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Marriage Shock

3.69  ·  Rating Details ·  80 Ratings  ·  20 Reviews
Dalma Heyn offers the revolutionary argument that women leave their marriages not for the reasons commonly believed--boredom, or disharmony with their mate--but because of a subtle trauma that they experience soon after nuptials.

Women in first and second marriages, married at twenty or forty-five, describe their unexpected, often lonely transformation from women into wives
Paperback, 224 pages
Published March 9th 1998 by Delta (first published March 25th 1997)
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Marriage Shock should be on every young woman's reading list and should be read at a very early age to contrast all the crazy television specials focusing on the dress and the decor when the biggest planning needs to come from within. Later, it should be read as a stepping stone into adulthood when career planning and education are in decision making stages. Recent studies show affluent women are more able to view marriage and children as a choice whereas women in poverty view marriage as a nece ...more
Nov 21, 2008 Astrid rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: women in a long-term partnership
Shelves: women
I picked up this book thinking it might be interesting to skim through. Then I couldn't put it down. This book is not scientifically researched, but it's completely true. It may have saved my marriage and has definitely saved my sanity.
Don't agree with everything, and I don't think it applies to all women. But it's an important discussion; I'm glad I read it.
I was hesitant to post to my update feed that I read this book. Ironically this book did a great job of explaining why.

There is something about becoming a "wife", something subtle that shifts that almost feels too slight to mention. How it manifests can depend on the person, for me it was partly that weird desire to suddenly start cooking more. In the anxiety and uncertainty of this new role, all of the sudden a third person enters our marriage - "the ideal wife" She brings with her all the uns
I found this book at a library book sale. I knew that I would have some trouble adjusting to married life and thought this book might be interesting. (Granted, I did have some trouble, but not in the way I anticipated and not in the way this book anticipated.)

This book would have been a good companion piece to Traveling with Pomegrantes by Sue Monk Kidd. Kidd, drawing on her years of Jungian therapy, relies heavily on archetypes, as does Marriage Shock. Heyn posits the idea of The Wife, an arche
Dec 31, 2012 Skylar rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
A life changing book. I read it the week after I got married. It blew my mind and changed my entire thought process about my new relationship. Unfortunately, it helped me realize the bad thought patterns and habits I was already falling into, and I became really disappointed in myself. It has been hard to change my "transformation," but at least I am conscious of the thought process and can hopefully overcome it in time.

This book is for smart, independent, motivated women. It essentially argues
Amber Lea
Jul 07, 2012 Amber Lea rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I read this book because I found it at the used book store for a $1 and it looked interesting. Now, I fully expected to hate it because...I mean, look at it, but much to my surprise, it was kind of awesome.

Now, the reason I didn't give it five stars was in part because the author didn't quite know how to articulate certain feelings so she resorted to somewhat uncomfortable metaphors. (The whole "Witness" thing is pretty creepy.) Which I mean, that's okay. I do that myself sometimes, but when you
Nov 29, 2012 Joannah rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: own, ebooks
I'm a bit torn about this book, and I am going to attempt to explain why as concisely as possible.

I believe this book puts forth an idea, a concept that is incredibly interesting, complex, and worthy of exploration. However, the text itself barely skims the surface of the topic it is hoping to address. There is barely enough substance here to start a conversation with someone, as in "Did you read the part about such and such? What was your take on that?" It is all just so abstract and vague and
Mar 13, 2010 Alia rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to Alia by: kristian
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Meldi Arkinstall
A thought-provoking read for anyone who is getting married, is married...or has been married!
Main idea from this: don't let your voice be silenced when you marry - you'll lose yourself. Hmm. This was a message I needed to hear.
If you seek pleasure for yourself, everyone will be happy. Good message for everyone. Her writing style got in the way for me. In my opinion, too much talk, not enough meat.
Jan 19, 2009 Katie rated it it was ok
I only read part of this book. It was an interesting insight into the institution of marriage, but it wasn't interesting enough to hold my interest. I felt a lot of the stories didn't apply to me, and it made me feel depressed...thus, not finishing it.
Oct 31, 2007 Bronwyn rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Nice to see a more realistic book written about marriage. Marriage is wonderful, but certainly is a shock to the system. It was a relief to see someone examine the issue!
Rori Rischak
Repetitive. She makes some good points, but overall, it's about 50 pages of real content stretched into 200 pages so it could be the size of a book
Jul 09, 2009 Monica rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Negative spin on marriage and conformity. Felt like the main point was to convince women either not to marry or to never work on their marriage.
Aug 19, 2012 Ingrid rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I read this right around the time of my own wedding, and it helped me start married life with realistic expectations.
May 17, 2012 Hannah rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Interesting take on women and marriage, specifically the cultural expectations we have of the idealized "wife".
Feb 02, 2012 Ravenna rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
So far (chapter 5), this book has made its way onto my "Essentials of Feminist Literature" shelf. Very well done!
Sep 24, 2013 Jennifer rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Maybe I would have liked this book more if I was married...
Surprisingly eye-opening. Incredibly intriguing.
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Dalma Heyn is a New York Times bestselling author and psychotherapist who has worked for twenty-five years to help women develop the best possible intimate relationships, while still flourishing as individuals. Her books, which explore the loss of self that many women experience within marriage, have been lauded as revolutionary.
More about Dalma Heyn...

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