Back When We Were Grownups

Back When We Were Grownups

3.46 of 5 stars 3.46  ·  rating details  ·  8,892 ratings  ·  744 reviews
"Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered that she had turned into the wrong person." So Anne Tyler opens this irresistible new novel.

The woman is Rebecca Davitch, a fifty-three-year-old grandmother. Is she an impostor in her own life? she asks herself. Is it indeed her own life? Or is it someone else’s?

On the surface, Beck, as she is known to the Davitch clan, i...more
Paperback, 336 pages
Published October 26th 2004 by Ballantine Books (first published 2001)
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The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz ZafónLife of Pi by Yann MartelAtonement by Ian McEwanAmerican Gods by Neil GaimanJohn Adams by David McCullough
Best Books of 2001
27th out of 248 books — 117 voters
The Cow That Laid an Egg by Andy CutbillA Clockwork Orange by Anthony BurgessStill Life with Woodpecker by Tom RobbinsBack When We Were Grownups by Anne TylerThe Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
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4th out of 42 books — 10 voters


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ANGELA
I can see how some would think this book doesnt live up to its potential- but i think thats the whole point and they are missing the point,as well as Anne Tyler's genius. Anne Tyler purposefully captures the lives of people who seemingly may not live up to their potential- alot of her themes are based on how in life things hardly ever turn out how we think they should- and that this is not necessarily bad or good its just the way it is...I think the beauty of this book is that Rebecca doesnt go...more
Mark
I have only read about three of Anne's books, but in each case, I ended up feeling that she had delved deeply into my heart with lessons about life, loss, love, courage and joy, while making it seem almost effortless. This novel is no exception. The story of a woman who fears she has lost her true self, only to discover that she has been living the life she deserved all along, is just wonderful.
Megan Simper
I've known for a while now that my life will turn out to be nothing like what I thought (and currently think) it will be. Being in my early twenties betrays me as merely knowing this in theory, and I'm sure several more levels of heady realization will hit me as I age. But reading this book was a valuable experience because it made me think about the fact that at some point, I will look at my life and think: "I didn't choose this," and possibly resent it. Rebecca was thrust into a lifestyle that...more
Kristine
Aug 27, 2007 Kristine rated it 1 of 5 stars Recommends it for: middle-aged women who hate themselves
why did i finish this? why do i do that to myself - finish books that have no chance of improving? i bought this because it was marked down to like $5 and i have heard that anne tyler is a beautiful writer and i like the cover (trite, but i do). i didn't like the first 20 pages, so what compelled me to finish is beyond me, but i hated the characters, the characters' names (all cutesy nicknames like poppy, no no, bitsy, the non-chinese min foo, jeep, patch, etc), the protagonist, and how boring t...more
Hayes
3.5*

Opening line: Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person.

The point of the book being that she hadn't turned into the wrong person, but it takes a long time to get her to that realization. The journey passes through lots of dysfunction, craziness, and extended family mayhem (that reminded me of my own crazy extended family).

I can see where this might not appeal--all the women characters have really stupid names, but I suppose it is typical of the t...more
Cynthia
Probably one of the most memorable openings, "Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person," I've read in a long time. Yet I didn't feel the novel lived up to the full potential of this opening sentence. I kept expecting Rebecca to go through some life changes, to be happier in the end. A new job, interest, travel, friends, love, whatever...instead she just concentrates on love--her first boyfriend Will. But the novel doesn't even continue in this direc...more
Johnsergeant
Downloaded from Audible.com

Narrator: Blair Brown
Publisher: Random House AudioBooks, 2001
Length: 9 hours

Publisher's Summary
"Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered that she had turned into the wrong person." So Anne Tyler opens this irresistible novel.

The woman is Rebecca Davitch, a 53-year-old grandmother. Is she an imposter in her own life? she asks herself. Is it indeed her own life? Or is it someone else's?

On the surface, Beck, as she is known, is outgoing, joyous, a natural celebr...more
Bev
This is vintage Ann Tyler, with quirky characters you cannot help but grow fond of and many humorous moments amidst the everyday, ordinary events and conversations of life. As several people mentioned, this book has a fantastic opening line:

"Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person."

I feel that way sometimes, so I could easily relate to the main character, Rebecca (whom everyone calls "Beck" even though she does not want them to), but the story neve...more
Kristin
This is a beautiful book about a large crazy family that a woman doesn't feel a part of, but is. I don't know if I fell for it especially because I'm all the way here in Berlin so the idea of a messy family constantly stopping in to ask favors and for advice is welcome when a bit lonely and missing my own family or if it was the dream the main character has of being on a train with a beautiful son, the type that is scholarly and kind and a little unsociable and, or if it was my identification wi...more
Yvonne
This is a beautifully crafted book. Ann Tyler is a wonderful writer. But, her story though humane is one of melancholy and longing for things that might have been but are not. They are not because the protagonist made a life changing choice at the age of twenty and for thirty three years did not look back. Then she begins to wonder who she really is. The load of work and changing and doing the things that have to be done took over her life. At fifty three she realizes that she is a completely di...more
Shauna
Man, I'm kind of ashamed to be popping back up on the Goodreads after a hiatus with this book, which I chose among others free from a friend who moved back to Australia last fall. I think I had Annie Dillard in my head instead of Anne Tyler. Still haven't read Annie Dillard, but I'm guessing it's a big difference. Biiiiig difference.

But this is turning out to be a guilty pleasure. Woman has complicated family, is widowed, life begins anew in middle age. It's seeming more and more like I won't wa...more
Stacy
There were many things to like. Who hasn’t thought about the turning points that have led them to where they are today? And what if we had made a different choice here or there, would we be the same person? I loved her apprehension at contracting her old boyfriend. Caller ID has totally ruined hang ups! And I loved the 100-year-old uncle that she inherited. He was a riot and a real bright spot in the book for me.

There were some aspects that left this book a little flat for me. As much as I enjoy...more
Grace Kelley
I'm not going to start this review by quoting the book. I just feel like there are so many people who have quoted the first sentence that some people might get tired of seeing it over and over again.

After reading a couple reviews to refresh my memories, I can now give a review of Back When We Were Grownups, lets go.

So, the main problem that I had with the book is the un-supportive cast behind Rebecca, by which I mean her daughter and step daughters. Those four were the worst characters in the...more
Andy Quan
I've read a few Anne Tyler novels, way back when, and obviously liked them enough to keep returning to them. She creates memorable, fully-dimensional characters and writes with wry observation of modern life and a hopefulness, a key theme about learning to accept the life that we are given. As a young man, and I think I read all of her novels in my early, perhaps mid-twenties, I think I would have found this appealing, that we age and whatever complicated circumstances or tragedies that we under...more
Mrsgaskell
I love Anne Tyler’s books. So far I’ve read Ladder of Years, Digging to America, Breathing Lessons, and now, Back When We Were Grownups.

Rebecca “Beck” Davitch is 53 years old and reflecting on her life and the choices she made. As a young woman she jilted her longtime boyfriend to marry Joe Davitch , a divorced man with three young daughters. They later had one daughter together. Joe died in an accident not many years after they were married and Rebecca raised all four girls by herself. She is...more
Amy
Dec 28, 2010 Amy rated it 4 of 5 stars
Shelves: fiction
I finished this book a couple months ago, and I find myself still thinking about it, about Rebecca, her life, her choices. This book was recommended to me, since my own life has some uncanny similarities.

This book is about family, and about love - love lost due to death (Rebecca's late husband), and love lost due to Rebecca "throwing it away" as she left her fiance so many years ago. It's about the love that is all around Rebecca - which is mostly family by marriage, even though her husband has...more
Deborah Moulton
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
emi Bevacqua
Maybe because I'm leaving today to meet family on vacation and am anticipating some sibling drama and whatnot, but this book about multi-generational bonding and bickering had me in love by sentence one: "Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person". I love that opening, and not to give too much away, but in the end she realizes the person she turned in to is exactly right.

The story is about Rebecca who as a college co-ed abruptly dumps her betrothed...more
Melissa
When I was in high school, I read a lot of Anne Tyler novels, and with "Back When We Were Grownups," I've rediscovered my love for Anne Tyler and her tender, insightful writing about everyday subject matter.

This book begins: "Once upon a time, there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person" (p. 3).

It's a beautifully written, heartwarming story about Rebecca Davitch, who broke up with her college boyfriend to marry an older, divorced man with three daughters. Now, in her 50...more
Katherine Marple
"Back When We Were Grown Ups" is my first Anne Tyler book. I received it as a gift from my sister and I immediately hated the cover. However, I opened up the book and was drawn into the character of Rebecca almost immediately. She is such a well-crafted creation. She is in her mid fifties, a widow for the past 30 years and she feels at odds against who she was long ago, and who she has become. She feels like a shadow of her former self. She feels unimportant, like a cornerstone in the family- ye...more
Steve Lindahl
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Jo
I can’t figure out why I finished this book. It was actually depressing, and feels like such a waste of time now. I’d heard that Anne Tyler is a beautiful writer, and the book has a great opening line, “Once upon a time there was a woman who discovered she had turned into the wrong person.” Recently, I’ve been liking books with 50ish female protagonists (since I’m a 50ish female, I guess), but nothing ever happens to or, really, in her. Also I didn’t like the other characters much either. It’s b...more
Liz
The main character of this book, Rebecca, a 53 year old widow, believes that her whole life has been a charade, as her meeting and then marriage to her husband, Joe, is the result of a chance encounter at a party at his home. Joe sees her enjoying herself and assumes that she is an outgoing person, when in fact she sees herself as the opposite. At the time of the meeting she is involved with a long time boyfriend who is studious and predictable (also very boring). She becomes an instant stepmoth...more
Laura
This book struck me as the kind of book that I'd like even more in 25 years. It's about family, and the complicated roles we play, and the people we become as we're surrounded by people who both love us and compete with us. It was a little thin on plot, but the gist is a middle-aged woman who wonders how she became a professional party-giver when she really doesn't feel like being nice or outgoing. She became a widow early and was left with 4 girls, 3 of whom were stepchildren. And she has been...more
Chel Hartrick
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Erin
Rebecca Davitch, widowed and in her 50s, suddenly feels discontent with her life and her role as head of the eccentric Davitch clan. She has a daughter, three step-daughters, multiple grandchildren, a brother in law and a 99 year old uncle to tend to... not to mention her job running the family's event business. Rebecca wonders if she is actually happy or if she ought to change some elements of her life.

I absolutely hated this book and am stunned by some of the good reviews I see online. I kept...more
Paula
I made it to page 45 and had to quit. This is dreadful. I thought this was going to be story full of intrigue as to who Rebecca really was! But upon reading the other reviews, I see it's all about an aging woman examining the mundane routine that has become her life and wondering where she took a "wrong turn" to get there, and then realizing in the end that it was the perfect life for her after all. Uh, DUH! Tyler makes no bones about telling us what a dud Rebecca was in her youth. (A crown of g...more
Megan
First of all, after glancing at a common complaint of other reviewers.. yes, the characters do have silly nicknames - Poppy, Biddy, NoNo, etc. I suppose if you find that bothersome, this book will grate on you as those characters are present throughout. It's family dynamic, though. It's evidence of the weird little oddities that define any family, and it fits. No complaint here.

I'm always happy with an Anne Tyler book. In this one the main character starts out doubting the path her life has take...more
Mimi
My mother and aunt went gaga over this book, so despite my lukewarm feelings for Tyler, I gave it a whirl. Feelings are still lukewarm, although I have come to the decision that although I admire Tyler's skill, I just don't care for her style. It almost seems that she's trying too hard to be quirky--names like Patch, Jeep, NoNo, Biddy, and Min Foo (for Minerva, no less) just add to the feeling born when I read The Accidental Tourist and got impatient with the everlasting oddities of the Leary fa...more
Pamela
Okay, I admit it: I'm a huge fan of Tyler, and will read her books--when in a particular mood and place--over and over. This is the second (third?) read of this book for me.

And I'm loving it!

Perhaps even more than before because as my own writing progresses and becomes increasingly more skillful, I am in awe of the delicious, humorous, warm, unique, and sad tone that Tyler seems to access with such ease and grace. How does she do it? For starters, I think she just loves her characters, feels gr...more
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Anne Tyler was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in 1941 and grew up in Raleigh, North Carolina. She graduated at nineteen from Duke University and went on to do graduate work in Russian studies at Columbia University. The Beginner's Goodbye is Anne Tyler's nineteenth novel; her eleventh, Breathing Lessons , was awarded the Pulitzer Prize in 1988. She is a member of the American Academy of Arts and...more
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The Accidental Tourist Breathing Lessons Digging to America Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant Saint Maybe

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“It struck her all at once that dealing with other human beings was an awful lot of work.” 6 people liked it
“And she thought what a clean, simple life she would have led if it weren't for love.” 4 people liked it
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