A Red-Tainted Silence

Feb 09, 2011 Emanuela ~plastic duck~ rated it 4 of 5 stars

Recommended to Emanuela ~plastic duck~ by: Suong Doan

Shelves: rockstars, rainbow-gay, glbt, romance, contemporary

01/18/13: Revised rating after a couple of years of reading m/m: from 5 to 4.

The most incoherent review I'll ever write. What is it about this book that grabbed me so much that I couldn't put it down no matter what was happening? There are a lot of things here that I usually don't appreciate: the main characters (and everyone else) cry every two pages; the main characters go through so many painful things that it's just not possible unless God has specifically something against you; the story go...more 01/18/13: Revised rating after a couple of years of reading m/m: from 5 to 4.

The most incoherent review I'll ever write. What is it about this book that grabbed me so much that I couldn't put it down no matter what was happening? There are a lot of things here that I usually don't appreciate: the main characters (and everyone else) cry every two pages; the main characters go through so many painful things that it's just not possible unless God has specifically something against you; the story goes back and forth between the past and the present and part of it is written as a sort of diary so you get a book in a book while it's being written and while it's being read; Brandon - the main narrator - seems cold and detached and maybe even whiny for a long time. But but but but but I'm in love with this book.

And I know why. I feel so close to Brandon that I hurt throughout the book. Not good enough. Not loved enough. Not useful enough. Not nice enough. Not funny enough. Not outgoing enough. The best compliment that he could receive: talented and closed off. The best way he could be perceived: cold, disinterested, distant. His blessing and damnation: falling in love with someone like Nicholas, who is the natural magnet of people's affection, basking in his spotlight and living with the fear of losing the everything he has become for him. Brandon loses himself completely in Nicholas, he is annihilated in his lover, who becomes the center and goal of his life.

Brandon's perspective of the events is twisted and bent like space-time around a black hole and although Nicholas is regarded as a sunny guy who brings joy and happiness in everyone's life, he ends up sucking away all of Brandon's energy and sanity, because Brandon goes through hell to keep him safe and content, up to the point of making Nicholas let him go. I think it's very significant that we hear about Brandon writing his music up until he meets Nicholas and then his music, which is his talent, becomes quite incidental in his life.

Although I complained about the flashbacks, I think they saved me because the story read in chronological order would have torn me apart. From the very first time Brandon and Nicholas meet, there is disdain, hate and violence around them, and in Brandon's flawed view they take center stage almost obnubilating their good times and achievements. When the narration switches to Nicholas, we finally see the sunnier side of the story, how Brandon is cherished by his lover. And thank you, dear Author, for breaking my heart all over again, because it becomes clear the time and strength Brandon wasted while thinking he was never good enough for Nicholas.

In all this ordeal there is a mystery to be unravelled regarding who has been blackmailing Brandon for ten years - Brandon and Nicholas are rockstars in the closet - and has had Nicholas kidnapped and tortured. I think it's pretty obvious, but the author kept her cards close to her chest and unsettled me in the second part of the book with disturbing behaviors by all the secondary characters involved. Very good.

The book is long, angsty, twisted, warped, confusing, but I think the author made an incredible portrait of Brandon's personality and it deeply resonated with me. I'd recommend it to patient people.(less)

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Nov 18, 2011 Vio rated it 2 of 5 stars

Recommended to Vio by: Td

Shelves: not-my-thing, major-angst, torture, abuse, dragged, melodrama-galore

I am annoyed and frustrated, what could have been an awesome read didn't happen. I did get drowned, in over the top drama and childish characters who whined and cried continuously. Jonathon was just creepy with the touchy feely thing going on with Nick. He must of secretly lusted after him, or else why would he cut Brandon his brother from his life? He goes off to support Nick, yeah that was totally believable.

There was repetitive dialogue that made the book drag and the angst OMG, was it necess...more

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Dec 14, 2011 Lasha rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: dnr-rape, kindle-borrowing

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I picked up the second book on the advise of another reviewer. I did not realize it was part of a series, so I bought "A Red-Tainted Silence" to make sure I had background on all the characters from the second book, "Long Way Home." Now I am dreading reading book two because I really did not enjoy this book.

While the writing was solid and Ms. Gray shows promise as a romance writer the plot completely failed in its execution for me. Why? Completely unrealistic and melodramatic. I felt as if I was...more I picked up the second book on the advise of another reviewer. I did not realize it was part of a series, so I bought "A Red-Tainted Silence" to make sure I had background on all the characters from the second book, "Long Way Home." Now I am dreading reading book two because I really did not enjoy this book.

While the writing was solid and Ms. Gray shows promise as a romance writer the plot completely failed in its execution for me. Why? Completely unrealistic and melodramatic. I felt as if I was watching a Spanish telenova as at the end of every chapter there was a major reveal or cliffhanger which got more and more unbelievable as the long novel progressed. By the time I got to the dead deer in the protagonists' bed, this was very nearly a do not finish for me. But I held out, hoping that the book would improve -- it didn't.

The characterizations of Brandon and Nick were fine, in fact, I loved that they fell in love at first sight and endured so much together, but the plot ultimately dragged the love story down. I knew who the bad guy was 15 pages in, so that big reveal at the end was not a surprise. The bad guy's motivations made no sense to me and so I was lost there.

Also, for people with triggers, this is not the book for you. There are multiple rapes in it. MULTIPLE. Nick isn't abused once, but many times by many people, as is the other main character, Brandon. The rapes were the main focus of the plot and I hate it when sexual assault is used as a plot device. That did not work for me and was another unrealistic part of the book.

I thought I was getting a book about two rock stars in the closet and their relationship woes. What I got was a stalker-rapist-thriller that did not work on any level. First the police procedure was not researched. When one of the main characters is kidnapped the FBI are not involved, just local police. Second, when crazy stalker sets off a bomb, the ATF are not called in to investigate. And lastly when does protective custody mean Rolling Stone reporters can come in interview and take pictures of where the persons in protective custody are hiding? Wouldn't that make it easy for the bad guys to find you? Hello.

I just needed a little realism for this, just a little. What could have been a great love story between two bandmates turned into a angst-fest of rape, violence and a convoluted plot that had so many unbelievable twists and turns I gave up 35% of the way in. Not recommended.

(I hope book two is better and has less drama, stalkers and rapes because hot rock stars in love is a favorite plot of mine.)
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Jan 09, 2010 Ami rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: mm-romance-or-erotica, 4-and-half-stars_rating

4.5 stars
This is a love story of Brandon and Nicholas. Not a simple love story. It starts in present day, when Brandon decides that he will write about his relationship with Nicholas -- as his lover recurperating in hospital after being kidnapped and tormented for 6 weeks.

Part one of the story is from Brandon's point of view, as he explains how and why he falls in love with Nicholas. Brandon, from the very first time, decides that he will be Nicholas's white knight, his protector -- even if he...more 4.5 stars
This is a love story of Brandon and Nicholas. Not a simple love story. It starts in present day, when Brandon decides that he will write about his relationship with Nicholas -- as his lover recurperating in hospital after being kidnapped and tormented for 6 weeks.

Part one of the story is from Brandon's point of view, as he explains how and why he falls in love with Nicholas. Brandon, from the very first time, decides that he will be Nicholas's white knight, his protector -- even if he is a year younger. He positions himself as the shadow to Nicholas's sun. Brandon is more quiet, reserved, and does not feel comfortable in the spotlight, unlike Nicholas who is more outgoing and the center of his friends' affection.

The story unfolds approaching the present time, that there is something more to the story of Brandon, a secret that he keeps, one that results in him pulling away from Nicholas. A reason why he never feels that he deserved Nicholas. A reason why he accepts the falling apart of his relationship. Before the kidnapping happens.

When Brandon collapses, the story turns to Nicholas's point of view. The present time. He is fighting for his lover, trying to understand what Brandon has been secretly guarded in his mind. Because for Nicholas, Brandon is the child of the sun. His sun. His source of strengths. He can't ever let Brandon go. Even prior to the kidnapping, Nicholas is trying to get Brandon back into his life. And there is no way, Nicholas will not let Brandon give up to the darkness now.

This book has turned me into an emotional wreck - I cried buckets and felt mellow. If I can sum up to one word, this one will be EPIC. Logan and Veronica's epic (reference to the show "Veronica Mars" here). It is definitely the best tear-jerker gay fiction I read so far. I am so in love with the characters, deeply attached to what Brandon and Nicholas have been through, in course of 10 years of their life. When I finish the book, it feels like triumph for both of them. I know that they will be all right, stronger than before. But OH GOD, it doesn't stop making my heart aches for them while reading. An amazing accomplished story (even if there are a LOT of tears between the two men).

But I think I will continue to cry a bit here ... *sniff*(less)

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Oct 02, 2011 Deeze rated it 2 of 5 stars

OK I apologise in advance as this is going to be longwinded lol. But for me there were just too many things that anoyed or failed to make sence or were just totally unbelievable in this book for me to enjoy it.

(view spoiler)...more OK I apologise in advance as this is going to be longwinded lol. But for me there were just too many things that anoyed or failed to make sence or were just totally unbelievable in this book for me to enjoy it.

(view spoiler)[ We meet Nick and Brandon briefly when they are roughly 17 and again when they are 19. By the end of the book they are about 31 yet I saw no maturity in the things they said or did. It was still like reading about 2 horny highschool kids, and believe me they were horny a lot.

Yvonne (reveiwer) made the point about Nick living in a shelter dispite everyone adorring him and I agree. He has friends that love him a wife and her,I assume well off Grandad, that adores him, yet he lives in a homeless shelter with nothing more than a box of belongings?

The Hospital, which appears to be a regular hospital, (no private one for our Mega rich heroes), removes their stitches/staples (seems they had both), after a week. Now I'm no medical expert but Brandon had about 27 stitches in his back although we learn that his wound was not as serious as Nicks, and Nick had a very deep life threatening stab wound to his stomach that went right up to his arm pit. Doesnt a week seem a bit soon to have them removed?

Then theres good old nurse Goodall, so nice and insightfull. She knows there is something deep and dark and more going on in Brandons head (of course she does she a female they always know), but she can also command the staff at other hospitals too.

My favorite though I think is Katie. Shy little Katie that one week is a fan they bump into and the next she is the most awesome PA. She can get things done super fast, (the dog run built within hours), and more she can make Marisa do her bidding. This is Marisa the baracuda that comands all of Nicks time. The same one thats been in charge for a lot longer than 2 weeks?

Then we have all these straight guys that love to nuzzle Nicks neck while cuddling him in and out of bed, especially Jonathon who acts more gay than the gay guys.

The holes in the big stalker mystery are far to numerous to mention, although I still find it ironic that a house in a gated comunity with a guard can so easily be got into trashed, and a large dead animal can be left behind but no one saw anything? so our guys move to a remote isolated house with no security at all to feel safe?

I could go on but I think I've rambled enough. My final point would be the writing style. The writing is all over the place. It skips and jumps and not just between past and present. At times it was a chore just to keep track of who was talking. As for all this edge of the seat angst that others found I totally missed out on it. No sooner was I starting to get involved than the writing switched and I was left pushed out. It was like getting dumped off a round about and trying to get back on again. I just couldnt.

In fact over all this reminded me of the on line stories I used to read. They were added to each week with so many plots appearing to keep it going, and thats exactly what this felt like. Things seemed to be added just to keep it going. (hide spoiler)]

This could of been a wonderful story if written right, but for me it was just a muddled messs with far too many characters and far to many sub plots. (less)

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Sep 03, 2010 Stacey Jo rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Twila

Shelves: mm-i-ve-read, mm-contemporary, mm-i-own, mm-rockstars-music, mm-mystery

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. I really enjoyed this story. It was an emotional ride from start to finish. I liked the change in perspective in that part 1 was in Brandon's voice, and the second half was in Nicholas' voice. I liked being able to see into the thoughts of the two main characters.
Now to what annoyed me...Oh the endless crying >:o\ Good grief, the breeze blew and they were bawling! I mean, I like a guy to be sensitive, but to cry at the drop of a hat? No. After a while I was like, really? are we crying again?...more

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Jun 25, 2011 Bookbee rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m, contemporary, e-book, 2011, favourites, read_deleted-from-reader-for-room

Wow, Wow, Wow...just WOW! I finished reading this last night but felt I needed to sleep on it before I could write my review. It's morning now and I am still no closer to being able to do this book justice.

The format worked for me - switching from present to past and back again, revealing the story in tantalizing tidbits. The first person POV, first Brandon then Nicholas, worked well. Amazingly, each MC was revealed more fully by the other narrator, painting a complex and detailed portrait.

This...more

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Mar 24, 2009 Elisa Ramblings added it

This is the classic example of a romance that takes you in spite of yourself.

I buy nearly all the ebooks that Loose Id publishes in the M/M genre, and therefore I have bought also this book, moreover recommended by an American yahoo group which I participate.

I have bought blindly, without really reading the plot or checking the length, and it is this last one that shocked me: I opened the book, in electronic format, at 10.00 p.m., thinking, as usual, to read it in one session, and with my grea...more This is the classic example of a romance that takes you in spite of yourself.

I buy nearly all the ebooks that Loose Id publishes in the M/M genre, and therefore I have bought also this book, moreover recommended by an American yahoo group which I participate.

I have bought blindly, without really reading the plot or checking the length, and it is this last one that shocked me: I opened the book, in electronic format, at 10.00 p.m., thinking, as usual, to read it in one session, and with my great surprise and displeasure, I found instead that the book was more than 750 pages long!!! Impossible to read it in one shot and above all, did I want to begin such a long book?

I put it aside for some evenings, and finally, with courage in my two hands, I have begun to read it: and then the book has made its magic. It is a heartbreaking story about two young people that meet and fall in love when they are about twenty years old, then spend the following 10 years on the ups and downs of their relation, and conclude the book still together, still fighting in order to make this relation work.

The book begins from the end, or at least this is what the reader believes: Brandon is at the bedside of Nicholas, who is just after a kidnapping that wounded him in body and spirit, but they decide together that it is worthwhile overcoming their misunderstandings in order to build a future together. All is perfect, thinks the reader, this is the happily ever after of the book... but instead Brandon begins thinking of the past, of the errors he made in his relation with Nicholas, while at the same time in the present some unexpected switches occur.

The reader finds himself hurled between present and past alternatively, and he cannot decide if he is more interested in understanding what happened in the past or what is happening in the present... both stories are closely tied, but also strangely far from each other: two parallel stories, but with enough strength to make them both important and enthralling.

Brandon is the younger of the two, he was 17 when they met. He felt in love with Nicholas at first sight, and from that moment on, as he says, he has been prepared for the pain to come when finally he loses Nicholas; since the beginning Brandon is convinced that their story cannot last, Nicholas is too beautiful, too much centre - of - the - stage, too much cool, too much... everything, so that sooner or later he will realise that Brandon is not on his level and will leave him. Brandon sees himself like a simple shadow when compared to successful Nicholas; his deep inferiority sense not only make him see Nicholas through rose-tinted glasses, but also distorts his perception of himself. While he remembers of their past, painful, heartbreaking memories overwhelm him until his mind jams to get somehow rids of the sorrow; the reader can see it because, while at the beginning memories are precise and detailed, step by step, while the story goes on, they get more and more chaotic and haphazard. Moreover Brandon, towards the end, remembers only of the ugly moments and omits the happy ones, even if there must have been some of course, since his love for Nicholas is still so strong.

At the moment of Brandon’s black out, the story’s front changes: till that moment it’s Brandon speaking in first person, now it’s up to Nicholas letting us discover Brandon’s pain, understand his bitter awareness that he egoistically abandoned Brandon, just when Brandon was more needing him. Even if it’s Nicholas the one who is physically suffering, and that we find since the beginning in a hospital’s bed, Brandon suffered of unimaginable mental pains. It is through the words of Nicholas that we learn to know Brandon, the talented, the beautiful one, a kind and the faithful person. He’ll never let Nicholas down, in spite of the uneasiness that their life together brings to him; he will leave only when Nicholas pronounces the words of their separation, but only to be back once again when Nicholas needs it. Nicholas, who is not as beautiful as Brandon sees him; Nicholas, who, even if two years his elder, is the more childish between the two of them. Nicholas, who while reading Brandon’s diary, suddenly understands that something is wrong: why does Brandon speak only about their sad moments, when they had so many happy ones? And then, from his words, we start to learn about the pleasant moments of their life together.

Close to the end the book focuses on the present, on Nicholas’s fight to bring Brandon out of the dark abyss he felt deeply in. And it will be up to him, the same person who since the beginning Brandon believed would have put an end to their relation, fighting tooth and nail to keep the two of them together.

http://elisa-rolle.livejournal.com/85...(less)

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Oct 12, 2012 Gyn rated it 2 of 5 stars

It was really hard for me to decide how to rate this book. I just didn't care for it in the end and thought it was ok. The overall plot was just so SO unbelievable to me. The stolen music that was later turned into a hit by the thief, the blackmails, the dead deer in a house in a gated community, etc. The fact that Nicholas was supposed to be so charismatic and loved and adored by everyone yet he is repeatedly described as pudgy and awkward, gets beat up and picked on constantly and he cries inc...more

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Apr 30, 2012 sk B rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m

When I first picked up this book I really didn't expect to like it, solely based on the front cover & description. Then why DID I read it? All because I saw this on a list that mentioned physically smaller tops. Yes.. it picked it up for the smut, but instead found a well written book.

At first I was confused. You're introduced to an already established couple decade deep into a relationship, and in shambles. It was hard at first to get used to going back and forth from the present to the pas...more

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Oct 22, 2011 T.A. Webb rated it 5 of 5 stars

I don't know what I expected, based on the blurb and the reviews but My God, I never wanted this story to end.

Brandon is a young high school drop out, looking to create music. He is in a band with his brother and some friends, and looking for their big break. And a dependable lead singer. Oh, and yeah, Brandon is in the closet, afraid his family will find out he likes boys, and scared as hell to do anything about it.

Nicholas is a boy with a golden voice, certain to be a star with his charismatic...more

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Oct 09, 2011 Anthony rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: lgbt, mystery

A Red-Tainted Silence, "Red" for short, is the story of Brandon Ashwood and Nicholas Killmain: boyfriends in private, partners in the successful pop band DREAM in public. The story is told from several directions at once, almost all of them narrated by Brandon, the less self-confident, less spotlight-needy of the two. In the present, Nicholas has been rescued from a brutal kidnapping -- a kidnapping with several lingering questions that make Brandon, and the police, wonder if Nicholas' trauma is...more A Red-Tainted Silence, "Red" for short, is the story of Brandon Ashwood and Nicholas Killmain: boyfriends in private, partners in the successful pop band DREAM in public. The story is told from several directions at once, almost all of them narrated by Brandon, the less self-confident, less spotlight-needy of the two. In the present, Nicholas has been rescued from a brutal kidnapping -- a kidnapping with several lingering questions that make Brandon, and the police, wonder if Nicholas' trauma is truly over. While at Nicholas' bed-side, Brandon begins to write the story of their life together, beginning with the first time Brandon saw Nicholas and was immediately head-over-heels in love ... a moment Brandon describes frankly by saying "and almost from the start I began the pattern of losing Nicholas."

Present day and past dove-tail, as they must in any good mystery. Who kidnapped Nicholas? Why had Brandon and Nicholas become estranged before the kidnapping? And with Nicholas' rescue, are their problems really over or just beginning?

Carolyn Gray does a fantastic job of crafting a "fair play" mystery, using Brandon's reminiscences and sparse details about Nicholas' captivity early on to build the intrigue. I was fully satisfied with the resolution of the mystery portion of the story, and felt like I'd been given enough information to figure out what was going on without the disappointment that often accompanies figuring the mystery out. There was only one moment in the development of the mystery that I felt wasn't adequately explained by the end of the book, and honestly that's a minor quibble. (And I can't explain it more without spoiling the entire reveal at the end of the book, so I will say no more.)

But the mystery/thriller is only half of the book. This is also an incredible romance -- the kind of "love at first sight, complications arise, true love rises above" romance that at first blush seems too heightened to be true but which you accept quickly because hey ... it could happen! So many gay romances are loaded down with the trappings of "coming out story" or "AIDS crisis story" these days -- it's nice to read a romance that dispenses with the initial coming out story early and weaves the problems of being professionally in the closet into the main story without letting that become the focus; it's nice to read a romance that acknowledges gay men CAN be sensible and safe and still be sensual and sexual creatures.

Above all though, the characters are what makes both the mystery and the romance work. Brandon Ashwood's voice is believable; he and Nicholas are fully-rounded characters in their own right rather than chess pieces in the mystery or mindless hard-ons in the romance. And their supporting cast, especially Brandon's brother Jon and cousin Jenn, and Nicholas and Brandon's band-mate Lee, are well-drawn and add to the story rather than detracting from it.

I highly highly recommend A Red-Tainted Silence to mystery lovers, to gay romance lovers, and to anyone who just likes a good well-drawn story.

I suppose I should add the obligatory "yes, there are graphic sexual descriptions in the book" end-note. And because it's a gay romance, yes it is gay sex that is so graphically described. But honestly, I don't think it's any more graphic than the one or two Harlequin romances I've had the misfortune of reading. If you're squeamish about sex scenes, be warned, but don't let the fact that it's gay sex stop you from reading a really excellent story. You can always skim past those parts, right?(less)

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Mar 20, 2011 Yvonne rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m, loaned-book

I found this book way, way over the top. There is lots & lots of crying, misery, torture, all manners of assault, physical & emotional distress etc. that are suffered by both Brandon & Nicholas, that it's just pretty much unbelievable. (examples of unbelievable--Nicholas was so charismatic that he had tons of friends, so dedicated that he held down a couple jobs & went to school, & so nice that he performed a major favor for one of his friends. Yet he was homeless which cause...more

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Oct 10, 2010 Maxicoop rated it 4 of 5 stars

I was really conflicted reading this book. I ultimately gave it 4 stars because I was engaged the whole time, even though many things upset me about the story. I really enjoyed the Brandon narration and supported and related to his character, even with his flaws. But then the Nicholas narration kicked in and my mostly ambivalent feelings toward him turned into rage. He was such a selfish jerk in my mind, always thinking about himself first and how everything affected HIM, never mind the man who...more

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Jun 28, 2009 Lily rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: ebook, m-m, loved-it

This book tells the story of Brandon Ashwood and Nicholas Kilmain and their ten year relationship. Nicholas is an outgoing and vivacious singer and Brandon is a shy quite musician. As the story starts Nicholas is in a hospital recuperating from injuries sustained during his time as a kidnap victim. Brandon, who was the one to rescue him, is watching over him and thinking back on their life together and how they can work out the problems that had led to their separation.

Brandon decides the best w...more

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Jul 21, 2012 Kaje Harper rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: intense, m-m

This is an intense story of two men who met as teenagers and were immediately drawn together by infatuation and then love for each other and for the music they wrote and performed. However there are secrets between them, and each is haunted by past traumatic events and current demands that threaten to force them apart. The story swings back and forth between flashbacks of their first years, and a current time in which they are both recovering from serious injuries due to a kidnapping and rescue....more

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Nov 11, 2012 Andrea rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: kindle-non-lendable, m-m, musician, suspense-thriller-horror, taboo

It was hard to decide between 2 & 3 stars for me. I hated the flashbacks, and I thought the story was FAR too slow until Nick took over narrating. Brandon really annoyed me too. I sort of get it cuz he and Nick were very young when all of this started, but why didn't they just call the cops after he saved Nick from Seth and Percy or when the blackmail started?! Why did he so easily forgive everything esp. Nick being married, and why did he apologize for freaking out?! HELLO!!! I'd freak out...more It was hard to decide between 2 & 3 stars for me. I hated the flashbacks, and I thought the story was FAR too slow until Nick took over narrating. Brandon really annoyed me too. I sort of get it cuz he and Nick were very young when all of this started, but why didn't they just call the cops after he saved Nick from Seth and Percy or when the blackmail started?! Why did he so easily forgive everything esp. Nick being married, and why did he apologize for freaking out?! HELLO!!! I'd freak out if I found out the guy I was with was married. He had every right to be upset, not listen and leave, and he shouldn't have been the one to grovel! And why did he just let Nick keep going the first time they had sex, and it was hurting him? Why not just tell Nick?! I know, he was young, inexperienced, embarrassed, and he didn't want to upset Nick, but really to lay there and endure the pain and not say anything but get mad at Nick was just ridiculous. Oh and why were both of them ok with sex after they were clearly raped multiple times?! Neither of them were traumatized and afraid to have sex wit each other?! I would think even though they loved each other, they'd still be afraid.

I just feel like I missed a lot of this story. I think it would have been much better with maybe one flashback with the whole story not the frequent flashbacks cutting in piecemeal. I think the story moved along better and quicker once Nick took over. Why couldn't we have started with Brandon, had him flashback and tell most of the story, then flip back to Nick in the present then his flashback to end with the epilogue?! I just want to know what happened between Steve signing them and them breaking up. When did the blackmail start?! How were they feeling acting, how did Brandon pull away? From the story Nick read that Brandon wrote, it came across as Nick pulling away, but Brandon also blamed himself. It just would have been nice to get the full back story and not pieces with gaping holes in the middle. I would have liked more from Nick. How was he feeling when Brandon started pulling away?! Is that what triggered him to pull away and stop touching Brandon or did he start pulling away before Brandon? I definitely would have enjoyed it more if there was a full history with less of the present or if the history was told them we moved into the present. I did like Nick and Brandon, and I am glad they are together, I just hope they have truly worked out their crap and stay together. Brandon still seemed a little unsure of himself at the end.

Also, I knew who the stalker/blackmailer was about 10% into the book. That was a little disappointing.(less)

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Aug 09, 2010 Kassa rated it 5 of 5 stars

Wow. I knew this was considered a favorite of readers in the m/m genre and Jenre gave it a stunning review a while ago, but it still managed to surprise and delight me. This meaty story is full of angst, drama, pain, hardship, and it packs a heavy emotional punch. This is not a light read but it’s completely absorbing, engrossing, and interesting. This is definitely a story I’d read again and the length of the novel (500+ pages) may seem daunting but it’s the perfect length for the story, charac...more Wow. I knew this was considered a favorite of readers in the m/m genre and Jenre gave it a stunning review a while ago, but it still managed to surprise and delight me. This meaty story is full of angst, drama, pain, hardship, and it packs a heavy emotional punch. This is not a light read but it’s completely absorbing, engrossing, and interesting. This is definitely a story I’d read again and the length of the novel (500+ pages) may seem daunting but it’s the perfect length for the story, characterization, and final resolution. You really get to know the characters, all of them, and connect to their actions and fears. So don’t be daunted by the long story but dive in and you’ll be happy for it.

The blurb is actually an excerpt from the story and not a bad one to describe the essence of the book. We’re immediately introduced to Brandon, a young high school dropout desperately searching to make something of himself in the music world. What Brandon never counted on is that once he hears Nicholas sing, his search changes to Nicholas. Once they get together Brandon is consumed with protecting Nicholas, making him happy, and ensuring he’s taken care of – to Brandon’s own detriment. With two men so in love with each other, they almost destroy each other, their story is emotional, evocative, and fascinating.

The story is told in two parts, first from Brandon’s first person point of view then from Nicholas’ first person point of view. Despite the welcome addition of Nicholas’ thoughts in the later half of the story, everything revolves around Brandon – who revolves around Nicholas. From the moment they meet, the two are desperately in love. As they struggle to break out in the music world, a threat hangs over Brandon that forces him to endure years of suffering. The action is very character dependent and alternates between the present, with Brandon and Nicholas back together and determined to make things works, and the past, flashbacks detailing how Brandon and Nicholas met and eventually broke apart painfully.

I thought the mixture of styles works incredibly well. I know some readers aren’t fans of flashbacks but here they are essential to the story. Reading about Brandon and Nicholas’ past is interesting but painful. Every highlight in their relationship is quickly followed by a shadow, threat, or misunderstanding. Without having the respite of seeing the two happy, together, and committed, the unrelenting pain of their past would have overwhelmed the story and made it depressing. I’m a fan of angsty stories but there is a lot of angst and drama here. It’s nicely paced and spread out though so you’re never hit with too much at once and the mixture with present times helps keep the intensity level manageable.

One of the keys aspects to the story is Brandon’s suffering, caused by his own personality and actions. He spends over a decade giving in emotionally, physically, and finically to a blackmailer due to his own naivety. While this normally would have driven me crazy with a character, Brandon’s reasons, his suffering, deep isolation, and need for support – but never getting it – come across so authentically and so honestly that you can’t hate him for his actions. He’s not a weak character but he allows himself to be manipulated by everyone, Nicholas included. When his real personality is slowly shown in bits and pieces so that his family and friends can finally see the man they all thought they knew, I wish there had been more resolution. The friends and family feel badly but they constantly remind each other they couldn’t have known. Considering everything Brandon went through due to everyone choosing Nicholas over Brandon, it would have been nice if they apologized significantly more to Brandon.

The real star of the story is the characterizations. From Brandon’s wounded, deeply lonely personality to Nicholas energetic, attention loving contrast, the cast shines in their complexity. Brandon of course emerges as my favorite, even with his needless suffering, because he’s so complicated and isolated. His deep yearning for support, but rarely getting it, went so far that I didn’t always appreciate the supporting cast who rallied around Nicholas constantly. The worst offender of this is Brandon’s brother Jon who clearly adores Nicholas more than a straight man should and definitely more than his own beloved brother. So in this way Jon sometimes would irate me in scenes since he’s so biased and unintentionally hurtful. This is balanced however by the great female characters used well and the various relationships which are all complicated yet interesting.

The length of the story lets you really sink into these personalities and their life. Nicholas and Brandon love each other so much that they frequently hurt each other deeply. It’s never intentional and always painful but their opposite needs clash. Nicholas needs the adulation of crowds, the constant love and support of those around him, the energy and chaos of traveling, while Brandon simply needs Nicholas. It makes for a fascinating push and pull that may be dramatic, but well worth the time invested in reading. The great pace, crisp prose, and even intensity deliver a story that’s absorbing and easy to read while keeping the angst to a very manageable level. I easily recommend this as a must read.
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Jul 10, 2010 Holly rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: mm-traumatic-past

Been sitting in my TBR pile for ages! Over 1000 pages on my ereader! But what a page turner!

What I loved: running two stories in parallel, past and present; the suspense building; the scenes where Brandon meets Nick (remember the party where your new boyfriend ignored you?); Brandon's voice, which was so authentic; the physical fooling between Nick and Jon; many humorous and fun moments despite the angst.

What I didn't like: ; unbelievable police proceedures and other plot problems; too much cry...more

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Jul 20, 2011 Stefanie139 rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: not-my-beer

I really didn't like the book, so the review is for the part I read (around 1/3 in). It had a lot "tell not show", redundancy in scenes, and as another reviewer so aptly analyzed constant foreshadowing and overdramatization. I couldn't get into it at all. I didn't like the dialogue, it really was soap opera level.
The plot sounded interesting, but the mediocre style sadly will prevent me from reading further.

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Sep 01, 2010 Tara rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m, read-in-2010, musicians-rockstars, bom-mm

I don't really know what to say about this book. It's definitely a 3.5 star book.

This story begins in a hospital- Brandon has just saved Nick and they are both recovering. They are also trying to heal their relationship after 2 years apart. The first 60% of the book is told as a first person narrative from Brandon's POV. Everything we learn is through his eyes. He begins a journal that takes us through the past 12 years of their relationship starting from the first time he sees Nick. After that...more I don't really know what to say about this book. It's definitely a 3.5 star book.

This story begins in a hospital- Brandon has just saved Nick and they are both recovering. They are also trying to heal their relationship after 2 years apart. The first 60% of the book is told as a first person narrative from Brandon's POV. Everything we learn is through his eyes. He begins a journal that takes us through the past 12 years of their relationship starting from the first time he sees Nick. After that the Part 2 of the book starts and the POv switches to of first person POV from Nick, although we still get some story's from Brandon's journal in his POV and some scenes from Brandon's POV which gets a little wonky. We start seeing things from Nick's perspective and he's suddenly not the bright shining star that he was in Brandon's eyes. We also start reading things in the journal that are far more revealing about Brandon that we had when he was narrating.

What I liked: I think the main characters were well done. I think the story was well crafted. I like the device of the main character writing his memoirs or a journal to help give us backstory- the writing in those sections really did feel like a person's journal. You really related and sympathize to Brandon. Some of the secondary characters are fantastic- Mutt & Jeff, who are security guards; Jenny the cousin that is supportive and determined without becoming that cliche' annoying pushy female in a m/m novel. His father, while I disliked him a great deal, his journey is interesting and I wish there was more mention of it towards the end.. And overall the reveals were good, if not a touch slow.

What I didn't like: I feel like after leading us through the story the ending sort of fizzled. I found some of the characters strange. Particularly Jon, the brother and Lee the bassist. They were almost too friendly with Nick and they made me suspicious or maybe they just made me feel creepy. I think they got played up too much. I think the way Jon treats his brother.. HIS BROTHER is almost unforgivable and I think he got off too easy. He behavior towards Nick is kind of uncomfortable as well. I mean Nick eben says something about it and it feel like there is a story there I'm missing. While the mother was lovely she also came off as a weak person as well. One other thing that made me crazy was an editing thing. There is a character named Seth Miller in this book. He's significant and he's mentioned in both parts. However in the second part all mentions of him are as Seth Green. (As in Oz from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) The first time it annoyed me, by the 5th time I was swearing at the book and cursing the editor. I mean how do you miss that?!

This story is almost about how isolated one person can feel surrounded by people. In the end, I loved Jenny so much, because when some of Brandon's family rejected him or pushed him away or shut him out, she was there. When Nick grabbed the spotlight with both hands and focused it on himself, she ignored it remained with Brandon and I wish there was more mention of her as well. At the end, I'm not sure how much anyone except Brandon has changed. For some that's great (Jenny) and for others, I'm not so sure. I think that also helped the ending to fall flat. Not bad, but not great.(less)

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Oct 04, 2011 Kennedy Kay rated it 4 of 5 stars

Great love story about men who have been through a lot, and still manage to come out whole, and together the plot was good had me reading page to page I was so into the book I did not want to put it away, But I had to sleep sometime. After all Nick, and Brandon had been though any would be emotional I laughed cried then got mad page after page. after all who wouldn’t do anything for the person they loved , and who would want to live off of there friends I know I wouldn’t.

I found Nick to be Self...more

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Jan 05, 2011 Buda rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

If you like men who cry--all the damn time and for no reason at all--then you'll love this one. Otherwise, it drags on far too long and the whodunit is formulaic at best. I wanted to drown these characters in all the tears they were shedding. This isn't the worst book out there, and apparently others have enjoyed it, but I'd rather read a New York City phone book than go through this again.

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Jan 13, 2010 Jenre rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m, romance, contemporary

I have to admit I was nervous as I sat down to review this book because lots of people let me know that it was either one of their favourite m/m books or how much they had liked it. After that, I began to worry what would happen if I didn't like the book or had a lukewarm response to it. Fortunately all my worries were unfounded as I loved the book. Loved it.

A Red-Tainted Silence is proof that if a book is written well it can overcome even some of my most hated things about m/m books. For exampl...more I have to admit I was nervous as I sat down to review this book because lots of people let me know that it was either one of their favourite m/m books or how much they had liked it. After that, I began to worry what would happen if I didn't like the book or had a lukewarm response to it. Fortunately all my worries were unfounded as I loved the book. Loved it.

A Red-Tainted Silence is proof that if a book is written well it can overcome even some of my most hated things about m/m books. For example, I hate men who cry too much, I hate characters who suffer needlessly because they won't tell anyone their troubles and I generally don't like stories with extended flashbacks. All of these things happen in this book and yet the story swept me away to such an extent that I didn't mind these things, even understood why the characters behaved as they did and cried so much. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The book begins with two men who are recovering in hospital. The first person narrator Brandon is a famous guitarist in what used to be a very popular band, Dream. The singer from the band and Brandon's lover, Nick, is the other man in hospital. The two men have just recently reconciled after a split of two years but before they could begin their new life together Nick was kidnapped and held captive for several weeks. Brandon found and rescued him, but both men were badly injured in the escape, Nick especially, which is why they are now in hospital. They are just starting to think that all will be well now when it is discovered that the man who had kidnapped Nick was actually working for someone and that the pair are far from safe. Whilst in hospital, Brandon, who finds it difficult to express his feelings, decides to write his memoirs of the time when he first met Nick so that Nick can read them and understand what was happening in his head throughout the 12 years they've known each other. The story then alternates between the present and the past as slowly horrifying things are revealed about Brandon's past.

Part of the reason this story worked well for me was because of the length of the book. At nearly 500 pages, it allowed me plenty of time to get to know these characters and get an understanding of their motivations. The book is very emotional and in some ways difficult to read because of that. Throughout the years that Nick and Brandon are together they suffer over and over again from things happening to them over which they seem to have no control. Every time something wonderful happens there is something bad lurking round the corner to take the shine off their relationship. I found myself feeling a wealth of emotion as I read the account of the men meeting; of them building their lives together; of Brandon's struggle with his family after coming out and the cool relationship with his father and brother, Adam; of the exhilaration of first love; of their belief in their ability to make it as singer/songwriters. All of it combined into an experience which was both breathtaking and sometimes uncomfortable.

Another reason to like this book is in the characterisation as we are presented to two flawed, complex men who love each other deeply, but whose love also causes most harm. The main character in the story is Brandon and although we do get Nick's point of view later in the book, it is Brandon's story that is the main focus of the book. He's a difficult narrator because he is so locked in a spiral of self hatred and blame, that it was sometimes hard to like him, even as I sympathised with his situation. He's also quite emotionally unstable, like many very creative people, in that he's prone to depression, he feels things sometimes too deeply and finds it difficult to shrug off some of the small hurts that may not affect some people. Having said that, I was thoroughly absorbed in his story and read in fascination as he allows himself to be manipulated by everyone he meets, even Nick, letting everyone think that he is happy when in fact he is just hiding his true feelings from everyone. As the story draws to a conclusion and the other people in Brandon's life discover the truth about him, I rejoiced that finally things were going to change for Brandon now that he had allowed others to see through the armour he has cloaked himself with so effectively.

The character of Nick is easy to like. He's charming, gregarious, and very opposite to Brandon in that he seems able to easily shrug off anything bad that has happened to him and focus on the good. Even his days in captivity are dealt with easily by him opening up to his friends and counsellor and allowing the hurt and the horror to be healed. Having said that, as the book progresses we also see that he is easily distracted and sometimes quite fickle which leads to Brandon feeling rejected and shut out at times.

As the present day story is focused mainly on the reconciliation of the heroes, we get to see them in the full blush of renewed love. This led to many tender moments between them which I found quite beautiful. This then contrasted with the deterioration of the relationship in the past and also allowed me to feel a little better about what happened in the past because I knew that no matter what they had gone through, they were together now and could start to move on from past hurts. This is the main reason why the mix of present day and flashbacks worked so well. I don't think I could have coped with the emotional intensity if the book had followed on in a straight chronological order, it would have been too much angst, even for me.

I've given this book a five star grade, not because it's perfect, it isn't. There are a few things which could have been done better. For example there is 12 years between the characters in the past and present and yet there doesn't seem to be a change in maturity at all, their characters pretty much remain the same through the whole time and I would have liked to have seen some difference to show that the characters in the present are no longer young men of 18/19. Also, as I said, I found Brandon a little difficult to relate to and extreme in his emotions. Plus there were a few other little niggly things which are too minor really to mention. However, in my opinion, this book is a keeper. The breadth of emotion, the complexity of the characters and the sheer intensity of the book, all combine to make A Red-Tainted Silence a wonderful book which I would highly recommend.(less)

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Sep 28, 2010 Adara rated it 4 of 5 stars

I enjoyed the story, even though I had the 'who done it' nailed right from the beginning (and I'm not the only one). My conviction barely wavered just once early, and that was only due to a misunderstanding on my part until that was cleared up a few pages later.

The ending was a bit abrupt, and there was a LOT of crying in this book (not from me - from the main characters), but I liked the story. I thought the mix of past and present was very well done and produced just the right amount of tensio...more

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Oct 23, 2011 Cheryl added it

Shelves: dnf

Technically superior writing, but the story was overly emo instalove. I couldn't get past the first three chapters where the MC fell in love with someone whom he had never even talked to, only seen once in a high school play, then fell into a two year depression when he couldn't find him after the play was over. Then they meet again, but he loses the phone number and there is much crying and more depression. I scanned ahead a bit but things didn't seem to be getting any more reasonable. Also, wh...more

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Apr 11, 2013 Melissa K rated it 4 of 5 stars

I honestly think this book was amazing and shows just how hurtful words can be. While the big, unjustifiable wrong is truly heinous, the reason I loved this book is because the small things said from friends and family throughout the story are really what caused all the heartache and hurt. If Brandon had felt able to share with someone, without the fear of hurting them or being hurt in turn, things could have been very different. That being said, the author jumps around a lot, and while the many...more

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Sep 18, 2011 Sue rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: mm-rockers, mm-romance, mm-mystery

At about 250 pages into the over-500-page book, I knew I was going to finish it because it had grabbed me and didn't want to put it down. The level of angst is high and Brandon, one of the MCs, is very weepy. The first half of the story is told in his perspective with a balance of present time and flashbacks. The second half is told by Nicholas, the other MC, and is mostly set in present time, with a few glimpses of the past. And while the tears from both MCs were a bit annoying at times, they d...more

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Jul 23, 2010 Nene rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: m-m, contemporary

This is a Looooonnnnngggg story that packs quite the emotional punch. Angst galor, along with several darker elements. At first, I didn't enjoy the flashback sequences as it felt like I was reading a book about two completely seperate couples. Which I was, in a sense, but still, it took me a bit to get used to it and by the time I got to part two, I thought they added to the story instead of taking away from it.

My biggest beef with this story is the ending. It felt like a pat on the back when wh...more

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Oct 27, 2010 Karen K rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: ebook-owned, gay-drama, gay-established, gay-faves, gay-first-time, gay-hurt-comfort, gay-rockers-music-celebrities, gay-romance, gay-tear-jerkers, gay-friends-to-lovers

I'm giving this 4 1/2 Stars. It was a complex, angsty, emotional read, twisting and turning much like the characters' minds and hearts. The complexities came in the form of a back and forth pattern of past and present references, and though, the "past" journal did add the backstory, I found myself just wanting more of the "present" story which, yeah, I eventually got.

The characters were rich and pure and jumped off the page; well-written and personable and of course, emotional. I generally deve...more

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