How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?
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How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

4.25 of 5 stars 4.25  ·  rating details  ·  57 ratings  ·  33 reviews
I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known a 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has a good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happin...more
Paperback, 252 pages
Published August 20th 2000 by Writer's Showcase Press (first published July 24th 2000)
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Books Ring Mah Bell
THIS IS UNRATEABLE. I have NO IDEA what to do with this book, rating-wise or review-wise. I am stumped. Maybe I need to not worry about "petty tyrants" and start shooting out dirty fibers and make ** several times a day.

Fun fact: a happy, healthy anus should look like sun, radiating beams.


-------------------------------------------------------
(before reading)

Oh, Hiroyuki! You make sound so simple!

No Prozac, Zoloft, Elavil, Desipramine; Nortriptyline; Cymbalta, Effexor,
Trazodone; Paxil, or Wellb...more
Joshua Nomen-Mutatio
Sep 21, 2010 Joshua Nomen-Mutatio marked it as too-insane-for-reading
I SWEAR ON THE STILL WARM CORPSE OF MARY LOU RETTON THAT THIS BOOK'LL CHANGE YOUR LIFE IT IS ABOUT THE JOYS OF ANALLY-DERIVED HAPPINESS SPHINCTER CONTROL TO THE NTH DEGREE WAVE BYE BYE TO BAD THOUGHTS.

RETTON OUT!
Lane Wilkinson
I no longer depression thank you to the author who has reliably shown that constriction of anus 100 daily times makes vigor, anti-aging, good complexion, beauty treatment, intuition, hair, conjugal affection. My learning in that constriction of anus 100 daily times gives me Business CEO mentality intuition. Don't believe in? 89 year old man have 6 vigorous bowel movements each day because of goodbye-depression with not much discharge from abdomen. Constrict anus 100 daily times and soon only 5 m...more
Vann
Sep 16, 2007 Vann rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Benji Cossa
I got this book as a joke when I worked at the bookstore. It is basically a collection of emails sent to this guy regarding his cure for depression and then (I'm guessing) translated using some really wonky Japanese-to-English computer program, resulting in a book that works pretty well as an avant garde novel. Reading it, I tried his method and found it quite effective. If you can count the times you flex your butthole up to a hundred without busting out laughing, then you must be really bummed...more
Colin Tate
This is an incredibly funny book that details how you can beat depression. It is written by a guy who I genuinely think means well, but the fact that English isn't his native language, plus lashings of absolutely stonking levels of crazy (well-meaning crazy), creates a book that has left me and my friends in hysterical tears.

I'm just going to flip open to any page, and I'll type in the first paragraph I come across:

"It is easy to erase your sticky immaterial like a soft jelly in your muscle, but...more
Torie Duda
If you want to prove the idea that anyone can get published, I urge you to buy this book. It is written in ...um...English of sorts. I can't even describe it to you, just try reading any description of it and that should tell you everything you need to know. It still makes me laugh years after a friend found it online (she now owns the only copy we know of!). Entertaining and sad (heavy on the sad side).
Soami
Nov 07, 2009 Soami marked it as to-read-misc
How could I pass this up? Joining goodreads was indeed worth my while :P
Evie
May 05, 2009 Evie marked it as want-to-read
I want to read this book so badly.
Fred
This book is the greatest book since Macho Business Donkey Wrestler by Jimmy James, albeit the Super Karate Monkey Death Car doesn't try to park in his spot. Reading this book will goodbye depression.

Sure, some people will read to the end to find out that "your third attention that hides within your body is like a smoke in a treasure-chest. How to recognize and handle it for you. Erasing stickiness make it appear from your body." But the beauty of this book is the journey.

Some of the best comme...more
Aaron
This book changed my life. Literally.
I mean, with groundbreaking ideas that the "liberal elitist media" seek to discredit, such as:
"Many kinds of sticky, feverish, cold or numb immaterial clouds are floating above our head and our houses. They are running sticky, feverish, cold or numb energy into our bodies so as to weaken or kill us. To set ourselves free or cure diseases of ours or of others, we have to cut the pipe between us and such a cloud."

*pow*

That was my head exploding. I can't believe...more
Charlotte
Oct 09, 2012 Charlotte marked it as if-you-recommend-this-i-ll-bite-you
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....



Bwahaha.
Dear Hiroyuki Nishigaki, THANK YOU HEARTILY for lengthening my lifespan by about eight years thanks to the laughter you bestowed upon me.



HOW TO GOOD-BYE DEPRESSION... ahhh, I won't even comment on the rest of the title.

Thank you, sir.
Kim
Aug 08, 2012 Kim marked it as to-read
Shelves: what-the-hell
I have strong butt muscles now from constrictanus-ing my anus 100 times.
...
..
What am I saying. What the HELL?!
JT
I learned that to constrict anus 100 times is indeed malarky, but well worth the time.
Seizure Romero
Jul 22, 2009 Seizure Romero marked it as to-read
Recommends it for: anyone who wants to burn out the dirty stickiness & shoot out immaterial fiber, of course.
Just...wow.
Rob
Aug 29, 2010 Rob marked it as possibly--possibly-not
Shelves: humor
God as my witness, I don't know where to put this…in my categories, that is. But my anus seems to be constricting just thinking about it.

The thing I'd love to know, if anyone cares to inform me (I doubt I'm ever going to run across this in my library) is this: does the blurb give the entire 'plot' away?
Scott Bauer
I was sure that constricting my anus 100 times a day would be pure malarkey but I couldn't have been more wrong. This book showed me the way to a knew lifestyle free of depression and un-constricted anuses.
Claire
Sep 08, 2012 Claire marked it as will-not-read
LOL Ok now that I have calmed down a bit, I can say that I marked this as a will not read because, let's me honest, I'll probably never get to it. LOL still laughing.
Andy
Sep 09, 2008 Andy rated it 5 of 5 stars
Shelves: humor
Translation software in its infancy was a laughing matter and so is this book. Join the Anus 100 club!
Jonathan Casey
A hilarious mess.
Marvin
Dec 09, 2011 Marvin marked it as to-read
No, I do not actually intend to read this book but I really have to comment on the idea. I have worked as a therapist for decades and have plenty of experience dealing with depressive episodes (theirs and mine). If constricting your anus 100 times every day actually works I'm all for it but, if it does, it's going to put a lot of people out of work!

OK now...one...two...three..four...
Gloriavirtutisumbra
Someone handed me this and said you simply wont believe it. And well... i certainly didn't expect it. The subtitle on the cover didn't sink in until several weeks later. I give it three stars for bravery. (they recommend doing something like this in yoga so i guess its relatively.. normal.. i really have no idea.)
Carol Barnier
You don't read this for the content. you read it for unintended humor. The author wrote it in Japanese and then used a non-humann translator to put it into English, which makes for some of the funniest reading you'll ever find.

This book has developed a cult following!
John
Sep 10, 2008 John rated it 5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: Goodbying Depression people without malarkey
This book...wow...is so unintentionally funny. I highly recommend hunting down a copy. It may be kinda hard to find by now though....
Tom
This is the perfect self help book to read when you're on the toity!
Kevin Way
Surprisingly, this is not the worst book I've ever read.
Mike Lester
May 09, 2012 Mike Lester marked it as to-read
What the hell? Gotta try everything, right?
Bunny Gamer
May 25, 2007 Bunny Gamer rated it 3 of 5 stars
Recommends it for: the depressive masses
i really hope it's not malarkey.
David
Dec 29, 2010 David marked it as to-read
fascinating...
John Pullega
Effective Way.
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“Besides shooting out a big blank from your buttock, you can feel as if your root chakra leaked sweet hot mucus. ” 7 likes
“I think it is effective to constrict your anus 100 times, dent your navel 100 times in succession everyday. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway without being noticed for you to do so. I have known 70 year old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness, and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance.” 3 likes
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