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You Suck (A Love Story #2)

by Christopher Moore (Goodreads Author)

3.77 of 5 stars 3.77 · rating details · 26,676 ratings · 2,135 reviews

"You bitch, you killed me. You suck "

Being dead sucks. Make that being "un"dead sucks.

Literally. Just ask Thomas C. Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody--the woman of his dreams--is a vampire. And surprise Now he's one, too.

For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a...more

Hardcover, 328 pages

Published January 16th 2007 by William Morrow & Company

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Jan 14, 2008 Kelli rated it 4 of 5 stars

Get out the garlic--it’s yet another vampire tale! I’m not sure who to blame for the vampire and zombie stories proliferating like bunnies on a hot August afternoon, but when I find out and slap them, I’ll hold back--just a touch--for this one. Thankfully, this book didn’t take itself seriously, was wont to include posers in leather, pleather or otherwise, and left the sulking, weak-willed super beings behind. Instead, this tongue-in-cheek story injects a touch of humor into the overdone subgenr...more Get out the garlic--it’s yet another vampire tale! I’m not sure who to blame for the vampire and zombie stories proliferating like bunnies on a hot August afternoon, but when I find out and slap them, I’ll hold back--just a touch--for this one. Thankfully, this book didn’t take itself seriously, was wont to include posers in leather, pleather or otherwise, and left the sulking, weak-willed super beings behind. Instead, this tongue-in-cheek story injects a touch of humor into the overdone subgenre and reminds you that vampires can, yes, be fun. Thank Bob!

Great characters, especially the lone wannabe Goth girl who is really a geeky little sweetheart in disguise, Abby. Abby Normal that is. Everyone in this is either there for comic relief or playing the part of the straight man to the comedian and are all worthy, rather than when you find characters in books that you could just skip because they do nothing to further anything or anyone else around them. Nice surprise. The story is Dracula on crack meets Abbot and Costello. Opening dialogue includes such tidbits as, after learning that his girlfriend turned him into a blood-sucking fiend, “You shouldn’t just kill a guy without asking. It’s inconsiderate.” Atmosphere is big city, little apartment and everything in between. You grimace at the blood-laced coffee but completely understand the craving and accept it. You can smell the scorched skin and the stinky homeless guy with the really big cat. And even during the more violent scenes, you’re still giggling at the entire idea of it.

Pace is completely dependant on the characters rather than the story itself. Alternating viewpoints move you along while tickling your funny bone and letting you know that everyone has a different idea of what happened and how. The chapters controlled by Abby Normal would be 180 degrees different if we heard another version, and knowing that makes it all the more fun. Style is key to everything in here. Perfectly written for the character of the moment, you don’t think of a big eye in the sky controlling everything below, but rather, read it as if each of these characters was telling you in their own words what happened. Hell, he even made fun of writer wannabes using the word “miasma” and I became an instant fan for life!

I don’t get to read horror-comedy often, but I do enjoy it when done right. Gil's All Fright Diner, by A Lee Martinez, was an amazing giggle at our genre--probably my favorite, and this one is a damn close second. I’ll give it a 4 . Go ahead and get it by clicking on that link below. Just don’t be surprised if people stare at you as you snicker on the subway…

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Originally posted on Horror-Web
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15 likes · like · see review

Mar 12, 2010 Rusty rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2000, audio-book, humorous, read-in-2010, vampires, christopher-moore

This is my first Chris Moore book. I quickly realized that this was a sequel, but I was already into the story. Why? Because Moore is fricking hilarious. This is the story of two rookie vampires (Jody and Tommy) who are doing their best to avoid the law, former friends, and giving in completely to their primal natures. And of course they need a minion. Enter Abby Normal. Her greatest struggle is trying to shove down her inherent perkiness and embrace the darkness of goth, or whatever she is. Her...more

9 likes · like · see review

Aug 28, 2008 Marian Willeke rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction, supernatural

First of all, I would normally never even think to read this book. But as I was looking at the clearance rack, a kid, ie teenager, approached me.

"Hey, do you like vampires?"

I was disturbed how unfazed I was with the completely random question.

"Sure." Slightly wary.

"Have you heard of Moore?"

He's a vampire now? That answers a lot of questions.

"Michael Moore?" I'm riffling books hoping he'll go away.

"No, not that crazy one, this is a Christopher Moore. He's hilarious and has his own cult started."...more

35 likes · like · see review

Jan 24, 2008 Chris M. rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Christopher Moore fans

I was expecting more from this book since Moore wrote it after Dirty Job. But, where Dirty Job was nicely crafted, well-paced, and original, You Suck was not quite the same. It is certainly an original take on a story that's been told over and over again. Vampires are not original but Moore does add some nice texture and moral complexity to the creatures. Unfortunately, I found the pacing awkward.

Moore switches back and forth from third person narrative to first person through the conceit of ha...more I was expecting more from this book since Moore wrote it after Dirty Job. But, where Dirty Job was nicely crafted, well-paced, and original, You Suck was not quite the same. It is certainly an original take on a story that's been told over and over again. Vampires are not original but Moore does add some nice texture and moral complexity to the creatures. Unfortunately, I found the pacing awkward.

Moore switches back and forth from third person narrative to first person through the conceit of having one of the characters write in a diary. For me, it ruined the flow of the third person narrative. Just as some of the scenes would get to the climax, Moore goes into diary mode and describes the scene as a past event. The effect was interesting the first time, curious the second, and, ultimately, annoying. That being said, the diary sections are pretty humorous. All things considered, it is a fun, entertaining, and quick read.

Note to Christopher Moore: What is the deal with "palming" doors shut? Is it like some secret game to see how many novels you can put it in? Why? Personally, I was it over by the second time it appeared in Diry Job, but then I saw it in Island of the Sequined Love Nun, You Suck, Blood Sucking Fiends, Lamb, and Fluke. Though it is entirely possible that by the time I got to Fluke I was just seeing things. You know, like those pschology tests where your brain fills in the parts that are missing.

Also, I like you as a writer. You take some risks with style and convention that I think pay off nicely. With Dirty Job, I felt like you'd finally hit your stride. You Suck seemed like either you wrote it before Dirty Job and just didn't get it published right away or you'd spent too much time with the Animals turkey bowling and then had to cram to make deadline. Anyway, please don't go all Tom Clancy/Ann Rice on us. You know, write a great story, write another great story, keep repeatedly writing the same once great, now tired story over and over and over.(less)

4 likes · like · see review

Feb 26, 2009 Mabs rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: faves, 09

I got this absurdly expensive and a bit worn-out novel the other day, attracted by the big red letters and cute fangs, thinking it would be a nice break from all the dramas I´ve been reading and still be about vampires.
The story revolves around Tommy and Jody. Jody has been a vampire for a few months and turned her boyfriend Tommy, who did not like the surprise. They now have to survive life in San Francisco living in the dark night and dropping dead during the day, and still getting their Chris...more I got this absurdly expensive and a bit worn-out novel the other day, attracted by the big red letters and cute fangs, thinking it would be a nice break from all the dramas I´ve been reading and still be about vampires.
The story revolves around Tommy and Jody. Jody has been a vampire for a few months and turned her boyfriend Tommy, who did not like the surprise. They now have to survive life in San Francisco living in the dark night and dropping dead during the day, and still getting their Christmas´ presents, cleaning their loft and doing all normal stuff people usually do in less than half the time – with the minor change on their diet and having to run away from a old creepy vampire and the cops who are after him.
It is what it promised to be: funny, a bit creepy, and lovely. Felt a little bit like reading Douglas Adams, everything seems real even if it´s totally absurd – and I´m not referring to the supernatural side. Apart from the vampire story and the surprising enlightment on the female psyche, the book tells the story of the Animals and the Emperor, the first being either a representation of a reality I´ve been fiercely protected from by parents and teachers or an utter exaggeration by a very skeptical author. Speaking of skepticism, let´s get to the female psyche again: he tells Jody´s story, how she feels so relieved now that she´s the predator and she doesn´t have to worry about the dark shadow in the corner or being alone in a random alley; he tells the story of Blue, a blue hooker who was probably the first woman I ever considered a real bitch; in a drama-less, dark-humor manner he tells Abby/Allison´s story, and how she suppresses all perkiness or excitement and forces depression in its place simply because she wants to look different; he even mentions briefly the life of Jody´s mom, a woman who would like to live in perfection even though her husband left her and her daughter didn´t go to Stanford. If you couldn´t care less about vampires or love stories, you should at least take a look in Chris Moore´s descriptions of his characters.
Even if I was not at all pleased with the ending - I should have seen it coming –, a nice light reading with a bit of love and money and eye liner and blood with all the gory details. Looking forward to A Dirty Job.

Oh! And now I found out there´s more Jody in the previous book, Bloodsucking Fiends. Gonna go look for it!(less)

1 like · like · see review

Jun 21, 2011 Kerrie rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Moore fans, lovers of snark

Shelves: audiobook, from-library

Another hilarious book by this whacked-out author. After a few pages I realized that this was a sequel and momentarily though "Agh! I need to start with book #1!" But quickly it became evident that going back to Bloodsucking Fiends was unnecessary, for Moore seamlessly presented the backstory to fill in the reader.

I listened to the audiobook, and Susan Bennett did a marvelous job with all the characters, making each one sound different. The sardonic Jody, the spastic Tommy, the "tchah! WhatEVER!...more

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Dec 07, 2008 Howie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Recommended to Howie by: Marian Willeke

I gave this book a five star rating because it sucked me in so hard that I stayed up all night to read it, cover to cover. I read slowly, so this is pretty intense. As the book introduces a newly converted vampire Tommy Flood, I can't help but think that this is how I would probably behave if I were suddenly transformed - that is, curious, clumsy, and full of desire for mad vampire sex. What I probably wouldn't accomplish as well as the Dark Lord Flood is the dry wit and wise cracks, which make...more

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Oct 22, 2008 Serena rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: vampire lovers

Christopher Moore's You Suck audio book is another find at the library that I should have taken out in book form. This book had us roaring with laughter in the car on the way to work over the weeks we listened to it.

***Spoiler Alert***

This is a vampiric tale of one young fledgling, Jody, turning her Midwest boyfriend, Tommy Flood, into a vampire so they can be together forever. Jody, who was turned by an older vampire, Elijah, teams up with Tommy and his co-workers at the San Francisco Marina Sa...more Christopher Moore's You Suck audio book is another find at the library that I should have taken out in book form. This book had us roaring with laughter in the car on the way to work over the weeks we listened to it.

***Spoiler Alert***

This is a vampiric tale of one young fledgling, Jody, turning her Midwest boyfriend, Tommy Flood, into a vampire so they can be together forever. Jody, who was turned by an older vampire, Elijah, teams up with Tommy and his co-workers at the San Francisco Marina Safeway to bronze the older vampire who has gone on a killing spree among the sick and infirm. Jody hopes to get away from the elder vampire and take Tommy into her dark world.

Along the way, Tommy starts getting used to his vampiric ways, but eventually "enjoys" some aspects of his nature too much for his Midwestern sensibilities. Tommy adopts the name Lord Flood with his minion, Abby Normal--o yes, you guessed it an old fashioned play on words. She is nothing short of normal by today's standards with her Gothic clothes, her sarcasm, attempts to fit in with the rebels, and her love of the undead...but she also has a perky side and you eventually discover her favorite literary character is not from Lovecraft, but it is Pipi Longstocking, a perkier side of Abby.

Even Abby falls in love, and its not with a vampire or her gay friend, Jared.

***End Spoiler Alert***

Not only is their vampire hunting, love, sex, drugs, and stealing, but there is sarcastic humor, self-deprecating humor, and twists of fate in this book that are great. The narrator chosen to read this novel was well selected. Her character voices were believable.

What made the vampire book for me, beyond the vampires of course, was the narration, hilarious lines, and the character of Abby Normal. I would love to see an entire novel of her adventures from Moore; that would make great reading. I recommend this book, You Suck, in any form you choose. I'm going to have to go out and get the hard copy to add to my collection since I foresee myself reading it for the first time, only to re-read it again and again.(less)

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Jan 29, 2008 Aaron rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Ex-Goths living in SF (most of my friends?)

A hugely entertaining lightweight page turner about modern day vampires living in SF. A cast of very likable characters kept me thoroughly captivated. This is especially true of one Abby Normal, 16 year old goth girl, minion to The Vampire Flood, and part time narrator through her diary entries like this:

Chapter 16: Being the Chronicles of One Abby Normal, Completely Fucked Servant of The Vampire Flood.

OMFG! W00T!! I have failed. Left my duty undone, like so much dog poop on the blooming sidewa...more

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Jul 11, 2007 Jeff rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: fiction

There are many distinct umbrages I would like to take with Christopher Moore in general and this book in particular. However, I realize the problem here is more with me than it is with Moore. Like most of his work, "You Suck" is an outlandish, mildly entertaining story within a story that references previous books and resurrects old characters. Unfortunately, I simply do not have the ability to retain much of what Moore writes in my head for more than a few minutes. I finished reading this book...more

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Jul 11, 2007 Jesse rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Fans of Buffy, fans of Terry Pratchett, those with strange senses of humor

Shelves: modern-fantasy, horror-dark-fantasy, vampire-stories-that-are-awesome

I'm going to try to write this with out gushing about this author, but I can't make any promises.

Is this the most real book I've ever read? Yes, in so much as people are all strange inside. Even the most normal people have weirdness in them, and so this books cast of slackers, screw-ups, Otaku(I think thats the word for Fanboys, but I could be wrong), vampires (ancient and young), Goths (all posers, cause come on...where were they when rome was being sacked?), and all the rest; this cast just ma...more

2 likes · like · see review

Apr 05, 2010 Nath rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2010-read

I hadn't expected this.
Someone had recommended Lamb to me, which is also a Moore novel. And when I found it at the bookstore, this one was standing next to it. I admit, the title drew me in. :D

I'm a fan of vampire fiction, the good ones anyway, and this one has put the whole subject in a completely other light. Apart from literature, I love for instance Buffy The Vampire Slayer, for the mere reason that it's funny.
This novel is that too. It doesn't read like a book. It has the feel of a movie...more

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Aug 10, 2008 Weavre rated it 1 of 5 stars Recommends it for: nobody

Shelves: other-realms

Blech.

I really enjoyed the last Christopher Moore novel and decided to try another, despite the fact that the plot isn't ordinarily one that would draw my attention. I picked this one because (1) it was handy on the library shelf, and (2) it was written after A Dirty Job and I thought that meant it was likely to be written at least as well.

That was a mistake. This one's going back to the library unfinished, because I'm just not wasting any more time on it. I read about a quarter of the book, in...more

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Apr 11, 2009 Marc rated it 4 of 5 stars

When I first started the book, I thought it was going to be cute and mostly annoying. Cut to about 40 pages later and I was loving it. It's very funny and clever and there's also a bit of an intrigue aspect which kept me hooked. I've since read one other book by Christopher Moore and I'm planning to read many others.

1 like · like · see review

Jan 05, 2008 Bruce rated it 2 of 5 stars

I love Christopher Moore. I mean, I really, really love this guy's writing. I've given his books to friends, made them required reading for classes that I've taught, and generally done everything I could to help him along.

But this one...well, the title pretty much says it all. Moore slapped together a thin plot, an ongoing lovers' quarrel, some gimmicky scenes, a major deus ex machina, and an ending that is truly lame.

When the guy is on, he is fantastic. And when he's off, well, he sucks.

5 likes · like · see review

Apr 02, 2009 Shelinna rated it 5 of 5 stars

For some people the whole biting and blood thing would have been kind of a big deal, But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they work through their issues. Like how much Jody should teach Tommy about his new superpowers and how much he needs to learn on his own. Tommy's cute new minion, sixteen-year-old Goth girl Abby Normal. Making the relationship work, however, is the least of Jody and Tommy's problems. The vampire who nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting any new members into the cl...more

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Mar 17, 2009 Megan rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: vampire-romance

A friend gave this to me as a gift. She didn't know that it was the second book in a trilogy- and neither did I until I after I finished reading it. I know there are a lot of Christopher Moore fans out there who think he's really funny and talented. I guess I'm just not one of them. He uses vulgar language in order to TRY to be funny. And to me, he comes of flat. There was so much bad language in this book that it was so hard to get past. The story is about a girl who is a vampire who turns her...more

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Feb 05, 2009 Jamieson rated it 5 of 5 stars

For those of you who have yet to read a book by Christopher Moore, what are you waiting for? Moore writes hilarious tales that are laugh out loud funny and so very enjoyable. The characters are fresh, funny and delightfully flawed. When you read a Christopher Moore book, you’ll feel better and your health will improve. I’m not sure this is medically proven, but I’m sure it’s true.

I always await a new Moore novel with anticipation matched only by Harry Potter. Yes, his books are just THAT good. I...more For those of you who have yet to read a book by Christopher Moore, what are you waiting for? Moore writes hilarious tales that are laugh out loud funny and so very enjoyable. The characters are fresh, funny and delightfully flawed. When you read a Christopher Moore book, you’ll feel better and your health will improve. I’m not sure this is medically proven, but I’m sure it’s true.

I always await a new Moore novel with anticipation matched only by Harry Potter. Yes, his books are just THAT good. If you like great reads that will make you laugh so hard you’ll spit out your morning coffee, his books are for you.

YOU SUCK is actually the first time that Moore has written a sequel, but don’t worry, you don’t need to read the first boo (Bloodsucking Fiends) to be able to read this delightful caper. YOU SUCK finds young C. Thomas Flood turned into a vampire by his hot redhead girlfriend Jody. Being nineteen when he was turned, he’s stuck with a teenager’s libido for the rest of eternity, but they have bigger problems on their hands.

Tommy’s friends, The Animals, have been clued in to the fact that he’s now a vampire. Led by an ex stripper with dyed blue skin named, duh, Blue, they will be coming after Tommy and Jody whether they want to or not. Tommy and Jody must flee, find a new apartment, find a minion (who shows up in the form of Abby Normal, a Goth Girl who wants the dark gift) and figure out what to do with Elijah, the vampire who turned Jody and who is sitting in their living room encased in bronze.

As if this all weren’t bad enough, Tommy must learn how to be a vampire, how to blend in and how to have copious amounts of hot sweaty monkey sex. A vampire’s work is never done…

This book is laugh out loud hilarious. I’ve laughed out loud several times while reading this delightful tale and had several people look at me funny, which happens when you laugh out loud in public. The only problem with this book is that it’s too short!

That’s alright, I’ll just have to read it all over again when I’m finished. If you haven’t read any Christopher Moore books yet, pick up YOU SUCK. It’s delightful and, thankfully, doesn’t suck at all.

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Jan 02, 2009 Karin rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 20-somethings, diaries-journals, funny, quirky, vampires, goth-girls, adult-fiction, borrowed-from-the-library

Jody, the heroine from Bloodsucking Fiends, returns in this sequel. She’s turned her minion, Tommy, to the dark side – he’s now a vampire, too. Tommy, however, has managed to irritate Jody’s maker, Elijah, and now he’s after them. Actually, there are a bunch of people after them – some cops, some stock boys, and a blue prostitute. They’ve got to find new digs, a minion, and some food sources fast before everyone catches up with them.

The best parts of this book were with Jody and Tommy’s minion,...more

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Dec 14, 2008 Jackie "the Librarian" rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: adultfiction, blood-sucking-fiends, humor

Sporadically funny, disjointed vampires-in-love story, that almost stands alone from it's prequel, Bloodsucking Fiends. Jody and Tommy are young, new vampires, just trying to make things work. But life is so complicated when you're vampires! Just figuring out who to have for dinner can be a chore!

First of all, they need a minion (okay, I loved the minion, Abby Normal) to do their daytime errands, like getting them a new apartment. They have to move, because Tommy's old gang at work has learned...more

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Feb 28, 2013 Dianaamyers rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book was absolutely pointless, it had no moral and I didn't gain anything from it after I set the book down, but I did laugh out loud more times than I probably should've throughout the story. You Suck, by Christopher Moore, is another vampire-love story, but nothing at all like Twilight. It's about a boy named Tommy who discovers that his girlfriend is a vampire and one day (well, night) wakes up and discovers that she has transformed him into one, too. They are can only be awake at night...more

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Dec 30, 2012 Alan rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Circe Nightshade and Azrael Abyss, inter alia

Recommended to Alan by: Olivia; previous work

Have you ever snickered, chortled, or even guffawed at the pretentious antics of would-be children of the night? Seen Saturday Night Live's long-running series of skits called "Goth Talk," perhaps? That's kinda what we're about here, except with real vampires thrown into the mix. You Suck, Christopher Moore's followup to Bloodsucking Fiends (and the predecessor to Bite Me), made me laugh so hard I cried blood tears, and it did so at least once per page, for whole chapters at a time. This is exac...more Have you ever snickered, chortled, or even guffawed at the pretentious antics of would-be children of the night? Seen Saturday Night Live's long-running series of skits called "Goth Talk," perhaps? That's kinda what we're about here, except with real vampires thrown into the mix. You Suck, Christopher Moore's followup to Bloodsucking Fiends (and the predecessor to Bite Me), made me laugh so hard I cried blood tears, and it did so at least once per page, for whole chapters at a time. This is exactly what I read Moore for, and here he delivers.

This is a sequel, by the way, and there are occasional detailed references to the first book, so it's probably a good idea if you go back and read Bloodsucking Fiends first, if you haven't already done so, m'kay? Some of the events in You Suck won't make much sense without that background anyway, and there are of course various spoileriffic mentions of said events here and there within the current book under consideration, and hence in this review.

It might also be a good idea to pick up A Dirty Job at some point, both for your own entertainment and to scope out the connections between this book and that. Of which there are several.

(view spoiler)[So, now that you're back... Who knew vampires could be so effin' funny? These aren't the romantic, sparkly kind who show up in a Stuffini Meyer book, either. Jody's one—a vampire, that is, sexy but not sparkly, and recently turned by the ancient and amoral nosferatu Elijah (as detailed in the aforementioned Bloodsucking Fiends). And she really likes it—she stalks through San Francisco like a queen of the night, exhilarated by the ability to walk down urban streets without being afraid, for the first time in her... life. (Moore's sensitivity to his female characters is just one of the things I like about him.)

As You Suck opens, Jody has just in her turn turned Tommy, her nineteen-year-old boyfriend who works at Safeway with the Animals, the crew of degenerate slackers who, in Bloodsucking Fiends, rose (rather woozily) to the occasion and entrapped Elijah in an air-tight casting of bronze, ending at least that threat to San Francisco's unsuspecting population. Tommy's a little more worried than Jody—he's alternately excited by and fearful of his newfound immortal undead status.

Tell you what... just take a look at this exchange between Tommy and Jody (from pp.7-8); if you can read this without chuckling at least once, you are a dead person (and not in a good way) and probably don't deserve to read this book:

"I'll always be the same?"
"Yes."
"Just like I am now."
"As far as I know," Jody said.
"But I was going to start working out. I was going to be buff. I was going to have abs of steel."
"No, you weren't."
"I was. I was going to be an awesome hunk of muscular man-meat."
"No, you weren't. You wanted to be a writer. You were going to have little stick arms and get winded when you hit the back-space key more than three times consecutively. You're in great shape from working in the grocery store. Wait until you see how you can run."
"You really think I'm in great shape?"
"Yes, I thought I made that clear."
Tommy flexed his chest in the mirror, which showed not at all through his flannel shirt. He unbuttoned his shirt and tried it again, with little effect, then shrugged. "What about the writer thing? Will my brain always be like this? I mean, will I get any smarter, or is that stuck in time, too?"
"Well, yeah, but that's because you're a man, not because you're a vampire."
"You spiteful harpy."
"I think I've made my point," Jody said.

A lot more happens in You Suck, of course, than snappy banter between two young lovers with nothin' better to do (with apologies to Steve Miller, especially given that Steves in general don't come off too well in this book); as Abby Normal writes (p.308),

Steve. My darling, my love,
My heart is aflame
But OMFG, Steve,
I grieve,
That your name
Is so fucking lame.

The Emperor of San Francisco, that least believable but most realistic character who with his loyal attendants Bummer and Lazarus were instrumental in Elijah's defeat, also puts in a return appearance. (hide spoiler)]

In conclusion: You Suck does not suck, except when it needs to, and then only a little, just when the hunger is upon it... so bend your neck and bow to its will, mortal. Doing so will gain you, if not eternal life, at least a momentary respite from the woes of this one.

I, Dorkar, Lord of the Eternal Darkth, have spoken.(less)

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Oct 19, 2012 Brandy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Sometimes a girl just needs a break. Every summer, sometime around June, when my allergies are in full force and I can't sleep, can't even breathe through my nose or my mouth without standing up, when the congestion is so bad that I feel my brain is draining out into the gallons of tissues that overfill my trash cans, when three different allergy medications taken on a rotating schedule still only cut the smallest edge off the misery, I have one of those times. I watch mindless TV until I can't...more Sometimes a girl just needs a break. Every summer, sometime around June, when my allergies are in full force and I can't sleep, can't even breathe through my nose or my mouth without standing up, when the congestion is so bad that I feel my brain is draining out into the gallons of tissues that overfill my trash cans, when three different allergy medications taken on a rotating schedule still only cut the smallest edge off the misery, I have one of those times. I watch mindless TV until I can't watch TV any more. I don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything that doesn't involve the comforts of my couch or bed--that is, when I'm not standing up for the sake of breath, as mentioned above. I'm not pleasant company. I know this, and am grateful for the friends who pretend I am.

This past summer, in the middle of one of these fits, I went with one of those said friends to a favorite local bookstore, Looking Glass in Sellwood. Karen, the owner of this store, and I have spent a number of hours chatting about our favorite literature and poetry, not to mention politics. I told Karen of my plight and my desire for something light and entertaining. She immediately took me to her shelf of Christopher Moore books.

There were, as Moore fans undoubtedly know, a good number of titles to choose from. Because of the overwhelming popularity of the Twilight books right now, I found a parody of vampire legends irresistible, and grabbed You Suck.

Let me just add a few notes here very quickly. First, although I have not read any of Stephanie Meyer's books, I will admit to taking my daughter to Forks, Washington, a few years ago on a Twilight-themed visit. She was twelve, had just read the books, and I had planned a trip up to my favorite getaway spot, Lake Quinault Lodge, an hour or so south of Forks. It wasn't long after out visit that I began hearing rumblings of discontent from her about the stalker-ish themes of the book, so the Twilight appreciation in our household was fairly short lived.

I should maybe also note that one of the first pop culture phenomena my daughter and I bonded over was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, later to expand to most anything created by Joss Whedon. We're familiar with the undead craze here.

Finally, I want to say that there have been very few authors I've read in my adult life that have made me literally laugh out loud. As a matter of fact, the only other one I can think of right now is John Irving. So suffice it to say that I value anyone who can do this.

Moore's novel not only skewers some of the more preposterous aspects of the teen cults of the undead, as I'll call them, but is damned funny to boot. I mean, how can a person not love a book which starts out with the line "You bitch, you killed me! You suck!" in a chapter titled "Get Over It, a Lot of People Are Dead"? Apparently, this is the middle of the protagonist's story, as You Suck is a sequel, but that really doesn't matter so much here: Moore is deft enough at giving context without being pedantic to not make a new reader feel lost. Tommy's transformation feels like a natural place to begin the story, and the characters are mostly full enough to exist as they are here. Within thirty pages, for instance, we find that Tommy is so hungry but so conscientious that instead of feeding on another human he would rather lease out a 35-lb cat named Chet from a homeless wino in order to brave the fur problem and sup a bit at a time.

But funniest of all, I say as the mother of a teenage girl, is the character Abby Normal, the teenage goth vampire groupie. In an early description, Moore depicts her as having "lived much of her life waiting for something extraordinary to happen. No matter where she had been, there was a world somewhere that was more interesting. She'd progressed from wanting to live in a fantastic, kawaii-cute plastic world of Hello Kitty, to being a Day-Glo, Manga lollipop space girl in platform sneakers, and then just a couple of years ago she had moved into the dark gothic world of pseudo vampires, suicidal poets, and romantic disappointment. It was a dark, seductive world where you got to sleep really late on the weekends." I do believe I've met Abby before. A couple of times. Abby gets her own chapters as well, reading like excerpts from her journals, with lines like "Do I need to have a coffin made? Is it okay if it's purple?"

Despite my peculiar fondness, for Abby's melodrama, this book isn't going to change the world. It isn't even really going to change my one life. But it sure was fun to read during days when I couldn't do much else. Which makes it pretty worthwhile, overall.(less)

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Jun 16, 2012 Tina Rath rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is not a recent publication, but I have only just read it, and I want to share. It is a very very funny book dealing with what happens when Thomas J Flood (aka Tommy and, frankly a bit of a geek) is bitten by his beautiful red-haired girlfriend Jody, and turns into "a foul dead thing" - well, a vampire anyway. Their undead existence is sometimes helped but more often complicated by William, the homeless man with the huge cat, Chet, the huge cat himself (shaved early in the proceedings, afte...more

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Apr 20, 2012 OpenBookSociety.com rated it 2 of 5 stars

Review brought to you by OBS Staff member Heidi

Beware of spoilers!

You suck is the second installment of Christopher Moore’s A Love Story series, which is his take on a vampire love story. This series is its own animal; it can be crude and humorous and there is nothing like it that I’ve read. Think vampires meets Janet Evanovich meets a men’s locker room.

You Suck starts off with vampire, Jody, and her boyfriend, Tommy, fighting after he wakes up and discovers that she has turned him into a vampir...more

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Mar 19, 2012 Julio Cesar rated it 5 of 5 stars

Jody mata/convierte a su novio-esbirro Tommy(posteriormente Flood)en vampiro para que la acompañe por la eternidad despues de haber encerrado a Elijah(el vampiro alfa)en una estatua de bronce(misma que tras un intento fallido de ser tirarda al rio es rota(por estatuas humanas celosas de su perfecta inmovilidad y desarrollo pofesional,asi como por el desplazamiento laboral que les ocasiono)dejando libre a un fascinado,divertido y vengativo Elijah que paralelamente al peculiar grupo de Los Animale...more

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Sep 21, 2011 Selene rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: humor, reviewed

I did not like this book as much as I'd hoped. I had read Bloodsucking Fiends (Love Story #1) just before reading this and it was fantastic. I loved Tommy and Jody and loved the way they interacted with well, everyone. So when I saw this was Love Story #2 I assumed it would be about Tommy and Jody, and it kind of is; but it seems to be mostly about Abby Normal. I did not like Abby Normal. And I realize that anything written through her diary would have to be retold for those of us unfortunate...more

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Jul 26, 2011 Vanessa rated it 4 of 5 stars

Christoper Moore is kind of hit-n-miss, but when he hits, he hits it out of the ballpark. You Suck is a homerun and is the third book set in San Francisco with the Emperor and his hounds, a vexed detective, and kookie characters. The first book, Blood Sucking Fiends - A Love Story, should ideally be read before picking up You Suck (though You Suck is understandable on its own). The second book, Dirty Job, is only loosely associated with the other two (same setting, some shared tertiary character...more

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Jun 18, 2011 Michelle R. rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This is the second book in the SanFranVamp series and I have to say I enjoyed it a little bit more than Bloodsucking Fiends, which I also enjoyed. I think the key to it was Abby Normal, a hysterically funny goth girl. I met Abby first in her brief appearance in A Dirty Job and she provided most of the laugh out loudiest lines here. She is a complete brat and yet is rarely annoying, particularly in how she works toward the goal of doing enough for the homeless. ::Recalls details, shakes head, gri...more

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May 20, 2011 Cyndy Aleo rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: vampires

In a quest to ensure I've read every vampire series ever written, I started on Christopher Moore's series, beginning with Bloodsucking Fiends, an amusing story that did better at adhering to vampire canon than Stephenie Meyer did, but infusing it with less of the dark themes and more of a Janet Evanovich take on the mythological monsters. The follow-up, You Suck: A Love Story, falls a bit flat as sequels go.

::: Plot :::

As You Suck: A Love Story begins, our heroine, Jody, the fledgling vampire we...more In a quest to ensure I've read every vampire series ever written, I started on Christopher Moore's series, beginning with Bloodsucking Fiends, an amusing story that did better at adhering to vampire canon than Stephenie Meyer did, but infusing it with less of the dark themes and more of a Janet Evanovich take on the mythological monsters. The follow-up, You Suck: A Love Story, falls a bit flat as sequels go.

::: Plot :::

As You Suck: A Love Story begins, our heroine, Jody, the fledgling vampire we met in Bloodsucking Fiends, has turned her human minion (and boyfriend), the aspiring writer C. Thomas Flood, into a vampire. Concerned that she was going to leave him for her sire, the 800-year-old Elijah, he had both her and her sire bronzed (and ostensibly trapped), but she escaped when he drilled holes for her ears and turned him.

In the madcap plot spun out from the previous novel, Jody and Tommy must find a human minion to help them during the day. Tommy chooses the vampire-obsessed Goth girl Abby, and he and Jody pay a homeless person with a huge cat in alcohol to be their regular snack food. Of course, it's not as simple as that, since Tommy's former grocery store co-workers went to Vegas with money they got from fencing artwork belonging to Elijah, and came home with a blue-dyed prostitute who wants to be a vampire herself.

You Suck: A Love Story has Jody and Tommy running from the ancient and powerful Elijah, two cops who'd planned on retiring with their proceeds from the sale of the art given to them in order to keep the whole killing-a-vampire thing quiet, and the formerly blue hooker who wants eternal life, as well as the money she'd bilked out of Tommy's co-workers in return for sexual services.

::: I Just Don't Give a Fang :::

The plot of You Suck: A Love Story is entertaining enough. Told in multiple points-of-view, including Abby's journal writings, there's plenty of plot here to carry the reader through the 300-and-some-odd pages. The problem? You never care much about what happens to any of the characters.

Two books into a series, I'm still not completely convinced that the allegedly main characters are even in love. There is so much action and running around and such a large cast of characters that not enough time is ever spent with Jody and Tommy to convince me that they really want to be together forever.

Moore could probably make up for the lack of empathy for the characters with the action in this novel, but even that is diluted. Most of the action is described via Abby's journal entries, and her colloquial writing skips over most of the blow-by-blow with "blah-blahs" and the like, dulling the action (and keeping the author from having to explain most of the vampire-canon science in much detail). Everything, from the interpersonal connections to the wannabe-madcap plot, feels like it's being strained through cheesecloth before it ever gets to the reader.

As a fluffy summer read (or one that doesn't require much thinking when on painkillers after surgery), You Suck: A Love Story is okay, but as vampire novels go, it doesn't even rank in my top twenty.

This review was previously published on Epinions: http://www.epinions.com/review/Book_Y...(less)

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About Christopher Moore

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name. See this thread for more information.

Christopher Moore (born 1957 in Toledo, Ohio) is an American writer of absurdist fiction. He grew up in Mansfield, OH, and attended Ohio State University and Brooks Institute of Photography in Santa Barbara, CA.

Moore's novels typically involve conflicted everyman characters...more

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Books by Christopher Moore

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Quotes from You Suck

“Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.” — 184 people liked it

“Stop," I said. "Please do not further endorken yourself to me. You have great hair and a car that is most fly, and you have just saved me with your mad ninja driving skills, so do not sully your heroic hottie image in my mind by further reciting your nerdy scholastic agenda. Don't tell me what you're studying, Steve, tell me what's in your soul. What haunts you?"
And he was like, "Dude, you need to cut back on the caffeine.” — 179 people liked it

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You Suck (A Love Story #2)

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