Live Through This: A Mother's Memoir of Runaway Daughters and Reclaimed Love

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Live Through This: A Mother's Memoir of Runaway Daughters and Reclaimed Love

by Debra Gwartney (Goodreads Author)

3.58 of 5 stars 3.58 · rating details · 483 ratings · 156 reviews

An intensely emotional and redemptive memoir about a mother's mission to rescue her runaway daughters

After a miserably failed marriage, Debra Gwartney moves with her four young daughters to Eugene, Oregon, for a new job and what she hopes will be a new life for herself and her family. The two oldest, Amanda, 14, and Stephanie, 13, blame their mother for what happened, and...more

Hardcover, 224 pages

Published February 11th 2009 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt (first published 2009)

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Dec 19, 2010 Harun Harahap rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: punya, memoir-biografi, non-fiksi, terjemahan

Saya belum menikah apalagi memiliki anak. Maka, saya akan menilai buku ini dengan memposisikan diri sebagai anak.

Seperti halnya Amanda dan Stephani yang memberontak ketika usia remaja, sayapun begitu. Egoisme yang tinggi membuat orangtua saya berpikir ada yang salah dalam cara pengasuhan mereka. Debrapun berpikiran seperti itu, dia kerap menyalahkan dirinya dan mantan suaminya, Tom, atas perceraian mereka.

Saya saja yang memiliki orangtua yang pernikahannya masih utuh terkadang ingin perhatian da...more

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Feb 10, 2009 Rhian rated it 4 of 5 stars

An extremely well-written and absolutely horrifying book. As mother of a couple of pre-teenagers, I read it with an agenda -- How can I keep this from happening to me? -- which made it all the more electrifying.

One thing Gwartney did not include, which an editor should probably have pointed out, is a good sense of who these children were -- what they were like. For most of the book she doesn't distinguish between them or spend much time describing their individual personalities. She knows how t...more

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Feb 26, 2009 Janet rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir-bio

Upon finishing this, I wondered if I should recommend it to my mother. Altho I never ran away and didn't get into the trouble and despair that this author's daughters did, I'm sure my mother experienced the anguish and insecurity that comes from having an out of control family member--whether it be me or my sister who paved the way before me.

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Feb 28, 2009 Brandi rated it 5 of 5 stars

WOW!I was sucked in to this book and am still trying to recover. As a mother, it was a frightening book for me to read. This memoir actually made me get teary-eyed in a few spots, as well as mad. Mad at the author, mad at the ex-husband, mad at the daughters. I guess you could say there were a lot of emotions to deal with and that is part of the reason why I enjoyed it so much. There are some heavy moments in this book where Gwartney implicates herself and I admire that...a lot. I have already t...more

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Feb 22, 2009 Corrina rated it 5 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Live Through This (aptly titled after Hole's post-Cobain grief album, which Gwartney gave her daughters one Christmas) describes the disappearance and return of two of Gwartney's four daughters, teenage girls who chose to leave their mother and then, finally, to come back. The book details the family's collapse, month by month, and the start of its rebuilding. It exposes a truth most would prefer to avoid: There are some situations in which it's genuinely impossible to figure out the "right" thi...more

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Jun 06, 2012 Carla Perry rated it 3 of 5 stars

Debra Gwartney's memoir of a mother of 4 daughters by a previous marriage who lays it all out on the page: her horrendous failures as a mother and ex-wife who puts her own need for anger and revenge ahead of her children’s comfort, and thus causes a situation where the two oldest daughters become street people, first in Eugene, Oregon – doing drugs, alcohol, prostitution - but they’re only 14 and 16 years old. The family rallies around to provide intervention settings – therapies, outward bound...more Debra Gwartney's memoir of a mother of 4 daughters by a previous marriage who lays it all out on the page: her horrendous failures as a mother and ex-wife who puts her own need for anger and revenge ahead of her children’s comfort, and thus causes a situation where the two oldest daughters become street people, first in Eugene, Oregon – doing drugs, alcohol, prostitution - but they’re only 14 and 16 years old. The family rallies around to provide intervention settings – therapies, outward bound courses, residential facilities, then a foster parent setup in Burns. The younger daughter is even angrier, more determined to hit the rail cars and get somewhere else. She’s sent to Montana to live with old friends of Debra’s, but she’s just biding her time. Thousands of dollars are sent by Gwartney's father, brother, her ex-husband, insurance, all producing zero results. The two girls come home briefly – until they take off for California by jumping freight cars. They’re sick, they’re shooting up heroin, they’re living on the street and there’s no help the police can provide because it isn't a crime to run away or live on the streets. Debra portrays herself as a mother who continues making all the wrong decisions – trying to orchestrate what her girls do and when, but that’s obviously not working and she admits she didn’t see it. The two younger girls – they are just slightly more than babies when this odyssey starts – are scared, timid, fragile, waiting for the next explosion. Gwartney barely cares for them as she remains preoccupied with Amanda (the oldest) and Stephanie (the younger of the two runaways.) Finally, Amanda comes homes and gradually works her way up from street person to living with a trashy boyfriend, to living with girlfriends, to living with a good boyfriend and the book ends with her giving birth to his baby. Meanwhile, Stephanie has remained on the streets, first the Tenderloin District of San Francisco, then Tucson. After almost a year, by which time Gwartney has resigned herself that the girl is dead, Stephanie calls, wanting money to save her puppy. Gwartney refuses. She offers to send a plane ticket home, Stephanie hangs up. But eventually the girl returns home, remains angry, belligerent, back to her old street ways and friends in Eugene. Gwartney gives her an ultimatum – apply to the Eagle Rock School in Colorado or get out of her life forever. Stephanie applies, is accepted, goes off and stays there three years, learning skills, becoming a human being again, graduating. A book where both parents and children are dysfunctional, making this an irritating book to read.(less)

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Dec 08, 2011 Rachel Autry rated it 5 of 5 stars

Period 7
A Mother of Runaway Daughters
Live Through This by Debra Gwartney goes deep into her own thoughts and struggles from the night two of her daughters, Amanda and Stephanie, didnt come home. As Gwartney leads us through the years she spent in heartache and confusion, the book becomes more emotional. Gwartney was a mother of four daughters, and the day she finally decided to leave her reckless and irresponsible husband, eveything went downhill. All of a sudden, a single mother moves from Ariz...more

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Apr 26, 2011 Annarosepenny added it

I flew through "Live Through This," the train wreck that is our teenage lives, sometimes. Somehow, even though it's tempting at times, I do not blame the mom for what happened to her two eldest girls, Amanda and Stephanie, ages 15 and 13. In their home in AZ, mom is getting antsy. She's been with the impulsively immature dad for too long (a bad idea since college), and needs out. Who can blame her for packing up her FOUR girls, and leaving for the PNW? Who can blame her for working full time, an...more

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Jun 19, 2010 Jenny rated it 3 of 5 stars

Ok, I cheated on this one & listened to it on CD. I checked it out on a whim and ended up really enjoying it. Listened to it on my way to state parks and around town for the past week and a half - Charles even got into it; I gave him a rundown of whatever he had missed in the intervals between his own listenings, through which he would impatiently roll his hand in the air to get me to just start the CD.

It was fascinating to hear the story of two runaway teenagers from the mother's point of...more

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Jul 22, 2009 Terry rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction, memoir

I picked this book up at the library sort of idly, then discovered it is a story I heard on NPR Y E A R S ago that made such an impression on me I actually wrote a poem based on it! Waaa--crazy. It was very vertigo-inducing to hear the story again in a very extended (and one-sided) version and read over some of the lines and events that made it into the poem. STRANGE. Okay, this is not all about me.

I liked this book because I think Gwartney is pretty honest, even when it pains her to be so. In f...more I picked this book up at the library sort of idly, then discovered it is a story I heard on NPR Y E A R S ago that made such an impression on me I actually wrote a poem based on it! Waaa--crazy. It was very vertigo-inducing to hear the story again in a very extended (and one-sided) version and read over some of the lines and events that made it into the poem. STRANGE. Okay, this is not all about me.

I liked this book because I think Gwartney is pretty honest, even when it pains her to be so. In fact I think she blamed herself almost too much; it's as if the work of excavating the blame that may lie with her is so paralyzing that she can't act on/against it afterward. While I can see where she made mistakes--can't everybody so easily see other people's mistakes? aren't all mistakes glaringly obvious...in hindsight?--I wanted to put my arm around her and tell her her kids probably would have done what they did no matter WHAT she did. The need to "be free" and "explore life" seems like it was in their genes to begin with. So while sometimes her actions or inactions made me impatient, I'm not a mother, so, I can't say anyone else could have done things "better" even if they did things "differently".

But this story is definitely one-sided, and I kind of missed hearing the girls' individual perspectives. But I also admire Gwartney's scrupulous respect for their privacy, for allowing them to own their own experiences, so to speak. It doesn't sound like either one of the girls/women plan to write their own story. I don't know...after I read Beautiful Boy I had ZERO interest in reading the son's story, because he seemed like kind of a jerk, really, even though I think the father was a little blind to his own faults. Gwartney is all too conscious of her own faults; her daughters may just have been self-indulgent drug addicts like Nic Sheff, but they seem more interesting than Sheff. Who knows?

Anyway, the book is kind of a frustrating experience at times, but also a very honest telling of one parent's experience. (less)

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Apr 26, 2009 Katherine Spencer Inskeep rated it 4 of 5 stars

I heard Debra Gwartney interviewed on "This American Life" on NPR with her daughters. Sounded really interesting

This book is a look at the family struggles during a period where both Amanda (then 15) & Stephanie (13) run away and choose to live on the streets. The NPR program featured clips from Debra, Amanda & Stephanie which made it really interesting. The book focuses only on Debra's experience and her point of view. I can relate to her desperation of wanting to find a "fix" (therapis...more

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Mar 14, 2013 Isabel1969 rated it 2 of 5 stars

While absorbing, this true story written by the mother of two run-away teenaged girls is disappointing in that the mother does not seem to have learned the most important lesson. All through the book, from the very first paragraph, Ms. Gwartney is incredibly judgemental against people living on the streets. I can't count the number of times she described with disgust their smell and appearance, including that of her own daughters. Perhaps if she had accepted that they were not the picture of per...more

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Jul 04, 2010 Amy Murray rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2010-amy

Reading this book was equal parts painful and eye-opening. Debra Gwartney survived not only a traumatic divorce, but the near-loss of her two oldest daughters, who turn to a life of drinking, drugs, and homelessness in response to the break-up of their family. Here are what I found to be the most powerful aspects of this book:

1. I was most impressed with Gwartney's ability to look back honestly on the mistakes she made during her divorce. Admitting that she was, at times, more interested in hurt...more Reading this book was equal parts painful and eye-opening. Debra Gwartney survived not only a traumatic divorce, but the near-loss of her two oldest daughters, who turn to a life of drinking, drugs, and homelessness in response to the break-up of their family. Here are what I found to be the most powerful aspects of this book:

1. I was most impressed with Gwartney's ability to look back honestly on the mistakes she made during her divorce. Admitting that she was, at times, more interested in hurting her ex-husband than protecting the emotional needs of her daughters had to be a painful revelation to make. However, it is clear by her tone that she isn't out for pity, she is merely stating facts: here is what happened, here is how I reacted, here is what I learned.

2. The most painful portion of the story, for me, was identifying with Mary and Mollie, the author's two youngest daughters, who are so often pushed to the back burner as their mother scrambles to save their older sisters. Having been raised in a household with a single mom raising six daughters, three of whom tested boundaries much the way Gwartney's oldest daughters did, I can tell you how frustrating and heartbreaking it is to grow up in the shadow of your sibling's drama and addiction. So many times, while reading this book, I wanted to scream at the author for ignoring her youngest children--the daughters who were going to school, getting good grades, DOING WHAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO DO--and yet, as a mother, I can understand the flip-side of the situation: could I just walk away from a child who was choosing to live on the streets? Could I rest without knowing for certain they were safe every night? This had to be something the author struggled with every day, leaving her "good" daughters to fend for themselves because she was certain they could, while chasing after the selfish children who didn't want to be caught.

Overall, this is a powerful book written by a brave woman who never gave up on her difficult children, no matter how badly they acted or how much hell they brought in to the family. You can't help but root for this family from the first page to the last...and it's hard to rest at night, yourself, without knowing whether her daughters are going to turn out safe or not.(less)

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Mar 06, 2012 Violet rated it 3 of 5 stars

Reading books about parents with 'out of control' kids/teens is difficult for me for a variety of reasons, both personal and professional. It's easy to watch someone else's parenting and think, "Jeeez, you're doing it wrong!" - and it's hard, as a parent, to describe the intricacies of parent-child interactions to someone who doesn't live in your home.

That said, I think it's good for non-parents to realize how very little parents can do to help their children in even the most dire circumstances...more

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Mar 28, 2012 Alvina rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: biography, pinjem

Judul Buku : Live Through This (Kekuatan Cinta Seorang Ibu)
Penulis : Debra Gwartney
Penerjemah : Rahmani Astuti
Penerbit : Mahda Books
Cetakan Pertama : Agustus 2009
ISBN : 978-979-19926-1-9

Kisah ini diceritakan dari sudut pandang seorang Ibu yang terus berjuang mendapatkan kepercayaan anaknya kembali. Sejak bercerai dari suaminya, Debra, sang Ibu ini, mengalami berkali-kali keputusasaan yang sangat karena dua anak pertamanya bermasalah. Stephanie dan Amanda, nama anak-anak perempuan itu, mulai seri...more

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Jan 07, 2012 Glenda rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book was such an emotional journey and I felt so bad for the mother. Not knowing where your children are, if they are dead or alive, has got to be one of the worst things in the world. I don't think anything was the mother's fault and sometimes kids are going to do what they are going to do regardless of how good of parenting they have. There are so many kids addicted to drugs and in the same situation that come from great homes and have good parents. I believe that there are alot of factor...more

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Jun 29, 2011 Neneng rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

“Tidak bisakah kami pulang saja dan kembali pada kehidupan normal? Aku tidak bisa mengingat kenapa aku membuang anak-anakku ke pegunungan yang luar biasa dingin itu. Untuk apa? Apa yang tidak bisa dibetulkan disana, yang tidak bisa dibetulkan sendiri oleh seorang ibu yang penuh pengabdian dan disiplin?”

Setelah perceraian dengan suaminya, dan keempat putrinya diputuskan oleh pengadilan untuk hidup dengannya, Debra menjadi seorang single mom yang penuh perjuangan dan pengabdian dalam membesarkan p...more

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Jan 04, 2010 Truly rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Belinya sih bereng silver Phonix, tp baru ingat belum dibaca.
Setelah membaca setidaknya bisa memahami banyak hal tentang kasih sayang seorang ibu.Walau kadang menjengkelkan menurut kita, namun seorang ibu pasti ingin yang terbaik untuk anaknya. Memang tidak bisa dipungkiri cara yang dipilih untuk menunjukkan kasih sayangnya kadang malah menjengkelkan bagi seorang anak.

Seorang ibu akan dianggap cerewet jika berulang kali mengingatkan anaknya untuk sejenak berhenti beraktifitas dan menyegerakan ma...more

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Mar 18, 2010 Irena Politzer rated it 4 of 5 stars

This was a really excellent, thought-provoking book. From an outsider's perspective, it's easy to see some of the mistakes that Debra (the mom) made immediately following her divorce -- of course it would be very hard on her daughters to move away and pretend that their father never existed! In hindsight, she realizes that she should have treated their transition more carefully and talked to them more openly (and ideally, with less rancor against their father). But it's way too easy to blame all...more

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Apr 28, 2009 Danielle rated it 4 of 5 stars

I started reading this book and thought man this story sounds awfully familiar. Turns out I had actually heard it on a segment of This American Life. Of course the book goes into much more detail than they could cover in a 20 minute radio segment, so it wasn't as if reading it was a complete waste of time.

I actually really enjoyed the book, although it made me sad. The story is basically about a family with 4 daughters, the older 2 of whom run away from home. The book is written by the mother b...more

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Apr 14, 2009 Beryl rated it 4 of 5 stars Recommends it for: family's coping with teenage drug abuse

Recommended to Beryl by: MPR

Debra Gwartney's wondrously open and honest memoir of the years spent agonizing over her runaway daughters had me raging with frustration at times, knowing exactly where she was coming from and waiting impatiently for her to make the decisions that would put the responsibility for their lives back on her daughters' shoulders, where it belonged.

People I've told about this book, have said that there had to be something more serious under the surface that the author hasn't revealed. I wouldn't kno...more

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Sep 28, 2009 Emily Udell rated it 2 of 5 stars

I wanted to read this memoir since I heard the moving "This American Life" piece focusing on the author and her daughters. I think Gwartney admirably attempted to cop to her own failures as a mother with a straightforward portrayal of her thoughts and motivations, but she left me with a vague lack of sympathy for her plight (was it really any wonder her daughters rebelled so hardcore?). I also found the narrative needlessly choppy; the author was constantly interrupting events with flashbacks th...more

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Jun 21, 2010 Bridgett rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, non-fiction

I was surprised how much I loved this book. I finished it yesterday, and I can't stop thinking about it. Gwartney is so honest, numbingly so; in fact, there are times when she is unlikable, when you want to question her behavior, but because she is there before the reader, questioning the entire time, reflecting on every bad decision, and ultimately coming to no satisfactory conclusion as to why her daughters ran away, you realize that the instinct to question her ability to mother properly is e...more

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May 22, 2011 Jess rated it 5 of 5 stars

From the moment I picked up this book, I could barely put it down. This is the story of two runaway teenage daughters, written from the perspective of their own mother, Debra Gwartney. Gwartney's tale is powerful and heart-wrenching. She relives the months and years of her daughters' disappearance with honest intensity. I am not a mother, but I felt such a connection with this woman. She was painfully honest about her well-intentioned, yet misguided and ultimately damaging actions as a parent. T...more

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Jul 08, 2012 Diane Yannick rated it 4 of 5 stars

Rating 3/4. Loved mom's honesty in describing the train wreck she lived through. Having 15 and 13 year old daughters choose to live on the streets rather than the home you've built, must be beyond awful. Sure, you can easily blame the mother for divorcing, moving far away from dad, and deciding that she can raise four daughters on her own. I don't think that's fair. It's easy to sit back and judge a mother who reaches the end of her rope. It's not easy to try your best to solve problems and have...more

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May 09, 2009 Shawna rated it 4 of 5 stars

A good read, but as always with this type of book (like "Augusta Gone")
I tend to get angry at the behavior of the children and be amazed at how much abuse the mother will put up with. Debra also puts out a lot of money to force her daughters into a variety of alternative programs in the hopes of changing their behavior. I wonder what a person is supposed to do who doesn't have well-off parents, or rich former in-laws, or a variety of friends who'll step in and take the girls off her hands.

Also...more

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Sep 24, 2011 Tina Boscha rated it 5 of 5 stars

This book triggers a lot of emotion in readers, especially those who are mothers. Gwartney paints a painful, complete, and honest picture of living through a disruptive and difficult time (trying to avoid spoilers here). What I loved about this book, beyond the beautiful prose, is that Gwartney did not spare herself. She does not paint herself as a martyr and honestly deals with the complex emotions that accompanied her daughters' habitual running away. No one is perfect in this book, and yet in...more

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May 09, 2009 Jennifer rated it 4 of 5 stars

I can't even tell you why I read this. I think there was an article about it in People Magazine, which I was clutching recently on a turbulent flight. I must have said to myself, "Oh yes! A memoir about a mother with horrible teenagers! That sounds better than a plane crash." And then, apparently, I requested it from the library.

But here's the thing -- it was really good. It was good in that way that Lifetime movies-of-the-week are good after a really hard day. I couldn't put it down. The writin...more

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Apr 07, 2011 Tabitha Blankenbiller rated it 5 of 5 stars

This semester has been chock full of mothers. There’s my most-love-to-hate mother, Jeanette Walls’ in The Glass Castle. Ruth Reichl’s mother swings from maddeningly eccentric in Tender at the Bone to an empathetic portrait in Not Becoming My Mother. There’s the shocking suicide of Nick Flynn’s mother in Another Bullshit Night in Suck City, which he may or may not blame on himself. Pam Houston’s is largely absent, but does pop in every once and a while to remind her that she’s fat in A Little Mor...more This semester has been chock full of mothers. There’s my most-love-to-hate mother, Jeanette Walls’ in The Glass Castle. Ruth Reichl’s mother swings from maddeningly eccentric in Tender at the Bone to an empathetic portrait in Not Becoming My Mother. There’s the shocking suicide of Nick Flynn’s mother in Another Bullshit Night in Suck City, which he may or may not blame on himself. Pam Houston’s is largely absent, but does pop in every once and a while to remind her that she’s fat in A Little More About Me. And oh, how the title mother in Angela’s Ashes exasperates and breaks our hearts in one fell swoop! And it makes sense. How can you write a memoir that doesn’t feature your mother? Even if you’re chronicling your years in isolation on a mountain in Tanzania, her voice is going to pop into your head and narrative lecturing you to remember your jacket.

While virtually every memoir and essay collection has featured the author’s mother, Live Through This stands out as the only book I’ve read this semester that is written by a mother being a mother. Many of the authors I’ve read have had children, but the journey they’ve written about isn’t centered around what it takes to succeed or fail as a mother. These questions consume Gwartney during her daughter’s tumultuous adolescence, and create a raw and dividing narrative. Nothing sets you up for criticism quite like discussing your parenting strategies. You’ve instantly turned your audience into a cluster of critics: it seems to be common belief that if you’ve had a mother, you’re fit to judge one. Parenting styles and choices are easy to pick apart. With a combination of hindsight and self-importance, it’s easy to rip Gwartney apart. She’s made herself completely vulnerable to it, honestly discussing her choices and motivations in her divorce and life as a single mother. She does not shy away from admitting mistakes and agonizing over what she did or did not do, inviting us in to analyze with her. It takes a lot of chutzpah to write that you told your troubled daughter “I’m done, I’m finished. I give up. We can’t live together anymore… I am so fucking done with you” (Gwartney 198-199).

Live Through This takes no prisoners. The runaway daughters are painted in unflattering shades of ungratefulness, selfishness and downright stupidity that made me want to smack them in their snarky little faces. Despite the honest frustration and hurt that Gwartney expresses, you never doubt what she wrestles and struggles and even occasionally tries to deny—that she loves these daughters unconditionally. And these are certainly conditions. She treads the dichotomy between love and hate that arises from the bond of family challenged by the reality of behavior. When it comes down to it, no one is harder on Debra that Gwartney. “If in that moment,” she often agonizes, isolating those twitches in consciousness and motion that, years later, signify communication and signals that only superhumans could sense in real-time. Yet this is a mother’s job, she thinks, a good mother would know. Would she? Is she a good mother, a bad mother, or just as human as everyone else within the story?

Gwartney avoids ever labeling herself as either, leaving an almost-dare for us to decide. She’s made arguments for both sides, leaving us with a final vision of a healing and growing family. The book ends on a wonderful last line, where daughter Amanda recounts the advice given by her mother as she delivered her newborn: “You said, Amanda, do it for your baby” (Gwartney 222). This book, and everything Debra did within it, was for her babies. Whether you believe you’d have done the same, you’re hard-pressed to deny that. This level of truthfulness and clarity is only achieved through writing this absolutely honest. It is a work of bravery and persistence, and I deeply admire that.

(less)

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May 12, 2013 Sharon rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: pacific-u-mfa

I agree with what another of my Goodreads friends says here: I've read many memoirs in which the authors talk about their mothers, but this one is unusual in that it is about mothering, about being a mother, and the toughest choices any mother could ever have to face. Gwartney writes with such honesty and intensity that my life was taken over by this beautiful, haunting book. It's an incredibly gripping story, and the way she gives telling, vivid details (like having to use a shoe buckle to open...more

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