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What Rhymes with Bastard?
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What Rhymes with Bastard?

3.16  ·  Rating Details ·  63 Ratings  ·  26 Reviews
A hilariously candid story of a dysfunctional and disintegrating relationship, What Rhymes with Bastard? follows Linda Robertson as she moves from London to San Francisco, where she gets cheated on, gets dumped, loses her job, and forms a cabaret band.

Linda’s story begins in London. When her beloved Jack gets locked up in a mental hospital after trying to sail down the Tha
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Hardcover, 250 pages
Published October 1st 2008 by MacAdam/Cage (first published January 7th 2008)
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David Manning
Jan 21, 2013 David Manning rated it it was amazing
Linda Robertson has a highly developed talent for sifting through the messy, sometimes banal stuff of relationships and pointing out the absurd. This story, as other commenters have noted, can be awfully depressing, but the hilarity and wit that Robertson bring to bear in her accounting of life's disappointments and triumphs act as consistent foils to despair. Despite the main plot line and the chaos and wicked humor on display here, the story that should emerge to anyone with an ounce of sensib ...more
Felicity
Linda Robertson is from Scotland. After five or so years of helping her addictive personality boyfriend, "Jack" (drugs, alcohol, drugs, and more drugs), out of all sorts of scrapes, Linda decides to marry him & move with him to San Francisco. Suffice to say, everything falls apart rather rapidly after that. Why she married such a loser is beyond me, but each to their own...

Anyway, it took me about three hours to romp through this book yesterday. What I liked about it, and what kept me entra
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Susan
Jul 09, 2009 Susan rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Only once in a while does something so gut-wrenchingly hilarious arrive on the scene, and when it does, I'm often first in line to read these types of books. Truthful to the point of pain, they're at times far more real than listening to someone speak about their experiences in person, as friends and family often gloss over the interesting or painful bits in favor of just telling a basic story or winning you to their side with only 1/2 the tale.

A good memoir is the opposite, and Linda Robertson
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Gail Guglielmino
This memoir details the author's San Francisco period with the world's worst boyfriend/husband. It seemed a bit over the top to me and I found it hard to believe. Maybe the story was a bit embellished? But interesting enough to read. Although it was supposed to be funny, I found it to be rather sad. A very interesting relationship with the author's mum, which was again more sad than comical.
Shawnaleahmatilla
A must read - After all, Linda was my housemate and she's one of the funniest writer's I know...I read this book as it was being conceived, chapter by chapter. I remember getting antsy...come on Linda, get a more on it...I must know what happens next. While the content has changed radically from that first rendition, this book is brilliant - it is both crass and tragically funny in that way that leaves me laughing out loud with a pang in my heart.
Mark
Nov 08, 2008 Mark rated it really liked it
All right, I guess I got only one side of the story of this poor woman's relationship, but really her husband is such an a-hole. She shows unbelievable patience with this guy. Her parents are a nightmare too. Despite this, I liked the book a lot because the author is just charming. Her story proves that the old adage is true though, never marry the first person who has sex with you because that person will walk all over you.
Jody
Jul 14, 2015 Jody rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
An interesting tale of dotcom love and discord. While the songs she wrote during the period the book takes place are very relevant to the book, if they aren't your kind of prose, they can be tough to get through. I think the one about her ex's big bad secret was the only that truly fit within the confines of the story and didn't feel like she added just to add it. The index is quite comical in my opinion. This was a great end of the day story to read in small bits before bed.
Monica
Nov 10, 2008 Monica rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is the story of a Scottish lass who moves to San Francisco with her insane, drug-abusing and alcoholic boyfriend (the "bastard" in the title), and who goes on to become Miss San Francisco Accordian 2004. Along the way, she deals with the aforementioned idiot boyfriend, who constantly badgers her for anal sex, as was as a plethora of roommates, and serious family issues. I must say I really enjoyed this book, and I think finished it in the course of two days.
Emma  Kaufmann
Feb 04, 2009 Emma Kaufmann rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Very witty, horrendously warts and all memoir about a really really bad boyfriend the author lived with and who put her through hell. I think everyone can relate to having such a loser boyfriend when they are naive and young and think it is okay for guys to tell you you are fat/ugly/a bitch when really he is the one with issues.
Kristen
Oct 17, 2008 Kristen rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Sarah, Gina, Nancy, Mark
Recommended to Kristen by: Mark
Horrible boyfriend doesn't even scratch the surface. I also found this to be a story about a woman and her mother. The dynamic between Linda and her "Mum" is one that many women can relate to.

Linda's boyfriend is an "arse" and the fact that she stuck around long enough to get a book's worth of material is amazing.
Amanda
Aug 12, 2008 Amanda rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Absolutely amazing. I appreciated the translations from European English into "yank" English. The author (who actually went through all of this) is really good at making horrific situations into desperately hilarious ones.
Heather Iveson
I usually read for enjoyment and relaxation and that is what I intended when I picked up this book. While I didn't especially find that it was interesting to read about relationships very different to those I usually find when I read. Not a book I loved... but it wasn't a waste of time either.
Lindsey
I read a couple of chapters but it just didn't interest me. Memoirs aren't my favorite anyway, but I think I really don't care for dysfunctional relationships. It was supposed to be funny but I thought it was depressing.
Leslie Stern
This book is no more than daily journal entries on how rotten her husband is...and couldn't any woman write this? Yes...and better than Linda Roberston did. I found it tedious and poorly written. There is no plot and no description. This should have been on my "Must-Not Read" shelf.
Kristen
Funny, but I spent most of my time while reading thinking 'really, really, for serious.' Not that I always need to believe everything I read in a memoir, but I couldn't stand how long it took her to see the problems arising from addiction in her life.
Kim
Feb 02, 2008 Kim rated it liked it
Wow, someone wins the awards for "Lowest Self Esteem" and "Worst Husband"! It's a little like watching a car-wreck in slow motion. Nice that it's set in SF though, I always get a little kick out of that...
Anne
Sep 13, 2008 Anne rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Poor Linda...she wanted a boyfriend so bad and ended up with a loser of a husband. He took drugs and wanted to sleep with other people. She hung in there...
Rachel
Feb 06, 2010 Rachel rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I enjoyed it, but not to the degree that I couldn't put it down. Read it when suffering from jet-lag in New York.
Jenny
Oct 18, 2008 Jenny rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Jenny by: Linda
My grad school friend wrote this book; she's witty, genuine, and knows how to tell a story.
Stas
Jan 12, 2009 Stas marked it as to-read  ·  review of another edition
I saw her read from it at a dublit reading recently. She played accordion and sang as well. She was pretty amusing.
Deirdre
Jan 24, 2010 Deirdre rated it liked it
It was fun to recognize so many characters - a super fast read, and a nice balance to the other choices I've recently made
Annette
Sep 22, 2009 Annette rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I enjoyed this more than I thought I would - and I want the author to come to all my parties. The songs she writes are hilarious.
Ashley Hanson
Dec 15, 2008 Ashley Hanson rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book was hysterically funny...and made me a little more confident that I am not the only woman in this world who sometimes makes HORRIBLE mistakes in love.
Paula
Jan 19, 2009 Paula rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Is there a shelf for books you thought you might like but reject when attempt to actually read? Just didn't appeal to me. Nice title though.
Foreign
US: Khristina Wenzinger
Disa
Sep 02, 2009 Disa rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
An English gal moves to San Francisco and writes a funny, scathing, disgustingly vivid memoir. A fun read.
Caite Mcbride
Caite Mcbride rated it really liked it
Apr 06, 2013
Yaya Hussin
Yaya Hussin rated it liked it
Mar 05, 2013
Melissa
Melissa rated it it was ok
Sep 01, 2008
Joyce Crowder
Joyce Crowder rated it really liked it
Jul 25, 2009
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