015 Nan rated it liked it
I liked this book better than I thought I would. It's rich with humanity and humility. I appreciated his mantra most -- want what you have, do what you can, and be who you are.
As a Unitarian Universalist minister, Church defined religion as "our human response to the dual reality of being alive and having to die." The goal of life, he tells us "is to live in such a way that our lives will prove worth dying for." This last book in his impressive oeuvre is imbued with ideas and exemplars for achieving that goal. The stories he offers—drawn from his own experiences and from the lives of his friends, family, and parishioners—are both engrossing and enlightening.

"Love &am
Mar 14, 2016 Lindsey rated it it was amazing
Required reading for anyone contemplating their own death or experiencing the dying & death of a loved one.
Jan 08, 2014 Naomi rated it it was amazing
Church had a wonderful ability to express Unitarian Universalist theology and ethics in a way that draws a people known for diverse languages of reverence back together. This volume, exploring loving boldly and approaching death, is a fine bit of theological work. Recommended for spiritual groups studying Unitarian Universalist theology, making sense of dying, and as a congregational pastoral resource.
Jan 12, 2015 Quinn rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Interesting read. Not a fan of Unitarian theology, but the book is quite thought provoking!
Ann Evans
Dec 07, 2009 Ann Evans rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was written by my minister, who took his congregation by the hand and led them through his last couple of years (which were only supposed to be a few months) as he died from cancer. He died a few weeks ago, in September, 2009. It was an inspiring journey for all of us, and some of it is recounted in this book. It is put together a bit haphazardly, but has many insights, a good deal of humor (though he was always much funnier in his sermons than in his books. the humor doesn't always come th ...more
Jill Althage
Feb 15, 2012 Jill Althage rated it really liked it
As a Unitarian Universalist, I found this to be a moving account of one who faces the end of life. I loved this quotation:
"We see little of the road ahead or the sky above. And the dust we raise clouds our eyes, leaving only brief interludes to contemplate the stars. All we can do, every now and again, is to stop for a moment and look.
Look. Morning has broken and we are here, you and I, breathing the air, admiring the slant sun as it refracts through these magnificent, pellucid windows and dance
Robert Hill
Mar 29, 2010 Robert Hill rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I went to a UU religious conference over the weekend. This book is a real "page turner". It contains the reflections of A UU Minister who faces death himself and discusses the nature of God, the nature of religion, his personal theology, and a philosophy of living life to its fullest. He also gives some practical advice about how-to visit a person in the hospital who may be dying. He explores the nature of death in the context of life. It is truly profound.
Jul 05, 2009 Marion rated it really liked it
Forrest Church has a remarkable and very genuine outlook on his own death and on the mystery of life and death. In this spiritual book, he shares his theological views of death and dying, addressing the "why" of suffering. But, more significantly, he talks about living life fully, loving those around you. His simple (or deceptively simple) motto is: "Want what you have, do what you can, be who you are" and he unpacks this in a way that is incredibly meaningful.
Jun 18, 2011 Elizabeth rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Forrest Church is a well-known Unitarian Universalist minister who recently lost his battle with cancer. This book is about his thoughts on love and death (what else is there), facing his own death and what is the meaning of life. As a UU, I'm sympathetic to his worldview and enjoyed his writing and philosophy. The problem is that much of the material is from sermons....and no matter how you fix them up....they're sermons.
Apr 05, 2013 Melissa rated it liked it
Parts of this book moved me to tears: “The one thing that can’t be taken away from us, even by death, is the love we give away before we go. [...] We do not and we cannot possess the ones we love, for we hold them on loan. This hard truth makes the courage to love also the courage to lose.” It's sparked some important discussions in our house and I'd say has made me hug people a little bit tighter.
Feb 04, 2010 Sarah rated it really liked it
Short, simple, and true, this book is one to keep on hand. Church repeatedly advises: Want what you have, Do what you can, and Be who you are.

And he closes on a poem that includes these lovely lines:

Let us set aside our shopping list of grievances,
Resist the nattering of our grubby little egos,
And crack our parched lives open like a seed.
Jul 19, 2010 Allison rated it really liked it
A powerful memoir in which on of the finest Unitarian Universalist ministers meaningfully examines death upon learning that he has esophageal cancer. Church offers a way to look at life and death that I found helpful. From the introduction, "The one thing that can't be taken from us, even by death, is the love we give away before we go."
Jun 08, 2009 Greg rated it it was amazing
If everyone has one good story in them, then perhaps every minister has one really good sermon in them. This short book represents Forrest Church's one best sermon, with excerpts from several actual sermons, prepared as he was dying of cancer. In it, he tries to answer the question: "How should I live my live"?
Dec 09, 2008 Robert rated it really liked it
There is much to admire about this book and Church's philosophy. The pace bogs down a bit during some of the middle sections, and there is some repetition of themes, but these things are easily overlooked. In more than one instance, Love and Death, stuns readers with its power and perception.
Feb 16, 2011 Susan rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I really enjoyed reading this book. I's Forrest Church's struggle with his final year of esophogeal cancer. He included personal reflections and sermons a the All Souls UU church in Manhattan. If a similar struggle is yours, it provides thoughts and actions, theology and philosophy well-worth pondering.
Mar 25, 2011 Peggy added it
A lovely little book. It would be of interest to anyone with death on their mind. As a lifelong UU, its approach was familiar to me, and yet his focus on how death gives life meaning was new. I really like his mantra: want what you have, do what you can, be who you are. Good words for living and dying.
Sep 29, 2009 Joan rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: ministry
Forrest wrote a good bit of this knowing it was to be his last book. Based on his life themes: Want what you have. Do what you can. Be who you are. He includes musings, portions of other books, portions of sermons. It is probably the wisest approach to death, dying and love that I have ever read.
May 03, 2009 Paula rated it really liked it
An amazing book about love and death - just what the title says. Forrest Church, son of Senator Frank Church and an Unitarian minister, writes about the development of his theology over a lifetime and how it has informed his own life, illness and expected death. I highly recommend this book.
Mars Girl
Oct 21, 2008 Mars Girl rated it really liked it
Despite my slight worry that this guy is way too comfortable with his own impending death, I found this book very inspiring. It's about the life we live before we die, the life we know exists. Beautiful words by a UU minister with a deep, surprising faith in love and a God who loves.
Mar 05, 2013 Sharon rated it really liked it
Recommended to Sharon by: Gene and Jane
Interesting book by a Unitarian minister who was diagnosed with cancer. He died the year after the book was finished. His reflections on living in the face of death are thoughtful and relevant to all of us...who are after all facing our own death sentence. His theology matches mine.
Sep 12, 2008 Cindy rated it it was amazing
Believe me, I've read a lot on this subject over the last few months. This book is actually uplifting. It is written by a Unitarian minister who has terminal cancer. However, the book is really much more about how to live life than it is about death.
Sue Schlinglof
I ordered this book upon the recommendation of my mother. The writing is eloquent and soothing to the soul. I was glad I ordered it as an e-book so I could look up the words with which I am not familiar as the writer had an extensive vocabulary.
Matt Fuller
Aug 14, 2012 Matt Fuller rated it it was amazing
Skip all his other works and read this. Facing his imminent death, he concisely but beautifully distills the beliefs of his life into me compelling and beautifully written treatise.
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Rev. Forrest Church served for almost three decades as senior minister and was minister of public theology at All Souls Unitarian Church in New York City. He wrote or edited twenty-five books, including Love & Death.
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“What I'm talking about here, by the way, is salvation. The latin root, salve, means 'health.' The Teutonic cognates 'health' and 'holy' share the same root. Being agnostic about the afterlife, I look for salvation here - not to be saved from life, but to be saved by life, in life, for life.” 0 likes
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